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kuluu26

Marriage related again..

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My husband not oly keeps me away from like hugging him nd all, he dsnt even let me hold his hand. No lovable gesture at all. Despite all this he texts a number of other women which I've seen where he gets intimate with them. Its been only a year of wedding and i have a daughter with him. I dont know what to do. I really love him. I've spoken to him too. But he just won't show a positive approach. I need help. Its mentally affecting me. 

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As an outsider looking in, this man doesn't seem like he has any positive attributes that would compell you to stay with him. You've implied that he's cheating on you (you haven't stated that explicitly though), he's not supporting you mentally or emotionally, in fact he's deteriorating your mental health, and finally, he is not fulfilling his role as a husband. 

If you want your daughter to be happy, she needs to see you happy. If you can't be happy with such a man, leave him. Someone else made a similar thread, and I'm going to repeat what I told her: think of all his positive attributes, all the things you think you love about him. Are they good enough? What was the reason you married him in the first place? Does he make you happy? Does he make your daughter happy? Does he care about you? If you can't think of any positives, leave him. If you think the negatives outweigh the positives, leave him. If you think that the positives outweigh the negatives, or if you think that he can seriously change himself for you, give him one last chance. You've made it clear you've tried multiple times and nothing's changed. What are you waiting for? 

Some men are a little on the colder side, and express their love a little differently, which makes it harder to pick up on. But according to what you've said, he doesn't express his love to you in any way whatsoever. 

Just remember, whatever choice you make, will it make you and your daughter happy? Will it be in the best interest of you and your daughter to make such a decision? Do you think it would be better for her to watch her parents exchange cold interactions and have that as an example for her future relationships? Or would you want her to see both her parents happy and respectful to one another? At the end of the day, it's your choice. Just remember, you're not to blame. Prioritise your happiness because without it, your daughter will never be happy.

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46 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

As an outsider looking in, this man doesn't seem like he has any positive attributes that would compell you to stay with him. You've implied that he's cheating on you (you haven't stated that explicitly though), he's not supporting you mentally or emotionally, in fact he's deteriorating your mental health, and finally, he is not fulfilling his role as a husband. 

If you want your daughter to be happy, she needs to see you happy. If you can't be happy with such a man, leave him. Someone else made a similar thread, and I'm going to repeat what I told her: think of all his positive attributes, all the things you think you love about him. Are they good enough? What was the reason you married him in the first place? Does he make you happy? Does he make your daughter happy? Does he care about you? If you can't think of any positives, leave him. If you think the negatives outweigh the positives, leave him. If you think that the positives outweigh the negatives, or if you think that he can seriously change himself for you, give him one last chance. You've made it clear you've tried multiple times and nothing's changed. What are you waiting for? 

Some men are a little on the colder side, and express their love a little differently, which makes it harder to pick up on. But according to what you've said, he doesn't express his love to you in any way whatsoever. 

Just remember, whatever choice you make, will it make you and your daughter happy? Will it be in the best interest of you and your daughter to make such a decision? Do you think it would be better for her to watch her parents exchange cold interactions and have that as an example for her future relationships? Or would you want her to see both her parents happy and respectful to one another? At the end of the day, it's your choice. Just remember, you're not to blame. Prioritise your happiness because without it, your daughter will never be happy.

Thank you for the support.. He cares but as a friend. As a husband the things i expect aren't der at all. And i don't have high expectations.. Im married in a diff state. So im away from my family. He's a nohakhan , offers his prayers properly.. but d trust a relationship needs , its lost. Im not a very skinny person but he prefers one.at times he's even said he dislikes me. How can i see my husband get personal with random girls he chats. And show me absolutely no sign of dat kind of love. Wen i question him about wat he feels abt this relationship he says dat he does like me nd he's happy. But why would a happy married man do that? I feel like a stranger wen I'm with him. 

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41 minutes ago, kuluu26 said:

Thank you for the support.. He cares but as a friend. As a husband the things i expect aren't der at all. And i don't have high expectations.. Im married in a diff state. So im away from my family. He's a nohakhan , offers his prayers properly.. but d trust a relationship needs , its lost. Im not a very skinny person but he prefers one.at times he's even said he dislikes me. How can i see my husband get personal with random girls he chats. And show me absolutely no sign of dat kind of love. Wen i question him about wat he feels abt this relationship he says dat he does like me nd he's happy. But why would a happy married man do that? I feel like a stranger wen I'm with him. 

