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Silentphantomsociety

Love to socialize but I have anxious feeling

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Hello and Salam brother /sister 

I love to talk to other people and getting to know them but often I felt anxious talking to them and even my friends , when I’m acting a bit different , I felt I’m doing weird things in front of them and felt so bad and afraid I might lose friends afterwards . When I’m doing wrong things in groups or pair , I think I screwed up my work with my partner . Can you guys have suggestions or opinion on what should I do to decrease the anxious feeling ?

ps : I have anxiety , but not sure which anxiety 

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How old are you? This is normal in teenage years and even during college time. Being comfortable in your own skin is a process

I really can’t give any advice other than to say just try your best, being authentic is true to you 

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Walaikum a Salam,

Nobody is perfect. You may just need to improve on your "Interpersonal Skills". You can find a whole lot of information about "Interpersonal Skills" on the internet. As human beings we are social creatures. From an evolutionary perspective we can say that we survive as species by connecting with each other in social environments. Sometimes we fall behind. This happens usually when we have spent too much time alone. We can get back on track with a little practice. Don’t try too hard. These things come naturally to people. Just feel comfortable and enjoy the ride. Everything good that life has to offer will be yours inshallah. 

Edited by Murtaza1

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52 minutes ago, Ralvi said:

How old are you? This is normal in teenage years and even during college time. Being comfortable in your own skin is a process

I really can’t give any advice other than to say just try your best, being authentic is true to you 

I’m 22 years old ,and inshallah I will 

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W.salam

Think about the worst thing that can happen, then think that it already happened and start from there.

You need to defeat your anxiety. It's just fear. Defy it.nothing bad can come out of it.

And have confidence. Like yourself. LOVE YOURSELF.

Because you are perfect as Allah made you.

Are you sure you don't have people who insult you or put you down with words in your life ?

Because that is a big factor for anxiety and lack of self confidence.

For me the worst thing is death. So every attack I used to have I told my self that maximum I would die ...whats worse than that...

And you are enough for yourself. I know this doesn't sound right but only people who believe that go on and make loads of friends.

Because no one likes weak people.

Just be yourself. If someone will be worthy of ur friendship they will stay ... otherwise it's their loss.

Don't worry too much  and don't force it... People find that horrible and they start making fun 

It's alright if you are not able to make things right socially now... everything will be alright eventually.. insha'Allah.

 

Edited by Ani

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15 hours ago, Ani said:

W.salam

Think about the worst thing that can happen, then think that it already happened and start from there.

You need to defeat your anxiety. It's just fear. Defy it.nothing bad can come out of it.

And have confidence. Like yourself. LOVE YOURSELF.

Because you are perfect as Allah made you.

Are you sure you don't have people who insult you or put you down with words in your life ?

Because that is a big factor for anxiety and lack of self confidence.

For me the worst thing is death. So every attack I used to have I told my self that maximum I would die ...whats worse than that...

And you are enough for yourself. I know this doesn't sound right but only people who believe that go on and make loads of friends.

Because no one likes weak people.

Just be yourself. If someone will be worthy of ur friendship they will stay ... otherwise it's their loss.

Don't worry too much  and don't force it... People find that horrible and they start making fun 

It's alright if you are not able to make things right socially now... everything will be alright eventually.. insha'Allah.

Salam brother/sister .

I had severe anxiety and I just had fed up with anxiety , it’s make my life hard and I will try to defeat my anxiety inshallah . You are right , I had a people who insult me in my life and I’m being bullied a lot during my schooling years . I had traumatic events that’s why my anxious switch on during certain events such as talking to others and doing public speaking and presentation .

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1 hour ago, Silentphantomsociety said:

I’m 22 years old ,and inshallah I will 

I’m just like you haha, it’s normal to feel this way at our age range. Just need to get used to it and hang around trustworthy people. Avoid the snakes and emotional drainers 

Edited by Ralvi

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6 hours ago, Ralvi said:

I’m just like you haha, it’s normal to feel this way at our age range. Just need to get used to it and hang around trustworthy people. Avoid the snakes and emotional drainers 

Age is just a number. It can happen to anybody and it does. Many people in their teens are alsio much more intelligent and mature for their age with excellent social skills. While many people that have been around long enough to experience everything twice that the teenagers experienced remain unsociable because they lack social skills.

Nobody is perfect. It is to do with what is called "Interpersonal Skills". As human beings we are social creatures. From an evolutionary perspective we survive in social environments.

Sometimes we fall behind. This happens usually when we have spent too much time alone. We can get back on track with a little practice. My advice to anyone is not to try too hard. These things come naturally to people and work on your "Interpersonal Skills". The internet has a lot of information on it.

Personally for me, showing people respect and acknowledging them has been a life changer. What goes around comes around. Hindus call it Karma. It is also part of the Prophets sunah (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم). 

Jazakalah 

Edited by Murtaza1

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2 hours ago, Murtaza1 said:

Age is just a number. It can happen to anybody and it does. Many people in their teens are alsio much more intelligent and mature for their age with excellent social skills. While many people that have been around long enough to experience everything twice that the teenagers experienced remain unsociable because they lack social skills.

Nobody is perfect. It is to do with what is called "Interpersonal Skills". As human beings we are social creatures. From an evolutionary perspective we survive in social environments.

