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Guest Ali313

What should i do?

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1 hour ago, Guest Ali313 said:

If you ask your wife to wear Hejab and she does not what you will do?

This issue should have been solved before even getting married. Did you talk to your wife before you got married? What did you guys talk about? Did you ever ask her what she thought about wearing hijab? Or you thought I'll marry her, and enslave her, and I'm her supreme leader she has to obey me?

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If you ask your wife to put your kids in Islamic school and she does not  agree what you will do?

So what? In marriage you don't give orders, there is something called compromise. You should talk about it, and see why, and make a decision together, just like they're your kids, they're her kids. And frankly speaking, I agree with her. I wouldn't put my children in an Islamic school. Does it make me less of a Muslim?

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if you ask your wife not to involve anyone in your life but she still does what you will do?

 Involve anyone like who and what? You have involved a whole website with your marriage problem.

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if you ask your to respect her husband decision and she does not what you will do?

If she doesn't agree with your decisions it doesn't mean she doesn't respect you. Did you show her you are worthy of respect? No one sleeps and wakes up respecting someone. You gain respect, not force it.

23 hours ago, Gabenowa said:

Where exactly are you and where is she from?

I smell a country with the letter P.

Peru maybe? :rolleyes:

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It's not easy for a man from a conservative background, religious or not, to get married to a woman from the West. The West is not even liberal. It's more than just liberalism, it's got to do more with the fact that unrestricted capitalism functions more when people have no restrictions. That way consumers spend more, men and women. Anyway, that is the problem with dating sites like Mulsima.com or the Lovehabibi's of this world. You really don’t know who a person really is. But common sense would have taught you that she grew up in a society where a woman can even have a baby on her own vis-a-vis semen insertions from sperm banks. Maybe she was tired of the men in the west who are "players' and she wanted to build a home with a devout Muslim husband but she also didnt do her research. She is probably educated, opinionated and would rather have married a serious romantic. Not a cultural religious savage. Either learn to view women as equals, oh yes as equals in that socially neanderthal country of yours or just drop the whole marriage and go find a village girl who will say yes and no depending on which answer you prefer. lick and wipe your a**s when you need. I wish I knew your race and culture, Id tell you what you are and why. 

Are there really men in this day and age of globalisation of everything that are still NEANDERTHALS? yeeeeeezus

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1 hour ago, Gabenowa said:

It's not easy for a man from a conservative background, religious or not, to get married to a woman from the West

I would disagree disagree with your statement although I am not supporting the brother because of his lack of intelligence in his relationship. 

I have many female relatives that were born in the west that married Pakistani men that grew up in Pakistan but they are in healthy strong relationships together. It works because strong Pakistani family values were laid down early in their home while they grew up in the west. 

Many prefer to marry Pakistani men from Pakistan rather than Pakistani men that grew up in the west. Even if things go wrong they still seek men of Pakistani background but realise it is better to marry a western born Pakistani. 

1 hour ago, Gabenowa said:

it's got to do more with the fact that unrestricted capitalism functions more when people have no restrictions. 

Not true in Pakistani culture, family values or females. In fact if you go to Pakistani populated areas of the UK such as Bradford and Southhall you will find that they hate independence and material blessings offered in the western non Islamic cultures. The UK Pakistani females thrive in their UK towns which some call Englistan because it is so much like Pakistan.

1 hour ago, Gabenowa said:

That way consumers spend more, men and women. Anyway, that is the problem with dating sites like Mulsima.com or the Lovehabibi's of this world. You really don’t know who a person really is.

These sites are businesses. They don't really care who uses their service a long as they make money. Race, social classes, criminal, rapist does not mean much to them. 

Many western born Pakistani men and women marry through family and relatives. 

There are Pakistani meet up groups and halal dating matrimonial services that also cater for people of Pakistani origin.

Some of these cater for a niche market. They have wealthy professional Pakistanis on their database. Alternatively mosques and Pakistani community centres now also offer halal dating services to local Pakistanis.

1 hour ago, Gabenowa said:

But common sense would have taught you that she grew up in a society where a woman can even have a baby on her own vis-a-vis semen insertions from sperm banks

Yes but the corrupted western culture gives them more reason not to embrace western values. They live by strong Pakistani values onto which they are brought up in their parents home. That's true of my female relatives too.

