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Guest Kogoro

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Guest Kogoro

Salam, 

I need your help because I have a problem with my libido, I only think about that and I can't keep self away from masturbation I do it 2 times a week, I am 16 and I know that it's haram but I can't do anything : I can't get married because I live in the west and I can't fast everyday because of school. I really need your help for this, I don't talk about this to my parents because it's shameful.

 

Thank you.

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How do you expect us to help you?. You are the commander of your ship. Your steer it to the path you choose. The winds may push you away from your course but you are always the captain. The storms may crash and sink you, but you are always the one who decides to fight the fight.

why self abusing is bad.

Releasing energy incorrectly imposes guilt, causes psychological problems, addiction and desensitization. Destroys the intellect. Self discipline is needed for future hurdles. Build up inner strength. Men need to have cohabitan with a female.

Muta bro .

Or you can be like the other creeds, who will scream muta is haram, but are satisfied with self abuse.

Edited by monad

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^I think you should be more careful instead of thinking it’s amusing to say this kind of thing. A sixteen year old probably won’t understand well enough mutah and a sexual relationship and (everything that comes with that. 

 

19 minutes ago, Guest Kogoro said:

Salam, 

I need your help because I have a problem with my libido, I only think about that and I can't keep self away from masturbation I do it 2 times a week, I am 16 and I know that it's haram but I can't do anything : I can't get married because I live in the west and I can't fast everyday because of school. I really need your help for this, I don't talk about this to my parents because it's shameful.

 

Thank you.

Wasalam

Try to limit your exposure to things that stimulate the desires. Make sure certain sites, words, etc are blocked on your phone, laptop and any other electronics. When watching Westerns shows and TV be careful of the content. If there is a lot of sexual content refrain from watching that show. Other times you can forward the unnecessary parts. Out of sight out of mind. Try to use your spare time wisely and don’t let yourself be alone too often. 

here are also some tips I found online:

Stay away from animal proteins. The proteins and hormones found in meats like beef, chicken, pork and turkey can contribute to high testosterone levels. Vegetarians tend to have lower testosterone levels than omnivores, and thus lower libidos.

Exercise frequently. Working out reduces your testosterone levels while increasing cortisol. Marathon runners frequently have lower-than-average testosterone levels because of this.

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7 minutes ago, eloquence said:

^I think you should be more careful instead of thinking it’s amusing to say this kind of thing. A sixteen year old probably won’t understand well enough mutah and a sexual relationship and (everything that comes with that. 

THIS is the biggest problem. Guys his age and younger are not virgins any more. Many have Girlfriends. Why do you think religions or even those savage irreligious tribes with SOME of their immoral practices  and behaviors advocate early marriage if they were not ready for it. If the objective was progression then why have we decided at 20 and under the person is dumb or immature. Mature enough to pray, go mosque, perhaps earn money, do chores, but not mature enough to marry?. Too dumb to choose a mate, but smart enough to handle dangerous tools.

The purpose was the self. Parents, communities the state did not want their kids to grow up and make decisions. keep them dumb and long enough to never fly from the nest. Emotional maturity takes time, we learn through err.  Education is the key. Correct information given at the right ages with good advice creates individuals with good reasoning skills. If you teach them stupidity how else will the person understand their existence on a planet, where with good fortune they will live up to 100.

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Guest Hussein

I completely agree with monad. This whole conservative push away from muta in the west is only driving youth away from religion. How are they supposed to refrain from masturbating if they can't have a girlfriend to satisfy their sexual needs. We're all human, we should push for people to satisfy their desires so they can stop committing sin and focus on their religion and work. I would advice the OP to find a girlfriend, even if they are ahlul-kitab and not muslim since shias are mostly against this for some reason. Contract a muta with her and you won't have to sin again. Honestly, those advising against muta, i can guarantee either they're married or they're masturbating themselves lol. Unless they got some unnatural balance in their hormone levels.

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2 hours ago, monad said:

Guys his age and younger are not virgins any more. Many have Girlfriends.

