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aaljibar

Any one else outraged by the mahr these days??

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An appropriate Mehr can be anything, and any amount, since the Mehr is used to financially support a women in case of a divorce. 

There isn’t an issue with a higher Mehr. 

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3 hours ago, aaljibar said:

$20,000-$40,000!!!

I expected at max $2000

It’s opposite in India. Where the big Mehr is frowned upon (they call it to limit to Mehr of Fatima (‘a), even Sunnis do) and pressure the girl’s family to pay up the price of the groom. Doctors get paid the highest, followed by ITs and down. 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dowry_death

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5 minutes ago, Irfani313 said:

It’s opposite in India. Where the big Mehr is frowned upon (they call it to limit to Mehr of Fatima (‘a), even Sunnis do) and pressure the girl’s family to pay up the price of the groom. Doctors get paid the highest, followed by ITs and down. 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dowry_death

Interesting 

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Jan. 14, 2019 | 12:12 AM

In Saudi weddings, small is the new beautiful

Anuj Chopra| Agence France Presse
 
 
JEDDAH, Saudi Arabia: It was a Saudi wedding like any other - clutching a decorative sword, the groom bobbed and swayed in a traditional dance. But there was one striking difference - a tiny guest list.Weddings in the oil-rich kingdom are typically lavish affairs, with a bulging guest list which is seen both as a social obligation and a symbol of affluence.

Such expectations are often a source of economic strain for grooms, who foot most of the bill that includes renting out exorbitantly-priced marriage halls where nuptial celebrations are usually held.

But millennials like Basil al-Bani are increasingly hosting weddings at home, defying family traditions and social pressure and making huge savings instead.

Fewer than two dozen close relatives and friends were invited to the 26-year-old insurance executive’s recent wedding feast comprising kabsa - a traditional rice and meat dish - at his ancestral home in western Jeddah.

It was a microscopic figure by Saudi standards.

“People go all crazy with weddings, inviting hundreds of guests and spending millions in one night to get the best singers, best bands, best thobes,” said Maan al-Bani, the 21-year-old brother of the groom, dressed in a gold-trimmed cloak.

“We wanted to do something different with a smaller celebration at home, which can also be fun.”

Although prevalent for years, home weddings symbolize a war on excess by the country’s youth as much as they are a barometer of the lagging economy.

They appear to be gaining popularity in the petro-state in a new age of austerity amid low crude prices.

Saudi Arabia has one of the world’s highest concentrations of superrich households.

But with cuts to cradle-to-grave subsidies and a new value-added tax amid soaring youth unemployment, Saudi households are seeing stagnating disposable incomes and what experts call a lifestyle downgrade.

The change in fortunes in the once tax-free kingdom facing a youth bulge is a stress point that poses a challenge for Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman, the country’s de facto leader.

And there are signs of an impact on the Saudi wedding market.

Annual spending on marriages in the kingdom exceeds two billion riyals ($533 million), the highest in the Arab world, organizers of the Saudi international wedding fair said last year.

Statistics on frugal home marriages are hard to come by, but two wedding planners with a large Saudi clientele told AFP that average spending on marriages had dropped by 25 percent over the past year, with many trimming back the pomp and pageantry.

A retailer of wedding invitation cards in Riyadh said business fell by 70 percent over the period, as many customers demand rich designs at cheaper prices.

“Weddings should not start with a bank loan,” Murtada al-Abawi, a 29-year-old Uber driver, said.

It typically costs 80,000 riyals to rent a wedding hall and pay for the dowry and bridal accoutrements - including gold and makeup - a price Abawi was unwilling to pay.

He created a family storm when he suggested a small soiree in the local community center for his own wedding in 2016.

A physical altercation broke out with his elder brother, who branded the idea shameful because “people will call us poor.”

His parents and those of the would-be bride were equally furious but, ultimately, they all caved when Abawi cannily resorted to emotional blackmail.

He threatened to remain unmarried and flee to neighboring Bahrain, a relatively liberal archipelago that many conservative Saudis view as a seedy offshore Las Vegas.

Abawi then put his foot down: no dowry, no gold, no post-wedding party.

For the main wedding party, he used another ploy - he invited all his friends and relatives so as not to offend anyone, but hosted the late-evening celebration on a busy weeknight, forcing families with school-age children to voluntarily opt out.

The wedding, ultimately, cost only 9,000 riyals.

The experience led Abawi to start an “affordable marriage” self-help group in his native eastern city of Al-Ahsa, which counsels young men on tackling the social pressure to overspend.

Not everyone is cutting wedding expenditure, however, with many Saudis still splurging on designer prom dresses for the bride along with belly dancers from Egypt for the entertainment.

Many still succumb to the pressure - or choose to get hitched overseas to circumvent the cultural minefield that hosting a small wedding can become.