1 hour ago, Gabenowa said:

Maybe she was tired of the men in the west who are "players' and she wanted to build a home with a devout Muslim husband but she also didnt do her research.

Trust me personally i do not know of any western born Pakistani females that are interested in western players. Regardless of the fact that mass media and popular culture which may tell you differently, their job is to brain wash and spread propaganda. I stopped watching or reading western media 15 years ago. 

1 hour ago, Gabenowa said:

Either learn to view women as equals, oh yes as equals in that socially neanderthal country of yours or just drop the whole marriage and go find a village girl who will say yes and no depending on which answer you prefer. lick and wipe your a**s when you need

Trust me village girls and city boys thrive together. As a western born Pakistani male, I grew up in the west. My mothers side of the family is poor but sweet and funny, As a boy my childhood family holiday experiences to Pakistan influenced much of my love for Pakistani family values and village life and village girls, even though they live in the city but their morals, values and economic status reflected similar. My values are build on my childhood experience.

1 hour ago, Gabenowa said:

Are there really men in this day and age of globalisation of everything that are still NEANDERTHALS? yeeeeeezus

I think using the word neanderthals shows that westerners do not understand Pakistani family values or culture and think of us in evolutionary term. This often results in Pakistani's holding onto their values and culture even strongly. I am sure Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى will be pleased because these values are based on Islamic value and the culture of the Indian subcontinent

Edited by Murtaza1

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30 minutes ago, Murtaza1 said:

 

I get it. I didnt mean to use the word "neanderthals". I hate the oppression of women. I see a women as an equal whether she is "independent" or not. Whether she is an educated city girl or a village girl. It doesnt matter to me. So when a man, BTW, I am African, South African, not a westerner, when a man uses culture or religion as a tool to oppress a women I get angry even if she is wild or whatever. Rather accept it or walk away peacefully using divorce procedures laid down in the law. In my country, cultural "values" are used to beat down village women. I personally, if I ever get married, to a muslim women of whatever cultural background, will never EVER insist she wear a hejab. In fact I will get angry if she does wear a hejab because in my country a woman wears what she wants even if she flaunts her thighs and breasts and whatever insecurities I feel are mine and mine alone. If my so called future wife would insist herself that she wear a hejab because she wants to then fine ITS HER CHOICE. Women are equals if not superior to men irrespective of what I got taught about Eve and the apple. Sharia law is used to conceal a mans insecurities about women. I was talking to an Egyptian muslim chick here in South Africa and she said that she feels so free coz she can wear what she wants.

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12 minutes ago, Gabenowa said:

I get it. I didnt mean to use the word "neanderthals". I hate the oppression of women. I see a women as an equal whether she is "independent" or not. Whether she is an educated city girl or a village girl. It doesnt matter to me. So when a man, BTW, I am African, South African, not a westerner, when a man uses culture or religion as a tool to oppress a women I get angry even if she is wild or whatever. Rather accept it or walk away peacefully using divorce procedures laid down in the law. In my country, cultural "values" are used to beat down village women. I personally, if I ever get married, to a muslim women of whatever cultural background, will never EVER insist she wear a hejab. In fact I will get angry if she does wear a hejab because in my country a woman wears what she wants even if she flaunts her thighs and breasts and whatever insecurities I feel are mine and mine alone. If my so called future wife would insist herself that she wear a hejab because she wants to then fine ITS HER CHOICE. Women are equals if not superior to men irrespective of what I got taught about Eve and the apple. Sharia law is used to conceal a mans insecurities about women. I was talking to an Egyptian muslim chick here in South Africa and she said that she feels so free coz she can wear what she wants.

That's okay I understand your perspective.

I am strongly against oppression too, especially against women. Sometimes I reflect on the culture in Pakistan and think along the same evolutionary lines. The diversity portrayed in Pakistani media and entertainment television dramas shocks me and many western Pakistani's. A westerner can easily think of it as ethnic cleansing because of the light skinned Turks, Afgans and Iranians that take lead roles. However that is not a true representation the majority of Pakistani's of about 100 million people in Pakistan, which reflect a Indian subcontinent ethnicity, although the original ethnic group of Pakistan may have been different.

