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In the Name of God بسم الله
Abbas01

Mutah with my western girlfriend

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10 hours ago, Abbas01 said:

Assalamu alaikum, i would like to know whether or not it is permissible for me to get a western girlfriend and then do mutah with her.

Any help would be appreciated :)

Alaikum assalam. And why would you want to do that?

Remember every thing you do in life will affect your spiritual relationship with Allah. And something as big as Mut'ah which is Marriage (though temporary), make sure you don't do it just because you are unable to dictate your nafs.

Be patient and think again whether this Mut'ah is for Allah or for yourself??!!

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if its halal and even its for nafs it would be a virtuous act
why are u implying that its close to wrong thing when Allah and Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) himself gave permission?
muta done even for nafs is good...much much better then adultery..and if it saves him from adultery and satisfaction of his nafs in jaiz way then its virtuous

Dear brother in faith, firstly lets don't hide behind the bush. Mut'ah can be done for pure pleasure or when some one is unable to marry when he has all the resources to get married.

Ahlul Bayt ((عليه السلام)) have advised us not to do Mutah for the 1st reason I mentioned. They have asked us to observe Temporal Abstinence and to do a permanent marriage whenever its possible. 

Go through this - https://www.al-Islam.org/marriage-and-morals-Islam-Sayyid-Muhammad-Rizvi/chapter-three-Islamic-sexual-morality-2-its#beginning-sexual-life

 

B. Handling Sexual Urge before Marriage

 

2. Lawful Temporary Ways

If a Muslim cannot marry soon after puberty, then he or she just has two options: temporary abstinence or temporary marriage.

(A) Temporary Abstinence

Islam has allowed marriage as soon as a person becomes physically mature, and it also strongly recommends that at least during the early years of marriage to adopt a simple life-style so that the lack or paucity of financial resources does not obstruct a happy life.

But if a person decides, for whatever reason, not to marry soon after he or she becomes physically mature, then the only way is to adopt temporary abstinence. After strongly recommending the marriage of single people, the Qur'an says,

"And those who cannot marry should practice restrain (or abstinence) till Allah enriches them out of His bounty." (24:33)

However, abstinence from all the forbidden ways of fulfilling the sexual urge is not easy. Therefore, a few guide-lines would not be out of place. Once a man came to the Prophet and said, "I do not have the (financial) ability to marry; therefore, I have come to complain about my singleness."

The Prophet advised him how to control his sexual urge by saying, "Leave the hair of your body and fast continuously."18 By saying that "leave the hair of your body," the Prophet is asking not to remove the hair which grows on pubic area, chest, etc, by shaving or using lotion or wax; rather one should just trim the hair.

This hadith is indicating that removing the excessive hair increases one's sexual urge. (Probably, that is why the shari'ah has recommended the men to shave the excessive hair every forty days, and the women to remove the excessive hair by lotion or cream every twenty days.)

In retrospect, it means that not removing the hair will decrease the sexual desire and help the person in abstinence. Imam 'Ali says, "Whenever a person's hair increases, his sexual desires have also decreased."19 I have not yet come across any scientific discussion on the relationship between removing of the hair and sexual urge, but I am told that the hakims believed that removing the hair from the pubic area increased the chances of direct pressure on that area and, consequently, the blood flow to the sexual organs.

The other method of decreasing the sexual urge is fasting. It is obvious that one of the greatest benefits of fasting is the strengthening of one's will power. And no doubt, abstinence in the sexual context mostly depends on the will-power of the person. So fasting will strengthen the will-power of the person and make it easier for him or her to restrain the sexual feelings.

(B) Temporary Marriage (Mut 'a)

If a person does not marry soon after maturing and finds it difficult to control his or her sexual desire, then the only way to fulfill the sexual desire is mut'a.

In Islamic laws, according to the Shi'ah fiqh, marriage is of two types: da'im, permanent and munqati', temporary. The munqati' marriage is also known as mut'a. This is not the place to discuss the legality or the illegality of the temporary marriage (mut'a).

It will suffice to say that even according to Sunni sources, mut'a was allowed in Islam till the early days of the caliphate of 'Umar ibn al-Khattab. It was in the latter period of his rule that 'Umar declared mut'a as haram. It goes without saying that a decision by 'Umar has no value in front of the Qur'an and the sunnah!

As for the relevance of the mut'a system in modern times, I will just quote what Sachiko Murata, a Japanese scholar, wrote in her thesis on this subject: "Let me only remark that the modern West has not come near to solving all the legal problems that have grown up because of relatively free sexual relationships in contemporary society.

