Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله
SeekingHeaven

Masturbation is killing me

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

Salam, i have posted about my masturbation issue before and I still can't get rid of it. I feel guilty after i do it and vow that i will not do it again and at the same time i pray and listen to lectures and at those times i am fine but then after a week or two i go back to doing it and this cycle has been repeating for the past 3 months and i have come to a point where i am getting thoughts like "I probably will never stop" and I just feel too stressed out and to be honest I don't even want to live anymore. I always wake up tired and lazy and drag myself to work and back and im about to go back to college in a week. I just feel like I've given up on myself.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salaam Alaykum Brother

May Allah help you. I do dua for you. Please don't pollute your clear spirit. I know a lot of people who were addicted to this sin, but they got rid of it successfully. Be energetic and hopeful. Allah and Ahlulbait would help you. If you need help, pm me. Some of people who avoided this sin became energetic and religious after that. I'm sure you can also get rid of this sin and be Zinat for Ahlulbait inshaallah.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

Salam, i have posted about my masturbation issue before and I still can't get rid of it. I feel guilty after i do it and vow that i will not do it again and at the same time i pray and listen to lectures and at those times i am fine but then after a week or two i go back to doing it and this cycle has been repeating for the past 3 months and i have come to a point where i am getting thoughts like "I probably will never stop" and I just feel too stressed out and to be honest I don't even want to live anymore. I always wake up tired and lazy and drag myself to work and back and im about to go back to college in a week. I just feel like I've given up on myself.

Start reading and listening Qur'an. I tell you this sin will go away surely. Surround yourself with spiritual people. Don't ever watch pornography (and think about sex) and focus on your studies. Be in Wudhu as much as possible and improve your sleeping postures. 

All of this will help you become a better man. May Allah help you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salam,

Learn more about spirituality.  If the spiritual part of you takes more control over the physical part, maybe easier to control the self for certain duration of time.

When the physical urge shows up, let the spiritual part take control.

Spiritual means you are controlled by intelligent that comes through your heart.  You will put less priority to your physical part.

Physical means you are controlled mostly by logics/nafs of your brain functions and faculties.

There is nothing wrong with sexual urges (part of nafs).  It is just like eating and drinking.  Human needs nafs for survival.  Just it has to be halal and there are limits to nafs.

While you are using spiritual means to control the self, seek ways and methods to satisfy the nafs urges through halal means. Even using spiritual means to control the nafs has limit.  Finding halal means to fulfill the nafs urges are also jihad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

Salam, i have posted about my masturbation issue before and I still can't get rid of it. I feel guilty after i do it and vow that i will not do it again and at the same time i pray and listen to lectures and at those times i am fine but then after a week or two i go back to doing it and this cycle has been repeating for the past 3 months and i have come to a point where i am getting thoughts like "I probably will never stop" and I just feel too stressed out and to be honest I don't even want to live anymore. I always wake up tired and lazy and drag myself to work and back and im about to go back to college in a week. I just feel like I've given up on myself.

age?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

i go back to doing it and this cycle has been repeating for the past 3 months and i have come to a point where i am getting thoughts like "I probably will never stop"

Salam you must make this cycle everytime longer when you did it after 3 months postpone it for 4 month for another  time & next time for 5 months also visit cemetery & graves to remeber Allah more that you can't survive death when you become busy with worldly affairs it makes you to repeat this sin but remembrance of death will help you to stand against this sin.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/1/2019 at 1:58 PM, King said:

Try your best but realize [IMHO] its not a battle most can win all the time.

Strongly disagree. 

I've been blessed to be among those that never had an attraction to the said behaviour, so perhaps I have no clue what I'm talking about,

but I believe anyone can "win" the battle just like with any other 'sin', but most people don't believe they can and/or flat out don't want to. It was disturbing to me during my teen years hearing guys saying it's impossible to refrain and that if you don't engage in such behaviour you're abnormal - it's insane to me - they genuinely believe it isn't possible to refrain for whatever reason, though it obviously is - otherwise God wouldn't have made it significant sin.

Honestly my advice for the OP, though it won't count for much, would be to man up. See the repulsiveness in it, you are a human created above such behaviours.

In terms of practicality, make a day planner every morning to fill in every single hour with things to do, and go to a gym everyday. Literally write down your schedule and post it on your door or wherever. If you're bored and/or have nothing to do, the devil's playground will be in full effect. And finally, exercise the right of your manhood and find a partner for temporary marriage if possible.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

21

Working? If so marry in an year or so and marry a good girl, don't rush, till that time try to survive brother by holding onto your feelings and seeking help from Allah.