Sometimes we fall behind. This happens usually when we have spent too much time alone. We can get back on track with a little practice. My advice to anyone is not to try too hard. These things come naturally to people and work on your "Interpersonal Skills". The internet has a lot of information on it.

Personally for me, showing people respect and acknowledging them has been a life changer. What goes around comes around. Hindus call it Karma. It is also part of the Prophets sunah (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم). 

Jazakalah 

Thank you once again for your advice my brother , insha Allah  I try to learn interpersonal skills 

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I have the same feeling and I constantly worry that no one likes me. I don’t have many friends probably due to this. I haven’t been able to work through it but I hope you are able to. 

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1 hour ago, Nevsevug said:

I have the same feeling and I constantly worry that no one likes me. I don’t have many friends probably due to this. I haven’t been able to work through it but I hope you are able to. 

Have a look at my advice on Interpersonal Skills above.

Another thing is also to develop mental energy by challenging the mind with things such as calculating numbers in the mind, doing puzzles etc This should increase your confidence and energy. Others will see you better. Also don't forget to smile even if its a little bit.

I have a need to develop my own mental energy too. So I am planning to buy a Rubix Cube and a Jigsaw Puzzle soon and start playing with them whenever my mind draws to things and activities that slow me down such as spending too much time on the internet etc

Edited by Murtaza1

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9 hours ago, Murtaza1 said:

Have a look at my advice on Interpersonal Skills above.

Another thing is also to develop mental energy by challenging the mind with things such as calculating numbers in the mind, doing puzzles etc This should increase your confidence and energy. Others will see you better. Also don't forget to smile even if its a little bit.

I have a need to develop my own mental energy too. So I am planning to buy a Rubix Cube and a Jigsaw Puzzle soon and start playing with them whenever my mind draws to things and activities that slow me down such as spending too much time on the internet etc

I don’t know. I don’t love to socialize but I’m able to do it well when necessary. People think I’m a great social butterfly. At other times I’m quiet as a mouse and sometimes can’t even get help when I need it. I tend to worry too much what others are thinking of me. Sometimes I wake up and have flashbacks of embarrassing things I’ve done for hours and feel like hell. I usually stay more quiet so I won’t say something stupid. I worry quite a lot if people like and I’m likeable enough. I’ve always been emotionally abused at home and was bullied at school so that may have something to do with it. 

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Practice realistic thinking. Let me guide you through the steps.

(1) Write down the first thought or worry that comes to your mind, and put emotions aside. You have to be very objective and not vague or anything. For example, your worry could be "I will shake when I talk to that person". Don't be like "I'm scared of talking to people" because it's very vague and you can't analyze this thought.

(2) Find the evidence for your thought. You may consider the role reversal technique, like if you were someone else then how would you view yourself. You can also consider alternative explanations, like what other explanations can I find? Or think about all the times in your life when you have done something weird when you talk to people.

(3) Then assign a probability to your worry or thought, like how true is it? 100%, 75% 65%?

(4) What is your degree of emotion after this exercise? Do you feel slightly less worried or anxious?

Repeat this simple technique for every worry you may have. 

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7 hours ago, Nevsevug said:

I don’t know. I don’t love to socialize but I’m able to do it well when necessary. People think I’m a great social butterfly. At other times I’m quiet as a mouse and sometimes can’t even get help when I need it. I tend to worry too much what others are thinking of me. Sometimes I wake up and have flashbacks of embarrassing things I’ve done for hours and feel like hell. I usually stay more quiet so I won’t say something stupid. I worry quite a lot if people like and I’m likeable enough. I’ve always been emotionally abused at home and was bullied at school so that may have something to do with it. 

Actually that sounds similar to the conclusion I've just drawn up of my dream last night. There can be surpressed memories of negative events or people in our life. Things that happened in the past replay in our dreams from the subconscious mind within the context of similar things happening in our life now. The dream can also show the good things that helped you escape from the negative things. I think you should analyse the times when you are more extrovert with others and got along with them. That might tell you something about you, in which state, type of people, environment etc you do well. Then try to adopt those elements and spend more time around tbose things when you want to fit in and be excepted by others. 

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9 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Practice realistic thinking. Let me guide you through the steps.

(1) Write down the first thought or worry that comes to your mind, and put emotions aside. You have to be very objective and not vague or anything. For example, your worry could be "I will shake when I talk to that person". Don't be like "I'm scared of talking to people" because it's very vague and you can't analyze this thought.

(2) Find the evidence for your thought. You may consider the role reversal technique, like if you were someone else then how would you view yourself. You can also consider alternative explanations, like what other explanations can I find? Or think about all the times in your life when you have done something weird when you talk to people.

(3) Then assign a probability to your worry or thought, like how true is it? 100%, 75% 65%?

(4) What is your degree of emotion after this exercise? Do you feel slightly less worried or anxious?

Repeat this simple technique for every worry you may have. 

Thanks for the tips brother , I will take this in mind 

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9 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Also even if you do lose friends, be glad that you've filtered out the fake ones.

Losing friends is not easy cuz I put so much effort to friendship and I end up being hurt . I admit I’m the type of person who afraid to lose friends . I need to change that and thank you brother for the advice 

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