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2Timeless

Men paying for lunch/dinner dates?

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Salam, 

Before I start, when I say "dates" I mean meet-ups you have with someone you're Islamically married to whether temporarily or permanently, so the "dating" period would be between the time of aqd to wedding party/ when you move in together. 

How do women feel about men paying for their dates? I'm sure were all aware of a modern feminist's standpoint, but what are Muslim people's view on it? I personally understand how men would feel emasculated if the woman pays for the meal. However, having the man paying for every meal is quite unfair and unreasonable to the man in my opinion. Is there ever an end to when a man should pay for dates? Would this progress onto marriage? In my opinion, putting that pressure on men to pay for everything is unhealthy. 

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You have to discuss it with your suitor/fiancee and do what you both feel comfortable doing.

My rule is that whoever invites pays, that way, nobody is stuck with a bigger cost than they are prepared to handle. Actually I do this even in marriage - if my husband wants to see a movie in the theater, we assume he will pay; I usually suggest things like parks or museums but sometimes buy lunch along the way. 

Of course, once this has been discussed, if the other person (the invited not the inviter) wants to offer to pay all or part, that's fine too. 

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"Go Dutch"

Which reminds me:

Back in the 70s this girl was all-bent-out-of-shape because her boyfriend called and asked, "Do you want to see a movie tonight?". She said she did and they set the time. So she gets all ready and he gets there on time. He walks through the door carrying a sack of foods, turns on the TV to the right channel and plops down on the couch.:grin:

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6 minutes ago, Sumerian said:

Men have to pay. It is a sign of a gentleman. Just like opening the door and letting girls go first.

Well, yes it is nice if a man does that. But is it essential to carry on doing it? Also, not many women would be happy if a man paid for everything everytime. Not to mention the pressures it puts on men.

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23 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

"Go Dutch"

"Go Dutch" is unfair because the invitee might not be prepared to pay for half of the outing. It only works when both have equal resources and expenses. 

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10 minutes ago, Sumerian said:

Men have to pay. It is a sign of a gentleman. Just like opening the door and letting girls go first.

That's good in theory, but in practice it isn't always ideal. It definitely is a gentlemanly gesture, but it shouldn't make the man feel emasculated if his wife/fiance offers to pay all or part. Money isn't manliness. 

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5 minutes ago, notme said:

That's good in theory, but in practice it isn't always ideal. It definitely is a gentlemanly gesture, but it shouldn't make the man feel emasculated if his wife/fiance offers to pay all or part. Money isn't manliness. 

Carrying the financial weight of the fam is a manly duty. 

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11 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

Well, yes it is nice if a man does that. But is it essential to carry on doing it? Also, not many women would be happy if a man paid for everything everytime. Not to mention the pressures it puts on men.

No pressure if you're a smart with your bread like me. See you gotta be good fam.

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32 minutes ago, Sumerian said:

Carrying the financial weight of the fam is a manly duty. 

I agree, but a date/outing is a gift. It's nice if once in a while the wife takes her husband out. I'm not saying she needs to pay rent and groceries, just an occasional outing from her own resources. 

Obviously the couple has to work within their capability and comfort. I'm just saying men shouldn't consider it unmanly to sometimes let the lady pay if she wants to.

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9 minutes ago, notme said:

I agree, but a date/outing is a gift. It's nice if once in a while the wife takes her husband out. I'm not saying she needs to pay rent and groceries, just an occasional outing from her own resources. 

Obviously the couple has to work within their capability and comfort. I'm just saying men shouldn't consider it unmanly to sometimes let the lady pay if she wants to.

Lol I can never accept that

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7 minutes ago, realizm said:

:salam:

Of course man should pay. Even today as a married couple with a joint account I feel uncomfortable when my wife  pulls up her purse because I forgot my credit card.

I get that it makes men feel uncomfortable. But I myself wouldn't feel very comfortable if my husband would just pay for everything. I grew up with my parents and family friends fighting over who pays the bills (as in fighting to pay). I don't even feel very comfortable when my girl friends pay for our meals. Where is the middle ground? 

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19 minutes ago, notme said:

I agree, but a date/outing is a gift. It's nice if once in a while the wife takes her husband out. I'm not saying she needs to pay rent and groceries, just an occasional outing from her own resources. 

Obviously the couple has to work within their capability and comfort. I'm just saying men shouldn't consider it unmanly to sometimes let the lady pay if she wants to.

I would feel kinda embarrassed or ashamed of myself. I guesss it’s a man thing that we do out of love for our spouse. 

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2 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

I get that it makes men feel uncomfortable. But I myself wouldn't feel very comfortable if my husband would just pay for everything. I grew up with my parents and family friends fighting over who pays the bills (as in fighting to pay). I don't even feel very comfortable when my girl friends pay for our meals. Where is the middle ground? 

Work, and give your money to your husband so he can pay without feeling bad about it. 

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Just now, realizm said:

Work, and give your money to your husband so he can pay without feeling bad about it. 

Lol that's basically still my money. Sounds like a good solution to me, but wouldn't men still feel emasculated if they took money from their wives? 

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Man being a man. He should be paying. period. 

On some occasions my wife do pay if its my birthday she will pay for dinner. Ok last night she did pay because she said no I want to pay and she was insisting. Because I paid for other stuff. 

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4 minutes ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

Man being a man. He should be paying. period

That's what I'm opposing. I don't think it should be so rigid. Where does all this originate from? If you look at it literally, the man isn't any less of a man if he allows his wife or fiance to pay.

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30 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

That's what I'm opposing. I don't think it should be so rigid. Where does all this originate from? If you look at it literally, the man isn't any less of a man if he allows his wife or fiance to pay.

from the origin man had 3 jobs, provide protection, provide food, and spread his seeds :). We gotta protect our legacy. 

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I used to have the same mentality as a lot of the men in this thread... That the man should always pay. But I've relaxed over the years because I have been in multiple positions where I had more money than my "date." So it's unfair to always expect to be pampered when I can contribute too. It really just depends on the circumstance and being kind and merciful to each other. Works better than rigidity in my opinion. 

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1 minute ago, ireallywannaknow said:

I used to have the same mentality as a lot of the men in this thread... That the man should always pay. But I've relaxed over the years because I have been in multiple positions where I had more money than my "date." So it's unfair to always expect to be pampered when I can contribute too. It really just depends on the circumstance and being kind and merciful to each other. Works better than rigidity in my opinion. 

stop dating broke people lol :hahaha:

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