Don't delay marriage or else this habit will last after marriage even.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The issue of masturbation (for secular people who get addicted and fed up with it, even when they're not morally opposed to it) is one of the mind. A person, whether male or female, must learn self-discipline in many, many areas. Outside of any specific religion or culture, the notion of the individual taking control (or the reins) over the self on any number of things one may face in life, is a critical thing. Self-discipline, self-restraint, knowing what your "I" is, becoming a person who isn't alien to his/her own thoughts and involuntary actions - becoming someone who is mentally, emotionally and spiritually strong.

@King is correct here, that even in the face of religious conviction, this is something that people still do and choose to lie to themselves about. It and of itself is a natural process of the sexually coming of age, it's something every normal man and woman will know the emotional and psychological feelings that are caused. 

The thing here to emphasize however, is not to take a black-and-white fundimentalist view of religiosity and look at it from a shallow perspective of "haram vs the morally righteous" when there is more here at play and more to learn wisdom from.

Control over the self, the ego and carnal desires is something that Islam emphasizes just like Judaism as much as Buddhism etc. There is something incredibly liberating once you get yourself to the point where lustful thoughts are few and brief. You are able to focus on the deeply spiritual things and gain more knowledge of things and experience things in your consciousness that you perhaps never realized you could. Try to be mindful about things, try to seek your own mind analytically and find the routes of your problems. One you exercise this kind of understanding, you are able to put it to use. 

The thing is less about the act itself, than being about what state your mind, body, soul and heart become when it comes to everything in your daily life - and how it can (in it's worst) cause massive friction within yourself. This conversely will affect your deen, and your connection with Allah saw - but must fundamentally be understood between the religious and secular worldviews as a shared problem that both face. Lust itself can be heaven and hell depending on the context. As for sex itself, once you're married, having as much sex as you both desire shouldn't be any issue. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Resolve brother resolve. Mind and will power is way stronger than any desire or emotions. 

Next time you get overpowered by the desires leading you to Masturbate, get up from the bed, and loudly say Audhu Billah ... and Bismillah...

Your so far losing to temptation would be over in three episodes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/1/2019 at 1:58 PM, King said:

Here is a secret for you: Almost everyone masturbates [in my humble opinion].  Try your best but realize [IMHO] its not a battle most can win all the time.

Bruh how do you know. I believe everyone has when they were not religious but when you are religious. You realise its a major sin.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Please don't be so hard on yourself.  I believe it is true that many more than admit,  have dealt with this.  None of us are perfect, and all of us have areas in which improvement is definitely needed.  I have issues with losing my focus in salat,  but I will not let it beat me. We are on the right path and whether we are moving by leaps or small steps , we are progressing.  I feel because you are a servant of Allah,  Shaitan tempts you, trying to derail you from siratol mustaqeen.  There is often the battle with good and evil  and it can sometimes feel like the two are fighting over you ,   I know you are indeed a good person and you do not want Shaitan to win these small battles. Consider yourself not a free man to make these frivolous wrong choices but a humble slave to Allah., and proud to be so.  Also, perhaps there is some area of weakness something that troubles you that makes  you not feel good about yourself.  Where you have an existing weak point is where these harmful habits enter,  they sneak in at the broken link of the chain.  if there is something bothering you,   your body image ?  your social status with your peers ?   your living up to your parents expectations ?   Whatever it is that makes you feel like this less than honorable befits you,  work on fixing this.  could be the masturbation is not the problem , but the symptom.   It is my humble opinion that when you are happy and feeling good about yourself and your life ,  you will not want this practice to shade the light that shines from within you.   believe in the fact that you are better than this.   Another thing to consider ,   would you want to marry a girl who had this habit ?  so then do not come to your future spouse as a man with this habit .  Anyway,  I am certainly no expert but, the fact that you are acknowledging the problem means you are on the way to fixing it.  It is an age thing, but try to be chivalrous,  resisting in the trying years is admirable  and holding on to your character and integrity will one day make you proud...  InshaAllah... 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Think of it this way, do you want to lose your hair? Because masterbation causes that. Do you want to suffer from premature ejaculation? Because masterbation causes that. Do you want to  suffer from random semen leaks? Because Masterbation causes that. There many more side effects to masterbation that are terrible. 

There only three pros about masterbation but you can seek other halal means to achieve them. 

