Jump to content
In the Name of God بسم الله

Men who marry women for their looks

Rate this topic


Carlzone

Recommended Posts

  • Advanced Member

Salam aleykom, 

 

I believe we have a hadith about the dangers of marrying women solely for their looks. That will not be a successful marriage as far as I've understood. 

 

How can a woman tell if a man is marrying her solely for her looks? How will she be able to tell from their interactions? Obviously a guy who's in love will act like a knight in shining armour which of course makes it more difficult to know his true motivations for marriage. Does anyone know a good reliable way of determining if this is the case? Especially in the case of a sophisticated guy who's not the everyday sleezball that women normally are used to? 

 

Also, I'm not saying it's a bad thing if a guy appreciates a woman's looks, but only that this is problematic if it is the only reason he is marrying her for. So how can a woman tell?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

If it's purely for looks, he won't show deep interest in the thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, etc. of the girl. He will be interested in discussing very little, won't really initiate conversations, won't have much to say or express from his thoughts either, etc.

A person can't really tell on the spot, it's something a person would have to pay attention to over time. Is he always looking to be physical literally every single time there is free time? Or does he have interest in doing some fun activity, having a meal, inviting family over, seeing family, trying to build good relations with the in-laws, etc.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
21 hours ago, Carlzone said:

Salam aleykom, 

 

I believe we have a hadith about the dangers of marrying women solely for their looks. That will not be a successful marriage as far as I've understood. 

 

How can a woman tell if a man is marrying her solely for her looks? How will she be able to tell from their interactions? Obviously a guy who's in love will act like a knight in shining armour which of course makes it more difficult to know his true motivations for marriage. Does anyone know a good reliable way of determining if this is the case? Especially in the case of a sophisticated guy who's not the everyday sleezball that women normally are used to? 

 

Also, I'm not saying it's a bad thing if a guy appreciates a woman's looks, but only that this is problematic if it is the only reason he is marrying her for. So how can a woman tell?

Start looking into his faith and belief in Islam

If you find a religious man who fears Allah he wouldn't be marrying you for looks alone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
1 hour ago, dragonxx said:

If it's purely for looks, he won't show deep interest in the thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, etc. of the girl. He will be interested in discussing very little, won't really initiate conversations, won't have much to say or express from his thoughts either, etc.

A person can't really tell on the spot, it's something a person would have to pay attention to over time. Is he always looking to be physical literally every single time there is free time? Or does he have interest in doing some fun activity, having a meal, inviting family over, seeing family, trying to build good relations with the in-laws, etc.

Thank you very much! :) That's a great answer! Easy things to check.

Edited by Carlzone
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
1 hour ago, Hassu93 said:

Start looking into his faith and belief in Islam

If you find a religious man who fears Allah he wouldn't be marrying you for looks alone.

Uhm, that's unfortunately not a guarantee. There are Shia sheikhs who send females friend's requests on Facebook without knowing who she is. What are they basing that on? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

Women have a few ways to figure out what is it that a guy likes about her. No woman likes that a guy only likes her looks. She would want a guy who appreciates her point of view and her personality. she would try her hardest to find out if there personalities match; at the end of the day if she is looking at marring him she needs to know who/ what he’s really like. So don’t worry the women will know lol 

Both the girl and he guy have to have some form of physical attraction but it shouldn’t be purely based on this 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Veteran Member

Hear hear younglings - marry beauty because who can stay angry with beauty.

People get mad with the sun but no one gets made at a beautiful sunset.

The rest can be figured out later. 

And don't listen to people who say beauty goes away. Take care of beauty as a precious thing and it will last a long time...or at least until your eyes get weak.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
30 minutes ago, ShiaMan14 said:

Hear hear younglings - marry beauty because who can stay angry with beauty.

People get mad with the sun but no one gets made at a beautiful sunset.

The rest can be figured out later. 

And don't listen to people who say beauty goes away. Take care of beauty as a precious thing and it will last a long time...or at least until your eyes get weak.

Whaaat??? I didn't expect this response from you @ShiaMan14

I think if you like someone's looks + religion and akhlaaq that could work, but if you marry them solely for their looks it's gonna turn into an ugly mess. Believe me I know couples who married solely for looks and they are the most miserable couples I have seen. 

Dragonxx did give good advice that can be used in order to find out a guys motivation given some time of course. 

But i do agree with you that if you take care of your looks you can look good (at least till you're 60). Working out and eating healthy is key. Also hijab preserves a woman's beauty I believe I have read somewhere. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Veteran Member
On 9/30/2018 at 10:56 PM, Hassu93 said:

Start looking into his faith and belief in Islam

That can be very deceptive. There's no way to tell a man's intentions and character by his outward appearance and observance of religion.

