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aleena1904

Would you/ do you raise your children different to how you were raised?

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 I’m wondering whether people are choosing to raise their children the same as they were raised or differently and if so what changes are you making ? 

Obviously raising your child Muslim but how are you bringing this in to his/ her life? How are you teaching about other religions and cultures? 

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I'd like to raise my children similar to how I was raised. I think my mom did a great job especially with the circumstances she was in. She is one of my biggest role models so I'd like to be the same type of mom as her. The difference would be that inshaAllah my children will have a father that sticks around unlike we did. 

Some of the things my mom did that I'd like to copy are being a stay at home mom, homeschooling, emphasis on Islamic teachings at home and being implemented in all areas of life. 

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I try to not shout, I rarely use physical forms of punishment, and I never say "because I said so". I always, without exception, attempt to treat others the way I would want to be treated. If they are children or adults, family or strangers, all human beings deserve respect unless they've proven that they don't. 

My parents did a great job and I have no complaints, but their ways just don't suit me. 

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There’s a few things that I would like to change and some things I admired my parents for. My parents were Great in terms of trusting me and I think that really shows now as to how confident I am. I would change I would prefer to teach my children religion as it stands and then introduce culture as culture so they know the difference. 

My parents also liked the amount of questions we asked growing up. This made them think about the answers to and we were very lucky to come from parents like this. A lot of my friends were not as lucky as I. However I would try to avoid my children feeling pressure from society 

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I will change around some things:

(1) Take my children to the mosque quite often, even if they are a toddler.

(2) Emphasis the importance of Islamic knowledge when they are young. I would happily read them bedtime Islamic stories.

(3) I would never fight/argue with my wife in front of them.

(4) Will be very open with them, so they don't feel judged when asking personal questions 

One thing I love about my parents is that they never backbite about anyone, and they're very humble. I never hear my parents boast on about me and my siblings unlike most Pakistani parents.

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I would probably not work as hard as my parents in the initial years. I would still try to be strict about studies, but I would not set very high goals. I would be strict like my parents about the kind of people they are allowed to meet. I won't enforce the marriage to only syed rule. I will also allow them to marry among other nationalities. The most important thing is I will show them support if they ever want to get divorce. I will support them 100% and help them in any way I can. If they won't be able to have successful relationships, I will still encourage them to adopt kids. I will not be able to give them money but I will give them emotional support. I won't judge them based on how successful or how popular they are. I will judge them based on their values and morals. If one of them bullies the other, I will support the one being bullied and I will cut relations with the bully ( because honestly if the child is bully, his / her first target will be me). 

Of course, I am only answering about how I will raise my kids. I tried to leave room for the values and preferences of my imaginary husband, but I couldn't do it. I think I will be a very cool mom for my daughter, kind of like Lorelei in Gilmore girls. BUT I will probably not do a good job at clean clothes/tidy hair/ healthy home made lunches, so there's a chance my kids will grow up resenting me and they won't listen to me. 

Edited by rkazmi33

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35 minutes ago, aleena1904 said:

How would you raised your children different ? 

 

 

1.) Absolutely no  swearing allowed in the house.

2.) I would not allow any so called Adult jokes in the house

3.) I would restrict tv and internet usage

4.) I would take in consideration  their future marriage and try to make friends with wholesome families instead of remaining an isolated family that is away from society

5.) I would probably home school them or get private tutors for them. I don't want them to mix with the wrong crowd

etc

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@Miss Wonderful I definitely agree with you with the first 4 in your list. Making good friends in society and opening yourself up so your children meet more people I think is really important. 

Also the internet and tv limitations is definitely something I would implement too. My parents were not big tv or technology people. As kids we did have all the gadgets but we were always limited to how much time we could spend on them, unless we were going homework and it requires a laptop. 

One thing I’m unsure on right now and im glad you brought that up is about schools.  I’m unsure of home schooling because I want to ensure my kids have good communication skills and confidence. However there are also a lot of bad things that are putting me off normal schools. 

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^ There are children whom were home schooled whom I personally know and they have more confidence than the children who grew up going to public schools. You can teach your child confidence by encouraging them to complete transactions at grocery stores, and learn how to interact with cousins and adults in the family that come over the house. You as a parent have to teach them self-confidence and by knowing when and how to compliment them.

Edited by Miss Wonderful

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On 8/10/2018 at 8:37 PM, ali_fatheroforphans said:

One thing I love about my parents is that they never backbite about anyone, and they're very humble. I never hear my parents boast on about me and my siblings unlike most Pakistani parents.

Pakistani parents boast about their kids too? I thought it was only a Lebanese thing lollllll

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I ment in terms of being able to speak to peers and team building which comes with confidence etc. I think it’s something we will have to think about more but it’s a very good point. 

Another issue I have with raising children ( and this came up because of another thread) is do you force them to wear the hijab. My mother was a teacher at a mixed school and she saw so many girls who came to school wearing it, took it off during the day and the put it back on at home time. I don’t want that for my child. I really don’t like the idea of them decieving me. Now this could come down to peer pressure although some of the girls kept theirs on or were they told to wear it? I believe it is a choice between you and Allah SWT so when they are ready they can make the choice. 

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I will not physically or emotionally abuse my children. I will teach them about Islam and the Ahlul Bayt (AS) at an early age and encourage them to pray. 