1. Prevents prostate cancer 

2. Release old semen and produce new semen

(Not really a pro but could be) 3. Is if you still masterbate in marriage then your wife is not good enough for you. 

To seek halal means for 1 and 2 

1. Have a healthy balanced diet and don’t drink unknown artificial drinks or drink too much of them. Or if You’re married have sexual intercourse more often maybe every second or third day or if your really into it (nothin wrong with that) have it everyday. Side note: there will be more of a chance getting her pregnant if practicing safe sexual intercourse. 

2. Our body naturally releases old semen via wet dream after the semen has been left for while to replace it with new semen. 

Or 

If your married same as no.1 have sexual intercourse more often.

as for number 3 I honestly don’t know any halal means. Women can be complicating. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Look there's 100 volume books on how to get rid of masturbation, none of those will work imo. You have to have a practical approach to this. Don't over complicated this by wasting hours online searching "how to get rid of masturbation".

(1) Get a job or volunteer - make sure you do something very productive during typical work hours (9am to 5pm) if you can't find a job or volunteer.

(2) Join a club or society which you're crazy passionate about. You need to be obsessed about it to the point that you think about it a lot during the day. 

(3) Exercise

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Look there's 100 volume books on how to get rid of masturbation, none of those will work imo. You have to have a practical approach to this. Don't over complicated this by wasting hours online searching "how to get rid of masturbation".

(1) Get a job or volunteer - make sure you do something very productive during typical work hours (9am to 5pm) if you can't find a job or volunteer.

(2) Join a club or society which you're crazy passionate about. You need to be obsessed about it to the point that you think about it a lot during the day. 

(3) Exercise

I already work but have 2 days off a week, and i go to the gym but to be honest every time i do it i tell my self it's because im looking for happiness in the wrong places or thing. Im just not happy with my life i have to be responsible for my 4 younger siblings and our parents currently live over seas (inshallah coming soon) and i have a hard time in school, I don't like the current job that i have and would like to take a vacation but can't even afford to leave work. Also i get nagged on by my father to do all his work that he wants to be done here (basically the only time he calls is when he wants me to do something and he NEVER takes no for an answer) even if i tell him I don't have time. And I don't have any REAL religious friends of coworkers that share my beliefs even though i live in the majority shia city in America, yet I would get ridiculed and given weird looks when I'm faced with a choice where it's society's understanding vs religious rulings and i choose religion. I also don't have the means to get married even though i wish I could find someone that i can come home to every day and be a support for each other and share my life with (not just for sex), but I don't feel like im getting anywhere in the existence and that's also why I don't even want to live anymore. 

(Sorry if you feel im just complaining to you, but as I said i have no one to share all this with and understand me, i just feel im surrounded by corruption every where i go)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I understand that it's difficult, espeically in an oversexualised society. Read about the problems related to masturbation and pornography, the way it affects your masculinity and brain. This will help you to understand your addiction and why you have a difficult time stopping. Try to make a concious effort whenever you get the urges and tell yourself that it's all in your brain, the same way ones mind craves junkfood late at night. You will overcome this in sha' Allah, it's a form of Jihad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think that there's some good advice to really take to heart, from some of the earlier answers;
 

If I was to make an observation on your elaboration of the situation brother @SeekingHeaven - 
Life at the moment, as you're experiencing it does not seem to have a lot of Love in it. (Although you yourself may have a great capacity for love).
 

Intimacy & connection is natural and vital - connection between brothers, family, friends. Being able to look around you in life and say "Alhamdulillah - I am pleased with this solidarity that my Lord has provided me with". In that intimacy, we also learn how to be a loving servant, and come to know Allah ever better.

Experiences that I know of, that involve a struggle against Zina (sexual gratification outside holy & sanctified marriage); almost have the act being a like a simulation of Love - a tempting way to "fill the feeling & need" without strings, or without making one's self Available for a committed marriage, in a full way.
Sometimes even filling in for lost intimacy between family & platonic friends - because the brain chemistry of trust is similar.

 

Honestly I think that distraction from the urge is sensible - just as willpower building, self-work & exploring the depth and unknown vastness of spiritual existence is wise.

However, just from my observation & experience, it is intimacy and love in your life - opening up to deeper & meaningful, honest relationships. Escaping isolation, by finding closeness with those who share your beliefs - that is being tested & will save you.

