Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله
Saraharvey

Husband has a unkind behaviour

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

I'm so sorry to hear about your conditions. :(  No woman should be subjected to a man who is like that. He should be loving and kind towards you. The best men in the ummah are those who are kindest to women. You can actually determine the level of a man's faith by observing how he treats women. 

Did you not see any signs of bad behaviour before you got married? 

I pray that your situation improves soon InshaAllah. Is it possible for you to tell him how his behaviour makes you feel and think or is that dangerous?

If he beats you or psychologically abuses you - then you need to leave immediately. There's no excuse for abusing women.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

Asalaam Alaykum,

I've been married for three months now. Prior to my marriage I used to be engaged woth my husband. I've heard alot that the beginning of a marriage is always hard because spouses have to get to know eachother. But what makes me worried is that my husband is already unkind towards me. He get quickly frustrated, angry or irritated. He told me a few times if I walk on his nerve we wouldnt last long and maybe we would have to separate. He once told me I will hit you. Whe  I want to tmjust talk with him, sit with him or have a romantic moment with him ( I find this is normal, especially since we are newly wed) he get angry or irritated and rejects me in a way. He does this by saying he is not the mood or he doesnt have time or he has something else to do. I dont feel welcomed in his home. This wrenches my heart to the core. What can I do? 

Sara

What you should’ve done is a mutah contract to get to know each other then decide if his the right person for you or not. You can still fix your situation up, handle him for another 2-3 months if he has no interest in you, not attracted to you then go for a divorce, don’t force things to happen just go with the flow. It sound to me that you haven’t been out much with your husband to know him or attracted to him and he is not attracted to you or interested in you. If this still continues on then just go for a divorce and move on. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
26 minutes ago, Anonymous2144 said:

What you should’ve done is a mutah contract to get to know each other then decide if his the right person for you or not. You can still fix your situation up, handle him for another 2-3 months if he has no interest in you, not attracted to you then go for a divorce, don’t force things to happen just go with the flow. It sound to me that you haven’t been out much with your husband to know him or attracted to him and he is not attracted to you or interested in you. If this still continues on then just go for a divorce and move on. 

Brother are you serious? It's not that easy to just go for a divorce. Beside this you are nor aware about the whole situation so please don't mention the word divorce (saying this with a calmness, I am not angry). I just don't know what to do. I only know that I am very confused and sad. I just want to cy and shed seas of ears.

Sarah

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Saraharvey said:

Brother are you serious? It's not that easy to just go for a divorce. Beside this you are nor aware about the whole situation so please don't mention the word divorce (saying this with a calmness, I am not angry). I just don't know what to do. I only know that I am very confused and sad. I just want to cy and shed seas of ears.

Sarah

I understand divorce can cause grief and I’ve been through that kind of grief before(but i wasn’t married though) but it is for the better that you go for it and hopefully get to be with someone that’s compatible with you not everything works out. Some people are a lesson and some people are a blessing. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Saraharvey said:

. I just don't know what to do. I only know that I am very confused and sad. 

Your confused because you don’t know weather to go ahead with the marriage or not. And your sad because his not showing any interest to you. If you don’t mind me asking, was this a arranged marriage or did you guys have some type of relationship between each other?

Edited by Anonymous2144

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

Brother are you serious? It's not that easy to just go for a divorce. Beside this you are nor aware about the whole situation so please don't mention the word divorce (saying this with a calmness, I am not angry). I just don't know what to do. I only know that I am very confused and sad. I just want to cy and shed seas of ears.

Sarah

Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum Sister Sara,

Sister, have you asked him why he is in pain?

This is not healthy anger he is expressing.  

When he is cool and level headed or you are doing something you both like, ask him in a non confronting way, what is wrong or if something is bothering him.