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sorry, but honestly, he doesn't sound like a great person. In my opinion, I think you should express everything you've said above to him. Write it down on a piece of paper if you have to, sit him down and come clean to him. Don't hide anything. Tell him that you've seen his messages with other women (and don't let him turn the tables and victimise himself), tell him that you feel like you're a stranger with him etc...then see what he says. Ask him what he wants. Let him know how much more time and energy you're willing to sacrifice for him, and show him that you're serious about all of this. This is the only way forward in my eyes. Inshallah everything goes well. 

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He was cheating  on you less than a year after your marriage (cheating at any time isn't okay but when you are newly married and pregnant!!) Divorce.. Move on.

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3 hours ago, kuluu26 said:

My husband not oly keeps me away from like hugging him nd all, he dsnt even let me hold his hand. No lovable gesture at all. Despite all this he texts a number of other women which I've seen where he gets intimate with them. Its been only a year of wedding and i have a daughter with him. I dont know what to do. I really love him. I've spoken to him too. But he just won't show a positive approach. I need help. Its mentally affecting me. 

Salam alaikum sister,

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, I can't imagine how hard it must be for you as well as raising your daughter in such a difficult state

 He's basically cheating on you. I understand you love him, but if this relationship with him continues to stay like this which is seriously affecting your mental health then just divorce him. Since he's not making any effort, you don't deserve him. Neither does your daughter, for when she gets older and sees the two of you not getting along it's also gonna affect her mentally 

I pray that inshallah everything works out for you and don't lose hope sister for every difficulty there comes ease

fee amanillah xx

Edited by 3wliya_maryam

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17 hours ago, kuluu26 said:

My husband not oly keeps me away from like hugging him nd all, he dsnt even let me hold his hand. No lovable gesture at all. Despite all this he texts a number of other women which I've seen where he gets intimate with them. Its been only a year of wedding and i have a daughter with him. I dont know what to do. I really love him. I've spoken to him too. But he just won't show a positive approach. I need help. Its mentally affecting me. 

I think this may be a case of "ooh he's such a bad guy and he's making me feel so worthless, I think I can eventually change him".

If what you said is actually happening this early in the marriage, let alone happening at all. You need to speak to a sheikh/sayyed and find someone else insha'Allah. this will continue and you will feel to become worse throughout your life. trust me, I've seen this happen.

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15 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

As an outsider looking in, this man doesn't seem like he has any positive attributes that would compell you to stay with him. You've implied that he's cheating on you (you haven't stated that explicitly though), he's not supporting you mentally or emotionally, in fact he's deteriorating your mental health, and finally, he is not fulfilling his role as a husband. 

If you want your daughter to be happy, she needs to see you happy. If you can't be happy with such a man, leave him. Someone else made a similar thread, and I'm going to repeat what I told her: think of all his positive attributes, all the things you think you love about him. Are they good enough? What was the reason you married him in the first place? Does he make you happy? Does he make your daughter happy? Does he care about you? If you can't think of any positives, leave him. If you think the negatives outweigh the positives, leave him. If you think that the positives outweigh the negatives, or if you think that he can seriously change himself for you, give him one last chance. You've made it clear you've tried multiple times and nothing's changed. What are you waiting for? 

Some men are a little on the colder side, and express their love a little differently, which makes it harder to pick up on. But according to what you've said, he doesn't express his love to you in any way whatsoever. 

Just remember, whatever choice you make, will it make you and your daughter happy? Will it be in the best interest of you and your daughter to make such a decision? Do you think it would be better for her to watch her parents exchange cold interactions and have that as an example for her future relationships? Or would you want her to see both her parents happy and respectful to one another? At the end of the day, it's your choice. Just remember, you're not to blame. Prioritise your happiness because without it, your daughter will never be happy.

We all should try to keep the family and encourage the OP to get her husband back to life. 

To the OP: talk with him more. Does he rejects your love always? Maybe he doesn't want to hug you in front of kid. Maybe he is afraid that it may have bad effect on the kid. Probably he is open to you at other times when there's no kid around you. Let him know how much you love him. Talk with him more and do whatever you can to keep him happy. He will be back to you. Do dua as well. I do dua for your family.

