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laylacat

Meth Addiction Has Destroyed My Iman

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Salam alaikum brothers and sisters... it’s been so long since I’ve logged on here and scrolled through the forums. It saddens me because I remember when I reverted I spent so much time on here connecting with other Muslims, learning and sharing - I was filled with inspiration and excitement and LOVE for Allah. I could not help but cry almost daily because I was so grateful to be guided to Islam, I felt whole and new - the world transformed and tears welled up in my eyes just seeing the sky, the earth, the plants, all the things Allah has created and knowing He had the power to create such a perfect world. 

However things have gone very very downhill... I am an alcoholic and got sober after reverting. I didn’t crave or consume a drop of alcohol for over a year. I relapsed and one thing led to another and I suddenly found myself in the midst of an even stronger and scarier addiction. Methamphetamine. The relapse with alcohol and my current active addiction to meth has DESTROYED my relationship with Allah. I have turned my back on all my duties and responsibilities as a Muslim, I have committed further sins as a result of being under the influence of meth constantly. I have turned away from Allah and instead have tried to seek comfort from meth/my addiction/other sins. 

I am DEEPLY ashamed and recently have been trying to remember Allah, trying to ask Him for guidance and for forgiveness and the strength to fight my addiction. I have taken full responsibility for my addiction I think. I do not blame anyone for it, I made the choice to try it the first time and seek it out the second time. I was naive and unaware of how powerful it was and I unfortunately met a dealer who pulled all the tricks (that I was ignorant to) to get me HOOKED on this drug very very quickly. However I know he wouldn’t have even had that chance had I not sought the drug out, had I been stronger in my faith and obeyed Allah’s commandments I wouldn’t be in the situation I am now, this addiction wouldn’t have had a chance to begin. 

I am getting help, going to go into detox and then look into rehab programs. Will Allah forgive me...? What can I do to rebuild my relationship with Allah and use the strength and love and faith Islam teaches/Allah provides, to aid me in my recovery? I am ashamed yes for committing haram acts. But I also do not want to hide my sins especially addiction because I think it’s important to talk about it and encourage all Muslims struggling with addiction to seek help and turn back to Allah immediately... advice would be appreciated. Any inspirational stories of recovery relating to Islam would also be very very helpful. Can I do this? Will I be able to find Allah again and follow His guidance? I’m scared. I am scared to stop using and scared to keep using. Oh Allah please forgive me and help me find my way back to the straight path! 

Please make dua for me & for all addicts and ALWAYS trust Allah’s judgement and commandments brothers & sisters because He is never wrong. He knew that using addictive substances can lead to addiction and that’s why he made even using them once or a little bit HARAM. Trust our Creator. He knows how weak human mind/human nature can be. Don’t make my mistakes. Strengthen your bond with Allah so that your Imam is STRONG and not susceptible to such evils... 

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This is such a difficulty, dear sister. Addiction is not easy to break. My little brother died of the consequences of addiction to alcohol. My other brother's ex-wife died of drug overdose, leaving her daughter motherless. Definitely don't try to break the addiction alone, see a doctor or other expert who can help set you up with a support group and possibly provide prescriptions to reduce withdrawal symptoms.

Allah always forgives the repentant. It's actually much harder to forgive yourself than to receive forgiveness from your Creator. 

Can you relocate to separate yourself from temptation to return to alcohol and drugs? I'll be praying for your recovery. 

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6 hours ago, laylacat said:

Any inspirational stories of recovery relating to Islam would also be very very helpful. Can I do this? Will I be able to find Allah again and follow His guidance? I’m scared. I am scared to stop using and scared to keep using. Oh Allah please forgive me and help me find my way back to the straight path! 

Salam it’s good that you find out your way again InshaAllah with help of Allah & love of Ahlulbayt (as) ,you never missed Allah you just lost the way for a period of time but again you back to true way ,definitely you can over come your addiction you need to tolerate it for 40 days during this 40 try to fast as much as you can & recite Duas 

Be optimistic about Allah 

How should we trust in God ?(Tawakkul) |Alireza Panahian 

Addiction to a bad mood ! |Alireza Panahian 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1PszuZUrX_xo_DroXsKsBg   

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This is from Dua Abu Hamza At Thumali that our 4th Imam (as) teached him:

O' my Lord! I did not disobey You when I
did because I rejected Your divinity 
or because I belittled Your commands
or that I was daringly challenging Your
punishment
or that I did not appreciate Your
forewarning 
Yet the mistake has occurred, and my
self misled me 
and my sinful desires won over me
and my misery helped me to it 
and Your protective veil over my sins
lured me
For I have disobeyed You and opposed
You with my own will 
Now, who can ever save me from Your
chastisement? 
Tomorrow, who can save me from the
hands of my rivals?
Whose rope will I catch if You cut off the
rope between You and me?
Shame on me for my evildoings that Your
Book has recorded
Had it not been for Your generosity, the
breadth of Your mercy
as well as Your ordering me not to lose
hope (in Your salvation), I would have
despaired whenever I remembered it (my
sin)