M3 Salaah, FE AMIN Allah

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am sorry to hear that sister. Maybe he is under pressure at the moment about something and taking his anger out on you. However it seems more like an under lying condition to me. It could be that he may have experienced his dad treating his mother the same way and he may be mirroring and repeating his behavior on you. I think you should try and find out more about his upbringing. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salaam Alaykum

Its hard. Talk with him. Tell him your concerns and expectations. Don't be shy and be open with him. Inshaallah it will be solved.

If he didn't change his behavior, you can talk with either of his parents (the one who is more understanding and mature). But I prefer to solve it between yourselves.

Dueas

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

Asalaam Alaykum,

I've been married for three months now. Prior to my marriage I used to be engaged woth my husband. I've heard alot that the beginning of a marriage is always hard because spouses have to get to know eachother. But what makes me worried is that my husband is already unkind towards me. He get quickly frustrated, angry or irritated. He told me a few times if I walk on his nerve we wouldnt last long and maybe we would have to separate. He once told me I will hit you. Whe  I want to tmjust talk with him, sit with him or have a romantic moment with him ( I find this is normal, especially since we are newly wed) he get angry or irritated and rejects me in a way. He does this by saying he is not the mood or he doesnt have time or he has something else to do. I dont feel welcomed in his home. This wrenches my heart to the core. What can I do? 

Sara

 

.

Salam

By Islamic law he is not allow to hit you,unless if he is sunni

If that happen,you have right to divorce

Nobody should agree at oppression,no matter of issue that someone is facing.

If you have hour,you should watch this video,even invite your husband

I recommand because you will understand better while hear than while you read some narrations that i or someone else should put and call upon them

I am not say you should divorce,but i am sure after watching lecture you and he if agree to watch will understand better point of marriage,and maybe things will be better for both of you

I keep you both in my dua

Wa Salam

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

Asalaam Alaykum,

I've been married for three months now. Prior to my marriage I used to be engaged woth my husband. I've heard alot that the beginning of a marriage is always hard because spouses have to get to know eachother. But what makes me worried is that my husband is already unkind towards me. He get quickly frustrated, angry or irritated. He told me a few times if I walk on his nerve we wouldnt last long and maybe we would have to separate. He once told me I will hit you. Whe  I want to tmjust talk with him, sit with him or have a romantic moment with him ( I find this is normal, especially since we are newly wed) he get angry or irritated and rejects me in a way. He does this by saying he is not the mood or he doesnt have time or he has something else to do. I dont feel welcomed in his home. This wrenches my heart to the core. What can I do? 

Sara

Salam sister

I'm so sorry you have to go through this; honestly this isn't how a guy should treat a girl especially right after marriage. Plus three months is quite enough for the married couple to open up and understand one another, so the fact that he would say he doesn't have time or has other things to do yet he won't spend time with you just shows he's careless

if he isnt showing you any love or affection, then divorce him; it isn't healthy for you neither it will be for your future kids if he continues being like that

also if u dont mind me asking; was this an arranged or forced marriage?

fee amanillah and inshallah things will work out soon do not lose hope sister

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. Its so unfortunate that some men are like that. Just remember, it isn't your fault he hates his life. And it isn't your fault that he's like this. It seems like he has other issues that are bothering him, and he's taking it out on you.

I suggest talking to a local Sheikh or someone with knowledge, someone you can trust, and get advice from them. If you're comfortable with it, keep in contact with that Sheikh or whoever it is, and keep asking for advice.

Also, alwas remember that Allah is watching all of this. Even though Hee knows what you're going through, He loves it when you talk to Him. 

So try speaking to Him whenever you get the chance, whether its after salah time, or when you're in bed. There is a sense of spiritual calmness and blissfulness that you can feel when you speak to Him.

If you're up for it, try to do Salatul Layl as much as you can. And after you're done, speak to Him about your problems. Pray to Him, plead with Him, persist with Him to help you. Eventually, you will get what you are looking for. 

Hope this helps.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

I've been married for three months now. Prior to my marriage I used to be engaged woth my husband.

How long were you engaged for ?