If any real solution to these problems is possible, perhaps a certain inspiration may be drawn from a legal system such as mut'a which, with its realistic appraisal of human nature, has been able to provide for the rights and responsibilities of all parties."20 For a detailed discussion on the social aspect of mut'a, see Mutahhari, The Rights of Women in Islam21 and on the legal aspect, see Kashifu 'l-Ghita', The Origin of Shi'ite Islam and Its Principles 22. For an in depth study on the Qur'anic verse and ahadith of mut'a, see at-Tabataba'I al-Mizan, vol. 8.23

The main difference between the two types of marriage is that in permanent marriage, Islam has clearly defined the duties and obligations between the spouses. For example, it is the duty of the husband to provide the basic necessities of life for his wife and the wife is expected to not refuse sexual relations without any religious or medical reason.

But in temporary marriage, Islam has given the prospective spouses the right of working out their own duties and expectation plans. For example, the husband is not obliged to maintain the wife unless it has been so stipulated in the marriage contract. Likewise, the wife can put a condition in the marriage contract that there will be no sexual relations.24 Such conditions are invalid in a permanent marriage but allowed in temporary marriage.

I cannot overemphasize the temporary nature of mut'a. The message of Islam is quite clear: marry on a permanent basis; if that is not possible, then adopt temporary abstinence; if that is not possible, only then use the mut'a marriage.

The temporary nature of mut'a can also be seen from the following saying of the Imams: Once 'Ali bin Yaqtin, a prominent Shi'ah who held a high post in 'Abbasid government, came to Imam 'Ali ar-Riza to ask about mut'a.

The Imam said, "What have you to do with it because Allah has made you free from its need."25 He has also said, "It is permitted and absolutely allowed for the one whom Allah has not provided with the means of permanent marriage so that he may be chaste by performing mut'a.” 26

  • 18. Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 178
  • 19. Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 178
  • 20. Murata, Temporary Marriage in Islamic Laws (Qom: Ansariyan, 1991) p. 4.
  • 21. Tehran: WOFIS, 1981
  • 22. Qom: Ansariyan
  • 23. English translation, pp. 130-161.
  • 24. Al-Khui, Minhaj, vol. 2, p. 267.
  • 25. Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 449.
  • 26. Wasa'il, vol. 14, p. 449-450.

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On 12/17/2018 at 3:59 AM, Waseem162 said:

I cannot overemphasize the temporary nature of mut'a. The message of Islam is quite clear: marry on a permanent basis; if that is not possible, then adopt temporary abstinence; if that is not possible, only then use the mut'a marriage.

Brothers. Read this sentence. Quoting from the book. So I was not straight away saying him not to do Mut'ah, rather I was asking him what is his situation in which he is so desperate to do Mut'ah.

Read this as well - The Imam said, "What have you to do with it because Allah has made you free from its need."25 He has also said, "It is permitted and absolutely allowed for the one whom Allah has not provided with the means of permanent marriage so that he may be chaste by performing mut'a.” 26

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1 minute ago, Asghar Ali Karbalai said:

All the mutah cases occur in west mostly and are for 'ownself', no wonder....

Halal things can also bring loads of Shayateen in ones life. We always have to be on our nerves while taking such big decisions in life. 

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14 hours ago, alidu78 said:

There is no need to do a big debate about that. If she is from ahl hul Kitab and you make the procedures you need to do for mutah there is absolutely no problem to do it. 

Come on Man!! Are you motivating someone to get a "Western Girlfriend" and then to have sex with her??

You are not just motivating him to get into something not really good (if he can control himself and is still very young, because all of us have been young and we have controlled ourselves from this), you are also putting the life of that girl on risk. She too is a human with feelings. Why to objectify her. 

Man, is this why Mut'ah was made legal?? 

This should be ones last and very last option when one is unable to marry. Not for merry making.

We all should have some "Haya" in front of Allah. He knows our deepest secrets. 

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14 hours ago, Waseem162 said:

Come on Man!! Are you motivating someone to get a "Western Girlfriend" and then to have sex with her??

You are not just motivating him to get into something not really good (if he can control himself and is still very young, because all of us have been young and we have controlled ourselves from this), you are also putting the life of that girl on risk. She too is a human with feelings. Why to objectify her. 

Man, is this why Mut'ah was made legal?? 

This should be ones last and very last option when one is unable to marry. Not for merry making.

We all should have some "Haya" in front of Allah. He knows our deepest secrets. 

Dear brother if this person has a girlfriend this is normal to have sex with her but he needs to do an Islamic legal marriage before sexual act like nikah or mutah. I just don't understand what is exactly the problem here. 

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If she’s from the people of Book I.e Christian or jewish then your allowed if not then you can’t. Also you have to explain to her what is mutah so she’s knows what she is agreeing on and doing. 

