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What is the recommended age for a man to get married living in the West

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Marriage isn't about your own needs. It is about taking care of your spouse, whether you are a husband or a wife. If you marry for the purpose of fulfilling only your own needs, hopefully you can change quickly once you get to know and love your spouse. If not, the marriage will fall apart or be miserable for both. If one spouse is doing all the work, it's not going to work; husband and wife both have to put the needs of the other first for success. 

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It depends on the man. If the man is in danger of falling into haram (or has already fallen into haram) it is wajib for him to get married as soon as possible. If the man is not in danger of this (I know these exist, I just have never met one personally. This might be a myth like Sasquatch or the Loch Ness monster but I'm not sure) he has the choice when to marry. 

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8 minutes ago, notme said:

Marriage isn't about your own needs. It is about taking care of your spouse, whether you are a husband or a wife. If you marry for the purpose of fulfilling only your own needs, hopefully you can change quickly once you get to know and love your spouse. If not, the marriage will fall apart or be miserable for both. If one spouse is doing all the work, it's not going to work; husband and wife both have to put the needs of the other first for success. 

Yes, that's true, but Allah(s.w.a) created men in such a way that they have a physical based need which increases over time if not fulfilled. If it were not for this need, I am pretty sure the human population would have stopped at generation 1. That is because marriage is also a huge responsibility both financially and in other ways for a man, so they need this push. Women don't need the push so much, so this need in them is less. This is the wisdom of Allah(s.w.a) in order to keep the human race going and increasing. 

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also one more question brothers and sisters, if the masjid is one of the best places to meet a religious wife/husband, how can I be in contact with sisters of my age because ive always been highly involved in many events in my local masjid however I'm usually the youngest of all that attend, and I've never got to meet someone of my age, most of the sisters are aged 23-25.

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@erik 23-25 is pretty close to your age. But even if these women are older than your preference, surely they have sisters and cousins, and the men you meet have sisters, cousins, daughters. 

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1 hour ago, Carlzone said:

If they do it with the same longterm commitment in mind and care for fulfilling their wajibaat and are just then no, they are responsible as well.

Mutah is not long term commitment 

Neither is sex with concubines 

So what's the status of those who practice this ?

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19 minutes ago, Panzerwaffe said:

Mutah is not long term commitment 

Neither is sex with concubines 

So what's the status of those who practice this ?

It depends on how they are using it and what their intentions are.

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5 hours ago, Carlzone said:

@ShiaMan14

I get your point. It's reasonable. At the same time I'm quite sure I heard a story about some 3alim who had a small son. One night his son was aroused or something during sleep and woke up his father and told him about it. His father knocked on the door of his neighbours in the middle of the night in order to ask them if they agree to marry their daughter to his son. I don't know if I remember all the details 100% correct but the story went something along those lines. Has anyone else heard this story?

Average life expectantly during the time of the Prophet (saw) was about 60 years old. If men married at 20, then really they were marrying after padding 1/3 of their life.

If life expectancy is 80 now, 1/3 would mean about 26.

Also, the Prophet got married at 25.

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Get married as soon as you can. Never postpone marriage for money or education or etc. These are all Satan ideas to prevent you from growth, love, and peace. My masters degree took me 3 years. If I was married, I could finish it sooner. If you met a girl, do not reject her for irrational reasons. I met a girl at school, but I didn't go further. Now I regret it. Whenever you meet a good girl, go further and approach her in an islamic way. I know a guy who is in need of a wife, but his options are so limited now because he didn't take advantage of his opportunities in the past. He was living in an environment that finding mumin wife was easy. Now he lives in a city that there's no mosque, no friend. Of course, do not rush in marriage as well. I'm saying do not postpone just because of irrational reasons. 

If you are afraid of not being mature, she also has same feeling. So you both grow together and teach each other. If you are afraid of money, Allah gauranteed Rizgh. Also don't be too much concerned on the beauty or acnes or small dots on the skin etc. Beauty is very important, but sometimes beautiful personality covers all other minor things.

Edited by AmirAlmuminin Lover

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27 minutes ago, Mansur Bakhtiari said:

Anyone got sources showing psychological damage done from delaying marriage for so long? Of course it isn't ideal but what psychologists say about it would be interesting to hear. 

lf you want "psychological damage" - - - get marred.

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45 minutes ago, Mansur Bakhtiari said:

Anyone got sources showing psychological damage done from delaying marriage for so long? Of course it isn't ideal but what psychologists say about it would be interesting to hear. 

Brother, I don’t know where you live, but countless young muslim men complain about sexual frustration throughout their adolescence and early adulthood, it takes its toll over time and leads many to depression. It’s not uncommon for some to end up feeling suicidal because they don’t want to sin and have no release, and the pain becomes unbearable for them. That’s the truth.