 

 

Edited by Marbles
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 9/30/2018 at 1:23 AM, Carlzone said:

Does anyone know a good reliable way of determining if this is the case? Especially in the case of a sophisticated guy who's not the everyday sleezball that women normally are used to? 

Its quite easy, get well dressed with makeup, eye liner etc on and ask him how am I looking?

If he said you looks like witch, don't mind it and realize that he is not marrying you solely for your looks :D

Now don't take it personally, "you" here doesn't means you @Carlzone.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
11 minutes ago, Salsabeel said:

Its quite easy, get well dressed with makeup, eye liner etc on and ask him how am I looking?

If he said you looks like witch, don't mind it and realize that he is not marrying you solely for your looks :D

Now don't take it personally, "you" here doesn't means you @Carlzone.

What if you look good with and without makeup and dressing up? How would that rule out a guy who marries a woman for her looks? 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Veteran Member
12 hours ago, ShiaMan14 said:

Hear hear younglings - marry beauty because who can stay angry with beauty.

People get mad with the sun but no one gets made at a beautiful sunset.

 

This is very wrong or it could be right only for men who have no ghairat. My ex husband was considered good looking, and after few months, it was actually painful for me to look at his face or hear his voice. I literally prayed to God that I don't have to see his face ever again or hear his voice ever again. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
9 minutes ago, rkazmi33 said:

I literally prayed to God that I don't have to see his face ever again or hear his voice ever again. 

That's actually really harsh.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
26 minutes ago, aaljibar said:

That's actually really harsh.

Brother, I don't think you understand what she has gone through. I can definitely understand her prayer. Some women are severely abused in marriages with psychopath-ish men. Women are very vulnerable in marriages. Men have the physique to defend themselves while women most often don't, unfortunately. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Development Team
1 hour ago, aaljibar said:

That's actually really harsh.

That's life for you. It has proven that people can become repulsive to others by personality or attitude alone.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/is-your-personality-making-you-more-or-less-physically-attractive

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
On 9/29/2018 at 9:23 PM, Carlzone said:

Salam aleykom, 

 

I believe we have a hadith about the dangers of marrying women solely for their looks. That will not be a successful marriage as far as I've understood. 

 

How can a woman tell if a man is marrying her solely for her looks? How will she be able to tell from their interactions? Obviously a guy who's in love will act like a knight in shining armour which of course makes it more difficult to know his true motivations for marriage. Does anyone know a good reliable way of determining if this is the case? Especially in the case of a sophisticated guy who's not the everyday sleezball that women normally are used to? 

 

Also, I'm not saying it's a bad thing if a guy appreciates a woman's looks, but only that this is problematic if it is the only reason he is marrying her for. So how can a woman tell?

Wa aleykum assalam.

I married the most beautiful woman I have ever met. I decided instantly without even getting to know her. Still married. Still the most beautiful. Best thing that happened in my life. If you imagine that beauty and even "looks" are only superficial, you are not imagining correctly.

Good luck finding a husband. Don't overthink it. Insha'Allah.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
5 hours ago, abdulhamid said:

Wa aleykum assalam.

I married the most beautiful woman I have ever met. I decided instantly without even getting to know her. Still married. Still the most beautiful. Best thing that happened in my life. If you imagine that beauty and even "looks" are only superficial, you are not imagining correctly.

Good luck finding a husband. Don't overthink it. Insha'Allah.

Perhaps you were lucky. There are always exceptions. 

I believe we have a hadith that states that a man who marries a woman for her looks will not find anything in her that he likes. And I have seen such cases with my own eyes. Horrible, horrible marriages. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
12 hours ago, Carlzone said:

Brother, I don't think you understand what she has gone through. I can definitely understand her prayer. Some women are severely abused in marriages with psychopath-ish men. Women are very vulnerable in marriages. Men have the physique to defend themselves while women most often don't, unfortunately. 

True in that context

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
11 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

That's life for you. It has proven that people can become repulsive to others by personality or attitude alone.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-attraction-doctor/201105/is-your-personality-making-you-more-or-less-physically-attractive

True, but I would have liked a more extensive study that takes other personality aspects into consideration, for instance humour, selflessness, generosity, courage etc. 

The personality assessment used in this study is based on the most popular personality inventory in psychology today - the big five. But there are lots of important personality aspects that are not taken into consideration here. 

Well ok, it's a good start at least. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Veteran Member

Salam,

Every man has his personal acceptable general specifications of how his choice of good looking woman. Once a woman that fall within his general specifications is found, he will show interest and explore more, including her age, belief, skills, moral, family, education...so on.  It is rare that a man will only stick to look as sole factor to find a partner for life.