I will raise them to be strong and confident in themselves. Growing up, I always was put away and my voice was lost. I was always told that I needed to be quieter, softer, and not express myself. That I was too loud and “too passionate” and I was shamed being attention-getting. I had to blend in, let people come to me, have other people choose me as a friend, and let people walk all over me because I shouldn’t appear “difficult”. 

Bs. The only person who thinks I’m difficult is my mother. No one else has ever said so. In fact, the opposite is what people tell me. My husband and my friends have always told me that I need to stand up for myself. I’m still learning how to do that. It’s easier for me to do so online. 

 

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When I was about 8/9, I had female "family friends" whom I would occasionally hang out, or play with (children stuff)
 

It would be awkward to end these friendships with the excuse of "being more religious" (when you mature), so I would limit my son to having only male friends, and my daughter to have only female friends.

Also, right when he/she can communicate, he/she will begin to be taught Qur'an and traditions of Muhammad (s) and his Ahlulbayt (as), no way am I waiting till he/she matures, that is a horrible mistake I see happening with many parents, and unfortunately, the child turns out very "not good" :)

Edited by Husayni

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Imam Ali A.S. said that bring up your children according to their time not according to your time.

In our childhood there was lot of force from parents but as the time passes; i realise that children can be given examples between right or wrong. Telling them about Islam more practically engaging with them. For that parents have to

come out of their comfort zones and be practical,

sacrificing some of non halal entertainments at home like avoiding dramas or films that are for more mature brains.

Invest in games and sports.

Give confidence about the religion and should be given answers to anti-islamic questions prior to they listen to them even by their teachers.

What we can give to our Imam a good generation in future.

 

 

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Aoa WRWB Sister.

I am not yet married.

However, when I am and I have kids I will name them beautifully and expect them to have personalities reflective of the personalities they are named after.

I will not send them to any school. I will teach them myself.

I will teach them horse riding, sword fighting, wrestling.

I will marry them the day they attain puberty.

I will ensure that they follow the lives of the Ahlul Bayt AS.

What the parents of our society has done is criminal injustice. On the day if judgment they will answer.

I know a lot of Muslim (Shia/ Sunni) brothers and sisters who are good at heart and pious but have ended up all messed up. Why? Becuase marriage is more important than many ibadaat and etc.

And they were not married at the right time.

Being chaste is not easy, not in this era.

And I am so grateful to my Allah for saving me from wrong indulgences.

It is better to be dead than to be alive in this era.

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If I ever get children Insha Allah, I would raise them in a similar way my parents did but also a little different. I would want to be more lenient to them and give them some freedom (not too much though). I want my children to boost up their confidence and allow them to express their feelings towards me without them having to feel that they would get judged, so that they can be more open to me, I don't want to be a strict mother towards them.

I want my kids to do the things that I wasn't allowed to do.

On 8/13/2018 at 3:42 AM, Miss Wonderful said:

1.) Absolutely no  swearing allowed in the house.

2.) I would not allow any so called Adult jokes in the house

3.) I would restrict tv and internet usage

4.) I would take in consideration  their future marriage and try to make friends with wholesome families instead of remaining an isolated family that is away from society

5.) I would probably home school them or get private tutors for them. I don't want them to mix with the wrong crowd

etc

Salam alaikum,

I agree with all your points except 2 and 5.

In the future, they will obviously need the internet for their studies/homework and for television, it really depends on the content. My family rarely goes on the English channels.

I don't think homeschooling is such a good idea. They need to boost their confidence and self esteem, by engaging with other people outside home. 

 

 

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27 minutes ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

If I ever get children Insha Allah, I would raise them in a similar way my parents did but also a little different. I would want to be more lenient to them and give them some freedom (not too much though). I want my children to boost up their confidence and allow them to express their feelings towards me without them having to feel that they would get judged, so that they can be more open to me, I don't want to be a strict mother towards them.

I want my kids to do the things that I wasn't allowed to do.

Salam alaikum,

I agree with all your points except 2 and 5.

In the future, they will obviously need the internet for their studies/homework and for television, it really depends on the content. My family rarely goes on the English channels.

I don't think homeschooling is such a good idea. They need to boost their confidence and self esteem, by engaging with other people outside home. 

 

 

I like the points u have made as well and it allows me to reflect on them more. Thank u

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My mother's parenting techniques are very cool so i'll inshaaAllah follow her but i wish their fathering will be a little(tinyyyyy) bit different from ours (My father is best,loving absolutely amazing  one but he lacks "best friends" relation with my brother a bit).

1) Make my ways more effective when it comes to Islamic teaching.

2) Read and watch Islamic movies with them very often (my parents used to recite atleast 8 to 9 surahs after a bed time stories)

3) I will teach them to give and help the needy as early and frequent as possible.

4) I will make a good source of their and education both worldly and Islamic. Surely,I will teach them sports especially defense and armed training etc.

5) I will teach my daughter to maintain "women's dignity" and teach my son to respect a "women"s dignity".

6) Most important, I will raise them as a soldier of Imam Mehdi ajtf and i will perform my best to do that.

InshaaAllah.

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On 8/13/2018 at 7:03 AM, Miss Wonderful said:

Pakistani parents boast about their kids too? I thought it was only a Lebanese thing lollllll

Yeah literally soo many!! Obviously apart from a few I've met.

Like a month ago my uncle came to visit us, and the whole time he was boasting on about his daughter with a smirk on his face. Like he'd tell me how she's such a good tutor, punctual, smart, how she works and studies at the same time etc.

I'm like "lemme breath, alright! I get it she's super amazing".

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