12 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

I've heard alot that the beginning of a marriage is always hard because spouses have to get to know eachother.

Yes, that is true but that does not include treating your spouse poorly or to hurt them.

12 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

But what makes me worried is that my husband is already unkind towards me. He get quickly frustrated, angry or irritated.

This is a problem with him. Sounds to me that he has emotional issues that he brought into the marriage from his life before. You will have to investigate on your own how his life was before he met you. Specifically, his childhood. He's carrying a lot of mental baggage.

12 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

He told me a few times if I walk on his nerve we wouldnt last long and maybe we would have to separate.

A normal person doesn't say that to their bride of only 3 months.

12 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

He once told me I will hit you.

That's just unacceptable by any measure. To even mention that already in this stage of your marriage is outside of logic. You need to be very careful around him. My guess is that he grew up watching his father beat his mother. Don't do anything to arouse his temper because he is capable of violence.

12 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

Whe  I want to tmjust talk with him, sit with him or have a romantic moment with him ( I find this is normal, especially since we are newly wed) he get angry or irritated and rejects me in a way.

Like I mentioned above, you're dealing with someone with mental baggage. You'll need to decide if you want to stay or leave. If you choose to stay then you will have to figure out how to deal with him in order to avoid raising his temper.

12 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

What can I do? 

This sounds like a very bad situation. However, you are married and need to make the most of the situation currently. I'd advise to act cautiously and let him decide the situation. The fact that he has threatened you with physical harm is very troubling. Especially, since you are in the early stages of your marriage. 

I would advise that you study and watch him for an extended period of time. If his behavior is triggered by certain events or things than you have to do your best to avoid those scenarios. Eventually, if things don't improve, you will need to decide whether you want to continue in this marriage. If he has threatened physical violence already then its safe to say at some point he will physically harm not only but your eventual children also.

Edited by Akbar673

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hate such men MAN!! Hell with them :threatenlumber:

A man who can't respect a woman is not worthy of anything. Seriously. he is cursed by God for all of this he is doing to you.

But be patient, Everyone has his/her test. We are all here for the same. I know its easily said than done but be patient in trying to please him. Cook for him good food. Try to show you care for him and him feel special. Pray to Allah to turn his heart towards you. Do Tawassul. InshaAllah we all will pray for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This man is emotionally, mentally, and no doubt will become physically, abusive. 

This is exactly why you should get to know each other prior to marriage. If you had talked for a longer period, you might have been able to spot the red flags better. I’m so sorry this has happened to you. You deserve better than this. Your options would be couples counseling, but honestly, I doubt that it will be effective. What kind of man threatens to hit his wife? 

The sooner you divorce, the better. It’ll be easier without children. 

And by the way, as someone who is married, I don’t recommend divorce unless there is cheating or abuse in the marriage. You are being abused and need to get out before it turns into physical abuse. Which, if he’s threatening to hit you now, there’s no doubt that he will actually do so in the near future. And at that point, he will blame you for “making him angry” and manipulate you to accept his fake apologies because that’s what abusers do.

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/6/2018 at 2:44 AM, Saraharvey said:

Brother are you serious? It's not that easy to just go for a divorce

It’s actually much easier now. You have no children. You have barely been married. You barely know each other. It’ll be a quicker divorce.

And if you’re worried about the stigma, don’t be. Many people remarry after divorce. 