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3 minutes ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

I don't understand why every single time one person posts something about family issues, you come and encourage the person to divorce. Why do you do this? Do you like other people encourage your spouse to divorce when you find yourself in a family issue? OP's post is only 9 lines, but you came up with a long advise which encourages to divorce.

We all should try to keep the family and encourage the OP to get her husband back to life. 

To the OP: talk with him more. Let him know how much you love him. Talk with him more and do whatever you can to keep him happy. He will be back to you. Do dua as well. I do dua for your family.

Thanks a ton .. To be honest my mind directly goes to divorce. But den its not dat i haven't tried. I've done ebery single thing. To please him , to make him happy. But he likes prettier Ppl. 

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15 minutes ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

don't understand why every single time one person posts something about family issues, you come and encourage the person to divorce. Why do you do this? Do you like other people encourage your spouse to divorce when you find yourself in a family issue? OP's post is only 9 lines, but you came up with a long advise which encourages to divorce.

We all should try to keep the family and encourage the OP to get her husband back to life. 

LOL brother. Made my day, honestly. Can you read or do you want me to read for you? I think you'd like me to read for you. Scroll up, oh Killer of the Homewreckers. I was the one telling the OP to talk to her husband and tell him how she's feeling. Others came and told her to divorce him. I never once even used that word. I encouraged her to TALK to him. Don't go around hurling accusations at random people. And if you're so concerned, speak to the people who literally told her to straight up divorce him, not me. Since you found it so difficult to find the posts where people told the OP to get a divorce, I'll provide them for you:

1 hour ago, starlight said:

Divorce.. Move on.

 

1 hour ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

but if this relationship with him continues to stay like this which is seriously affecting your mental health then just divorce him

 

1 hour ago, aaljibar said:

what you said is actually happening this early in the marriage, let alone happening at all. You need to speak to a sheikh/sayyed and find someone else insha'Allah. this will continue and you will feel to become worse throughout your life. trust me, I've seen this happen.

Stop picking on me, it doesn't look too great when you make utterly baseless accusations @AmirAlmuminin Lover

EDIT- also, stop your victim blaming. The tragic reality is some men are disgusting and vile beasts, so inevitably, no woman will want to associate with them. Stop shifting the blame onto the victim in this situation.

Edited by 2Timeless

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1 hour ago, 2Timeless said:

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm sorry, but honestly, he doesn't sound like a great person. In my opinion, I think you should express everything you've said above to him. Write it down on a piece of paper if you have to, sit him down and come clean to him. Don't hide anything. Tell him that you've seen his messages with other women (and don't let him turn the tables and victimise himself), tell him that you feel like you're a stranger with him etc...then see what he says. Ask him what he wants. Let him know how much more time and energy you're willing to sacrifice for him, and show him that you're serious about all of this. This is the only way forward in my eyes. Inshallah everything goes well. 

I've said everything to him, confronted him written it to him. But he just says he's not doing anything wrong I don't have to worry. But i know he's lying. Its just dat hes got a good personality but dat dsnt mean he does this to me right.

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3 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

LOL brother. Made my day, honestly. Can you read or do you want me to read for you? I think you'd like me to read for you. Scroll up, oh Killer of the Homewreckers. I was the one telling the OP to talk to her husband and tell him how she's feeling. Others came and told her to divorce him. I never once even used that word. I encouraged her to TALK to him. Don't go around hurling accusations at random people. And if you're so concerned, speak to the people who literally told her to straight up divorce him, not me. Since you found it so difficult to find the posts where people told the OP to get a divorce, I'll provide them for you:

 

 

Stop picking on me, it doesn't look too great when you make utterly baseless accusations @AmirAlmuminin Lover

 

1 hour ago, starlight said:

He was cheating  on you less than a year after your marriage (cheating at any time isn't okay but when you are newly married and pregnant!!) Divorce.. Move on.

Im scared. 

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25 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

LOL brother. Made my day, honestly. Can you read or do you want me to read for you? I think you'd like me to read for you. Scroll up, oh Killer of the Homewreckers. I was the one telling the OP to talk to her husband and tell him how she's feeling. Others came and told her to divorce him. I never once even used that word. I encouraged her to TALK to him. Don't go around hurling accusations at random people. And if you're so concerned, speak to the people who literally told her to straight up divorce him, not me. Since you found it so difficult to find the posts where people told the OP to get a divorce, I'll provide them for you:

 

 

Stop picking on me, it doesn't look too great when you make utterly baseless accusations @AmirAlmuminin Lover

EDIT- also, stop your victim blaming. The tragic reality is some men are disgusting and vile beasts, so inevitably, no woman will want to associate with them. Stop shifting the blame onto the victim in this situation.