As for seeking permission you have to see what your marja says regarding that matter. Some say you have to and some say you don’t have to seek permission. 

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@Waseem162 Our relationship with Allah doesn't depend on what culture dictates. Let's not follow the example of Christians who abstained from sex because they felt that it brought them closer to God. 

Mut'ah is allowed at the end of the day, and it's entirely up to the brother. The brother should discuss the contract with his girlfriend beforehand, and make her aware of the pros and cons. This is a legal contract, allowed by the Ahlulaby(as). 

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2 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

This is a legal contract, allowed by the Ahlulaby(as).

Yes but only as a very last option. I am only against doing Mut'ah just for merry making without any real purpose as Islam states. (If you are unable to marry permanently, observe temporal abstinence and if still you are unable to get a wife THEN ONLY  go for Mut'ah).

So the point is, let the OP see within himself whether is it really his need to go into a Mut'ah marriage or not. 

4 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Let's not follow the example of Christians who abstained from sex because they felt that it brought them closer to God. 

You are just taking a very different perspective to what I said. I am not against lawful intercourse. But I am against Mut'ah done for merry making even though it is lawful. It definitely will affect ones relationship with Allah and his piety.

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observe temporal absitence is for masturbation..according to Shia religion its never permissible under any circumstances..u can check it on sistanis site
u have to observe temporal absitence when u don’t have means
but when God has provided u mean why u go away from it when its made halal by God?
if this guy was so rich he wouldnt have a girlfriend in first place...hes asking here about a jaiz act 
this reminded me of a hadith quoted in which a man asked omar or some other guy about tameem and he prohibited it
when another sahabi ammar bin yasir (رضي الله عنه)  countered him he said he prohibited it because people would then leave doing bath with water
we should encourage him instead

I don't agree with you. Temporal abstinence is not for what you said. Its for Mut'ah. Read the post again.

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7 hours ago, Waseem162 said:

Alaikum assalam. And why would you want to do that?

Remember every thing you do in life will affect your spiritual relationship with Allah. And something as big as Mut'ah which is Marriage (though temporary), make sure you don't do it just because you are unable to dictate your nafs.

Be patient and think again whether this Mut'ah is for Allah or for yourself??!!

It will help keep away masturbation and zina at a young age, 16 for example. I am not likely to get married at 16 therefore i asked this qjestion

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5 hours ago, Waseem162 said:

People nowadays are very aggressive when it comes to justify Mut'ah even without knowing why a person wants to do it, whether he is in a dire need of such marriage or not!!

Let them talk. They are not at the same level of reasoning than you.

Edited by Abu Ali ibn Sina

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6 hours ago, Anonymous2144 said:

If she’s from the people of Book I.e Christian or jewish then your allowed if not then you can’t. Also you have to explain to her what is mutah so she’s knows what she is agreeing on and doing. 

As for seeking permission you have to see what your marja says regarding that matter. Some say you have to and some say you don’t have to seek permission. 

Either way, ill seek permission, gotta have confidence anyway :)

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Mutah is marriage with conditions - don't treat it lightly. If you should happen to produce a child with your "western girlfriend", are you prepared to raise and teach and nurture that child as a Muslim, and will your "western girlfriend" agree to it? If you are sixteen years old, you technically can work to support a family, but it will be very difficult. No pregnancy preventative other than abstinence is 100% effective. 

Parents will answer for the upbringing of their children on the Day of Judgement.

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8 minutes ago, notme said:

Mutah is marriage with conditions - don't treat it lightly. If you should happen to produce a child with your "western girlfriend", are you prepared to raise and teach and nurture that child as a Muslim, and will your "western girlfriend" agree to it? If you are sixteen years old, you technically can work to support a family, but it will be very difficult. No pregnancy preventative other than abstinence is 100% effective. 

Parents will answer for the upbringing of their children on the Day of Judgement.

Thats true but the question is how long can one go with abstinence before they need desperate desperate sexual release, mutah prevents zina and masturbation and therefore ill remember to have protected intercourse.

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34 minutes ago, Abbas01 said:

Thats true but the question is how long can one go with abstinence before they need desperate desperate sexual release, mutah prevents zina and masturbation and therefore ill remember to have protected intercourse.

If a person is mature enough to raise children, they are mature enough for marriage. Whether they choose temporary or permanent will depend on preference and life conditions. 

Look, you can take measures to reduce the probability of pregnancy, but there's never no risk. If you aren't ready to raise a child, you need to find more reasonable ways to deal with your urges, not risk making others suffer for your lack of self control. 