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sister, sit down and take a deep breath and remind yourself of the strength and power YOU possess. With the backing of Allah and ahulbayt confront him gently and talk with him firmly. Don’t shy away, don’t compromise right away and talk adult to adult

if resolution cannot be reached at the least get some answers

marraige counseling may be an option for intervention to get some kind of mental health help for him. Maybe he needs a breather or maybe someone is polluting his mind, could be anything really

its a lot, just be sure of his reasons and why he must act this way and how it hurts not only you but this sacred contract you both made with Allah

Inshallah I pray for the best

stay safe and make dua

Edited by Ralvi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Since you don't want divorce, it's hard for me to believe that he is abusive. From personal experience, and my observations, it's always the abuser who wants to stay and the abused person wants to run away from the abuser. My ex-husband never wanted to divorce me, but he always complained about everything I did, he portrayed me as an abuser in front of the world, even called police on me many times. I kept asking him and other people that If I am so bad, why doesn't he just leave me alone, but no one gave me an answer ever. Narcissists isolate their victims, ruin their victim's reputation but they are never willing to leave the victim alone. I don't know why people automatically assume that the person wanting a divorce is a villain. May be he/ she wants to get out of an abusive relationship. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

السَّلآمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ الله وبَرَكآتُه 

Respected Sister @Saraharvey

I am talking from personal experience as well as surrounding experience so first of all I would say this to you that you should at least give 2 years at least for a better understanding in between you and him irrespective of how long you both knew each other before marriage you should at least give him and yourself 2 years to understand each other and adjust accordingly. The only halal thing that Allah dislikes is 'Talakh' although this is an option for every individual yet I would reckon you to 'give time sometime'.

Things will work out إِنْ شَاء َ اللَّه.

Keep yourself open to conversations with your husband and try to accept his flaws.

I am talking to you so I am focusing on you right now and not your husband so I am telling you all of this just as I would tell to my own sister.

Try to strike a conversation when he is in a good mood or try to cheer him up with what he likes the most and then after some time has passed in the moments of cherish tell him this thing that you see something wrong with him.

Remember, friendship is key to a nice marriage. Be friends first then spouse.

Try to do this and come back then to update.

In the meanwhile, do tell me, were your parents happy with this marriage?

And importantly, when you go to your husband with above mentioned intention purely recite Surah 'Alama Nashrah Laka Sadrak' (google it, its small) and recite this ayah/dua 'Rabbi sharhli Sadri' it is also small you can google it.

Go ahead, Do the right thing and have tavakal. I will look forward to what happened next.

Your brother

Asghar

Edited by Asghar Ali Karbalai

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, rkazmi33 said:

 

Since you don't want divorce, it's hard for me to believe that he is abusive

 

Many abused people stay because they want to “work it out” and have a huge fear over the stigma they will receive for divorcing by the community. Many abused folks even make excuses for their spouse’s bad behavior.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Asalaam Alaykum,

Thank you all for your replies, I appreciate it very much. Let me tell a bit more about my situation. It's not like that he is very abusive, he never layed a hand on me and I think he would never. What worries me is that when we were engaged (which was for a year) we already had problems. He would get upset/irritated with me about unimportant things like my forgetfulness, me being not organized, not getting ready on time, according to him me not listening to him etc. As far as I am aware of there weren't any big issues or problems to be upset about. It's not arranged marriage. He came and asked for my hand, my parents liked him and so did I. Before this I was never in any kind of relationships. During our engagement I was most times crying and I was unhappy, but every time I consoled my self and told myself everything is going to be fine once we live under a roof. Maybe his changing mood is because he is on his own in this country (in the EU), he has to work and save for the wedding, he has stress because we have a big day ahead ( which was our wedding day). I did get angry about him being not open with me back then and I did shout at him sometimes why he didn't tell me what's bothering him, because I very much wanted to help him since he is my husband. During our engagement we didn't go out very much because he is working. Beside this whenever I offered him to go out somewhere he sometimes didn't want to and he also didn't wanted to talk to me on the phone. It was as if he wasn't interested in me. I waited and we eventually got married and now I am in this situation. When he gets irritated or angry he doesn't want to talk to me, he gets distant. He even doesn't want to tell me why he is upset or angry. In whole I think and feel our relationship hasn't improved since our engagement. It is as if he doesn't realise I am his wife and his live partner now. During our arguments and discussions I told him how he could say hurtful things to me I am his wife. He told me I am making him angry and upset and as a result of this he cannot control himself and says these things. Overall long story short: when I try to be kind towards him, talk to him and get closer to him physically and emotionally he takes distant. Whenever I asked him to talk together, go out somewhere he doesn't want to. He then tells me he cannot, he is not in the mood etc. we are newlywed but I don't notice the signs he's interested in me: he doesn't console me when I cry about what he told me, we don't go out, he doesn't ask what I want, about my likes or dislikes. He tells everything is because of you. He tells that I make him angry and sad.