Not to sound mean but you sound insecure brother 

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8 minutes ago, aaljibar said:

Not to sound mean but you sound insecure brother 

You do sound mean (I don't know what else your intention would be by making such a statement), if you want, you can make a thread about how me defending myself against false accusations is being 'insecure', if only I cared for such a thread. Now please, stop diverting the focus of this thread, because there is a sister in need here. Our egos can wait. 

Edited by 2Timeless

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35 minutes ago, kuluu26 said:

I've said everything to him, confronted him written it to him. But he just says he's not doing anything wrong I don't have to worry. But i know he's lying. Its just dat hes got a good personality but dat dsnt mean he does this to me right.

Sister, you've answered your own question. He's not a devil, we can establish that. But he doesn't have the right to do this to you. You're right. What do you think is the best option forward? I've exhausted all possible options (in my opinion). What do you think will be best for you? Maybe you could get some trusted family members involved as a last resort. Maybe he'll realise how serious you are, and if he still doesn't do anything to change, even after everything you've tried, then I think we both know where you need to go from there.

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3 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

You do sound mean, if you want, you can make a thread about how me defending myself against false accusations is being 'insecure', if only I cared for such a thread. Now please, stop diverting the focus of this thread, because there is a sister in need here. Our egos can wait. 

Tbh, it actually makes sense to give that advice. He cheats and doesn't show any affection. That sounds like resentment.

Two close friends who were married had to divorce, because the man showed that behaviour, and he recognized his resentment toward the woman. She already knew he cheated on her, but she agreed to give him an opportunity and say nothing in public. After he went with his colleagues to a striptease club, and it went public. The woman couldn't bear the shame, and decided to divorce him. The guy was also my friend, for years, but even though I talk to him from time to time, we don't share any personal relation anymore.

I spoke with the woman for hours. Before refusing to have sexual relations, the guy asked her to do uncommon sexual activities. She later discovered he used to do that with other women, or prostitutes, who knows. Such a lifestyle converts a decent man in an animal.

Moreover, there are lots of studies on the traits of a cheater. They become cold and lie without regrets. Infidelity becomes normal for them (though they cannot tolerate it when it is done to then). There are things in life that we shouldn't try even once, and cheating is one of them. He will keep lying. If you still love him, you can try staying with him for some time more, until you are very sure of your choice. You don't have to rush it. Meanwhile, think about all of this, put order to your thoughts, talk with your family (this is extremely important), and once you feel enough confidence and support, do it fee sabeel Allah.

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12 hours ago, kuluu26 said:

Thanks a ton .. To be honest my mind directly goes to divorce. But den its not dat i haven't tried. I've done ebery single thing. To please him , to make him happy. But he likes prettier Ppl. 

Listen hun.

Love is such a hard topic and one that few will understand.

Its not easy to let go but its the best thing to do.

Have you tried leaving the house? Take your daughter and leave the house, go to your parents, explain the situation and if he still doesn't come back to you, then divorce him. Its so hard but its the best thing. Not just for you but especially for your daughter! 

She is your first priority.

Kurdish people have a saying, "do not jump from a pot fire into a jungle fire". If you continue this, then thats what will happen. You're in this pot fire right now, are you going to blow it out with cold water ( a symbolism of a fresh start) or are you going to get burnt by the own jungle fire that you will willingly end up in? where not only you are placed in it, but then your daughter as well. 

Hun this is not the last path that you will come across and his not the only man out there. But please help yourself and your daughter. You can build such a beautiful life for her and both have a healthy relationship.

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12 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

You do sound mean (I don't know what else your intention would be by making such a statement), if you want, you can make a thread about how me defending myself against false accusations is being 'insecure', if only I cared for such a thread. Now please, stop diverting the focus of this thread, because there is a sister in need here. Our egos can wait. 

men and their egos...

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Please seek a time slot for both of you to discuss whatever is bothering you. Be upfront and be stern. If he refuses to talk then go ahead and involve the family if you want for discussion. If that’s not what you want maybe marriage counseling is an option. 

