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3wliya_maryam

Being Socially Awkward

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salam alaikum everyone hope you are all well inshallah

I was wondering if anyone is or has been socially awkward around people or strangers, how were you able to deal with it

The thing with me is that I find it quite difficult to talk to people that I barely know, I stay quiet, I don't what to say and sometimes worry that i might say something wrong, or that doesn't make any sense.

Especially when visitors come over, god I get so shy and awkward, especially when an iraqi lady would come over, like I'd stay quiet the whole time unless she asks me a question and when I answer I feel like I'm not making sense because my iraqi arabic is kinda broken lols, so I just keep smiling and nodding

The thing is i understand when they speak, I just don't know how to respond but most of the times my mother responds to their questions which isn't good tbh

like thats how shy i am

People see me as this really quiet person, but at home im the complete opposite lol, I'm like the loudest one in my family

 

Really it depends where I am and who I am with, for instance, if I'm around my close friends and then someone that I don't know well comes and joins in the convo or something I would become a bit more confident and start talking, 

I'm the type of person who doesn't make alot of friends, I prefer having few friends since yano u can't trust that much ppl anymore

I feel like its also because I haven't been out that much seeing friends and people, so it has also kinda had an impact on me too

And sometimes I kinda worry going to uni inshallah, what would it be like since confidence is like such a huge thing when it comes to going there

 

has anyone ever been in these kind of situations? what did you do to overcome it?

fee amanillah :) 

 

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Socially awkward people are cute ^.^ Don't worry you'll be fine, as long as you have your small group of friends, that's all you need. I'm awkward too and I'm always overthinking everything I want to say. But I'm grateful I'm not someone who is constantly running her mouth. I've come to like being quiet and reserved. 

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31 minutes ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

has been socially awkward around people or strangers

Used to happen to me a lot when I was a pre-teen into my teen years in school. It stems from being insecure in yourself. I didn't really emerge out of it until I got to college.

32 minutes ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

I find it quite difficult to talk to people that I barely know, I stay quiet, I don't what to say and sometimes worry that i might say something wrong, or that doesn't make any sense.

That's quite normal. We all want to come across as confident in what we say. Best thing to do is to always speak politely and confidently when you are speaking as well as presenting yourself in a confident manner. There's nothing wrong with being wrong or incomplete in your knowledge of anything, in fact the majority of the world is that way. Its the manner in which you present and then are open to comments and suggestions afterwards that will give off an air of confidence to others and thus allow you to become more confident in yourself.

34 minutes ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

like thats how shy i am

We've all been there. Age and time causes that to simply fade away.

35 minutes ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

has anyone ever been in these kind of situations?

Almost every person goes through this.

35 minutes ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

what did you do to overcome it?

For me age and time caused it to fade away. Also, the older you get the wiser you will become and thus gain knowledge and opinions on a range of topics. As time passes your confidence will grow and you will become more confident and assertive.

Not sure how old you are but all of this fades away slowly starting in your mid to late 20's.

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34 minutes ago, King said:

It is normal, when you go to university you will learn to navigate around such situations better.  It is just a matter of more exposure.

Lol not my experience. Everyone keeps saying your life changed in uni, everything will be easier/more fun etc. That didn't happen to me, I'm still the same socially awkward person I've always been.

@3wliya_maryam everything you described is literally me lol. I've just learnt to get over it and not worry about it too much. I don't really care about meeting new people or wanting to give off a good impression anymore. Maybe that's being anti-social but ridding yourself of all the stress of thinking about how shy you look etc is so good. Also, I don't put myself in situations where I need to be very social. Anyway, the things I do on a daily basis don't require those skills so, I guess it's less of a big deal.

Edited by 2Timeless

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I used to be supershy. I am still shy in some ways.

When I started to accept myself the way I am I became much more confident and no longer cared so much about what other people think. 

There was a time when I didn't dare to state any opinion at all. Today I can state any opinion literally in the face of anyone. I'm not afraid. It's truly liberating.

God created you free so don't be a sheep.

I think this is a matter of self-acceptance. 

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Sister if you don't have social anxiety then it's not something you should worry about imo.

When you come to uni you'll interact with more people and it will be second nature when it comes to maintaining a conversation with new people. 

When you go to uni, join clubs and societies, be part of organizing committes, try to socialize more with people. With more exposure you'll defs get better.

But keep in mind that you're young rn, and it's harder to gain social skills when you become old, so make most out of the opportunities you have rn. 

