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How do you deal with men praising pictures of potential wife online?

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Guest table maker

I met a girl who is religious. Prays 5 times, goes to mosque and all the usual stuff. Thing is she has instagram and facebook and many pics on them. Many male followers from all over the world and the usual mashallah you are so beautiful comments and likes. She just accepts all friend requests and doesnt reply to the comments. It bugs me because I think she should have blocked these guys. 

Normally I would reject her but I dont know if it's her background where its acceptable because all her hijabi friends have the same. What do you guys say? What would you do if a guy you know or dont know called you pretty online?

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10 minutes ago, Guest table maker said:

I said no to her. I didn't tell here why ........ 

The last straw was a like by a guy who posted a string of hearts and a big mashallah and his whole profile is all about Islam and he wears a thobe & cap all the time. What a loser! I realized as a man I would never do that. I am scared of stupid people ...

I dont know if I am doing the right thing but this is how I judged her ... I said to myself she is like that man with the thobe. 

All of you guys saying girls in the west are like this ....... actually the truly religious girls in the west are not like this! You know it. I am from the west but she is from the east and I gave her a chance.

@2Timeless you are too liberal. I dont put my pics on social media. I lower my gaze on the street and dont go around saying mashallah to girls. I am ashamed not one of you said her actions are outright wrong.

It has nothing to do with religion.  There are non religious girls that are modest and not interested in constantly advertising themselves on social media.

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Guest table maker

I think I made the right decision .... I went to see profiles of girls from her community who are like here. They are a messed up bunch. All into religion but every now and again they have pics without hijab!! I went to see pics of her from two years back. Pouts and one where she tries to show her curves in tight clothing.

She is very pretty but rejecting her is my test from Allah! I could have gone for beauty but said no ...... I hope Allah is pleased.

I am going to look for a girl from the west because the religious ones are doing it for real. 

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48 minutes ago, Guest table maker said:

I met a girl who is religious. Prays 5 times, goes to mosque and all the usual stuff. Thing is she has instagram and facebook and many pics on them. Many male followers from all over the world and the usual mashallah you are so beautiful comments and likes. She just accepts all friend requests and doesnt reply to the comments. It bugs me because I think she should have blocked these guys. 

Normally I would reject her but I dont know if it's her background where its acceptable because all her hijabi friends have the same. What do you guys say? What would you do if a guy you know or dont know called you pretty online?

السَّلآمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ الله وبَرَكآتُه 

Brother,

With all due respect to my sister I would recommend you to not bound her into anything that she does not 'will' into only because of the concern that you disregard it.

Your disliking is absolutely normal and on the other side her activities are also normal.

Relationships are built on trust and understanding.

Just ensure that she is not a hypocrite and a 'clean by heart' person and that is it.

Restrictions are no of use whether in short or long run.

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55 minutes ago, Guest table maker said:

I met a girl who is religious. Prays 5 times, goes to mosque and all the usual stuff. Thing is she has instagram and facebook and many pics on them. Many male followers from all over the world and the usual

Brother,

There is always room for correction at a later point in different ways on either side.

Edited by Asghar Ali Karbalai

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Guest table maker

wswrwb

Karbalai sahib, her actions are not normal in my part of the world. Here no properly religious girl allows men to comment on her profile. She is from abroad and from a traditional type family ...... all the women wear hijab and pray x5. Youre right about correction but shouldnt she know already or they dont teach this stuff in all muslim countries?

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5 hours ago, Guest table maker said:

I met a girl who is religious. Prays 5 times, goes to mosque and all the usual stuff. Thing is she has instagram and facebook and many pics on them. Many male followers from all over the world and the usual mashallah you are so beautiful comments and likes. She just accepts all friend requests and doesnt reply to the comments. It bugs me because I think she should have blocked these guys. 

Normally I would reject her but I dont know if it's her background where its acceptable because all her hijabi friends have the same. What do you guys say? What would you do if a guy you know or dont know called you pretty online?

Salam brother,

with due respect , you need to see the broader picture,her as a whole individual ,but If you are really frustarted with her posting images then you should communicate with her and tell her, if you see her as a potential wife then you need to be honest  to urself ,her and in your approach ,end of the day it’s about communication and if both are genuinely intreasted are willing to compromise before marrying. 

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5 hours ago, Guest table maker said:

wswrwb

Karbalai sahib, her actions are not normal in my part of the world. Here no properly religious girl allows men to comment on her profile. She is from abroad and from a traditional type family ...... all the women wear hijab and pray x5. Youre right about correction but shouldnt she know already or they dont teach this stuff in all muslim countries?

sellam, 

well it depends where she lives, if its in the west, most likely its considered normal.