I’m not married so I don’t really know,

im sorry you’re feeling like this. May things work out for your sake and your daughters 

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Honestly the celebrity status these nohakhwans and “religious” brothers/speakers get in our communities is getting out of hand. It leads to things like this. How is praying and being a nohakhwan good enough when you can’t fulfill your wife’s rights and chat up na mahram women endlessly? How does he feel okay doing that and being a nohakhwan...doesn’t he learn anything from the Imam (as) he does nohas for? Not only is this relationship unhealthy for you but your child will suffer. I think people have this idea that staying together is better than for kids than being divorced but that’s a bad idea. My parents had issues like this and over time they got worse and worse. It affected ALL us kids in terrible ways. If you've already spoken to him and he doesn’t even WANT to change I honestly think you shouldn’t waste your time with him. If you are able to gain financial independence, do so. Also talk a trusted friend or family member. Do not make a big scene and be careful of who you do go to for advice. Figure out what steps you need to take to be able to leave him. 

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26 minutes ago, eloquence said:

Honestly the celebrity status these nohakhwans and “religious” brothers/speakers get in our communities is getting out of hand. It leads to things like this. How is praying and being a nohakhwan good enough when you can’t fulfill your wife’s rights and chat up na mahram women endlessly? How does he feel okay doing that and being a nohakhwan...doesn’t he learn anything from the Imam (as) he does nohas for? Not only is this relationship unhealthy for you but your child will suffer. I think people have this idea that staying together is better than for kids than being divorced but that’s a bad idea. My parents had issues like this and over time they got worse and worse. It affected ALL us kids in terrible ways. If you've already spoken to him and he doesn’t even WANT to change I honestly think you shouldn’t waste your time with him. If you are able to gain financial independence, do so. Also talk a trusted friend or family member. Do not make a big scene and be careful of who you do go to for advice. Figure out what steps you need to take to be able to leave him. 

That's exactly what i thought, he should infact be more religious but no.. But thank you for your advice and please pray for me. I have spoken and all they say is men do this so relax nd don't take it seriously at the end of the day he's your husband. 

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4 hours ago, Ruqaya101 said:

Listen hun.

Love is such a hard topic and one that few will understand.

Its not easy to let go but its the best thing to do.

Have you tried leaving the house? Take your daughter and leave the house, go to your parents, explain the situation and if he still doesn't come back to you, then divorce him. Its so hard but its the best thing. Not just for you but especially for your daughter! 

She is your first priority.

Kurdish people have a saying, "do not jump from a pot fire into a jungle fire". If you continue this, then thats what will happen. You're in this pot fire right now, are you going to blow it out with cold water ( a symbolism of a fresh start) or are you going to get burnt by the own jungle fire that you will willingly end up in? where not only you are placed in it, but then your daughter as well. 

Hun this is not the last path that you will come across and his not the only man out there. But please help yourself and your daughter. You can build such a beautiful life for her and both have a healthy relationship.

:) you and my daughter have the same name. I know i don't wanna stay with him but der was so much money dat was used from d wedding.. Wont it hurt my parents. Please remember me in prayers. 

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42 minutes ago, kuluu26 said:

:) you and my daughter have the same name. I know i don't wanna stay with him but der was so much money dat was used from d wedding.. Wont it hurt my parents. Please remember me in prayers. 

Thats the lamest reason for staying in a marriage. 

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39 minutes ago, kuluu26 said:

:) you and my daughter have the same name. I know i don't wanna stay with him but der was so much money dat was used from d wedding.. Wont it hurt my parents. Please remember me in prayers. 

No habibti. But believe me, they are hurting already and you don’t even know. They will hurt so much more knowing how much pain you’re in. They will feel guilty more than you do right now. It won’t hurt them, the only thing that will hurt is the fact that this whole situation is happening and how much it has impacted you. At some point, you will need to motivate them and say, “mum dad I need your support right now and my daughter needs me, this is NOT the end of the world and certainly not the end for me. I have Allah and I can learn to move on and provide love and support for my daughter.”

habibti think of it this way... you yourself have a daughter , imagine if she was in the same position and god forbid she ever will be! But would you be hurt that so much money was lost?? No. 

You would be hurt that she didn’t confide in you and didn’t seek help.

:) You’re most certainly in my prayers!!!