 

When you find yourself failing - you're conscious - up against the wall so to speak - Shaytaan's looking at you, you're looking at him, fists drawn & done wrestling.
You're looking up at your Lord and thinking "You'll forgive me right?" - and you know that the inevitable answer is "Yes" (inshaAllah), if you make it to Tawba...
But you know that it will cause disappointment if you do disobey - to Him, and to you, and possibly your future partner, and for all everyone if you're uncovered, when you're seen on Judgement Day.

My view is that it's helpful to imagine that, & look back from that point in time and consider; what could I have done to redirect that urge? To have used it for something Halal? To have pleased my Lord in that moment instead?

 

My apologies if this seems rambling, or unrelated - please remember me in your duas - as we know that the struggle is familiar across mankind,
May Allah protects us all & guide us to each other, in good community & loving relationships, in His name,
Salaam Alaykum!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, Anonymous2144 said:

Think of it this way, do you want to lose your hair? Because masterbation causes that. Do you want to suffer from premature ejaculation? Because masterbation causes that. Do you want to  suffer from random semen leaks? Because Masterbation causes that. There many more side effects to masterbation that are terrible.

If you must stop then stop because your religion tells you that you should - not for fake garbage reasons like this! At least that way you're not fooling yourself

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You need to fill up your time so with activities or something, There is no excuse to say i cannot stop, you need to ask yourself a question do I please Satan and harm myself or Please Allah and stay healthy. Everyone of us faced this issue but it is always depends on us to take the move, listen to the lectures that talks about the harmful of masturbation, this can help you reason before doing  it. If you can marry go for it. 

spending long time alone brings bad thoughts.Keep yourself busy

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/1/2019 at 3:16 AM, SeekingHeaven said:

I still can't get rid of it.

 

You are not willing enough. If you have enough willpower you will stop it.

Furthermore, if you have really a lot of will power to stop this; you will approach it as a war. And in a war, you don't want to sit down and wait for the battle and then fight, you want to make the upcoming battle as easy as possible, you want to think about the worst possible scenario and prepare for that, etc. etc.

YOU CAN DO THIS.

If you stop for 14 - 21 days, you should see a lot of benefits and after that point, it should become much easier.

Don't think about quitting too much etc. Be brave and wise

Edited by Mohammed-Mehdi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum.

Our religion provides solutions to not commit this haram act.  Yet, reading one of the responses on the thread shows no motivation or commitment to avoid the sin.  Let us be human beings and not degrade ourselves to animalistic behaviors.  @SeekingHeaven  brother, have you tried fasting?  Cold showers?  Rigorous sport activities, exercise?  You need to keep busy and not have downtime.  

You need to avoid being in a room by yourself.  Have someone near you or in proximity.  An idle mind is the devil's workshop.  Find something you enjoy, visit friends and family, get a part time job anything to keep you away from boredom.

In order for your salat to be in order, are you doing ghusul al janaba?  Also, make sure you pm one of the brothers and ask them about istibra2.

 

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Brother, just go see a psychologist or psychiatrist if need be. You making me laugh so much. You are a compulsive masturbator. You are an addict. That means you have an issue in your psyche. Something is wrong in your mind. Something is not functioning well and perhaps you use pornography and jerking off to ease it. Go see a psychologist. That is what they are paid to do, to get to the root of the problem. You have an obsessive compulsion disorder, maybe you study way too hard. I struggled to get my law degree and there was a time I was on a prescription of Ritalin and it used to make me "do things" thats as far as I will go at my own expense. If your college life is a bit too difficult, talk to a professional. Tell that psychologist everything, that is why they are there. They exist for a reason. You'll be alright man, just don’t have shame of going to a professional in addition to religious prescriptions that other people have told you ofcourse. Jerking off is nothing to be ashamed off from a purely male reality. Having psychological problems because of whatever reasons is no shame. You are human.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 1/1/2019 at 2:58 PM, King said:

Here is a secret for you: Almost everyone masturbates [in my humble opinion].  Try your best but realize [IMHO] its not a battle most can win all the time.

I disagree. If it's not a battle most can win then why did Allah(s.w.a) make it haram ? IMHO if you believe this, then you believe that Allah(s.w.a) is unjust. You are saying that Allah(s.w.a) gave us a test that is too hard to pass then punished us for not passing it. 

I will agree with you to the point that I will say that it is one of the most common of the haram habits people get into. At the same time, there are also many that don't do it. Obviously, there are probably no exact statistics on this, but there are social trends that are making this problem and related problems (such as the addiction to pornography) worse. Some of these are unrealistic expectations around marriage and finding a spouse and the enforcement by the 'community' of these unrealistic expectations and the expectation by families that men will not marry till they finish their education and start a career (which doesn't usually happen until the late twenties or early thirties or later), i.e. late marriage. 