5 hours ago, Guest table maker said:

but shouldnt she know already or they dont teach this stuff in all muslim countries?

actually, nowadays, whether its a muslim country or not, this stuff has become the norm in many many places. I suggest that you open up the conversation with her but very politely so that she can understand where you're coming from, in sha Allah she will see your perspective and if she doesn't agree with your poit, that is okay, everyone has different opinions, dont will her to have to delete her pics, with time, understanding and trust will grow.

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4 hours ago, Ruqaya101 said:

sellam, 

well it depends where she lives, if its in the west, most likely its considered normal.

actually, nowadays, whether its a muslim country or not, this stuff has become the norm in many many places. I suggest that you open up the conversation with her but very politely so that she can understand where you're coming from, in sha Allah she will see your perspective and if she doesn't agree with your poit, that is okay, everyone has different opinions, dont will her to have to delete her pics, with time, understanding and trust will grow.

My reply is also this.

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17 hours ago, Guest table maker said:

I met a girl who is religious. Prays 5 times, goes to mosque and all the usual stuff. Thing is she has instagram and facebook and many pics on them. Many male followers from all over the world and the usual mashallah you are so beautiful comments and likes. She just accepts all friend requests and doesnt reply to the comments. It bugs me because I think she should have blocked these guys. 

Normally I would reject her but I dont know if it's her background where its acceptable because all her hijabi friends have the same. What do you guys say? What would you do if a guy you know or dont know called you pretty online?

Salam

It's a good thing that she doesn't reply to comments. But as you can see, its now considered a very big norm especially for  many Muslim girls growing up in the West, they don't care who follows them or likes they post, now all they care about is how much folllowers and likes they get

And there's nothing wrong with feeling bothered by it, actually its a good thing because it shows your love for her how much you love her, just tell her how you feel about it, make her understand your perspective and show her that you don't like what she's doing because of how much you care for her, and see what she thinks about it, 

always think positive. Be happy that she is religious and prays mashallah, because there are definetely girls worse than her who post inappropriate content on social media and be grateful that she isn't hiding her social media from you and what she posts there, it just shows that you can really trust and that she doesn't like to hide anything from you because she loves you and wants to grow your trust and understanding with you

all the best

fee amanillah

 

 

 

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I don't get the big deal. I don't have social media, and I don't get people who always post on it, I think it's useless and silly tbh. But everyone has social media and alot of people post their pictures on it. Hijabis and our oh-so-pious religious bothers included

If this girl is pretty close to perfect for you, and she respects you, as well as Islam, this should not be a turn off. Speak to her about your feelings about her posting on social media. Ask her to post less/ at least post less of her face (don't be a hypocrite though, if you have social media you must promise the same to her). If she refuses, hear her out, see her reasoning. Marriage is not a one way road. Sometimes, you will need to compromise certain things, other times she will. However, if you really like her, and envision her as your lifelong partner and equal, this is a minor imperfection in a potentially 99% perfect life. Perfect being, enjoyable, good and not toxic for you both, and a marriage that will bring you both happiness and ease.

Edited by 2Timeless

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5 minutes ago, Guest table maker said:

I am scared of stupid people ..

What has that got to do with her? 

5 minutes ago, Guest table maker said:

 you are too liberal. I dont put my pics on social media.

Lol, you don't even know me. As I said, I don't have social media, and I don't get why people are so obsessed with it, but they are. You can't change that. Majority of people have it, end of. 

7 minutes ago, Guest table maker said:

I am ashamed not one of you said her actions are outright wrong.

Why not start by being ashamed of yourself by making a whole thread questioning if it's wrong? No one said posting pictures on social media is right. What most people said is that you need to be able to see past it (as long as nothing indecent is happening), because many, many people have social media and post their pictures on it. 

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1 hour ago, 2Timeless said:

Ask her to post less/ at least post less of her face (don't be a hypocrite though, if you have social media you must promise the same to her).

What do you mean by "if you have social media you must promise the same to her"?

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20 minutes ago, AStruggler said:

What do you mean by "if you have social media you must promise the same to her"?

Both men and women must observe hijab. Hijab is both physical and social. Showing off anything (whether it is your beauty or your possessions) is not considered hijab. Hijab is modesty. Showing off your Gucci headscarf, or Rolex watch isn't modest at all. Yes, there is also the aspect of women being ogled for their beauty on social media, but the same applies to men. We also forget that hijab is not only the rag on our heads or the certain areas we cover. Hijab is maintaining chastity and modesty, and that takes many forms. One of those forms is certainly not showing off on social media - be it man or woman. 

So, in my post, I was referring to the many men who demand that a woman abides by XYZ Islamic laws, but conveniently decide not to abide by those laws themselves. 