If a man found a  woman that meets "all" his look specifications, he will start to show off to his friends and try get recognition from his friends.  He will be more jealous, protective and super competitive (afraid of losing her to some else)....he will become the best actor.  It will be difficult for a woman to verify this actor...she needs help from others before making decision.  Unless she also the best actress.  In this case, both need help because both will fall into blind type of love or attraction.

Wallahu alam.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
25 minutes ago, layman said:

Salam,

Every man has his personal acceptable general specifications of how his choice of good looking woman. Once a woman that fall within his general specifications is found, he will show interest and explore more, including her age, belief, skills, moral, family, education...so on.  It is rare that a man will only stick to look as sole factor to find a partner for life.

If a man found a  woman that meets "all" his look specifications, he will start to show off to his friends and try get recognition from his friends.  He will be more jealous, protective and super competitive (afraid of losing her to some else)....he will become the best actor.  It will be difficult for a woman to verify this actor...she needs help from others before making decision.  Unless she also the best actress.  In this case, both need help because both will fall into blind type of love or attraction.

Wallahu alam.

Wa aleykom alsalam,

Personally I feel that "acting" is completely worthless. The person will find out how you are after marriage anyway so it's better to just be completely honest about good and bad sides to find someone compatible that knows and accepts you as you are. Plus you don't have to waste energy to keep up the acting. Genuinity and honesty is the way to go.

Edited by Carlzone
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Veteran Member
On 10/6/2018 at 1:44 AM, Carlzone said:

Whaaat??? I didn't expect this response from you @ShiaMan14.

 

23 hours ago, Carlzone said:

Ok. I just did. Please elaborate?

 

22 hours ago, rkazmi33 said:

This is very wrong or it could be right only for men who have no ghairat.

 

21 hours ago, dragonxx said:

lool his post was sarcastic, he was joking

I was very careful to use the word "beauty" instead of looks.

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder so to some it will be mean "looks". Otherwise

"taqwa" is beauty.

"Aklaaq" is beauty.

"Humbleness" is beautiful.

"Shyness" is beauty in a woman.

"Valor" is beauty in a man.

"Helping others" is beauty.

I could go on and on but I am sure you get the idea.

People will invariably (try to) marry what they find most beauty in and what is most important to them.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

23 hours ago, Carlzone said:

What if you look good with and without makeup and dressing up? How would that rule out a guy who marries a woman for her looks? 

Ok, keeping in view this scenario, I would advise you to ask him how you're looking? If you got the same answer don't start beating him :D.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
23 minutes ago, ShiaMan14 said:

 

 

  

I was very careful to use the word "beauty" instead of looks.

 Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder so to some it will be mean "looks". Otherwise

 "taqwa" is beauty.

"Aklaaq" is beauty.

"Humbleness" is beautiful.

"Shyness" is beauty in a woman.

"Valor" is beauty in a man.

"Helping others" is beauty.

I could go on and on but I am sure you get the idea.

 People will invariably (try to) marry what they find most beauty in and what is most important to them.

Hahahah i totally understand.. but in the context of the thread its only natural to take beauty purely as physical appearance and hence sarcasm =P my fault

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Veteran Member
8 minutes ago, dragonxx said:

Hahahah i totally understand.. but in the context of the thread its only natural to take beauty purely as physical appearance and hence sarcasm =P my fault

Yup.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
39 minutes ago, dragonxx said:

Hahahah i totally understand.. but in the context of the thread its only natural to take beauty purely as physical appearance and hence sarcasm =P my fault

Who would have expected @ShiaMan14 to talk in riddles? This is a new side to shiaman14 that we are seeing :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member

Prophet(pbu):

Anyone who marries a woman for her property, Allah will bind him  to her property, and anyone who marries  for her beauty and good looking will find in her something that is not pleasant to him, and whoever that He will marry for her religion, Allah will bring all these benefits to him.

وسائل الشیعه، ج 14، ص   31

Wasail Al Shia  v 14 p 31

https://hawzah.net/fa/Article/View/4298/چهل-حدیث-ازدواج

Edited by Ashvazdanghe
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Advanced Member
37 minutes ago, Ashvazdanghe said:

Prophet(pbu):

Anyone who marries a woman for her property, Allah will bind him  to her property, and anyone who marries  for her beauty and good looking will find in her something that is not pleasant to him, and whoever that He will marry for her religion, Allah will bring all these benefits to him.

وسائل الشیعه، ج 14، ص   31

Wasail Al Shia  v 14 p 31

https://hawzah.net/fa/Article/View/4298/چهل-حدیث-ازدواج

Thank you so much! I believe this is the hadith that I read before. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...