There is good and bad everywhere in the world. Bad things happen to girls in Pakistan too as well as in Pakistani communities in the west which the western media is probably still happy to exaggerate and sensationalise and as you say use Sharia law out of context. However in Pakistan village girls tend to be stronger and usually of Punjabi origin so they usually are able to stand up for themselves unlike others.

I agree with you on the hijab issue. Women have to be comfortable with the hijab. They are usually taught these values at home. I can certainly understand how that Egyptian woman you describe feels. As a male it took me nine years to come out of deep depression based on my identity crisis related to culture and religion that many Pakistani's in the west go through. I can't imagine the freedom she would have felt taking off her hijab as long as she practices her hijab in other ways.

The problem also arises when women are brain washed through western popular culture about ideal body shape, breasts etc. Its very much like hypnotism because they use psychological tricks and techniques such as Semiotics in advertising etc.

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10 minutes ago, Murtaza1 said:

That's okay I understand your perspective.

I am strongly against oppression too, especially against women. Sometimes I reflect on the culture in Pakistan and think along the same evolutionary lines. The diversity portrayed in Pakistani media and entertainment television dramas shocks me and many western Pakistani's. A westerner can easily think of it as ethnic cleansing because of the light skinned Turks, Afgans and Iranians that take lead roles. However that is not a true representation the majority of Pakistani's of about 100 million people in Pakistan, which reflect a Indian subcontinent ethnicity, although the original ethnic group of Pakistan may have been different.

There is good and bad everywhere in the world. Bad things happen to girls in Pakistan too as well as in Pakistani communities in the west which the western media is probably still happy to exaggerate and sensationalise and as you say use Sharia law out of context. However in Pakistan village girls tend to be stronger and usually of Punjabi origin so they usually are able to stand up for themselves unlike others.

I agree with you on the hijab issue. Women have to be comfortable with the hijab. They are usually taught these values at home. I can certainly understand how that Egyptian woman you describe feels. As a male it took me nine years to come out of deep depression based on my identity crisis related to culture and religion that many Pakistani's in the west go through. I can't imagine the freedom she would have felt taking off her hijab as long as she practices her hijab in other ways.

The problem also arises when women are brain washed through western popular culture about ideal body shape, breasts etc. Its very much like hypnotism because they use psychological tricks and techniques such as Semiotics in advertising etc.

Im amazed that even in Pakistan there are issues of skin texture. African women will bleach themselves light to look like "yellow bones" you see on American movies. In fact naturally light skinned (because of European genes) African girls are a highly sought commodity. Even mixed race women are the most highly sought after commodities. Notice I used the word "commodity". Im aware of the ethnic realities of Pakistan thanks to a certain author by the name of Tariq Ali. Im also aware that the Indian subcontinent has a highly diverse ethnic reality that manifests itself in caste systems. As a black man Im disgusted coz I know which caste system I'd naturally drop into. Im also aware the original ethnic group disappeared off into India during the independence and partition era some straight into coffins. entire sikh and hindu villages wiped out and vice versa in whichever muslim villages that saw the same fate. 1 million deaths. I read about it. 

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Talk to her. Be sincere. If she wants to work things out she could help you. Maybe she could even try to change and not make you feel as you've been feeling.

What is exactly you want to do ? Do you want to leave her and get married to another person or are you just bored of regular married life. Not saying that you are a bad person.

Just talk to her and try to find a solution. Marriage work both ways. You cannot expect her to do everything you want and certainly she shouldn't be doing whatever she feels like ignoring you. You should find a middle ground.

Men think children are their property but mothers have equal rights on them and maybe even more.

Tell her you are having these thoughts specially if she is a good wife and a good mother. 

May you find peace

 

 

 

 

 

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3 hours ago, Murtaza1 said:

I would disagree disagree with your statement although I am not supporting the brother because of his lack of intelligence in his relationship. 

I have many female relatives that were born in the west that married Pakistani men that grew up in Pakistan but they are in healthy strong relationships together. It works because strong Pakistani family values were laid down early in their home while they grew up in the west. 

Many prefer to marry Pakistani men from Pakistan rather than Pakistani men that grew up in the west. Even if things go wrong they still seek men of Pakistani background but realise it is better to marry a western born Pakistani. 