Edited by Ruqaya101

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2 minutes ago, Ruqaya101 said:

try to understand her point of view. its not easy

She wants to stay in the marriage for the sake of the money spent on the wedding!! :confused::dry:

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4 minutes ago, starlight said:

She wants to stay in the marriage for the sake of the money spent on the wedding!! :confused::dry:

yeah haha but when someone overthinks, it goes over and beyond just that statement. She doesn't just mean that. She just has been thinking about all the possibilities of what could go wrong and how she is going to confront her parents etc. Thats why I am saying lets try and understand her point of view and what she must be thinking about. ya get me?

let me elaborate, maybe her parents circumstances aren't that great, maybe they worked so hard for that money etc

Edited by Ruqaya101

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@kuluu26 I know it's hard, and you might be trying to find any way to cling on and fix your marriage. But the only reason you should want to stay with your husband and fix the marriage, is because you value your relationship and you think he deserves you putting yourself under so much stress and pressure. Forget about the money spent on the wedding or the house or the car. That money won't buy your happiness. As for your parents, like others have said, if they saw how much you were struggling, and how unhappy you are, money would be absolutely the last of their worries. 

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47 minutes ago, Ruqaya101 said:

yeah haha but when someone overthinks, it goes over and beyond just that statement. She doesn't just mean that. She just has been thinking about all the possibilities of what could go wrong and how she is going to confront her parents etc. Thats why I am saying lets try and understand her point of view and what she must be thinking about. ya get me?

let me elaborate, maybe her parents circumstances aren't that great, maybe they worked so hard for that money etc

Its not just money, its a lot of things involved.. My family, his family, the love I've got. It even makes me question how I'll raise a girl after this. It's not easy to leave everything. For months i thought bringing out this topic was wrong , to speak this way abt my husband was wrong as Islam gives such a high stature to a husband. I felt maybe if i reduce hel like me. I felt maybe with time hel like me. I felt maybe it's too early for a person to get comfortable. I thought its ok if he's like this to me but at least my daughter will get a loving father and a good future. I wouldn't have cared if i did not love him. Its coz i do that its depressing me to the extent that i wanted take my own life. I thought that i should kill all my desires and live the life as it takes me. Because if i had deserved someone better i would have got. I never had relationships with other men. as soon i got done with clg dey got me married. And within a year i had to go through this trauma. As a friend he's amazing. Its not that he's evil to me. But as a husband ... Maybe i deserve this. I don't know. 

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1 hour ago, 2Timeless said:

@kuluu26 I know it's hard, and you might be trying to find any way to cling on and fix your marriage. But the only reason you should want to stay with your husband and fix the marriage, is because you value your relationship and you think he deserves you putting yourself under so much stress and pressure. Forget about the money spent on the wedding or the house or the car. That money won't buy your happiness. As for your parents, like others have said, if they saw how much you were struggling, and how unhappy you are, money would be absolutely the last of their worries. 

I've spoken to my mom.. She says keep praying. Everything will be fine. Things like dese happen . have trust in Allah and hel solve ur problems. Haven't spoken to my dad coz den hel get tensed.. 

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2 hours ago, kuluu26 said:

Its not just money, its a lot of things involved.. My family, his family, the love I've got. It even makes me question how I'll raise a girl after this. It's not easy to leave everything. For months i thought bringing out this topic was wrong , to speak this way abt my husband was wrong as Islam gives such a high stature to a husband. I felt maybe if i reduce hel like me. I felt maybe with time hel like me. I felt maybe it's too early for a person to get comfortable. I thought its ok if he's like this to me but at least my daughter will get a loving father and a good future. I wouldn't have cared if i did not love him. Its coz i do that its depressing me to the extent that i wanted take my own life. I thought that i should kill all my desires and live the life as it takes me. Because if i had deserved someone better i would have got. I never had relationships with other men. as soon i got done with clg dey got me married. And within a year i had to go through this trauma. As a friend he's amazing. Its not that he's evil to me. But as a husband ... Maybe i deserve this. I don't know. 

I know hun and thats what I was trying to say. that you think about everyone involved. but you dont deserve this at all, no one does. 

you know what, in sha Allah tonight ill pray 2 rakah for you and pray for others and myself included. you really did get me emotional sis. 

I know what its like to love someone so deeply but not get that in return, not necessarily from a husband but a bestfriend. I refused to talk to anyone and lost so much time when I could have been happy. At some point, you need to take action for yourself and become happy. 

how will you help your daughter Ruqaya if youre not able to get yourself together sis? you can do this, I know you can, but you must get the courage to let go. 

 

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