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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Haji 2003

Parents thread

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Recent research suggests that parents need “off-hours” from their devicesjust as much as their children. Advice drawn up by academics at the University of Michigan and the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health suggests that children learn smartphone habits from their parents, making it important to unplug in favour of screen-free playtime. The findings are revealed amid reports that nannies are being asked to sign contracts limiting social media during work hours.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/nov/11/parents-screen-time-children-technology-limit-education

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Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum Brother 

In a different thread I had asked you about how to talk to children about their identity. 

Nationality, homeland, citizenship, religion, ethnicity.... Anything else you see as important 

M3 Salamah, Fe Amin Allah 

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1 hour ago, Laayla said:

In a different thread I had asked you about how to talk to children about their identity. 

Shia.

Whatever else is convenient at the time.

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1 hour ago, Aflower said:

I hope that you and your family are well IA. Have you decided which school your son will be attending? Will you be choosing a Grammar school?

Based on his exam results, he's very marginal for the best local grammar.

He has a better chance at another grammar that is further away, but which is also mixed (gender). Perhaps it's for the better if he does not get into the best one, it is quite intense and he wilts under pressure, unlike his elder sister.

But the mixed aspect of the other school is a concern. 

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1 minute ago, Haji 2003 said:

But the mixed aspect of the other school is a concern

Is there another available school which is all boys, even if father away or slightly lower rated? I assume your son is involved in the decision process. 

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1 hour ago, Haji 2003 said:

Based on his exam results, he's very marginal for the best local grammar.

He has a better chance at another grammar that is further away, but which is also mixed (gender). Perhaps it's for the better if he does not get into the best one, it is quite intense and he wilts under pressure, unlike his elder sister.

But the mixed aspect of the other school is a concern. 

If his score is very marginal then IA he should definitely get a place at your first choice of school. I've witnessed children who have scored significantly lower than the required threshold but have still been offered a place eventually whilst on the waiting list. My son told me that on his first day at school two boys didn't turn up. It eventually transpired that they had decided to go to an Independent school but their parents didn't have the courtesy of letting the LEA know. I need the eye roll emoji now. LOL.

Best of luck.

Edited by Aflower

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6 minutes ago, Aflower said:

If his score is very marginal then IA he should definitely get a place at your first choice of school.

Well, the issue of marginality took into account that factor, we went by the lowest score at which boys had gone to the school. It's on that borderline.

1 hour ago, notme said:

Is there another available school which is all boys, even if father away or slightly lower rated? I assume your son is involved in the decision process.

There is a Shia school, but I have heard that discipline is not the best. Having said that I know someone who'd pay attention to education quality and his sons go there. It also requires fees, but they're not high and not a problem.

As I said previously it does seem as if my son is a 'believer', the teachers had put on a movie because a kid was leaving school and my son refused to watch it because it was Muharram. So from that pov the Shia school has potential. My wife is not too keen on it though.

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36 minutes ago, Haji 2003 said:

My wife is not too keen on it though.

Because of the reputation for discipline problems? 

The fact that your son has already been willing to stand up for what he believes to be right would indicate less of an issue with low discipline, but it can gradually erode. It is a legitimate concern. 

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1 hour ago, Aflower said:

What is your wife's POV?

 

2 hours ago, Haji 2003 said:

So from that pov the Shia school has potential. My wife is not too keen on it though.

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2 hours ago, Aflower said:

Sorry, what I meant was why is she not keen?

Academically it is not as strong as the mixed grammar.

Up to now, it's been easy, no girls invited to birthday parties, mainly because no boys were invited to older Sis parties. And it's never been an issue. But in this new school, he'll be attending between the years 11-18 and that sort of distinction will be more challenging for him to negotiate (I think).

I'm minded to prefer the Shia school on account of the above and where necessary buy-in additional tuition. 

Older Sis and nearby cousins go to an all-girls' school.

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1 hour ago, Haji 2003 said:

Academically it is not as strong as the mixed grammar.

Surely any academic shortfall could be made up with enrichment activities at home? Would it severely hurt his university or work training options? 

Having regrets about academics is not nearly so bad as having regrets about social choices, especially where it comes to boys and girls. I say this as a person who was raised non-Muslim and has experienced both. 

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Everyday it's something else with these children.  Today they went to bed feeling guilty because they knew they did wrong.

I mean, they scribbled on their faces to each other with pens and it left marks.

Please share tips on how to stay calm, focused, and teach them lessons on how not to hurt one another.

Thank you.  :)

 

 

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57 minutes ago, Laayla said:

Please share tips on how to stay calm, focused, and teach them lessons on how not to hurt one another.

Learn to sometimes laugh about the mischief that children get into instead of always taking it so seriously. I'm sure you're already modeling the kind of behavior you'd like to see - that is the most important thing for parents to do. :love:

 

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4 hours ago, Laayla said:

Tell me I wasn't supposed to be upset.

Oh definitely I would have been! I thought it was just ink. 

Children are children though. They will get these little hurts, then they will heal. All the parents can do is love, teach, and guide them, and sometimes they will try our patience. 

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