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20 minutes ago, notme said:

If a person is mature enough to raise children, they are mature enough for marriage. Whether they choose temporary or permanent will depend on preference and life conditions. 

Look, you can take measures to reduce the probability of pregnancy, but there's never no risk. If you aren't ready to raise a child, you need to find more reasonable ways to deal with your urges, not risk making others suffer for your lack of self control. 

True

16 minutes ago, notme said:

I'm not saying don't get married. I'm simply reminding you to not take it lightly. 

Good point

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56 minutes ago, Abbas01 said:

Thats true but the question is how long can one go with abstinence before they need desperate desperate sexual release, mutah prevents zina and masturbation and therefore ill remember to have protected intercourse.

I see kid, you are running out of patience. Do your Salah properly and listen to Qur'an more often. 

Shayateen is motivating you to get into these useless and problematic stuffs like Mut'ah at this young age. You are just 16. Focus on your studies and your relationship with Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى. This is a brotherly advice from someone who is now in his age of marriage. Everyone of us has this hormonal shoot at the age of 16-18. Be patient. Don't let Shayateen take over you.

Mut'ah is not for young people like you dear. Its for people who are not getting permanently married. 

Your age is of abstinence and purifying yourself of such Shahwah (lusts and base desires). Rest its your decision. I've given my advice to protect your spiritual, social and mental state.

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20 hours ago, Abbas01 said:

Assalamu alaikum, i would like to know whether or not it is permissible for me to get a western girlfriend and then do mutah with her.

Any help would be appreciated :)

It would depend what you mean by western girlfriend. People living in the west can also be Muslim. If you are referring to a non muslim then it depends if they are from the kitab, meaning we are allowed to marry a Christian or a Jew I think. 

Edited by Murtaza1

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6 hours ago, Abbas01 said:

Thats true but the question is how long can one go with abstinence before they need desperate desperate sexual release, mutah prevents zina and masturbation and therefore ill remember to have protected intercourse.

If you really want to be on the safe side then use a Condom and pull out method. This is what people do who don’t want kids or can’t afford to go for a vasectomy or for the girls case tieing her tubes. Some go furthermore to use brithcontrol pills aswell with condom’s and pulling out method. As for abstinence it depends how strong you are and how you control your urges. Some people can abstain for ever even though they have a high sex drive.

For example Me I hit puberty at a very early stage, when I was 12. At that time I was attending to a mosque that would teach us about the ahlulbayt and etc  and one of the lessons they taught us was about controlling our sexual desires,sex and marriage that was all one subject. I already knew how to control my desires since I knew why and knew the burden if I didn’t. Even though I have a really high sex drive I managed to control it at a very early stage which gave me an advantage. You can try and train yourself and teach yourself to point were you no longer struggle. It may be difficult for you for the beginning but you would get yous’d to it after some time.

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5 hours ago, Waseem162 said:

I see kid, you are running out of patience. Do your Salah properly and listen to Qur'an more often. 

Shayateen is motivating you to get into these useless and problematic stuffs like Mut'ah at this young age. You are just 16. Focus on your studies and your relationship with Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى. This is a brotherly advice from someone who is now in his age of marriage. Everyone of us has this hormonal shoot at the age of 16-18. Be patient. Don't let Shayateen take over you.

Mut'ah is not for young people like you dear. Its for people who are not getting permanently married. 

Your age is of abstinence and purifying yourself of such Shahwah (lusts and base desires). Rest its your decision. I've given my advice to protect your spiritual, social and mental state.

Mutah was made for these urges I don’t why your discouraging him, furthermore it is better to get married weather temporarily or permanent  according to Islam at a young age. The only problem here is birthcontrol. He needs to take extra precaution and be extreme in order to make it almost impossible to make a girl pregnant. 

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6 hours ago, notme said:

If a person is mature enough to raise children, they are mature enough for marriage.

Not always the case, sometimes it’s the opposite, kids can make a marriage a happy marriage fall apart, it just depends on the person what their preferences are. 

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6 minutes ago, Anonymous2144 said:

Not always the case, sometimes it’s the opposite, kids can make a marriage a happy marriage fall apart, it just depends on the person what their preferences are. 

Having children is not required for married people, but it is not 100% avoidable except with abstinence, for marriages in which both spouses are healthy and fully functional. A couple can reduce the probability, but not all the way to zero. If they don't want children they should reduce the probability, but if having children would be absolutely unbearable to them, they should not marry and should practice abstinence.

As for marriages falling apart after children are born, from what I've seen this is usually due to a failure to discuss and agree on parental responsibilities in advance of having children. If a person will raise children in a way that you can't tolerate, you should not marry them, even temporarily. 

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