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6 hours ago, IbnMariam said:

Brother, I apologise for the way I replied to you as it is not befitting of the believer to speak to another in that way, please forgive me.

I chalked it down to raging hormones. :hahaha:

6 hours ago, IbnMariam said:

I agree that getting married only to satisfy these urges (mut'ah aside, different discussion) is irresponsible and makes a failed marriage an almost certainty, especially if one is immature, bad mannered, or completely disregards his responsibilities towards his wife/children, nor does he care for whether or not she is pious etc.

I don't see what the problem is in a man getting married to satisfy his sexual desires, as long as he also considers that their spouse having taqwa and being compatible with them is of the utmost importance.

You marry someone with taqwa, someone who is compatible with you AND consider someone with whom who can get intimate. Get your priorities right.

6 hours ago, IbnMariam said:

 especially when so many young muslims are either doing zina/addicted to pornography/depressed from a lack of relief.

People do this even after marriage. As a matter of fact, anyone addicted to porn should never marry because he will expect his wife to be a pornstar in the bedroom and when she isn't, he will go back to porn and zina.

6 hours ago, IbnMariam said:

You stated 25 or 28 depending on variables relating to his education and wealth, and I believe this is incorrect as the ahlulbayt (as) have stressed the importance of early marriage. As for the reality of our time, the vast majority of men have not been able to stay chaste for over a decade until this late age, you suggest that yourself as an example shows it can be done, if that is the case then may Allah recognise your status for the patience you have shown, but you are an exception and one of the very very few. It is possible, but with a young man's body practically screaming at him constantly, there's no need to delay this long.

 

What age did the Prophet (saw) first get married?

6 hours ago, IbnMariam said:

Besides, a young man, if he works from his mid teens while he studies, can get married by 18/19/20, and this is entirely doable, I know examples of this, so 25 or 28 is an unnecessary delay, especially with the trials of today.

Perhaps working at a gas station is good enough for some. Others prefer a man with a degree.

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7 hours ago, Panzerwaffe said:

Brother marriage is the only way left to satisfy needs 

In times of Sahaba they had slave girls and concubines not to mention mutah

If u have none , get married by 18 I say why wait till a degree that's stupid

 

Stupid is marrying a girl just for sex.

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I didn't think I would have to remind people that the Prophet (saw) married when he was 25.

He got married after getting a proper job.

As Muslims, feel free to follow his sunnah. 

If not the Prophet (saw) then let's look at Imam Ali (as). He married Hz. Fatima (as) in 2 A.H.

He was 13 when the Prophet (saw) announced his prophethood. Then 13 years of preaching in Mecca, followed 2 years in Medina.

By my calculations, 13 + 13 + 2 = 28.

So I would like to politely request all the pubescent and hormone-raging little boys to stop  talking / writing and pay attention to someone who knows what he is talking about.

My first post on this topic was men should marry around 25-28. Now this is proven by the Sunnah of the Prophet (saw) and Imam Ali (as).

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32 minutes ago, ShiaMan14 said:

 

People do this even after marriage. As a matter of fact, anyone addicted to porn should never marry because he will expect his wife to be a pornstar in the bedroom and when she isn't, he will go back to porn and zina.

Pornography addictions are devastating and literally destroying our community, and worst of all they start early during teenage years for many, the only chance we have to stop it before it starts is to provide a halal sexual outlet early - marriage. Again, early marriage is the advice of the Ahlulbayt (as), they are Allah’s representatives on earth, they know what they’re talking about. It’s a problem that we have to solve or see our communities crumble over the next couple of generations. 

Quote

What age did the Prophet (saw) first get married?

Perhaps working at a gas station is good enough for some. Others prefer a man with a degree.

Brother you’re not being reasonable in your assertions, we’re talking about the ideal age to get married, in this day and age, it is most definitely not 25, nor was it back in the day. The prophet (as) got married when there was a suitable partner for him, what woman was like Khadija (as)? This doesn’t make his age of marriage the ideal age. Again, they tell us to get married early, 2/3rds of religion and all that. It’s a big deal.

As for your gas station comment, you were replying to my assertion that young men can start working as early as their mid teens to prepare financially for marriage, I don’t know what 16/17/18 year old you know that has a degree. The degree comes later ofcourse.

Edited by IbnMariam

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8 minutes ago, ShiaMan14 said:

 

So I would like to politely request all the pubescent and hormone-raging little boys to stop  talking / writing and pay attention to someone who knows what he is talking about.