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Until few years ago, talking less was considered a good habit among muslims at least. Why do people think that socially awkward people are annoying? I think talkative people are annoying. Too much talking causes over stimulation of brain and it gives you headache. Also, I have become scared of confident, charismatic people, since they are more dangerous in the long run. I was most confident when I was in college. After college, abusive marriage, and unemployment has made me even more awkward and quiet than my teenage years. When I was young, I wanted to talk but I didn't have courage. Now, I don't even want to talk and it feels like a chore. Anyways, I guess people expect me to become confident since I am 35. Now, whenever I meet my relatives at social gatherings, I always offend them, so I try to avoid meeting them as much as possible. 

Edited by rkazmi33

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52 minutes ago, Asghar Ali Karbalai said:

Work in a Call Centre or Customer Service department, you will develop excellent communication skills and then nobody would win from you :yahoo:in debates etc...lol

These are formal and vertical relationship conversations. The OP is asking about horizontal relationships such as "pick-up" conversations; and this doesn't mean in the supermarket line stuff.

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Unfortunately, I can't be of much help with regards to your original questions. But, I wanted to share something with you which I hope may help you in terms of how you view your predicament.

I know that this may sound odd, but many a times I think it makes life somewhat simpler if you are perceived as being demure. This is because there's not too much pressure on you in a social situation.
 
I'm confident and very much at ease in any social gathering/circumstances. I'm perceived as being a jovial, upbeat, affable and gregarious individual - which, for the most part I am. However, there are times when I just want to take a back seat in a social situation and take it all in. The issue is I'm always expected to be the life and soul of the gathering. On the rare occasion I do feel that I am merely 'performing' because there is a certain expectation for me to be witty, engaging, and to be brimming with anecdotes, pleasantries, snippets of information, discussing current affairs etc. etc. Most times I genuinely enjoy social gatherings but every now and then I find it taxing.
 
So to put it in a nutshell, the grass is always greener on the other side. I know that this doesn't help you per se, but please do bear this in mind when you are looking at that person who always has all eyes on them in a social situation. 
Edited by Hameedeh
Fonts were reduced in size. Moderators can reduce the size of excessively large fonts to a standard size of 14.

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37 minutes ago, Ruqaya101 said:

I have been seeing this everyone lately, what the flip does it mean? 

This means - "in my opinion."

Lol thanks for asking, I should be more considerate of others. I assume everyone knows what it means.

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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 I don't expect anyone to provide entertainment to me. I get all my entertainment from tv. I think this is the result of so much propaganda against tv. People stop watching tv, movies, then they get bored and they expect other people to provide entertainment to them. I like to laugh at sitcoms, I don't enjoy the jokes told in social gatherings. Most people have terrible sense of humor, they think being funny means making fun of others. Sitcoms on tv at least have to follow some rules and they cannot include offensive jokes. Whenever I hear my family's conversations, it makes my blood boil, because of all the offensive jokes. Also, many people love creating fights, and fighting for hours because that's entertainment for them. What's better? Getting entertainment from watching tv/ movies or getting entertainment from fighting?  I cannot believe people expect other people to tell them anecdotes, information and current affairs. We have internet for that. I guess this is why old people dislike me so much. Expecting other people to entertain you is entitlement. 

All the terrible things that happen during hazing in fraternities, that's the ugly side of social people and creating close-knit communities. Another example is what happens in cults. We have this false idea that everything on tv is haram, while everything in social gatherings is halal. People constantly taunt each other and make fun of each other, which cannot be halal. I don't understand why have we decided to ignore all the bad qualities of social people and decided that they are perfect, we ALL need to be like them. 

Edited by rkazmi33

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@rkazmi33

I can understand that my post may not have translated well or maybe I didn’t write it lucidly. I did not mean that I am a muse or a jester. What I meant was that when I am in the company of very close friends and family there is an expectation that I will be the uplifting one - which I normally am. I am considered to be the hostess with the mostess.

If someone is down in the dumps - I’m the one who will get asked to give the motivational speech, so to say, and to give an alternate positive perspective.

If there is an awkward family gathering - I’m roped in to be the pacifier or the mediator. The voice of reason.

If we are going to meet a family for a rishta, (not for me), I’m trusted to be able to fill in the blanks and to ask the right questions without seeming too pushy or overtly inquisitive. I can read a room and pick up on body language cues. 