Not true in Pakistani culture, family values or females. In fact if you go to Pakistani populated areas of the UK such as Bradford and Southhall you will find that they hate independence and material blessings offered in the western non Islamic cultures. The UK Pakistani females thrive in their UK towns which some call Englistan because it is so much like Pakistan.

These sites are businesses. They don't really care who uses their service a long as they make money. Race, social classes, criminal, rapist does not mean much to them. 

Many western born Pakistani men and women marry through family and relatives. 

There are Pakistani meet up groups and halal dating matrimonial services that also cater for people of Pakistani origin.

Some of these cater for a niche market. They have wealthy professional Pakistanis on their database. Alternatively mosques and Pakistani community centres now also offer halal dating services to local Pakistanis.

Yes but the corrupted western culture gives them more reason not to embrace western values. They live by strong Pakistani values onto which they are brought up in their parents home. That's true of my female relatives too.

Trust me personally i do not know of any western born Pakistani females that are interested in western players. Regardless of the fact that mass media and popular culture which may tell you differently, their job is to brain wash and spread propaganda. I stopped watching or reading western media 15 years ago. 

Trust me village girls and city boys thrive together. As a western born Pakistani male, I grew up in the west. My mothers side of the family is poor but sweet and funny, As a boy my childhood family holiday experiences to Pakistan influenced much of my love for Pakistani family values and village life and village girls, even though they live in the city but their morals, values and economic status reflected similar. My values are build on my childhood experience.

I think using the word neanderthals shows that westerners do not understand Pakistani family values or culture and think of us in evolutionary term. This often results in Pakistani's holding onto their values and culture even strongly. I am sure Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى will be pleased because these values are based on Islamic value and the culture of the Indian subcontinent

Very heartwarming 

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1 hour ago, Murtaza1 said:

That's okay I understand your perspective.

I am strongly against oppression too, especially against women. Sometimes I reflect on the culture in Pakistan and think along the same evolutionary lines. The diversity portrayed in Pakistani media and entertainment television dramas shocks me and many western Pakistani's. A westerner can easily think of it as ethnic cleansing because of the light skinned Turks, Afgans and Iranians that take lead roles. However that is not a true representation the majority of Pakistani's of about 100 million people in Pakistan, which reflect a Indian subcontinent ethnicity, although the original ethnic group of Pakistan may have been different.

There is good and bad everywhere in the world. Bad things happen to girls in Pakistan too as well as in Pakistani communities in the west which the western media is probably still happy to exaggerate and sensationalise and as you say use Sharia law out of context. However in Pakistan village girls tend to be stronger and usually of Punjabi origin so they usually are able to stand up for themselves unlike others.

I agree with you on the hijab issue. Women have to be comfortable with the hijab. They are usually taught these values at home. I can certainly understand how that Egyptian woman you describe feels. As a male it took me nine years to come out of deep depression based on my identity crisis related to culture and religion that many Pakistani's in the west go through. I can't imagine the freedom she would have felt taking off her hijab as long as she practices her hijab in other ways.

The problem also arises when women are brain washed through western popular culture about ideal body shape, breasts etc. Its very much like hypnotism because they use psychological tricks and techniques such as Semiotics in advertising etc.

Village girls are the ish and have a heart of gold. These are the girls that bring revolutions. And they’re not white princesses either, they got melanin and a whole lot of sass!

lol I say this as a whitey trashcan (of Pakistani variety) lol 

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1 hour ago, Ani said:

Talk to her. Be sincere. If she wants to work things out she could help you. Maybe she could even try to change and not make you feel as you've been feeling.

What is exactly you want to do ? Do you want to leave her and get married to another person or are you just bored of regular married life. Not saying that you are a bad person.

Just talk to her and try to find a solution. Marriage work both ways. You cannot expect her to do everything you want and certainly she shouldn't be doing whatever she feels like ignoring you. You should find a middle ground.

Men think children are their property but mothers have equal rights on them and maybe even more.

Tell her you are having these thoughts specially if she is a good wife and a good mother. 

