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In the Name of God بسم الله
Modesty313

I need some advices and help...

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Salam Aleykoum,

First of all, sorry because my english is not very good, I need some advices abt what is happening now in my life...

I am a shia girl, I met a shia boy on internet 5 years ago, and he proposed me to do mutah with him, I was very young and innocent and I said yes, he said it was to make our conversations less "haram" even if we didn't said nothing bad to each other... He talked abt me to all his family saying that he wants to marry me and be his future wife, he was always very kind with me I was so in love with him so I said yes, but he was living in another country very far from mine, and I was abt to start my university, and one year later when I get admit I left him and said that I will be very busy studying so we can't keep talking to each other, and I hurt him so much, I humiliate him in front of his family, said bad words and he was very depressed, I behaved very bad and I am so sorry for that, now he is married to another girl al hamdulillah I am happy for them..

the thing is, I always succeed so much in my studies since I am a kid, I always get the best marks in the whole school, always so happy and enjoy life, but since I started university, I have the worst maks ever even if I study 10hours / day, I am always sad, I have health problem, people treat me bad and I have a lot of issues I didnt have before since 5 years this is happening to me and I feel that Allah is punishing me for what I did, I feel like I am cursed and I don't know what to do, I feel hopeless humiliated and sad every day of my life...

I forgot to mention one thing, I promised to marry him and to study in Iran with him and I didn't, I broke my promises, I feel Allah is telling me I didn't choose the right way but what should I do ? it's too late now to stop my studies my parents inversted so much money to give me this opportunity... And I can't keep living like this for more years ....

Thx for ur answers ..

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12 minutes ago, Abu Ali ibn Sina said:

Wa alaykum salam,

Did you apologize to the person? And ask him to forgive you?

Yes but I treated him so bad, I don't think my apologize helped him .... I humiliated him in front of all his family and he said to his family that I left because of his fault, not mine... that they should blame him

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Sister aside form the marriage bit, Iam in a very similar situation as you. You’re depressed and you can turn to spiritual relief. Do you do all prayers? Read Quran? Make dua? Inshallah this may be a testing for you, as I believe it’s also for me. For the guy, what’s done is done and he has moved on. You should not feel guilty, you were young  and Allah knows more than anyone. You prioritizing your education is always a good decision. You just have to push through and keep your iman strong and feel that Allah is supporting you although you may not see it or realize it. Ask Imam Zemana for guidance and talk to him preferably around fajr time.

ask and you’ll receive 

All you have to do is ask :)

inshallah sister trust in Allah and Muhammad and Ahl Muhammed (saaws)

 

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18 minutes ago, Modesty313 said:

Yes but I treated him so bad, I don't think my apologize helped him .... I humiliated him in front of all his family and he said to his family that I left because of his fault, not mine... that they should blame him

But don't forget that there is a difference between "I'm so sorry" and "Forgive me, I was young and I really don't knew what I was doing. I'm conscious it was my fault, forgive me for what happened". In case you did the first one.

After that, ask again Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى to forgive you. And inshallah everything will be good.

When you ask for forgiveness you need to show that you really understand your mistake.

 

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2 minutes ago, Ralvi said:

Sister aside form the marriage bit, Iam in a very similar situation as you. You’re depressed and you can turn to spiritual relief. Do you do all prayers? Read Quran? Make dua? Inshallah this may be a testing for you, as I believe it’s also for me. For the guy, what’s done is done and he has moved on. You should not feel guilty, you were young  and Allah knows more than anyone. You prioritizing your education is always a good decision. You just have to push through and keep your iman strong and feel that Allah is supporting you although you may not see it or realize it. Ask Imam Zemana for guidance and talk to him preferably around fajr time.

ask and you’ll receive 

All you have to do is ask :)

inshallah sister trust in Allah and Muhammad and Ahl Muhammed (saaws)

 

hm no, I don't do all my prayers I've been so busy with my studies and other issues (excuses I know...) but I want to get closer to Allah, I don't know from where I should start :(yes inshaAllah thank you so much, May Allah bless you !!

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2 minutes ago, Abu Ali ibn Sina said:

But don't forget that there is a difference between "I'm so sorry" and "Forgive me, I was young and I really don't knew what I was doing. I'm conscious it was my fault, forgive me for what happened". In case you did the first one.

After that, ask again Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى to forgive you. And inshallah everything will be good.

When you ask for forgiveness you need to show that you really understand your mistake.