Who said that's right and healthy? Not every 16 year old is mature enough to handle the commitment of a relationship, whether temporary or permanent. If this individual is mature enough and responsible enough, then that's amazing. But is it practical for a 16 year old? How will he handle the situation if the wife gets pregnant? Realistically, it won't be a great situation at all. Secondly, who said there are young shia/ahl al kitab girls willing to have a temporary marriage with young shia boys?? Thirdly, young girls are not little tools for boys to play with, seek their pleasure from, and then refresh with a new girl when they get bored. Finally, would the men on this thread be willing to marry a girl who's had a mutah/s previously, especially at such a young age? Would all men be willing? The simple answer is no, you don't even need to look further than this forum to realise that. Will many women want to marry a man who's had many mutahs in the past? Again, simple answer is no. Instead of looking at temporary solutions, young boys should learn to control themselves and their desires. Unfortunately, life's not fair, and no one gets everything their way. That is an important and valuable lesson for young boys struggling with such issues. What will happen if they get married and have a fight with their wife? Go have a mutah because their wife is unavaliable? What happens when their wife is pregnant, and cannot fulfill his desires? What happens when she is literally physically unable to please him?  

OP: long story short is, find other ways to get rid of this urge. Exercise alot, and as another member has suggested on a different topic, if you have to, spend alot of time outside, with other people where you know you're unable to resort to haram when you get such urges. 

Edited by 2Timeless

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34 minutes ago, Guest Hussein said:

Honestly, those advising against muta, i can guarantee either they're married or they're masturbating themselves lol. Unless they got some unnatural balance in their hormone levels.

Bro, it's called self-control and patience. Many people have it, it's a great characteristic. Highly recommend it.  

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Guest Hussein
3 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

Bro, it's called self-control and patience. Many people have it, it's a great characteristic. Highly recommend it.  

Bro he's 16, he's probably in a public Western school with endless sexual stimuli. I'm not sure how he's supposed to control himself when his environment stimulates him. It's normal for most ppl not to be able to control themselves, especially males. Why suffer when there's a perfectly acceptable solution. It might not be socially acceptable within the Shia community in the UK, but that's a fault of society not him.

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1 hour ago, Guest Hussein said:

Bro he's 16, he's probably in a public Western school with endless sexual stimuli. I'm not sure how he's supposed to control himself when his environment stimulates him. It's normal for most ppl not to be able to control themselves, especially males. Why suffer when there's a perfectly acceptable solution. It might not be socially acceptable within the Shia community in the UK, but that's a fault of society not him.

Everyone gets all sorts of stimuli. As civilised humans, we learn to live with that stimuli and control our urges and desires. Please refer to my post earlier. Do you have solutions for all the issues that I've suggested would arise from mutah at such a young age?

In addition to all that, (assuming you live in the UK, not sure about other countries), one may be committing a sexual offence if he marries a girl through mutah when he's 16, and he would definitely be committing a sexual offence if a child 12 or under has a mutah. If you argue that 12 or under is too young for mutah, that would completely contradict with your argument as a whole, because a younger boy wouldn't be unable to control his urges even more so, and other kids aged 12 also have physical relations. Not only would the OP be risking a sexual offence (even if his wife may be willing if shes 16 or under), but he would also be committing  haram (which is extremely counterproductive) because he needs to obey the law of the land. He (as well as almost all young men) can control his urges, but would rather not. You can research English law in concern of sexual offences and see for yourself what kind of danger any young boy would be putting himself at. 

EDIT- "Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear" (2:286).

Edited by 2Timeless

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Guest Hussein
1 hour ago, 2Timeless said:

Everyone gets all sorts of stimuli. As civilised humans, we learn to live with that stimuli and control our urges and desires. Please refer to my post earlier. Do you have solutions for all the issues that I've suggested would arise from mutah at such a young age?