I apologised for being rude to you in my initial reply, since then you’ve made several snarky comments including a jab at the apology itself

you’re a grown man, please respect yourself and those you’re talking to, have some humility please

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7 minutes ago, IbnMariam said:

Pornography addictions are devastating and literally destroying our community, and worst of all they start early during teenage years for many, the only chance we have to stop it before it starts is to provide a halal sexual outlet early - marriage. Again, early marriage is the advice of the Ahlulbayt (as), they are Allah’s representatives on earth, they know what they’re talking about. It’s a problem that we have to solve or see our communities crumble over the next couple of generations. 

So the Prophet (saw) and Imam Ali (as) did not follow their own advice?

8 minutes ago, IbnMariam said:

 

Brother you’re not being reasonable in your assertions, we’re talking about the ideal age to get married, in this day and age, it is most definitely not 25, nor was it back in the day. The prophet (as) got married when there was a suitable partner for him, what woman was like Khadija (as)? This doesn’t make his age of marriage the ideal age. Again, they tell us to get married early, 2/3rds of religion and all that. It’s a big deal.

As for your gas station comment, you were replying to my assertion that young men can start working as early as their mid teens to prepare financially for marriage, I don’t know what 16/17/18 year old you know that has a degree. The degree comes later ofcourse.

Along with advice to getting married, the AhluBayt have also said that it is the duty of the husband to provide as much for the wife as she is used to in her home or more.

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3 minutes ago, IbnMariam said:

I apologised for being rude to you in my initial reply, since then you’ve made several snarky comments including a jab at the apology itself

you’re a grown man, please respect yourself and those you’re talking to, have some humility please

If you re-read my comment and my emoji, you would realize it was meant to convey that I thought nothing of your original comment so you didn't have to apologize.

And my request has a deeper meaning too - marriage is not about sex. It's about listening and being a good provider to your family. Women average 30,000 words per day. Men average 10,000 words per day. So instead of talking, practice listening. It will lead to happy life and dare I say active bedroom life.

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5 minutes ago, ShiaMan14 said:

So the Prophet (saw) and Imam Ali (as) did not follow their own advice?

 

Their advice is to the general masses, many of whom if they wait too long, they sin. They (as) never had that problem. In a hadith,  a young man was caught masturbating, Imam Ali beat his hands until they became red, and then got him financial support to enable him to marry straight away. The hadith is here: hadith 3

http://shiaonlinelibrary.com/الكتب/1206_وسائل-الشيعة-آل-البيت-الحر-العاملي-ج-٢٠/الصفحة_348

If I’m not mistaken, that appears to be a reliable chain but I’d like for a more knowledgeable member to confirm or deny.

 

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1 minute ago, IbnMariam said:

Their advice is to the general masses, many of whom if they wait too long, they sin. They (as) never had that problem. In a hadith,  a young man was caught masturbating, Imam Ali beat his hands until they became red, and then got him financial support to enable him to marry straight away. The hadith is here: hadith 3

http://shiaonlinelibrary.com/الكتب/1206_وسائل-الشيعة-آل-البيت-الحر-العاملي-ج-٢٠/الصفحة_348

If I’m not mistaken, that appears to be a reliable chain but I’d like for a more knowledgeable member to confirm or deny.

 

Key point being financial support. 

I think you are being overly sensitive on this topic. You and several other young brothers are complaining about libido and urges so when I address you guys ( pubescent and hormone-raging boys  ), you get offended. Yes, I consider 18 year old to be boys.

I gave you well-established facts about the ages of the Prophet (saw) and Imam Ali (as) during the time of their marriage and you dismissed it because you don't think it's applicable in this day and age. We can do that with all sunnah then.

The number one cause of stress in marriages is finances. Your libido and urges will go out the window if you and your wife are not financially stable.

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1 hour ago, IbnMariam said:

Pornography addictions are devastating and literally destroying our community, and worst of all they start early during teenage years for many,

Another problem with porn is that some people --women included- decided to act out on what they see. Just like ever so often police ask, "Why did you murder him?" and get the answer, "Because l wanted to know what it felt like to kill someone."

Destroying Communities: MODs This lS teenage appropriate.  Some where on SC this past week, l mentioned a 2003 interview by a public health official discussing how in the suburbia of Atlanta where she worked, the average 10 year old had 2 1/2 STDs or infections related to sexual activity (hepatitis, TB, etc).  What she also discussed is how this got so prevalent: that the 5th graders and older would watch the Playboy Channel (now off the air, l understand) and then imitate everything they saw. Abnormal stuff included.

 

EDIT for Mod:  lf you think it appropriate, please link the PBS NewsHour segment on porno that l posted last month.

Edited by hasanhh

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