 

Thank you so much for you help, you are right I should ask again Allah to forgive me and try to move on thanks again may Allah bless you :)

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18 minutes ago, Modesty313 said:

hm no, I don't do all my prayers I've been so busy with my studies and other issues (excuses I know...) but I want to get closer to Allah, I don't know from where I should start :(yes inshaAllah thank you so much, May Allah bless you !!

Absolutely, first biggest thing you can do is do all 5 prayers everyday. Absolutely make a habit and try to never miss fajr, fajr is equated as the prayer of Imam Hussein, I combine Zohr and Asr prayer around noon. And I combine Maghreb and Isha prayer. Depending on what you like you can read a little bit of the Quran either after fajr or isha. I also do Ziarat Ashura everyday, and do dua kumayl and Hadith e kisa on Thursday and Fridays(these are optional).

It takes time getting used to. Honestly this past ramzan helped me to get this habit going! Just get yourself familiar! Baby steps! But start right away. There is a prayer in ramzan for qaza prayers that covers for multiple years so let’s focus on the now-get started and guilt yourself to do it, it’s the easiest. We should feel fear if we don’t pray! Shaitan will try to interfere(like the damn farting! Curse you!!!!) but pull through and do it! Always do tasbih Fatima and recite salawat as well, this removes the veil over your dua. Never forget to make dua after namaz. 

If you miss any you can always do Qaza. Because youre girl if your in public and time of prayer has come you cannot pray in front of people, according to Sayyid Sistani you have time until midnight to pray Farz. 

This will help lighten the burden on the soul

im a pre med student so Iam as busy as can be, but I’ve made it a point to not subject myself to agony like this, we need to talk to our Imam more. It agonizes me when I consider myself shia but I can’t even pray, it feels like Iam a hypocrite and that only makes me feel worse...dua kumayl pretty much sums up my feelings lol

just the other day I pleadingly asked the Imam what it is we all share, what connects us all(in an attempt to know him more and understand him more, to be decent and acknowledging that Iam not like him) humans to Muhammed and ahl Muhammed. he replied(subhanallah)...worship of Allah...it was faint but my heart knew it wasn’t myself answering that...

so sister inshallah Ask the guidance of our Imam, it’s why he is here, establish you’re his Shi’a and you need help. Tell him your worries

inshallah all will be well

youre not guilty, the man has moved on. Why should you be stuck worrying about him? Not equivalent at all. Just repent to Allah, it is to him we must ask forgiveness and mercy...

Edited by Ralvi

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22 minutes ago, Modesty313 said:

Wow thank you so so much

I will try to do everything you said inchaAllah,

and you are right I should move on

thanks a lot for the time you took to reply me it was very helpful,

may Allah bless you :)

May Allah bless you too sister, inshallah good luck with your studies. Keep us posted ok?

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Don’t blame yourself now. He was not very honest with you either. A virgin girl needs absolute permission from her father for any kind of Nikah. He should had told you that. You should had known it too even if he didn’t tell you this. 

My advice move on and busy yourself in your studies. Marriage would come at the right time. 

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u asked forgiveness from him in private not before his whole family..remeber u insulted him in front of his family..how do u know its not his mother whose heart u have broken?
tell him everything about whats happening to u in university infront of his family..ask for forgiveness infront of his family..
otherwise u havent been forgiven
but if u do tell them everything and ask for forgiveness then if they are God fearng they will forgive otherwise they too will face a situation like this I suppose but not too sure

thanks for answering

he is married now and he lives in another country with his wife,

I mean maybe you are right but I am not strong enough to do what you recommend me to do

maybe his wife will be angry if I talk to him again :(

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10 hours ago, Raheel Yunus said:

Walekum assalam,

Love yourself. Do not feel guilty. Concentrate on your studies forget everything else. Make your family proud of you.

If your family do not know about this let them know. Anything you are doing without informing your loving family will harm you.

Thanks for your msg, very helpful, my family dont know what happened and they will kill me if they come to know I did mutah, I don't think I should tell them it's been 5 years...

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6 hours ago, AMR5 said:

Don’t blame yourself now. He was not very honest with you either. A virgin girl needs absolute permission from her father for any kind of Nikah. He should had told you that. You should had known it too even if he didn’t tell you this. 

My advice move on and busy yourself in your studies. Marriage would come at the right time. 

Thank you so much, I agree with you, may Allah bless you !!

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