In addition to all that, (assuming you live in the UK, not sure about other countries), one may be committing a sexual offence if he marries a girl through mutah when he's 16, and he would definitely be committing a sexual offence if a child 12 or under has a mutah. If you argue that 12 or under is too young for mutah, that would completely contradict with your argument as a whole, because a younger boy wouldn't be unable to control his urges even more so, and other kids aged 12 also have physical relations. Not only would the OP be risking a sexual offence (even if his wife may be willing if shes 16 or under), but he would also be committing  haram (which is extremely counterproductive) because he needs to obey the law of the land. He (as well as almost all young men) can control his urges, but would rather not. You can research English law in concern of sexual offences and see for yourself what kind of danger any young boy would be putting himself at. 

EDIT- "Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear" (2:286).

Yes we can control our urges but it is very difficult for an extended period of time at a young age in an environment with a lot of stimuli every day. A muta may not be considered an official marriage in UK law but can be considered a casual relationship where it is legal to have sex at 16 if I'm not wrong. Of course I wouldn't recommend someone to have muta below 16 cos it contradicts the law. If it's legally and religiously acceptable and he can't control himself why not have a muta. The religious verse can be interpreted in different ways including the fact that God has offered a solution in the form of muta to release the burden. If he's between 12 and 16 and can't control his urges he's gonna have to live with his sins but at 16 it becomes legally and religiously acceptable to have a relationship to release his burden. You may be able to control yourself, others may not and this is a solution for those who can't. It's better to do a muta than to carry on masterbating and commit sin. That is the truth of the matter. As for the social implications, society has to evolve with the current reality and accept that premarital sex is ok in a society with high living costs, marriage costs, hyper sexualisation and long educational requirements. Either marry early or marry temporarily. Those are the options many of us are left with if we can't control ourselves and want to stop sinning. 

Edited by Heavenly_Silk
Removed profanity.

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1 hour ago, Guest Hussein said:

Yes we can control our urges but it is very difficult for an extended period of time at a young age in an environment with a lot of stimuli every day. A muta may not be considered an official marriage in UK law but can be considered a casual relationship where it is legal to have sex at 16 if I'm not wrong. Of course I wouldn't recommend someone to have muta below 16 cos it contradicts the law. If it's legally and religiously acceptable and he can't control himself why not have a muta. The religious verse can be interpreted in different ways including the fact that God has offered a solution in the form of muta to release the burden. If he's between 12 and 16 and can't control his urges he's gonna have to live with his sins but at 16 it becomes legally and religiously acceptable to have a relationship to release his burden. You may be able to control yourself, others may not and this is a solution for those who can't. It's better to do a muta than to carry on masterbating and commit sin. That is the truth of the matter. As for the social implications, society has to evolve with the current reality and accept that premarital sex is ok in a society with high living costs, marriage costs, hyper sexualisation and long educational requirements. Either marry early or marry temporarily. Those are the options many of us are left with if we can't control ourselves and want to stop sinning. 

I understand your point. And I do sympathise with people who find it hard with all the stimuli. But the technicality of it makes a mutah for a young boy a lot less desirable than when we look at it from an idealist perspective. You haven't addressed my points from earlier: 

1) what happens if the girl gets pregnant? How is she supported? Does the mutah immediately turn into a permanent marriage?  What happens to both their futures in terms of education? 

2) it opens doors for hypocrisy. I'm quite certain that the same guys who have mutahs (whether they're boys or grown men) will end up looking for a permanent wife who's never had any relationship of any sort. 

3) it gives both young men and women a completely false view of relationships. Young boys will view relationships as a way to satisfy their physical desires, no more. Young girls will get the message that they are merely tools used by a man for his desires. You do realise that even if a young man and woman enter a mutah, they still have to work very hard to make work? It's not a no-strings-attached situation. If it is a no-strings-attached relationship, then it's more like a form of prostitution. 

4) what happens if said young man cannot find a woman who's willing to have a mutah/permanent marriage with him? 

 

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well common sense would entail that

A: consider the law of the land.

B : yes, self control is applicable, because not all things in life come easily, thus self restrain is part and parcel of existence.

