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ali_fatheroforphans

Mut'ah taboo needs to end

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Salam,

Mut'ah is no doubt considered a taboo in our communities and homes. I feel that this negative attitude many people (even Shias) have when it comes to mut'ah is very unhelpful. We make it very hard for people who are genuine and wish to enter into a mut'ah contract. 

Why do we create this narrow-minded culture where it's just frowned upon? It's not upon us to judge anyone. 

We're also becoming very unrealistic with the solutions we offer as a community. Almost all Muslims I know are getting influenced by this 'dating culture' and it's not easy especially when the pressure from the West is growing. Muta'ah can be a potential solution. 

So yeah, I don't wanna talk much about the pros and cons, but wanted to send out a message - don't judge anyone for choosing the halal option. 

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28 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Almost all Muslims I know are getting influenced by this 'dating culture' and it's not easy especially when the pressure from the West is growing. Muta'ah can be a potential solution. 

Just for the sake of discussion, wouldn't early permanent marriage be a better solution? What benefits do you think mutah has over permanent marriage?  

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8 minutes ago, starlight said:

Just for the sake of discussion, wouldn't early permanent marriage be a better solution? What benefits do you think mutah has over permanent marriage?  

Again, I'm not here to market a certain type of marriage.

I'm simpy stating that we have no right to question someone's choice in life. 

I do think that it varies from person to person. Some want to enter into a muta'ah contract before making it permanent.

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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5 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Again, I'm not here to market a certain type of marriage.

The title of your thread and OP talk about a certain type of marriage but well...okay. 

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I’m just wondering if mutah does become more popular and totally okay in our communities couldn’t it bring new problems into it? Like higher risks of std’s, people sleeping around a lot and causing problems in families or friends, unwanted pregnancies etc? (Kind of like how sex is prevalent in non Muslim communities and creates a lot of problems but less extreme)

 

I’m not very familiar with the specifics/rules of mutah so I may be off about that

Edited by eloquence

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1 hour ago, starlight said:

Just for the sake of discussion, wouldn't early permanent marriage be a better solution? What benefits do you think mutah has over permanent marriage?  

This WAS and IS the only solution for youths who are dragged into Haram because Society just isn't ready for Halal.

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32 minutes ago, eloquence said:

I’m just wondering if mutah does become more popular and totally okay in our communities couldn’t it bring new problems into it? Like higher risks of std’s, people sleeping around a lot and causing problems in families or friends, unwanted pregnancies etc? (Kind of like how sex is prevalent in non Muslim communities and creates a lot of problems but less extreme)

 

I’m not very familiar with the specifics/rules of mutah so I may be off about that

Permanent marriage is way way way too better and Ahlulbayt have advised to do marriage as soon as one reaches maturity and financial stability.

Also its from Ahlulbayt that if one is unable to do Permanent marriage at an early age then they should observe "Temporary Abstinence". 

And when the period becomes so long and still the person is unable to do Permanent marriage and temporal abstinence is not possible now then only go towards Mut'ah.

So Mutah is not encouraged very much in Islam. But is allowed for some scenarios as I told. 

It is a Mercy to those people who can't marry and have exhausted themselves of temporal abstinence.

Yes, Normalizing Mutah like any other sunnah will have adverse effects on societal level. It will cause more harm than doing good. 

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4 minutes ago, Waseem162 said:

This WAS and IS the only solution for youths who are dragged into Haram because Society just isn't ready for Halal.

and why can't youth get permanently married?

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1 minute ago, Waseem162 said:

do marriage as soon as one reaches maturity and financial stability.

That would've been perfect for that specific time. Not anymore though. 

1 minute ago, starlight said:

and why can't youth get permanently married?

I think some would argue that permanent marriage would bring about huge responsibility for young people, that they wouldn't be able to handle. 

But even western people find full physical intimacy at such a young age a taboo. I don't think any 15 year old is in desperate need of marriage whatsoever. 