I don't mean  to tell you all it's all his fault or his problems. I also get angry and sad occasionally about him, especially when I don't get his attention. I have been craving for his attention from the beginning of our engagement. He helps me with the chores, we go out shopping, he cleans the house and helps me with cooking, but these things are normal to do for a spouse, right? One night I couldn't tolerate anymore I told him everything that bothered me during our engagement and asked him why he did marry me if he doesn't love ans trust me. He told he made a mistake by doing so. After that I cried a lot that evening. He didn't tells me this but this was the third time.

About him telling me he would hit me: We were on our way to somewhere when we got into a argument. He told me something I didn't like and I asked him to stop the car. He told me he can't stop in the middle of the road so I insisted and he told me 'I give a clap on your face'. 

Sarah

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow. I honestly hate to have to say this, but it doesn't seem like this marriage is going to work. Not for you at least. 

The fact that he said he made a mistake my marrying you is horrid. You can't be with someone like that. My jaw dropped a few times while reading your post. I understand how difficult it may be for you to divorce, but realistically, if I had a wife that ever said that to me, I'd divorce. There is no time to waste. If that is how he feels, then so be it. 

If he isn't going to give you the attention you deserve, I promise you there will always be another guy out there who will. There are plenty of guys out there who yearn for a woman like you.

You seem like such a good hearted woman with pure intentions. Don't let someone like this ruin you. Its bad enough already that he said marrying you was a mistake, let alone all the emotional abuse and hurt he is causing you. I can't stand men like that. Guys like your husband ruin it for the good guys out there. 

I hate to use these words because I know you care about him. But sometimes you have to listening to your brain, over your heart.

If you seen some of these things happen during your engagement to him, then you shouldn't have jump the gun so quick. I hate to say it, but from this perspective, a part of the blame goes to you. So its up to you to fix it. Its not the end of the world though.

You can't just keep allowing him to keep bringing you down like this. If whatever your doing isn't working, then change your 'tactic' or whatever. Something has to give. If he doesn't want to open up to you, then thats his problem. You seem like you're doing all that you can. But eventually, enough is enough. Your husband's characteristics are not that of a man.

Take care of yourself first. Make sure your okay first. If he's the cause of all your hurt and pain, you have to cut him out. 

You have to know your worth. You're way more valuable than that. You can't let someone like yourself be brought down by someone like him. Eventually, enough is enough. 

If he is going through his own personal issue that he's not telling you about, or whatever it is that's causing him to be like this, then you have to understand that a marriage involves two people. Not one. And I know that you know this, but he doesn't seem to understand. He should be talking to you about his problems, or at least opening up to you. And since he's not doing either, then he clearly isn't responsible enough to be in a marriage.

Its so irresponsible of him to cut you out like this. If he has his own problems going on in his head, so be it. But he should not be dragging you down with him. A virtuous husband would try his best to make sure his wife doesn't go through what he's going through. I don't need to get into details about the characteristics of a virtuous husband, but a virtuous husband is someone your husband isn't. Now I'm not saying he has to be an Imam or anything like that, but its just so despicable to see him treating you this way.

You deserve better. If you need to let go, then let go. 

I've seen woman in relationships with men like him, and they all started living better lives after they ended it. Sometimes its the most difficult thing to do, but it may just be the right thing to do.