May you find peace

 

 

 

 

 

They certainly have more, they are the literal gatekeepers for their children entering hell or heaven....

woah

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2 hours ago, Gabenowa said:

Im amazed that even in Pakistan there are issues of skin texture. African women will bleach themselves light to look like "yellow bones" you see on American movies. In fact naturally light skinned (because of European genes) African girls are a highly sought commodity. Even mixed race women are the most highly sought after commodities. Notice I used the word "commodity". Im aware of the ethnic realities of Pakistan thanks to a certain author by the name of Tariq Ali. Im also aware that the Indian subcontinent has a highly diverse ethnic reality that manifests itself in caste systems. As a black man Im disgusted coz I know which caste system I'd naturally drop into. Im also aware the original ethnic group disappeared off into India during the independence and partition era some straight into coffins. entire sikh and hindu villages wiped out and vice versa in whichever muslim villages that saw the same fate. 1 million deaths. I read about it. 

You are right . They are like commodities that sell like brands. The Indian subcontinent has a sad history of ethnic cleansing as you are well aware. I totally speak against it too even if some people wonder why it would effect me. Its the human condition that connects us with people's sufferings. I think the Hindu caste system is deeply rooted in this and they divide people based on their caste. Even many Europeans I know find it wrong. 

35 minutes ago, Ralvi said:

Village girls are the ish and have a heart of gold. These are the girls that bring revolutions. And they’re not white princesses either, they got melanin and a whole lot of sass!

lol I say this as a whitey trashcan (of Pakistani variety) lol 

I love your sweet personalities. Your energy and determination is admirable. The Indian subcontinent is blessed with people of many types of skin tones.  I love your milky complexions. Some people call it noor. I have a similar skin tone. On Felix Van Lushan's skin tone chart I am number 24. Some people call it "Powdered Lady Boy" lol

Edited by Murtaza1

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I think the husband is an insecure human being, maybe he is unhappy about his own life and kinda takes it out on her. I think his idea wife is a village women who responds "yes husband yes husband yes husband" whenever he barks a command. I think he doesn't listen to her or make time to listen to her coz I know women get very very stubborn when their emotional needs are not met. maybe he aint romantic or not romantic enough. i don’t know what Sheiks or sayyeds or religious instructors say in marriage counselling but I doubt they advise couples the way they do in the West. Maybe he should American romantic movies since she is from the West. He could pick up some tips on how to make the wifey tickle between the legs. Hell maybe he thinks he has a right to conjugal duties whenever he wants anytime he wants. Anyway I don’t know Pakistani culture, Im just whistling loudly

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I love dark Indian ladies. In case you did not know, South Africa has the highest Indian population outside of India, we even have racist terms for them when we get upset off with them coz they tend to think that they are superior to Africans, not all but a lot do think so. Anyway i love the dark indian hindu girls, they too hot at times. Im just too shy to approach some anyway. I once fell in love with an Indian Muslim lady and she told me that she would only marry me if I converted to Islam. Problem it was like 12 years ago in my early twenties and I hadnt discovered Islam that way. I didnt even know Shia Islam. So sadly we broke up. I don’t know if we rekindled our love whether she would frown or encourage my growing faith and love in Shi'ism. I don’t even know if she was Sunni or Shia but I think she was Sunni coz she never once ever spoke about Ali. Or Ahul-Bayt or Karbala so she must have been Sunni. My mother was against the whole idea and Im pretty sure her family would have sent her to India to get keep me away from her. She's the only woman to ever appreciate the nerdy geeky human being I am and love me for me. The tragedies of race and love in South Africa.

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2 minutes ago, Gabenowa said:

I love dark Indian ladies. In case you did not know, South Africa has the highest Indian population outside of India, we even have racist terms for them when we get upset off with them coz they tend to think that they are superior to Africans, not all but a lot do think so. Anyway i love the dark indian hindu girls, they too hot at times. Im just too shy to approach some anyway. I once fell in love with an Indian Muslim lady and she told me that she would only marry me if I converted to Islam. Problem it was like 12 years ago in my early twenties and I hadnt discovered Islam that way. I didnt even know Shia Islam. So sadly we broke up. I don’t know if we rekindled our love whether she would frown or encourage my growing faith and love in Shi'ism. I don’t even know if she was Sunni or Shia but I think she was Sunni coz she never once ever spoke about Ali. Or Ahul-Bayt or Karbala so she must have been Sunni. My mother was against the whole idea and Im pretty sure her family would have sent her to India to get keep me away from her. She's the only woman to ever appreciate the nerdy geeky human being I am and love me for me. The tragedies of race and love in South Africa.