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Just now, 2Timeless said:

That would've been perfect for that specific time. Not anymore though. 

I think some would argue that permanent marriage would bring about huge responsibility for young people, that they wouldn't be able to handle. 

But even western people find full physical intimacy at such a young age a taboo. I don't think any 15 year old is in desperate need of marriage whatsoever. 

That would've been perfect for that specific time. Not anymore though. - No dear Sister. Islam has came for the Last Age only. Its the PERFECT deen and all its constituent are well applicable and will lead a human being to perfection and closer to God.

Its us who have made ourselves deprived of the fruits of Islam which comes in the form of Shariah. 

I have one of my friends who married at the age of 18 (and he is a boy) and just after one year he has a daughter too. 

They are now moving to Qom to study Islam. 

If parents have enough money to support the boy/girl and if they find the match, better to do it early.

And almost people get a job at 23. Marry and do a bit of struggle. Allah has promised to handle everything.

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Just now, Waseem162 said:

That would've been perfect for that specific time. Not anymore though. - No dear Sister. Islam has came for the Last Age only. Its the PERFECT deen and all its constituent are well applicable and will lead a human being to perfection and closer to God.

Its us who have made ourselves deprived of the fruits of Islam which comes in the form of Shariah. 

I have one of my friends who married at the age of 18 (and he is a boy) and just after one year he has a daughter too. 

They are now moving to Qom to study Islam. 

If parents have enough money to support the boy/girl and if they find the match, better to do it early.

And almost people get a job at 23. Marry and do a bit of struggle. Allah has promised to handle everything.

When you said "maturity" I assumed you meant buloogh which is usually around the ages of 9-15 for both boys and girls. If you meant adults (18+) then I agree, if two people think marriage is fine for them, then perfect! Inshallah they have a blessed marriage. If you were referring to children (under 18) getting married, then I think that's even a form of neglect of one's children. Marrying your kids at the age of 9 was essential in the time of the imams, but the lives we lead now dictate that this is extremely problematic for modern children. 

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2 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Mut'ah is no doubt considered a taboo in our communities and homes. I feel that this negative attitude many people (even Shias) have when it comes to mut'ah is very unhelpful. We make it very hard for people who are genuine and wish to enter into a mut'ah contract. 

As a father, I have absolutely no problem with the taboo. Just because its not haram does not automatically mean it is socially acceptable. If a guy comes to approach me about doing a Mutah with my daughter he will not leave in one piece. I just don't care if it's halal. 

2 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Why do we create this narrow-minded culture where it's just frowned upon? It's not upon us to judge anyone. 

Just because its halal does not make it mandatory.

2 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

We're also becoming very unrealistic with the solutions we offer as a community. Almost all Muslims I know are getting influenced by this 'dating culture' and it's not easy especially when the pressure from the West is growing. Muta'ah can be a potential solution. 

Again, as a parent I do not see allowing people to have sexual relations just because they are living in the West as a viable solution. I have a son and a daughter and I will not encourage them to engage in a Mutah just because they are exposed to it. There are countless people that grew up in the U.S. with all of its media exposure that chose to live a celibate life until marriage. No need to make it appear as if everyone can't control their hormones. We're humans that have logic and reasoning available to us, not animals that lack the ability to control their emotions or indulgences.

2 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

don't judge anyone for choosing the halal option. 

Again, just because its halal doesn't mean its wajib.

Mutah continues to be, as it always has been considered, in decent society as a cheap and low alternative action to take. Always has been and always will be. No members of decent society will allow their daughters to be used in such a manner nor encourage their sons to engage in it.

Again, just because its non-haram doesn't mean its wajib. 

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1 hour ago, eloquence said:

I’m just wondering if mutah does become more popular and totally okay in our communities couldn’t it bring new problems into it? Like higher risks of std’s, people sleeping around a lot and causing problems in families or friends, unwanted pregnancies etc? (Kind of like how sex is prevalent in non Muslim communities and creates a lot of problems but less extreme)

Pregnancies & STD's would skyrocket. Yes, the child is halal but trust me society will view that child as a [Edited Out] since its not a Perm. Marriage that resulted in the conception.

