Should I do kheera?

[Mariamtee 11]

I’ve been talking to someone for 3 years with my mums permission and his parents. 

Recently I told my dad that we want to get married and he said no due to us being from different backgrounds even though we are both Muslim Shia. 

I spoke to my mum, and we’re going to do everything we can to change my dads mind and if it comes to that, I will marry him with the sheik as a witness. 

My question is, should I do kheera now? Before we start a difficult journey convincing my dad? Or should I wait till I realise my dad will never be okay with it and do kheera then. I obviously want to marry him, he is a good genuine man.. as good as they get but if I’m going to risk it all, I would like to know if Allah thinks it’s a good idea so should I do kheera before I speak to my dad again

[Ashvazdanghe 8,380]

Salam every time that you do it is good.

[realizm 2,749]

From what I think you do not need a kheera here, you just need to convince your father.

[2Timeless 1,915]

I dont think you should do a kheera. It will just complicate things even more. If yourself and your mum think he's a good guy, and he hasn't tried to do haram with you, then just start convincing your dad. If it's meant to be, it will happen.

[SamAlFarsi 52]

Salam Aleykoom

4 hours ago, Mariamtee said:

if it comes to that, I will marry him with the sheik as a witness.

You cannot bypass your father's permission like that. Such a thing makes the marriage void. You don't need to make kheera to know what Allah thinks of it, there's plenty of indications in the ahadith of the Masoomeen (as). Those two are from Kitab Al-Kafi, volume 5, in the book about marriage:

If you're not living with your parents, and are far enough from them for your father to be considered absent, you may appoint a sheikh.

Good luck sister,

Wa Salam.

Edited November 24, 2018 by SamAlFarsi

[Mariamtee 11]

@Ashvazdanghe @realizm @2Timeless @SamAlFarsi

Thank you for responding. I’m 22 so I don’t know all the answers but what am I suppose to do if my dad continues to say no because he is a different nationality to me and I still want to marry him? I will do everything I can to convince my dad but what if he never gets convinced? How do I marry him 

[realizm 2,749]

2 hours ago, Mariamtee said:

@Ashvazdanghe @realizm @2Timeless @SamAlFarsi

Thank you for responding. I’m 22 so I don’t know all the answers but what am I suppose to do if my dad continues to say no because he is a different nationality to me and I still want to marry him? I will do everything I can to convince my dad but what if he never gets convinced? How do I marry him 

First thing would be to ponder over the reasons given by your father. If there are some valid points in them, then given your young age (may Allah reward you for your pure intention to marry according to Islam early), you might want to take them into consideration. If it is just about nationality, then time might help in accepting. I would not advice anyone to go against parents' will. However, there are certain cases where it can be acceptable.

I would say it all depends on your relationship with your father. If he is a loving and caring father he should not deserve that you leave all this aside even for marriage purposes.

 

[Carlzone 1,382]

https://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/234997599-marriage-without-parents-permission/

[Ashvazdanghe 8,380]

8 hours ago, Mariamtee said:

@Ashvazdanghe @realizm @2Timeless @SamAlFarsi

Thank you for responding. I’m 22 so I don’t know all the answers but what am I suppose to do if my dad continues to say no because he is a different nationality to me and I still want to marry him? I will do everything I can to convince my dad but what if he never gets convinced? How do I marry him 

I wish & pray that you marry each other but obeying parent rule except disobedience of Allah as I know every marriage that happened without permission of parents at best point lead to divorce of two couples , in this cases your future husband has more responsibility to convince your father than you it's better that you focus on duas that introduced for parents & he tries more to convince your father 

https://www.al-islam.org/sahifa-al-kamilah-sajjadiyya-imam-zain-ul-abideen/24-his-supplication-his-parents

 

https://youtu.be/D24l2VFrTX8