In a 2017 newspaper column titled “Expensive weddings, a waste of money,” writer Abdel-Ghani al-Gash chided the kingdom’s religious scholars for failing to educate the masses that weddings were not an occasion to show off.

Weddings, typically segregated by gender, are also known for wasting colossal amounts of food. Mountains of food, which culturally reflect generosity and class, often end up in the trash can.

The pressure to keep up appearances amid rising costs and unemployment is prompting many young men to delay marriage up to the age of 40, the Saudi Gazette newspaper reported in September.

But even Saudis who can afford to splurge are discovering an aesthetic value in simplicity and cutting back waste.

“My wife looks back at our wedding and says ‘why did we even spend 9,000 riyals?’” Abawi said.

“We could have traveled with that money.”

http://www.dailystar.com.lb/Life/Living/2019/Jan-14/473950-in-Saudi-weddings-small-is-the-new-beautiful.ashx

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4 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

An appropriate Mehr can be anything, and any amount, since the Mehr is used to financially support a women in case of a divorce. 

There isn’t an issue with a higher Mehr. 

There is for the guy. Honestly I don't see myself paying more than 5K.

Edited by aaljibar

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23 hours ago, aaljibar said:

$20,000-$40,000!!!

I expected at max $2000

It depends on each country. Also depends from city to city.

for example, where I come from $50,000 is what is agreed upon most people.

it depends on the country or city or village, what you can do with $2,000 in your country is different than other countries.

People asking for more than average, I think its stupid. Because for example even if the lady got a mahr of 500,000$ there can be many guys who would torture the woman so bad and not divorce her to an extrent that the womans father would pay the guy to give her a divorced.

while someone could have a low mahr, but her husband has akhlaq, and might send her an extra monthly salary out of respect. 

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13 hours ago, BowTie said:

It depends on each country. Also depends from city to city.

for example, where I come from $50,000 is what is agreed upon most people.

it depends on the country or city or village, what you can do with $2,000 in your country is different than other countries.

People asking for more than average, I think its stupid. Because for example even if the lady got a mahr of 500,000$ there can be many guys who would torture the woman so bad and not divorce her to an extrent that the womans father would pay the guy to give her a divorced.

while someone could have a low mahr, but her husband has akhlaq, and might send her an extra monthly salary out of respect. 

Anyone who has a mahr higher than what Sayyida Zainab (s.a) has calculated for this day and age, is not worth my time and money.

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There are narrations where our Masoomeen (عليه السلام) stressed upon low Mehr.

As a general rule Nikkah should not be made difficult for either party. People wouldn't ask for a high Mehr of they realise it guarantees neither happiness nor prosperity for the couple. 

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12 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

An appropriate Mehr can be anything, and any amount, since the Mehr is used to financially support a women in case of a divorce. 

There isn’t an issue with a higher Mehr. 

I've heard and read somewhere that the Prophet said worst of women are those that ask for high mahr.

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1 hour ago, ShiaMan14 said:

I think the amount of mahr increase is related to higher divorce rates as well. 

Women want/need to be taken care off.

That doesn't make sense, just because someone is paying more doesn't necessarily mean he will be a good husband. There are rich douchebags out there.

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51 minutes ago, notme said:

I don't see why a guy would get angry. He can just say no. When the women find themselves unable to marry a decent fellow, perhaps their fathers will reconsider what they are asking.

Sister our capitalist solutions of supply & demand control don’t work there. For every sensible person, Asia has 100 opportunists who would pickup the tab. 

I don’t go to western restaurants in poorer countries to pay the same amount that I pay here (why should a $9 KFC meal cost the same in Vietnam? There are some halal ones in Muslim areas) but they are full to the capacity by the locals. Asians have their own ways of following the herd.

If you mix another ShiaChat’er complaining about spread of Zina in ME with how hard Arabs have made it to marry their men off, you get the picture clear. 

Edited by AMR5

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16 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

An appropriate Mehr can be anything, and any amount, since the Mehr is used to financially support a women in case of a divorce. 

There isn’t an issue with a higher Mehr. 

But high dowry is an issue

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13 hours ago, Laayla said:
Jan. 14, 2019 | 12:12 AM

In Saudi weddings, small is the new beautiful

Anuj Chopra| Agence France Presse
 
 
JEDDAH, Saudi Arabia: It was a Saudi wedding like any other - clutching a decorative sword, the groom bobbed and swayed in a traditional dance. But there was one striking difference - a tiny guest list.Weddings in the oil-rich kingdom are typically lavish affairs, with a bulging guest list which is seen both as a social obligation and a symbol of affluence.

Such expectations are often a source of economic strain for grooms, who foot most of the bill that includes renting out exorbitantly-priced marriage halls where nuptial celebrations are usually held.

But millennials like Basil al-Bani are increasingly hosting weddings at home, defying family traditions and social pressure and making huge savings instead.