There's a reason why Mutah only applies to certain criteria. Its not simply something that a bunch of teenagers or young adults can use as a loophole to satisfy their libido with. It carries responsibilites, as well as checks and balances. Otherwise, what's the difference between a Mutah and Zina? Just because its halal, doesn't mean that every unwanted pregnancy will be taken care of by the Father. If we encourage Mutah more than what its meant for then we will be no better than the western cultural beliefs in which sex has been made common and trivial.

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17 minutes ago, Akbar673 said:

If a guy comes to approach me about doing a Mutah with my daughter he will not leave in one piece. I just don't care if it's halal. 

That's not a very good approach and it contradicts what you said earlier about you not having a problem with it. These days unfortunately, haram is more socially acceptable than halal but then who made things that way? we did, the people who make up the society. 

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3 minutes ago, starlight said:

That's not a very good approach and it contradicts what you said earlier about you not having a problem with it. These days unfortunately, haram is more socially acceptable than halal but then who made things that way? we did, the people who make up the society. 

I stated that my opinion was that I agree with the taboo. The societal taboo which frowns upon Mutah. Especially, amongst unwed young people. Also, speaking from a Father's perspective I have the right to refuse the Mutah as long as my daughter is still a virgin. 

Yes, the lines between Halal and Haram are getting skewed day by day but lets not assume that everyone is engaging in haram. Living in the U.S. many people still choose to remain celibate until marriage. 

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7 hours ago, Akbar673 said:

Also, speaking from a Father's perspective I have the right to refuse the Mutah as long as my daughter is still a virgin. 

Of course you do, I was just pointing to the 'not leaving in one piece' part lolz. That was a bit too strong.

I am of the opinion that permanent marriages should be encouraged and finishing university and making a down payment for a house and have enough funds to host a lavish reception and pay a big mahr are NOT prerequisites for a marriage to take place. 

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7 hours ago, starlight said:

Of course you do, I was just pointing to the 'not leaving in one piece' part lolz. That was a bit too strong.

I am of the opinion that permanent marriages should be encouraged and finishing university and making a down payment for a house and have enough funds to host a lavish reception and pay a big mahr are NOT prerequisites for a marriage to take place. 

Well, the husband should have the ability to stand financially on his own two feet. Otherwise, he isn't ready to be a husband yet.

7 hours ago, starlight said:

I was just pointing to the 'not leaving in one piece' part lolz. That was a bit too strong

Well, I might have exaggerated my point a bit...:furious::threatenlumber::brucelee::dwarf::D

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3 hours ago, Akbar673 said:

Just because its halal does not make it mandatory.

Yeah, which is why I said that we have no right to question someone's choice in life. I never said that everyone should enter into a mut'ah contact. 

3 hours ago, Akbar673 said:

There are countless people that grew up in the U.S. with all of its media exposure that chose to live a celibate life until marriage.

Again this is a Christian mentality, and you seem to be obsessed about virginity of Muslims rather than their relationship with Allah. I believe that sexual desires of human beings are very strong, and what do you say about about our youth who are addicted to porn and masurbation? You act like everything is alright. 

Therefore don't judge others who feel mut'ah is a solution to their problems.

3 hours ago, Akbar673 said:

No members of decent society will allow their daughters to be used in such a manner

Mut'ah is not only a benefit to the man, It's a mutual thing. Why are you assuming that a woman who enters into mut'ah is being used? That's absurd reasoning.

3 hours ago, Akbar673 said:

Again, just because its non-haram doesn't mean its wajib. 

When did I say it's wajib? Com'on!

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The time that I was in Mutah relationship with a girl, was my best time. What is more enjoyable than being in relationship?

Find partner for yourself in highschool, university, and every time of your life. Don't spend your life being single.

