My journey to polygamy

Zaynab McCabe · August 16, 2018

Salaam alaykom

So the title may catch your attention in thinking I am in a pologomist relationship however as you will soon find out it's my journey to accepting and submitting to Allah. Please follow link below for the rest of blog. http://purifying101.blogspot.com/?m=1

**Hameedeh** · August 16, 2018

12 hours ago, Zaynab McCabe said:

Salaam alaykom

So the title may catch your attention in thinking I am in a pologomist relationship however as you will soon find out it's my journey to accepting and submitting to Allah. Please follow link below for the rest of blog. http://purifying101.blogspot.com/?m=1

Salam, Sister. As you found out, it takes a lot of study and soul searching to understand the concept of polygamy. For those who don't know, marriage and polygamy are mustahab which means it is recommended and earns the person a reward. Allah SWT created polygamy as a halal option for the few people who actually need it. Marriage is not wajib (not compulsory), so polygamy is not wajib either.

**Muslim Queen** · August 16, 2018

Polygamy isn’t mustahab. It’s allowed but not recommended.

Marriage is wajib under certain circumstances.

Edited August 16, 2018 by Muslim Queen

Zaynab McCabe · August 16, 2018

Agree with sister hameedeh

**Hameedeh** · August 17, 2018

5 hours ago, Muslim Queen said:

Polygamy isn’t mustahab. It’s allowed but not recommended.

So when Prophet SA and Ahlul Bayt AS practiced polygamy they did something that was not recommended? I don't think so!

**Hameedeh** · August 17, 2018

6 hours ago, Muslim Queen said:

Marriage is wajib under certain circumstances.

Marriage can be Wajib for people who would fall into sin if they don't get married. For others, it would not be wajib. However, we can't say that all the people we know who are married were in danger of falling into sin! Marriage is a beautiful tradition of the Prophet SA. I wish all people in the world would be able to marry. For someone who had a bad marriage and got divorced, they should not think marriage is bad and never get married again. Marriage can be the most wonderful thing in your life.

**hasanhh** · August 17, 2018

2 minutes ago, Hameedeh said:

Marriage can be the most wonderful thing in your life.

:sign_no:

**hasanhh** · August 17, 2018

8 minutes ago, Hameedeh said:

For someone who had a bad marriage and got divorced, they should not think marriage is bad and never get married again.

Uhty, lf l ever get marred again you can get me this as a wedding present:

http://globalreplicas.com/en/pistolet-skalkowy-dwulufowy-francja-1308.html

Might as well go out in style.

Zaynab McCabe · August 17, 2018

I do request though we can share we should be mindful of Allah.

Quran 16:116

And, for what your tongues describe, do not utter the lie, (saying) This is lawful and this is unlawful, in order to forge a lie against Allah; surely those who forge the lie against Allah shall not prosper.

if you cant accept it yet this is ok but Islam should be accepted completely of the heart for a nearness to Allah swt.

aaaaaa · August 17, 2018

3 hours ago, Hameedeh said:

So when Prophet SA and Ahlul Bayt AS practiced polygamy they did something that was not recommended? I don't think so!

I wouldn’t say polygamy is recommended generally, just that it was recommended in those situations that they did marry more than one. The Prophet didn’t marry anyone else while he was with khadija. And imam ali didn’t marry anyone else while he was with Fatimah.

**Muslim Queen** · August 17, 2018

5 hours ago, Hameedeh said:

So when Prophet SA and Ahlul Bayt AS practiced polygamy they did something that was not recommended? I don't think so!

Hence me saying it is allowed. Polygamy was practiced before Islam and it was not used right. Islam didn't completely put polygamy aside but it restricted it to a maximum of 4 wives and moreover put conditions and restrictions which doesn't allow everyone to have several wives. The Prophet (SA) had multiple wives after his first wife passed and the cases were exceptional cases ex. widowed, divorced and other exceptions and some were also political. So you cant say that its recommended because the Prophet (SA) practiced it. Scholars do not recommend or encourage polygamy, but it is still available to be used as a solution if people are faced with extraordinary cases or circumstances.

4 hours ago, Hameedeh said:

Marriage can be Wajib for people who would fall into sin if they don't get married. For others, it would not be wajib. However, we can't say that all the people we know who are married were in danger of falling into sin! Marriage is a beautiful tradition of the Prophet SA. I wish all people in the world would be able to marry. For someone who had a bad marriage and got divorced, they should not think marriage is bad and never get married again. Marriage can be the most wonderful thing in your life.

I said its wajib under CERTAIN circumstances cuz you said its NOT wajib. Marriage is indeed one of the most beautiful things.