I most definitely do not have a runaway mouth (a mouth with no brake), but there is a certain expectation for me to say the right thing at the right time and to know when to interject. This also includes knowing when to step back and to simply listen. It doesn’t mean hogging the limelight as that makes people extremely unpopular very quickly. It’s a very fine line. Be that of giving friendly advice to a niece on the request of a cousin, de-escalating a situation, or even knowing when to just listen to someone having a meltdown and to let the ‘be’. I am considered to be an emotionally intelligent and emotionally evolved person. Many people consider this to be a blessing but it comes as a package deal with huge responsibility. 

Also, in a social gathering I’m not the only active speaker. I’m one of many, but yes when certain topics are being discussed, including current affairs, my POV is actively sought. I do have an opinion on most things and people do want to know my take on things. Where as one my sisters could be in the same room and no one would even know that she is there. 

 

 

Edited by Aflower

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@Aflower It seems like people expect women to have super powers. I don't trust people who are used as mediators in family conflicts. Unless they have mind-reading abilities, they can never know what happens behind closed doors and they can never do justice. They mostly pretend to be neutral but they support the majority. People should be solving their own problems and the right way to find the suitable proposal is to let the prospective husband and wife talk to each other. I trusted the opinion of "wise" people while choosing my life partner and I am still paying the price for it. If I ever want to get married again, I will never trust anyone else's judgement. You seem to have too much power. If I were you, I wouldn't be so sure of being a just and wise person. I have been hurt by such mediators, but I was not allowed to say a word against them. Your sister may be invisible but she might not have the guilt of hurting some weak person on her conscience. 

POV about current affairs? really? So all the people on internet and tv, who have spent years studying politics and who are expert on politics, their opinion doesn't matter? My ex-husband liked to talk about everything. He even liked to discuss biology, while he had studied computer. He said completely false things about biology, but he said it with confidence, no one suspected he was wrong. 

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38 minutes ago, rkazmi33 said:

@Aflower It seems like people expect women to have super powers. I don't trust people who are used as mediators in family conflicts. Unless they have mind-reading abilities, they can never know what happens behind closed doors and they can never do justice. They mostly pretend to be neutral but they support the majority. People should be solving their own problems and the right way to find the suitable proposal is to let the prospective husband and wife talk to each other. I trusted the opinion of "wise" people while choosing my life partner and I am still paying the price for it. If I ever want to get married again, I will never trust anyone else's judgement. You seem to have too much power. If I were you, I wouldn't be so sure of being a just and wise person. I have been hurt by such mediators, but I was not allowed to say a word against them. Your sister may be invisible but she might not have the guilt of hurting some weak person on her conscience. 

POV about current affairs? really? So all the people on internet and tv, who have spent years studying politics and who are expert on politics, their opinion doesn't matter? My ex-husband liked to talk about everything. He even liked to discuss biology, while he had studied computer. He said completely false things about biology, but he said it with confidence, no one suspected he was wrong. 

I appreciate that most people’s opinions and judgements are coloured by their own personal experiences and observations; as are yours. 

I take on board everything you’ve said. 

I would like to add though that many people are guilty of reading too much into every itsy bitsy scenario and making a mountain out of a molehill. Other people underestimate the gravity of a situation - be that due to their optimistic outlook, or, owing to their sheer laziness and hence they choose to bury their head in the sand. Very few people can aptly judge a situation/scenario/individual for what it truly is. However, as you quite rightly said, no one actually knows what is happening behind the scenes. One can only make a judgement call based on the information/evidence presented. 

I can give my opinion if asked, like you are giving yours now, but I never expect for people to take it for gospel. 

Edited by Aflower

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29 minutes ago, Muhammed Ali said:

In my opinion almost all people are socially 'awkward' - even the ones that are not supposedly shy.

I don’t wholly agree. I sometimes feel awkward with socially awkward people. For example, when you are sitting with a family and they all give one word answers and don’t engage in conversation. Why would you invite someone to your home if you don’t want to speak? The silences when you can actually hear the clock ticking away is totes awkward. 

Edited by Aflower

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1 hour ago, Aflower said:

I don’t wholly agree. I sometimes feel awkward with socially awkward people. For example, when you are sitting with a family and they all give one word answers and don’t engage in conversation. Why would you invite someone to your home if you don’t want to speak? The silences when you can actually hear the clock ticking away is totes awkward. 

Is it socially awkward only because most other people don't are not like that? Thus is it subjective or objective?