C : sex ed is vital

D : Pregnancy can be the price to pay if one goes that route. If one wants pleasure they also have to accept the burden of pain.

E: It does not open the door to hypocrisy, a man who has had muta's can still decide if he wants a virgin wife, just a like a female can decide the type of male she wants, in terms of looks, career, religiosity and social standing. I suggest reading some narrations that are far worse or stringent to particular types of individuals.  eugenics.

F: with correct guidelines the individual should understand the proposition taking place. what they intend and the both the present and future implications.

G: Females already desire being tools for males. If they didnt, they would not consent so early or dress in a way that requires constant validation.

H : yes, all relationships require work.

I : No one suggested to use females for cohabitation. Muta is a temporary marriage. Not a one night stand. Go read the rules of muta.

J : He was given two variables with the implications. He can decide what course to take. No one is going to hold his hand, we all have to fight our own battles and so he must fight his own.

Edited by monad

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6 minutes ago, monad said:

Females already desire being tools for males. If they didnt, they would not consent so early or dress in a way that requires constant validation.

:hahaha:, honestly such a joke. That one statement just indicates the validity of everything you said in that post.

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2 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

honestly such a joke. That one statement just indicates the validity of everything you said in that post.

Are you a female?. Why do you plaster makeup on your face?.

Females always fight over me, why?. because they want to clean the boogers of my face? or they want this super hot old guy in a 10 piece suit with a beard all the teens want to imitate.

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2 minutes ago, monad said:

Are you a female?. Why do you plaster makeup on your face?.

Females always fight over me, why?. because they want to clean the boogers of my face? or they want this super hot old guy in a 10 piece suit with a beard all the teens want to imitate.

Judging by your previous posts, I honestly can't tell whether you're joking around or you actually feel that way. Care to clarify? 

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1 minute ago, monad said:

Regarding what exactly? Being a presumed misogynist?

 

Lool, you are funny, but I think you need to make your sarcasm more obvious. 

On a more serious note, do you really believe in the things you said earlier?

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Maybe it's better for just men to comment on this forum. 

I still need to do more research regarding mut'ah, but I remember hearing some stuff...and if you're masturbating two times per week, then I'm pretty sure a marriage would be WAJIB in such a case.

Bro maybe sleep in a place where other people are also present as well...

Edited by AStruggler

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1 hour ago, monad said:

G: Females already desire being tools for males. If they didnt, they would not consent so early or dress in a way that requires constant validation.

Lol I agree, this does seem like the case for some women, BUT we shouldn't generalize. 

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Guest Hussein
2 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

I understand your point. And I do sympathise with people who find it hard with all the stimuli. But the technicality of it makes a mutah for a young boy a lot less desirable than when we look at it from an idealist perspective. You haven't addressed my points from earlier: 

1) what happens if the girl gets pregnant? How is she supported? Does the mutah immediately turn into a permanent marriage?  What happens to both their futures in terms of education? 

2) it opens doors for hypocrisy. I'm quite certain that the same guys who have mutahs (whether they're boys or grown men) will end up looking for a permanent wife who's never had any relationship of any sort. 

3) it gives both young men and women a completely false view of relationships. Young boys will view relationships as a way to satisfy their physical desires, no more. Young girls will get the message that they are merely tools used by a man for his desires. You do realise that even if a young man and woman enter a mutah, they still have to work very hard to make work? It's not a no-strings-attached situation. If it is a no-strings-attached relationship, then it's more like a form of prostitution. 

4) what happens if said young man cannot find a woman who's willing to have a mutah/permanent marriage with him? 

 

5

1) Contraception prevents this. If she gets pregnant that's usually their fault and they'll have to live with the consequences of being supported by the state if they're in the west or by family. Their education can still continue with the added burden of taking care of the child, not the end of the world, not ideal but they should have had used contraceptives. Yes, i think it turns into a permanent marriage, or woman might get an abortion, not sure about these rules though, haven't read about islamic laws regarding this.