Treat yourself right. Take care of yourself first. If he isn't willing to be there for you, then I guarantee there will be another guy who will.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Saraharvey

I have read your last long comment. You should have seeked somebody's advice before marrying him because these type of loves are blind and now you are facing it. Nevertheless, now since you are married to him, give your marriage sometime and try to work it out. Just perform salah regularly and seek help through patience and prayers. Listen Sara now is the right time to give your 100% into the relationship since you are married so do it, give your 100% so that later (May Allah forbid) if the situation comes that you take divorce then you do not regret anything and you remain satisfied that you gave your 100% and still it did not work. Like you should be clean in the view of Allah in this regard.

Give it some time like around 6 months or an year. See how things go by, do not hurry in divorce for some time.

Nikaah is a religious thing liked by Allah so expect love out of it in shaALLAH.

@ali_fatheroforphans @Salsabeel @3wliya_maryam @Ashvazdanghe

@Ruqaya101 A lesson.

Please share your inputs.

Edited by Asghar Ali Karbalai

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow. I honestly hate to have to say this, but it doesn't seem like this marriage is going to work. Not for you at least. 

He isn't consoling you when you cry. He isn't showing you any interest. He's abusing you emotionally. All these things are so disastrous to your soul and health. You shouldn't have to put up with that.

The fact that he said he made a mistake my marrying you is horrid. You can't be with someone like that. My jaw dropped a few times while reading your post. I understand how difficult it may be for you to divorce, but realistically, if I had a wife that ever said that to me, I'd divorce. There is no time to waste. If that is how he feels, then so be it. 

If he isn't going to give you the attention you deserve, I promise you there will always be another guy out there who will. There are plenty of guys out there who yearn for a woman like you.

You seem like such a good hearted woman with pure intentions. Don't let someone like this ruin you. Its bad enough already that he said marrying you was a mistake, let alone all the emotional abuse and hurt he is causing you. I can't stand men like that. Guys like your husband ruin it for the good guys out there. 

I hate to use these words because I know you care about him. But sometimes you have to listening to your brain, over your heart.

If you seen some of these things happen during your engagement to him, then you shouldn't have jump the gun so quick. I hate to say it, but from this perspective, a part of the blame goes to you. So its up to you to fix it. Its not the end of the world though.

You can't just keep allowing him to keep bringing you down like this. If whatever your doing isn't working, then change your 'tactic' or whatever. Something has to give. If he doesn't want to open up to you, then thats his problem. You seem like you're doing all that you can. But eventually, enough is enough. Your husband's characteristics are not that of a man.

Take care of yourself first. Make sure your okay first. If he's the cause of all your hurt and pain, you have to cut him out. 

You have to know your worth. You're way more valuable than that. You can't let someone like yourself be brought down by someone like him. Eventually, enough is enough. 

If he is going through his own personal issue that he's not telling you about, or whatever it is that's causing him to be like this, then you have to understand that a marriage involves two people. Not one. And I know that you know this, but he doesn't seem to understand. He should be talking to you about his problems, or at least opening up to you. And since he's not doing either, then he clearly isn't responsible enough to be in a marriage.

Its so irresponsible of him to cut you out like this. If he has his own problems going on in his head, so be it. But he should not be dragging you down with him. A virtuous husband would try his best to make sure his wife doesn't go through what he's going through. I don't need to get into details about the characteristics of a virtuous husband, but a virtuous husband is someone your husband isn't. Now I'm not saying he has to be an Imam or anything like that, but its just so despicable to see him treating you this way.

You deserve better. If you need to let go, then let go. 

I've seen woman in relationships with men like him, and they all started living better lives after they ended it. Sometimes its the most difficult thing to do, but it may just be the right thing to do.

I could be wrong about all of this and you could potentially save your marriage, who knows. But its going to take some serious effort on his end. If he cares about you and your guys' marriage, he will take the necessary steps to better your relationship. You cannot let this emotional abuse keep happening. Something needs to change.