4 hours ago, Zaynab McCabe said:

I do request though we can share we should be mindful of Allah.

Quran 16:116

And, for what your tongues describe, do not utter the lie, (saying) This is lawful and this is unlawful, in order to forge a lie against Allah; surely those who forge the lie against Allah shall not prosper.

if you cant accept it yet this is ok but Islam should be accepted completely of the heart for a nearness to Allah swt.

Im just stating facts that everyone should know about. Polygamy should be practiced properly if its going to be practiced. Of course it should and everyone is working on getting nearer to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى, but no one is perfect and some take time to reach that level and some may never reach it. Alhamdolellah you did and Im happy for you that you are happy. InshaAllah all the best to you.

Edited August 17, 2018 by Muslim Queen

**Muslim Queen** · August 17, 2018

2 hours ago, aaaaaa said:

I wouldn’t say polygamy is recommended generally, just that it was recommended in those situations that they did marry more than one. The Prophet didn’t marry anyone else while he was with khadija. And imam ali didn’t marry anyone else while he was with Fatimah.

Do you think it was that way to also show the importance of having one wife?

Edited August 17, 2018 by Muslim Queen

**Hameedeh** · August 17, 2018

@Muslim Queen When I said polygamy was recommended, I meant that polygamy is recommended as a solution, not that everyone should do it. Sorry for the confusion.

Zaynab McCabe · August 17, 2018

I respectfully disagree that no one is perfect. I believe many have reached a level of perfection however there is always room to reach higher perfection. But that a dif topic.

Agree with that it isn't for everyone and my blog was no way saying we should all do it but it was to encourage us to reach higher perfection in accepting islam and submitting it as a whole.

In sha Allah I think some have come to see this from what i was saying. I have had questions on it so I thought maybe you would be interested to hear them and my response.

1. If a woman loves her husband, I don't think she can bare seeing him with another woman. It's difficult.

Answer: what is very difficult is finding and having the correct love. Loving our husband is good and we should have a deep love for our spouse this helps make the relationship work and as well it helps with giving his rights easier. That being said having love for our husband is a great feeling and us woman are built with emotions so this makes it feel much different for us than for them as we get emotionally attached faster and deeper however this love should be much more and much deeper for the One that was so Merciful that He gave or has given us a compatible spouse in sha Allah. That leads me to the next part is loving Allah. Our love for Allah should be greater than the love for our husband.

We know Allah has created us and who is the best to say what is allowed and what is not? Of course we would say Allah. Therefore accepting what is halal should be priority even if we aren't in such situations like this subject. We can accept it understand it but maybe never be in one. It was never made wajib, could you imagine the burden on the man had it been… however Allah knows what we do not and never places more burden on one that the person can bare. Loving ones husband doesn't just make thinking about this hard… if we sit back and think about it even if we haven't even met our spouse to be we could say that it would be hard if not unbearable for us to see. That is because we do not have proper understanding of it. So I'll continue by answering the next part of your question.

2. I always wondered why Allah has allowed such a thing?

Answer: He has allowed it for many reasons but I will share briefly if you want more don't hesitate to ask. Allah has set a limit where other religions did not. Polygamy is not for a man to (sorry for the blunt words) “get off on whomever" it was never meant for satisfying the lustful vice in someone because if that was so there wouldn't be limits and as well Islam does not encourage vices in fact it helps to establish high moral character in someone. So man shouldn't be looking all over the place not should he be using it as an excuse to “have a different new young flavour”. It allows for this type of marriage to help support the woman actually it is much harder on the man he has to provide for 2 or 3 or 4 wives all equally!! Not many can even provide for 1 let alone more, so it isn't something that usually is seen.

So let's reflect if you knew a sister that had lost her husband or was divorced or couldn't have any children, she wanted to get married to a pious man but none to be found and years go by without her finding someone…. She needs help financially and emotionally to have a spouse but can't is it not better and more righteous of her to become a second wife? Yes of course! I don't know about you but I have seen so many unmarried sisters wanting to meet a pious man but cant and dont for years some even give up…. Is this right that she is to live now lonely because there is no one for her? Even if every man found a woman to marry, women outnumber men so what about the ones left behind? Let alone pious men! This world has its test men have theirs and woman theirs for us woman accepting this is for many!

3. Also, if that was the case, why did Prophet Muhammed not marry another wife while he was with Khadija (AS)? And the same could be said about Imam Ali?Could it be said that they had a wife that was beyond any other woman. That no woman could compare to Khadija and Fatima?