2) As monad said: "It does not open the door to hypocrisy, a man who has had muta's can still decide if he wants a virgin wife, just a like a female can decide the type of male she wants"

Previous relationships shouldn't be any of the partner's business. What's in the past is in the past. 

3) They can make it into whatever situation they want. Muta, the word used in the quran to describe this marriage, in arabic means pleasure. The actual term is pleasure marriage. So yes you can use it for short term pleasure just like prostitution or for a longer term casual relationship as in a girl/boyfriend type of situation. There is nothing wrong with both types of situations as long as consent is given, it's religiously sanctionable and the terms are clear and observed. How they view the relationship is up to them, there is nothing wrong with simply wanting to satisfy each other's sexual desires. You are presenting your own assumptions as facts. 

4) keep looking, try not to masturbate in the meantime (which as i said might be a futile effort for some). you'd be surprised how easy it is to hook up with women in the digital age. 

 

 

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16 hours ago, Guest Hussein said:

Contraception prevents this. If she gets pregnant that's usually their fault and they'll have to live with the consequences of being supported by the state if they're in the west or by family. Their education can still continue with the added burden of taking care of the child, not the end of the world, not ideal but they should have had used contraceptives. Yes, i think it turns into a permanent marriage, or woman might get an abortion, not sure about these rules though, haven't read about islamic laws regarding this.

Contraceptives reduce the probability but do not eliminate chance of pregnancy entirely. Nobody should engage in sexual activity unless they are ready and willing to raise a child with that partner. 

Abortion is not ever halal unless the mother's life is danger and can be saved by the death of the child. Convenience is not an excuse. 

The part about education, yes absolutely, people who desire education should not let barriers like responsibility of caring for children deter them. It might slow them, but will only stop them if they didn't really want it in the first place. 

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Guest Hussein

Sorry guys, I know I'm sounding really hard core pro muta here, but I also recognise the potential downsides. The person has to weigh the pros and cons themself. The downsides include possible psychological changes where the person may be less committed in permanent marriage if having had previous relationships. Stds, of course is another risk, when seeking a future permanent spouse, it may be more difficult to find someone who accepts your proposal considering the current social stigma against muta. 

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On 11/10/2018 at 7:54 AM, monad said:

THIS is the biggest problem. Guys his age and younger are not virgins any more. Many have Girlfriends. Why do you think religions or even those savage irreligious tribes with SOME of their immoral practices  and behaviors advocate early marriage if they were not ready for it. If the objective was progression then why have we decided at 20 and under the person is dumb or immature. Mature enough to pray, go mosque, perhaps earn money, do chores, but not mature enough to marry?. Too dumb to choose a mate, but smart enough to handle dangerous tools.

The purpose was the self. Parents, communities the state did not want their kids to grow up and make decisions. keep them dumb and long enough to never fly from the nest. Emotional maturity takes time, we learn through err.  Education is the key. Correct information given at the right ages with good advice creates individuals with good reasoning skills. If you teach them stupidity how else will the person understand their existence on a planet, where with good fortune they will live up to 100.

Children start touching themselves at very young ages, it is quite common for children even under 5 to do so. This develops into pleasuring themselves as they get older and parents (usually) ignore it. Nowadays children as young as 12 have girlfriends and boyfriends and they’re all partaking in sexual activities. Should we teach them about mutah too? They are mature enough to do many of the things you mentioned. Children are not dumb but there are many things we don’t understand until we are older. One of those is having sexual partners. How will a 16 year old find someone to do mutah with? Where will he do it? How long will he do it for and how many times? Is that enough for him to last until he can permanently marry? Is it possible for him to have mutahs continuously until years later? I agree with your second point that we need to educate them about these things. You can’t just go out and tell a 16 year old to do mutah. Especially because he won’t understand anything about it. It isn’t discussed in our communities. There needs to be more guidance if you are to tell him to go ahead and do a it. More importantly he needs to learn how to have control over himself and his desires. It’s irresponsible to simply tell him to do a mutah.  

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