But where did I say that people were not socially awkward? I said most people are. I think they are with varying degrees.

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4 hours ago, Aflower said:

I can give my opinion if asked, like you are giving yours now, but I never expect for people to take it for gospel. 

I'd say you hype too much. Your praise yourself more then discuss something. I don't blame you, I have been in such circles and it is a habit among ts the competitive types. me me me me me me me. Enjoy it, just not my thing.

I think all socially awkward people should burn in hell. Enjoy. :hahaha:

To those claiming they are socially awkward. It boils down to social skills, experience, exposures to deal with similar situations until experiences builds knowledge to overcome the challenges. The more you spend time within your self, you miss out on those skills you admire so much. Generally genius's tend to be socially awkward, as they are inverted into seeking or doing something productive. If one is placed in this social isolate condition due to whatever circumstance, you must self educate and distract your self. Balance. However if you want to build this skill set, have no fear, have courage, remember you are just dealing with another human, but as always use tact. No need to be cool or you end up a fool. Be true to your self and find those who respect you for you and not for what you are or have.

Drink sprite.

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On 11/15/2018 at 4:31 PM, monad said:

I'd say you hype too much. Your praise yourself more then discuss something. I don't blame you, I have been in such circles and it is a habit among ts the competitive types. me me me me me me me. Enjoy it, just not my thing.

I think all socially awkward people should burn in hell. Enjoy. :hahaha:

To those claiming they are socially awkward. It boils down to social skills, experience, exposures to deal with similar situations until experiences builds knowledge to overcome the challenges. The more you spend time within your self, you miss out on those skills you admire so much. Generally genius's tend to be socially awkward, as they are inverted into seeking or doing something productive. If one is placed in this social isolate condition due to whatever circumstance, you must self educate and distract your self. Balance. However if you want to build this skill set, have no fear, have courage, remember you are just dealing with another human, but as always use tact. No need to be cool or you end up a fool. Be true to your self and find those who respect you for you and not for what you are or have.

Drink sprite.

So if one is to speak from their personal experience, as you yourself are in your own comment... it’s “me me me me me me.” You are judging me based on YOUR experience - is that not me me me me me? Double standards much?

So, it’s OK for a socially awkward person to discuss their challenges but if a confident person does then it’s all “me me me me me me.”

I’ve attended NLP courses, public speaking courses, team management courses and I’ve even taken elocution lessons owing to the line of work I’m in. This hasn’t made me who I am, but it has merely refined my existing communication skill set. I can discuss this topic based on both personal experience and professional training. 

I think your response stinks of bitterness towards a person who is comfortable in their own skin and who can hold their own. I have been in social circles where people envy social butterflies. Your comments roll off me like water off a duck’s back.

Well yes, my social circle does predominantly fall into the “competitive types,” but what’s wrong with the quest for lifelong self-betterment, improvement, growth and refinement? That was a purely rhetorical question - no need to respond in rant mode.

Wayne Dyer stated: “When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

In your case: “me me me me me me.”

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On 11/15/2018 at 11:12 PM, Aflower said:

I’ve attended NLP courses, public speaking courses, team management courses and I’ve even taken elocution lessons owing to the line of work I’m in. This hasn’t made me who I am, but it has merely refined my existing communication skill set. I can discuss this topic based on both personal experience and professional training. 

What does this have to do with the problem the op has?, unless you intended to tell her, perhaps she should read self help books, get some Tony poppins, Brian lazy, Les orange, dale Turniple drugs into her system. But you did not, you self aggrandized your self.

 

On 11/15/2018 at 11:12 PM, Aflower said:

I think your response stinks of bitterness towards a person who is comfortable in their own skin and who can hold their own. I have been in social circles where people envy social butterflies. Your comments roll off me like water off a duck’s back.

I suggest you readdress your Dyer quote on this. It must be a delusion to think you are envied for being socially able, perhaps they were competitive females as your self wanting status. I get on well in all circles, even in my silence. I enjoy observing the fools with their pretense of existing.

 

On 11/15/2018 at 11:12 PM, Aflower said:

Well yes, my social circle does predominantly fall into the “competitive types,” but what’s wrong with the quest for lifelong self-betterment, improvement, growth and refinement? That was a purely rhetorical question - no need to respond in rant mode.

You should just come off clean and state that you are the upper class, and those others, i,e me-  the peasant class are the ill educated, lazy, indolent and are not interested in growth. In fact you could go far as to claim, your superiority even to the closeness to God. After all, your sighs and neighs have been answered.