To the OP: Mutah taboo is already broken. A lot of people practice this Islamic approach. Find a Mutah partner for yourself and enjoy the life with him/her.

Edited by AmirAlmuminin Lover

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5 hours ago, Akbar673 said:

As a father, I have absolutely no problem with the taboo. Just because its not haram does not automatically mean it is socially acceptable. If a guy comes to approach me about doing a Mutah with my daughter he will not leave in one piece. I just don't care if it's halal. 

Just because its halal does not make it mandatory.

Again, as a parent I do not see allowing people to have sexual relations just because they are living in the West as a viable solution. I have a son and a daughter and I will not encourage them to engage in a Mutah just because they are exposed to it. There are countless people that grew up in the U.S. with all of its media exposure that chose to live a celibate life until marriage. No need to make it appear as if everyone can't control their hormones. We're humans that have logic and reasoning available to us, not animals that lack the ability to control their emotions or indulgences.

Again, just because its halal doesn't mean its wajib.

Mutah continues to be, as it always has been considered, in decent society as a cheap and low alternative action to take. Always has been and always will be. No members of decent society will allow their daughters to be used in such a manner nor encourage their sons to engage in it.

Again, just because its non-haram doesn't mean its wajib. 

No offense br, and I am a father too, but when you make the statment 'If someone came and asked to do mutah....they wouldn't leave in one piece'. 

You are obviously judging them and judging that they have bad intentions. I am not saying that if one of my children ( I have boys only, no girls) wanted to do it, I would allow them. It would depend on their circumstances, and the spouse. I would do a thorough background investigation, as you should do for all marriage. But at the same time, If I said for sure, no matter what I would say no, this is not Islam, and this is the reason why there are so many young people who go deeply into haram and some end up leaving the religion, it is because the elders and parents will not even consider something that is halal as a solution under any circumstances. 

Like most parents, I would greatly prefer that my sons stayed unmarried until they graduate from college and have a good job. At the same time, I realize that this is not a realistic solution for most young people. I would rather have them do mutah than get into haram. Yes, my reputation in the community would probably take a hit, people may talk behind my back, assume things about my family, spread rumors, etc, but I care more about the Deen of my children than I do about what the community will say. Also, being a revert to Islam and looking visibly caucasian, I am already used to people assuming things and spreading rumors about me, so I am kind of used to it by now and I guess that is part of it. 

At the same time, I respect you for saying this. Most fathers think this way, but would never admit it in public. That takes some courage to do. The goal of all of us, I think, is to figure out how we can save our children and our community from going toward haram. In order to acheive this goal, we need to have an open and honest discussion, not just with others who agree with use about the solution, but also those who disagree with us. Salam. 

 

Edited by Abu Hadi

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10 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Why do we create this narrow-minded culture where it's just frowned upon? It's not upon us to judge anyone. 

Only the new generation can change this by not passing on the bias to their children, even if they have the bias within themselves.

It's really fascinating the level of taboo mut'ah has reached - some muslim women are willing to date and be completely physical, but would be offended at the mention of "mut'ah". The belief that it's "prostitution" and only for very short-term sexual intercourse is too rampant.

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I believe that depending on the person and depending on the circumstance, allowing your child to do mutah would be a cheap alternative. You’d be selling your child short, and teach them to settle for crumbs in a relationship, and that is definitely not okay.

Your child deserves permanent marriage, and the stability, love, security, and the permanence that comes from a halal relationship. Not be with some person who possibly has only one his/her foot in the door. 

Besides, how is this an alternate to “why buy the cow when you can milk it for free” mentality? There are no rights available in a mutah like you would have in a permanent marriage. Most people view mutah as a relationship and they deal with similar breakups as any Western relationship, and not a marriage. 

EDIT: if a person can’t control their desires, doesn’t have any kind of direction or goals for university and to start a family and have the financial status to take care of a wife/spouse, then that person is not ready for marriage, period. 

Mutah should not be used as an easy access for sex and sexual gratification.

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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