Fewer than two dozen close relatives and friends were invited to the 26-year-old insurance executive’s recent wedding feast comprising kabsa - a traditional rice and meat dish - at his ancestral home in western Jeddah.

It was a microscopic figure by Saudi standards.

“People go all crazy with weddings, inviting hundreds of guests and spending millions in one night to get the best singers, best bands, best thobes,” said Maan al-Bani, the 21-year-old brother of the groom, dressed in a gold-trimmed cloak.

“We wanted to do something different with a smaller celebration at home, which can also be fun.”

Although prevalent for years, home weddings symbolize a war on excess by the country’s youth as much as they are a barometer of the lagging economy.

They appear to be gaining popularity in the petro-state in a new age of austerity amid low crude prices.

Saudi Arabia has one of the world’s highest concentrations of superrich households.

But with cuts to cradle-to-grave subsidies and a new value-added tax amid soaring youth unemployment, Saudi households are seeing stagnating disposable incomes and what experts call a lifestyle downgrade.

The change in fortunes in the once tax-free kingdom facing a youth bulge is a stress point that poses a challenge for Crown Prince Mohammad bin Salman, the country’s de facto leader.

And there are signs of an impact on the Saudi wedding market.

Annual spending on marriages in the kingdom exceeds two billion riyals ($533 million), the highest in the Arab world, organizers of the Saudi international wedding fair said last year.

Statistics on frugal home marriages are hard to come by, but two wedding planners with a large Saudi clientele told AFP that average spending on marriages had dropped by 25 percent over the past year, with many trimming back the pomp and pageantry.

A retailer of wedding invitation cards in Riyadh said business fell by 70 percent over the period, as many customers demand rich designs at cheaper prices.

“Weddings should not start with a bank loan,” Murtada al-Abawi, a 29-year-old Uber driver, said.

It typically costs 80,000 riyals to rent a wedding hall and pay for the dowry and bridal accoutrements - including gold and makeup - a price Abawi was unwilling to pay.

He created a family storm when he suggested a small soiree in the local community center for his own wedding in 2016.

A physical altercation broke out with his elder brother, who branded the idea shameful because “people will call us poor.”

His parents and those of the would-be bride were equally furious but, ultimately, they all caved when Abawi cannily resorted to emotional blackmail.

He threatened to remain unmarried and flee to neighboring Bahrain, a relatively liberal archipelago that many conservative Saudis view as a seedy offshore Las Vegas.

Abawi then put his foot down: no dowry, no gold, no post-wedding party.

For the main wedding party, he used another ploy - he invited all his friends and relatives so as not to offend anyone, but hosted the late-evening celebration on a busy weeknight, forcing families with school-age children to voluntarily opt out.

The wedding, ultimately, cost only 9,000 riyals.

The experience led Abawi to start an “affordable marriage” self-help group in his native eastern city of Al-Ahsa, which counsels young men on tackling the social pressure to overspend.

Not everyone is cutting wedding expenditure, however, with many Saudis still splurging on designer prom dresses for the bride along with belly dancers from Egypt for the entertainment.

Many still succumb to the pressure - or choose to get hitched overseas to circumvent the cultural minefield that hosting a small wedding can become.

In a 2017 newspaper column titled “Expensive weddings, a waste of money,” writer Abdel-Ghani al-Gash chided the kingdom’s religious scholars for failing to educate the masses that weddings were not an occasion to show off.

Weddings, typically segregated by gender, are also known for wasting colossal amounts of food. Mountains of food, which culturally reflect generosity and class, often end up in the trash can.

The pressure to keep up appearances amid rising costs and unemployment is prompting many young men to delay marriage up to the age of 40, the Saudi Gazette newspaper reported in September.

But even Saudis who can afford to splurge are discovering an aesthetic value in simplicity and cutting back waste.

“My wife looks back at our wedding and says ‘why did we even spend 9,000 riyals?’” Abawi said.

“We could have traveled with that money.”

http://www.dailystar.com.lb/Life/Living/2019/Jan-14/473950-in-Saudi-weddings-small-is-the-new-beautiful.ashx

He will complete his haraam with three more 

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15 minutes ago, Qa'im said:

I think 10-20k is pretty reasonable.

I would go for the lower side of that to be honest. Anything close to 20K is goodbye town

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8 hours ago, aaljibar said:

That doesn't make sense, just because someone is paying more doesn't necessarily mean he will be a good husband. There are rich douchebags out there.

It's the opposite brother.

The more payment is in case he is a bad husband.

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2 hours ago, notme said:

I don't see why a guy would get angry. He can just say no. When the women find themselves unable to marry a decent fellow, perhaps their fathers will reconsider what they are asking.

As a matter of fact, I think (need to confirm) but if at the time of Nikah the groom has doubts about being able to afford the mahr, the Nikah becomes invalid.

I have heard this, not confirmed it.

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