Your circles are clown jesters fighting for prestige and status. Knowing the nature of existence, they were fortunate to have accumulated X, be it in fame or fortune. Your lifestyle is based on who can claim the highest position to whatever methods are employed and if achieved it is then associated via God, his saints or virtue. So, no, there is no self betterment for virtue, it is based on social hierarchy. I am sure you all manipulate each other extensively for that dopamine fix.

I got promoted, nice, me too, me three, not me, I bought a new car, me too, I am going too as well, er, nice dress its new, its designer, weeee mine isnt, I bought it from a chairty shop, I have money but I like to give back, weeeee, I just came from holiday, weeee, I am going to one as well, weeeee, I already have three this year, weeee, I am pregnant, me too, but you are a guy?, so, guys can get pregnant too, hur hur,  have some food, weeeee, so lets discuss x, y ,z, weeeee, omg you are so smart, i know, weee. Later that evening in each families private conversation What follow is : did you see what he/she said to be, think they are better then us, see what they were dressed like, you see what they spoke like, talked off, they are not wealthy, just ordinary folk from this family and so and so so .

This is your competitive circles. Like I wrote I have been in them, from friends, families to individuals I do not know.

 

On 11/15/2018 at 11:12 PM, Aflower said:

Wayne Dyer stated: “When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

Judging is part of human nature, it is what allows us to make decisions. Do not take these self help gurus to be the truth, they are sales men/women. whatever they write or speak off, has been written much more profoundly from those whom they copy it from. They are like drug dealers, selling snippets of emotional rhetoric to get the crowd hyped.

O W N E D! :yahoo:

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1 hour ago, monad said:

What does this have to do with the problem the op has?, unless you intended to tell her, perhaps she should read self help books, get some Tony poppins, Brian lazy, Les orange, dale Turniple drugs into her system. But you did not, you self aggrandized your self.

 

I suggest you readdress your Dyer quote on this. It must be a delusion to think you are envied for being socially able, perhaps they were competitive females as your self wanting status. I get on well in all circles, even in my silence. I enjoy observing the fools with their pretense of existing.

 

You should just come off clean and state that you are the upper class, and those others, i,e me-  the peasant class are the ill educated, lazy, indolent and are not interested in growth. In fact you could go far as to claim, your superiority even to the closeness to God. After all, your sighs and neighs have been answered.

Your circles are clown jesters fighting for prestige and status. Knowing the nature of existence, they were fortunate to have accumulated X, be it in fame or fortune. Your lifestyle is based on who can claim the highest position to whatever methods are employed and if achieved it is then associated via God, his saints or virtue. So, no, there is no self betterment for virtue, it is based on social hierarchy. I am sure you all manipulate each other extensively for that dopamine fix.

I got promoted, nice, me too, me three, not me, I bought a new car, me too, I am going too as well, er, nice dress its new, its designer, weeee mine isnt, I bought it from a chairty shop, I have money but I like to give back, weeeee, I just came from holiday, weeee, I am going to one as well, weeeee, I already have three this year, weeee, I am pregnant, me too, but you are a guy?, so, guys can get pregnant too, hur hur,  have some food, weeeee, so lets discuss x, y ,z, weeeee, omg you are so smart, i know, weee. Later that evening in each families private conversation What follow is : did you see what he/she said to be, think they are better then us, see what they were dressed like, you see what they spoke like, talked off, they are not wealthy, just ordinary folk from this family and so and so so .

This is your competitive circles. Like I wrote I have been in them, from friends, families to individuals I do not know.

 

Judging is part of human nature, it is what allows us to make decisions. Do not take these self help gurus to be the truth, they are sales men/women. whatever they write or speak off, has been written much more profoundly from those whom they copy it from. They are like drug dealers, selling snippets of emotional rhetoric to get the crowd hyped.

O W N E D! :yahoo:

damn you must be so hard to deal with, whats your story man? dont mean in offensively, lol.

Edited by Ruqaya101

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1 hour ago, Ruqaya101 said:

damn you must be so hard to deal with, whats your story man? dont mean in offensively, lol.

Netflix has better stories.

Vice and RT has more realistic ones.

Writing/speaking the truth generally makes one hard to deal with, as they do not conform to pretense. Humans are good at using each other, and they do it best with sweet words and kindness. Obviously to let the guard down before they strike you to further their own preservation. 

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