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4 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

Both men and women must observe hijab. Hijab is both physical and social. Showing off anything (whether it is your beauty or your possessions) is not considered hijab. Hijab is modesty. Showing off your Gucci headscarf, or Rolex watch isn't modest at all. Yes, there is also the aspect of women being ogled for their beauty on social media, but the same applies to men. We also forget that hijab is not only the rag on our heads or the certain areas we cover. Hijab is maintaining chastity and modesty, and that takes many forms. One of those forms is certainly not showing off on social media - be it man or woman. 

So, in my post, I was referring to the many men who demand that a woman abides by XYZ Islamic laws, but conveniently decide not to abide by those laws themselves. 

Gucci headscarf lol

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In my opinion its one thing to have a social media and post pics of yourself and another to accept friend requests from random men to be able to watch those pictures.

Personally I would prefer a wife who does neither.

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@2Timeless a real man with gheera doesn't want his wife's beauty to be out to the world, that's for him and him alone.

If a guy was out here accepting girls friend requests people would call that a red flag, but this is a red flag too.

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3 minutes ago, Sumerian said:

@2Timeless a real man with gheera doesn't want his wife's beauty to be out to the world, that's for him and him alone.

If a guy was out here accepting girls friend requests people would call that a red flag, but this is a red flag too.

In this case, the girl isn't accepting or responding to any if the comments or follows. I know it may be more appropriate to just post less or whatever, but I personally don't think it's a red flag on the grounds that she is a woman and needs to stop posting. If anything, people on social media should stop posting because it's insensitive and immodest from a social perspective. 

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Guest table maker;


I quite agree with you. It is very disgusting to admire a non-mahram person for her beauty. A person (man or woman) who has self-respect doesnt do it. I also think that for a woman, modesty is more important and necessary than saying prayers and going to the mosque.

 

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1 hour ago, 2Timeless said:

In this case, the girl isn't accepting or responding to any if the comments or follows. I know it may be more appropriate to just post less or whatever, but I personally don't think it's a red flag on the grounds that she is a woman and needs to stop posting. If anything, people on social media should stop posting because it's insensitive and immodest from a social perspective. 

So if this was a guy instead of a girl it still wouldn't be a red flag?

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Gosh so you're gonna reject a girl based on the fact that some people commented on her profile picture?

Try to look for good in people, the fact that she prays and goes to the masjid goes to shows that chooses to hold on to faith.

She could of had the best of akhlaq, the sincerest of intentions, but maybe she's slightly immature when it comes to social media. I reckon you could of talked to her and asked her how you're concerened. People go through phases,  as before I use to be obsessed about social media, but now I don't give a damn about it.

Oh well..... your choice at the end of the day. 

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4 hours ago, Guest table maker said:

I said no to her. I didn't tell here why ........ 

oh my gosh... is this some stupid joke. Come on at least tell me you opened the subject with her. 

 

4 hours ago, Guest table maker said:

I dont know if I am doing the right thing but this is how I judged her

you didn't do the right thing. Wanna know why? oh yeah cause you judged her.  you could have simply expressed your point of view and if she disagreed then do whatever you want. whatever. qisma wa Naseeb right? 

 

5 hours ago, Guest table maker said:

All of you guys saying girls in the west are like this ....... actually the truly religious girls in the west are not like this! You know it. I am from the west but she is from the east and I gave her a chance.

No we said most, its a reality brother.

 

5 hours ago, Guest table maker said:

I dont put my pics on social media. I lower my gaze on the street and dont go around saying mashallah to girls. I am ashamed not one of you said her actions are outright wrong.

listen brother, you need to know that what comes around goes around. Maybe the following woman will meet you and then say no to you cause she will judge you on an action that she saw you take. No one is perfect. In sha Allah, you take this as a lesson and never ever judge anyone. She could have more faith than you, only Allah knows for sure. But just seriously, dont judge 

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Guest table maker
On 11/20/2018 at 1:06 AM, Ruqaya101 said:

listen brother, you need to know that what comes around goes around. Maybe the following woman will meet you and then say no to you cause she will judge you on an action that she saw you take. No one is perfect. In sha Allah, you take this as a lesson and never ever judge anyone. She could have more faith than you, only Allah knows for sure. But just seriously, dont judge 

You know what? You are right .. but it's not the same when it's about hijab. I think my problem is I am too strict about my hijab and my relations with women. I have NO skeletons in the closet and thats why i hate my wife to have immodesty before marriage. Maybe she can pray and go to the mosque more than me and be a better muslim than me but ... I saved myself for a clean woman. I will never really find it .... I quit. I know modest women exist but I got no chance finding one. I am not a normal person. SIGH.

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