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Sumerian

Discussing private matters

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So the other day me and a couple others were around someone who recently got married (he is like 4 yrs older than me) and he was telling everyone go get married and giving advice... but then he started to detail his "experiences" with his wife in a very graphic way which made me a little weirded out. I told him bro stop talking like that about your own wife, but he said this is educational bla bla bla

Anyway long story short, this isn't the first time I see Muslim guys talking like this. They share inappropriate jokes all the time. Imo it is never okay to share private matters except to.. maybe a doctor for health reasons? Even then its still weird a bit. Do you guys share my disgust? I don't think private matters should be talked about. 

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I think these issues can be discussed in an educational way if it doesn't relate to any particular person. For example, If a scholar talks about sexual techniques according to hadith, then that is totally fine.

But it's very weird and inappropriate of that guy to discuss private matters. You should of literally said "no one cares about your experiences, keep it to yourself. If he persists then I agree with IbnSina that you should just leave the scene.

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It’s a major disrespect to his wife to speak about their private matters like that. Education is just an excuse, he was probably bragging and exaggerating while he was talking anyway. The whole talk probably was him making things up. 

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9 hours ago, Sumerian said:

So the other day me and a couple others were around someone who recently got married (he is like 4 yrs older than me) and he was telling everyone go get married and giving advice... but then he started to detail his "experiences" with his wife in a very graphic way which made me a little weirded out. I told him bro stop talking like that about your own wife, but he said this is educational bla bla bla

Anyway long story short, this isn't the first time I see Muslim guys talking like this. They share inappropriate jokes all the time. Imo it is never okay to share private matters except to.. maybe a doctor for health reasons? Even then its still weird a bit. Do you guys share my disgust? I don't think private matters should be talked about. 

Lack of education and manners. 

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I have read hadiths about this very topic. I think It was Imam Al-sadiq (a.s) (?) that said you should not share matters of your sexual life to public. I believe there should be a fatwa about this somewhere.

Jazakallah for your post. 

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There is nothing wrong with talking about subjects, like sexuality in the content of marriage. But to talk about it in relation to specific people, and especially one's wife, that show the person has no honor or dignity. I try not to be around people like that. 

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I think that if it’s a matter of educational purposes, saying that women like x, y, z so try to do x, y, z, then that’d be fine. But if he said that his wife enjoyed something that he did to her, or the things they do together in explicit language and not just something in passing, then I’d question his character.

Anyway, I’ve known many people who have talked about their personal, intimate details with their SOs, and I try to change the conversation or tune them out. 

The main issue within our communities is that they’ve blurred the line between educational and graphic, to the point that many people think that sex education and how to have husband/wife relations (beyond sex) are sinful to even discuss. And therefore, many men and women remain repressed and clueless as to how to have a fulfilling sexual outlet/relationship within a marriage. Not that they don’t know the basics, but many even don’t realize the importance of romance and foreplay and passion. They think of marriage as a duty to your spouse only, when it encompasses much more than that. 

To translate how this effects women: many don’t even know how to be attractive to their husbands and seduce them. They don’t know how to put on makeup, set the mood, and many shave infrequently.

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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31 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I think that if it’s a matter of educational purposes, saying that women like x, y, z so try to do x, y, z, then that’d be fine. But if he said that his wife enjoyed something that he did to her, or the things they do together in explicit language and not just something in passing, then I’d question his character.

Anyway, I’ve known many people who have talked about their personal, intimate details with their SOs, and I try to change the conversation or tune them out. 

The main issue within our communities is that they’ve blurred the line between educational and graphic, to the point that many people think that sex education and how to have husband/wife relations (beyond sex) are sinful to even discuss. And therefore, many men and women remain repressed and clueless as to how to have a fulfilling sexual outlet/relationship within a marriage. Not that they don’t know the basics, but many even don’t realize the importance of romance and foreplay and passion. They think of marriage as a duty to your spouse only, when it encompasses much more than that. 

To translate how this effects women: many don’t even know how to be attractive to their husbands and seduce them. They don’t know how to put on makeup, set the mood, and many shave infrequently.

The bottom could be said the same for men, somehow it becomes an excuse man for males to put all the blame on women. In physical relationships both bear the burden and both are the same 

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It is impermissible to discuss private discussion as this create not only jealousy but also metaphoric sin commited by the na mahram opposote sex.

Initially men and women do not know about sex in relationship while those who are mature pretend that they know everything which is like comparing apple to oranges. 

 

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