Treat yourself right. Take care of yourself first. If he isn't willing to be there for you, then I guarantee there will be another guy who will.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
41 minutes ago, Asghar Ali Karbalai said:

@Saraharvey

Also one more thing do not involve many people in your married life concerns because many people equals to many opinions and hence lots of misunderstandings.

I have already talked with a few people about my marriage because I didnt know what to do and maybe also because I was scared and frustrated. Now that you say this it scares me. What if he comes to know?

Sarah

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
45 minutes ago, Asghar Ali Karbalai said:

@Saraharvey

Also one more thing do not involve many people in your married life concerns because many people equals to many opinions and hence lots of misunderstandings.

I have already talked to a few peopke about my marriage because I didnt know what to do and also because I was confused and frustrated. Now that you mention this I am scared. What if he finds out?

Sarah

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

At least you can be a lesson to others: there are red flags before marriage, do not marry this person until they have been resolved. 

I strongly advise you to take measures to avoid having children. 

You can talk with him and try to arrive at a peaceful solution, but you seem to have already tried that before marriage. Try again. There is always divorce as a last resort. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel like your husband has a lot of behaviour problems which I have. His silent treatment really means that he is highly sensitive. It seems like you are also highly sensitive, both of you probably get hurt due to different things. Husband helping you with chores is not normal behavior. Most of husbands I have seen think that house work is woman's job. They don't help their wives and they are always thinking of new ways to increase work load for their wives. So your husband is better than most husbands. If your biggest complain is silent treatment then you should consider yourself lucky because silent treatment seems very harmless compared to other types of abuses. I guess he has very high standards for his wife and he gets disappointed when you don't meet his standards. He has unreasonable expectations but as long as he doesn't get more abusive, you should forgive him because he still sounds better than other men.

Edited by rkazmi33

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, Saraharvey said:

I have already talked to a few peopke about my marriage because I didnt know what to do and also because I was confused and frustrated. Now that you mention this I am scared. What if he finds out?

Sarah

If he finds out then you can clearly tell him that you had to talk with other people because obviously he did not give you enough space or friendliness in the relationship that you could have explained him your concerns in the first place.

If he had kept the relationship open for conversations you would not have spoken out your concerns with anybody else than him.

Having said that, I suggest you to go ahead and try to save the marriage first.

Also if you could tag me when you reply and just answer these questions about him.

Q1. Is he too punctual kind of man in everything and extremely disciplined in his daily routines?

Q2. Whenever you wanted to be physical before or after marriage, did he really show interest and involvement in being physical?

Q3. Does he get mad all the time if you put one of his thing in home from one place to another without asking him?

Q4. What annoys him the most and all the time?

If you do not mind I am tagging this sister maryam in this post because I am feeling something about your husband which could not be so right and this girl will understand it and help us possibly.

@3wliya_maryam maryam let us wait to hear these answers from sara.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salam. I don't think you should be taking advice from random people on the Internet regarding this. If you act on random advice, it could destroy your marriage, which I'm sure is not what you are seeking. Based on the extremely small amount of details you gave, and not hearing his side, I think it would be pretty much impossibleto give you good advice in this. Please try to contact a local Alim or family member that is trusted by both of you in order to resolve this. 

Edited by Abu Hadi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Abu Hadi said:

Salam. I don't think you should be taking advice from random people on the Internet regarding this. If you act on random advice, it could destroy your marriage, which I'm sure is not what you are seeking. Based on the extremely small amount of details you gave, and not hearing his side, I think it would be pretty much impossibleto give you good advice in this. Please try to contact a local Alim or family member that is trusted by both of you in order to resolve this. 

Asalaam Alaykum,

Okay brother. I won't post any more. Thank you.

Sarah

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I totally agree with Abu Hadi.

From the things you told us, it is all one sided. It makes him seem like such a bad guy when I'm sure you two have your good moments.

But at the same time, its a good thing you're seeking help. Although a local Sheikh or family member you trust is better for you guys. I can agree with that.

Hope things turn out better for you Insh.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...