I had a similar crush with a girl like that in school for many years. Childhood sweethearts are difficult to forget. Maybe the brother has similar ideals set in his mind as qualities he seeks in a wife.

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1 minute ago, Murtaza1 said:

I had a similar crush with a girl like that in school for many years. Childhood sweethearts are difficult to forget. Maybe the brother has similar ideals set in his mind as qualities he seeks in a wife.

Where did they meet? Do they stay in Pakistan or UK? People from Pakistan, specifically men exactly from Pakistan have been arriving in South Africa since 2010 opening small trading shops in African townships. What is it about Asians and South Africa? Jesus man I asked this guy the other day where is he from and he said Bangladesh. Interesting thing though I've noticed is that they never speak about faith or Islam or anything really. They keep to their shops and that is that. I know they left wives back home that they send money back to using Islamic Banks in Fordsburg. Anyway year, I can picture the conservative Pakistani husband with his village wife in Kashmir or wherever. I can’t picture them in London or Birmingham or Liverpool.

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49 minutes ago, Gabenowa said:

Where did they meet? Do they stay in Pakistan or UK? People from Pakistan, specifically men exactly from Pakistan have been arriving in South Africa since 2010 opening small trading shops in African townships. What is it about Asians and South Africa? Jesus man I asked this guy the other day where is he from and he said Bangladesh. Interesting thing though I've noticed is that they never speak about faith or Islam or anything really. They keep to their shops and that is that. I know they left wives back home that they send money back to using Islamic Banks in Fordsburg. Anyway year, I can picture the conservative Pakistani husband with his village wife in Kashmir or wherever. I can’t picture them in London or Birmingham or Liverpool.

I was talking about my own childhood crush at school.

We have them Bangladeshi migrants in the UK too. Although they have been around for many decades so I can't really call them migrants but they are famous for Brick Lane area of London where they have restaurants. Brick Lane is part of British sub culture now. Bangladeshi's have kept their homeland culture preserved here. I can’t tell the difference between a Bangladeshi in Bangladesh and UK lol

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I see where those British National Parties have gotten their racist inspiration from. Religions other than the church of england are overrunning the colonial motherland. People other than pure aryan white have invaded the United Kingdom of Colonialism. Well too bad hey, they should have kept their stinking mother tongue away from my continent and land and should have kept their aryan nordic blue eyed blonde a****s out of Dark Africa. and please do tell the Queen that the jewells she wears, those big diamonds worth God I don’t know maybe like 100 million pounds including the biggest diamond ever found on this entire god-forsaken planet can be returned home to South Africa where they were stolen from when the British colonised my  land and stole my resources buried deep beneath Mother Africa. otherwise we shall continue moving to London and breed until the white race is wiped from the united kingdom of colonialism and theft

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2 hours ago, Murtaza1 said:

You are right . They are like commodities that sell like brands. The Indian subcontinent has a sad history of ethnic cleansing as you are well aware. I totally speak against it too even if some people wonder why it would effect me. Its the human condition that connects us with people's sufferings. I think the Hindu caste system is deeply rooted in this and they divide people based on their caste. Even many Europeans I know find it wrong. 

I love your sweet personalities. Your energy and determination is admirable. The Indian subcontinent is blessed with people of many types of skin tones.  I love your milky complexions. Some people call it noor. I have a similar skin tone. On Felix Van Lushan's skin tone chart I am number 24. Some people call it "Powdered Lady Boy" lol

Ok I’m dying that’s hilarious

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3 hours ago, Murtaza1 said:

You are right . They are like commodities that sell like brands. The Indian subcontinent has a sad history of ethnic cleansing as you are well aware. I totally speak against it too even if some people wonder why it would effect me. Its the human condition that connects us with people's sufferings. I think the Hindu caste system is deeply rooted in this and they divide people based on their caste. Even many Europeans I know find it wrong. 

I love your sweet personalities. Your energy and determination is admirable. The Indian subcontinent is blessed with people of many types of skin tones.  I love your milky complexions. Some people call it noor. I have a similar skin tone. On Felix Van Lushan's skin tone chart I am number 24. Some people call it "Powdered Lady Boy" lol

Trust me, my mother is white yet even she bleaches. Iam like MOM!!!!!

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