I don't want to reiterate these points again, as I have done so many times. But let's just say there is a forest fire, and forest fires exist naturally, but instead of trying to put out the fire, the Muslim communities are throwing gasoline on it (see above), and then they wonder why their city is burning down ? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You should treat it like an addiction (and it is usually said, once an addict, you stay an addict for your whole life, even if you keep away from satisfying your addiction).

You may think it is a small pleasure you need from time to time. It is, nonetheless, another situation. People addicted to masturbation don't strive for pleasure in most cases, but to avoid dissatisfaction (due to anxiety, low self-esteem, etc.). Probably masturbation is not the sole addictive activity you dedicate your time to.

Analyze the source of this dissatisfaction (therapy may help here), so getting rid of masturbation will be much more possible. You can't cut a tree without an axe.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salaam alaikoum habibi,

First of all never lose hope! There's a cure for everything and that's what's so beautiful about Islam :)

Now this is a habit so that's why it comes back all the time even when you stop it for some weeks. Everything can become a habit. Even praying can become a habit and it doesn't mean it's always good. It all starts with the eyes. Our Imams (a.s.) say that the eyes are the spy of the heart. Now the thing is that we can train the eyes by forcing it to not look at non-mahram when we are at school, work, walking at the street etc. But the issue will be still the mind that is used to these wrong thoughts. So it still asks the eyes for new information and views. In order to stop this whole proces it needs a lot of dedication, but eventually you will get rid off it step by step.

 

1. Start by forcing your eyes not to look at women who are non-mahram. When you are out on the streets just keep looking down and not look too much here and there. It will automatically bring more peace to the heart and mind. It's actually something adviced by the Holy Prophet (s) that we shouldn't let our eyes roam freely. Because everything the eyes see will be transmitted to the heart. This will be very hard at the beginning because your heart and mind are still used to it. But in order to stop this you have to look at the root of the problem and that are your eyes. They can't just roam freely and they have to understand this. So disciplining the eyes is your main goal. The mind and heart will follow eventually, because the mind will receive less 'bad' views from the eyes and the heart will find peace. Allah says that remembering Him will put the hearts and ease and will give it comfort so imagine what will happen to the heart when we do the opposite of remembering Allah. It will be stressed, overloaded with trash and discomfort.

2. Reduce your speech (step by step). There is nothing wrong with talking but only when it is meaningful. Try this step by step and you will notice difference in the heart and mind.

3. Eat less (step by step). Don't overload your stomac with food because a full stomac all the time will stimulate your desires and bad behaviour. Eat what you need and khalas. Also this step by step.

4. Sleep less (step by step). Try to wake up little bit before Fajr and pray 1 rak'aat Witr. It's the last rak'aat of salatul layl. This salaat will be the key you need for Dunya and Akhira. Now maybe we have hard times by waking up before Fajr so let alone waking up a little earlier to pray nawafil. So if you are having hard times waking up before Fajr then first start with doing your best to pray Dohr, Asr, Maghreb and 'Isha on time. This will give you the Tawfeeq (success) to wake up for Fajr. It's the advice of Ayatollah Bahjat (r.a.).

5. Do you have any hobbies what you can relate to the Ahlulbayt (a.s.)? Like poetry or something. Try to do it more often.

6. Observe yourself more and more. This needs a lot of practice, but it is possible to observe yourself while you are performing an act. Eveluate your day before sleeping. Remember your sins, ask forgiveness for it and try to not commit them anymore. This is the meaning of Astaghafirullahi Rabbi Wa Atubu Ilayhi. Verily, I seek the forgiveness of Allah, who is my Lord and Sustainer, and I turn to Him in repentance. Turning to Him means we will not commit that sin anymore.

7. Remember Allah (s.w.t.) more and more even by just talking to Him in your mind when you are walking on the street or at school etc. Let your mind get used to these Divine thoughts.

Be dedicated bro and don't be too hard on yourself. You have to fight this step by step. It will take time.

Like mentioned in point 4. Read about salatul layl. Here is a link with explanation and below is the video in which it is explained step by step. Believe me salatul layl is the solution for your worldy problems and a rescuer for your afterlife.

Please try step by step and never lose hope. Allah is all merciful and forgiving.

https://www.al-Islam.org/salatul-layl-h-t-kassamali/salatul-layl

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...