Answer: well alhamdulillah Allah did not make it wajib. But that being said prophet Muhammad sawa was not a rich man in fact bibi khadija AS gave all her wealth for Islam. During those times it was quite hard and in certain in both marriages you mentioned above the right where fulfilled to the peak. There may have not been the proper opportunity that allowed for it (no woman in need or at least no pious woman) but even if there was and they choose to be only with the one it was not wrong on them or any other man that chooses this way…

Not all men want to in fact as I'm fighting I'm reflecting more and I want to say that this was the most beautiful way of showing others how to be with one woman happy, satisfied and that it was not wrong in doing so. Also showing that these 2 pious men where not lustful men after many woman!

You mentioned “We always ask and pray that our relationships be the best as they could be and a model to the relationships between the prophet PBUH and Khadija, and Imam Ali (AS) and Sayeda Fatima.”

Absolutely their marriage was beyond perfect both showing how to support each other and how to give each other their due rights. It is beautiful relationship. I don't argue or disagree with making dua for this type of relationship. Maybe you remember when Bibi Fatima SA was on her deathbed and she told her husband Imam Ali AS to marry her sister when she goes? Do you know why? A man can't be without a woman and her son loved her sister very much this was the perfect person for him. But that wasn't it, she mentioned something just before that and said you can marry any other woman you wish… she was perfect! She was not jealous at all in fact request him to marry after how absolutely amazing and beautiful it that! Most the time we women don't want out man to be with no one else so we deprive others from having a good man, on top of this most wouldn't not want him to marry even after we die….

5. So why is it when it comes to having a second wife, the men usually use it as a way that Allah has allowed it and that we as women should just accept it?

Answer: man has not purified himself and only following part of the sunnah that fits his desires if he is after multiple woman.

Woman do need to accept it in their heart because it will help us get closer to Allah swt. But if a man just tells u sick it up and accept it they have NO IDEA WHAT IS IN STORE FOR THEM! Having more than one wife is no benefit to him trust me it is for the sister that needed support. He will be working harder spending more money having to to a father and educated more children and on top of that he will be so excused after a short time one the second one if he had done it with no good intentions.

To make it a moral action he must be a good person and have good intentions but also the result must be good.

I'm sure any others could do a better job in this subject but I was just sharing my experience to never give up wanting to accept it all! May we all be able to keep reaching higher and higher towards Allah swt.

I do request though we can share we should be mindful of Allah.

Quran 16:116

And, for what your tongues describe, do not utter the lie, (saying) This is lawful and this is unlawful, in order to forge a lie against Allah; surely those who forge the lie against Allah shall not prosper.

if you cant accept it yet this is ok but Islam should be accepted completely of the heart for a nearness to Allah swt.

aaaaaa · August 20, 2018

On 8/17/2018 at 2:17 AM, Muslim Queen said:

Do you think it was that way to also show the importance of having one wife?

The quran states the permissibility of having multiple wives if you can treat them all fairly. With wives like Khadija and Fatima, I wouldn't think the Prophet and Imam Ali would want to or could dedicate their time and effort to other women concurrently. That's my take on it.

**Gaius I. Caesar** · August 21, 2018

On 8/17/2018 at 7:55 AM, Zaynab McCabe said:

I respectfully disagree that no one is perfect. I believe many have reached a level of perfection however there is always room to reach higher perfection.

I respectfully but strongly disagree with that statement. We cannot achieve perfection of itself. That strictly belongs to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى, however that doesn't we can't strive towards perfection.

On 8/16/2018 at 9:40 PM, hasanhh said:

I understand you had a bad experience but I still find it off-putting and rude that you continue to project your failed marriage on a related but irrelevant subject and dismissing the advice others give you with emojis. You are acting childish.

YAli · August 21, 2018

About the brother above who passionately dislikes marriage... And as sister @Hameedeh said if one marriage fails that doesn't mean marriage is not a beautiful thing in and of itself... Well I have this to say to brother @hasanhh :

If you eat some bad food, and then you have the runs, will you curse food for life and never eat again? ... You might even get unlucky and eat bad food two or three times in a row!!!! Lol.

Zaynab McCabe · August 21, 2018

Maybe brother you missed I said a level of perfection in which one can continue to reach higher perfection. Certainly i did not say absolute perfection as that is for Allah alone!

If you still disagree please do explain your position on that as I am always willing to reflect and listen on others position this is how we gain better higher understanding.

(Bolded to make reading quote more easily)

I respectfully disagree that no one is perfect. I believe many have reached a level of perfection however there is always room to reach higher perfection. But that a dif topic.

Agree with that it isn't for everyone and my blog was no way saying we should all do it but it was to encourage us to reach higher perfection in accepting islam and submitting it as a whole.