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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Prisonedboy

Limits of obeying parents in the School of Ahlulbayt (as)

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Salamo Aleykom

This is the words of the website of Ayatollah Sistani about the limits of obeying parents in Islam. The first to points are clear. But the the last two aren`t. First he lists up a bunch of things where a grown up human hardly have any freedom of action at all, and then Sistani ends it up by saying that obeying them (parents) in their personal commands isn`t wajib anyway. (Strong contradiction to be honest!) Lets see the text first:


"In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful

The duty of a child towards his parents is of two kinds:

The First: To be kind towards them by providing for them, if they are in need. To provide for their day-to-day needs. To respond to their requests that are related to their daily lives at a level that is normal and usual for a human being, in the sense that if he refuses to fulfill them, it would be regarded as “not being good to them” — and that would differ depending on whether they are healthy and strong or ill and weak. 

The Second: To behave towards them kindly, by not offending them in word or action, even if they are unjust to him. In some religious text, it says, “And if they hit you, do not shun them; instead say, ‘May Allãh forgive you.’”  This is as far as it relates to the parents’ situation. As for those issues concerning the affairs of the child himself by which he could offend one of the parents, these are of two kinds:

The First: If the parent’s distress results from his concern for the child, it is forbidden for the child to do something that would distress his parent, irrespective of whether or not the parent has prevented him from it.

The Second: If the parent’s distress results from of his own evil characteristics (for example, dislike for the good of this world or the hereafter for his child), this kind of distress has no bearing on the child, thus, it is not obligatory on the child to submit to this kind of desires.

It becomes clear from this that, on its own, obeying the parents in their personal commands is not obligatory. And Allãh knows the best."

(End of the Words by Sistani)

Now if we take a look at this. First he tells us that if a parent`s distress results from his concern for the child it is FORBIDDEN for the child to do something that would distress his parent. Well all the parents almost every time claim that even their injustice is because of the love and consern for the child. Thousand of parents have for example forced their children into unbearable marriages using this consern and love word.  So according to Sistani it is haram to do anything against their will, as going against their will more or less always "hurt" their feelings.

Now if we read further he says that if the parent`s distress results from his own evil characteristics, for example dislike for the good of this world or the hereafter for the child, now this kind of distress has no bearing on the child, thus it is not oblibatory on the child to submit to this kind of desires. If we wait a bit here: So here is he now saying that disobeying them (in other words hurting their feelings) isn`t haram anyway in the case where they are doing it because of evil traits. Someone may say that this is in case where the parents are evil. But even in those cases the parents still claim  that what they are ordering the child to do is because of the connsern and love.

And in the end he turn against all what he said above by say: "It becomes clear that obeying the parents in their personal commands is not obligatory." Well? I thought he just said above that: "it is forbidden for the child to do something that would distress his parent, irrespective of whether or not the parent has prevented him from it."

Should not a marja at that high Level manage to explain this ruling in a more clear and simple way? Very poor quality of explanation here…..


 

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