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Definitely do dua for you. Don't lose hope. Be strong. Come here to SC, and befriend with one of the sisters. Go to nearby mosque and find a religious friend. Be strong. I saw a lot of people who break addiction and became Mumin people after that. One of them got married and have a good life now. Don't be alone. Find Mumin religious friends at mosque. Whenever you feel desire to that Haraam substance, order a food that you like and eat that. Be social. Go to mosque. Be active there and participate in their programs. Never ever be alone. Also delete the number of that Satan (=dealer) from your phone. If he contacted you one more time, call police. I realized you are deeply upset about what you did in the past. Be sure that Allah has forgiven you. Start a new life and forget the past. You are like a new born baby (no sin). Be active at mosque and find Mumin friends over there.

Do dua for you a lot. Recite dua Tawassul and Zyarat Ashoura everyday. If you are not in mood of reciting them, play them on youtube. If still not in mood of that, say یا حسین

یا مهدی ادرکنی several times

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Salaamun aleikum dear sister,

Alhamdulilah youre here and reaching out to us, your brothers and sisters in faith and in humanity. I honestly think that this particular subject is something that is not spoken enough about in our communities, and we would all be ignorant to think that this problem doesn't exist between us Muslims, so the first thing I want to say is that as Muslims, we need to be more aware of the existence and the  reality of addiction inour comunities. Being blind to the truth of this world does nothing for us except harm us.

Anyhow,

I may be the only one here who says things this way, so I want to make sure I do.

Al hamdu Allah, you are not stuck in denial, and that is a HUGE blessing!

I want to say straight off the bat is, yes, Allah WILL forgive you. He has promised us this, however, we need to uphold our end of the deal, as best we can, and that's that we need to repent from our mistakes and our sins and do our best to not return to them, and in the unfortunate event that we do, we need to continue asking His forgiveness. Allah knows our hearts, and He knows when we are struggling and that not everything is going to stop the first time we repent and say "please forgive me for this". We're not perfect, and sometimes it takes many shots for us to overcome certain behaviors and He knows that. He is our creator, and He loves us, and all of these things will be taken into consideration, so don't let it get you down or think badly about Him. That is Shaytans Ploy and how he tears us down is by whispering in our ears that Allah could never forgive us  our sins because A,B,C, ...etc.

.

The next thing I want to say is,  as you've already admitted,  this addiction has taken you away from Allah , so the first thing I recommend you do  is to continuously make due to Allah for Him to guide you in each and every step that you take. Ask Him to put the right people in your path at the right time, and to make you conscious of these people and events as they occur.

Get yourself a tasbeeh and as many times a day as you are able to, send 150 salawat on the prophet and his family, and gift it to Imam Mahdis(AS) mother-Have your intention to be for the good of everything and all situations in your life.

Now for the worldly aspects-

Once you get out of your detox center, the most important thing for you to do is change your people your places and the things that you do. Don't go to those places, don't contact those people, and certainly dont do "those things". Do a contact dump in your phone and get rid of all those text messages, call list and everything else. You may need  to change your number if you have issues with people calling you as opposed to you calling them.

Once thats done:

At first opportunity, (and I would be surprised if your recovery center didn't provide you with these resources)  you need to seek out the nearest N/A or even A/A programs you can find. I don't know where in the world you are, but I know that N/A as well as AA and other 12 step programs are practically everywhere in the world-you'd be hard-pressed to NOT find a 12-step Recovery Group wherever you live. Even Christians have their own "personalized" version of it, called Celebrate Recovery. If all else fails, find online meetings because they exist now. Just go to an official N/A website, and you should be able to figure out how to join online meetings.

Once you get yourself into meetings, listen to other people's stories of experience, strength and Hope, their Reliance upon their higher power, which for us is Allah, (but maybe different for others out there) you need to find a woman who has at least a few years, but I highly recommend numerous years, of recovery behind her, and not just someone who hasn't done drugs or alcohol for a long time, but someone who has worked the steps and does it repeatedly- someone who is active in keeping themselves clean will always be at some stage of working the 12 steps for themselves, because there is never a time where people will be perfect and free from their Character defects and the things that lead people to use.

(Drug and alcohol use is an external manifestation with an internal origin, be it spiritual, psychological, organic, or otherwise). Usually, unresolved issues, possibly chemical imbalances, or other things that need to be identified so their root cause can be treated  so that people no longer see or feel the need to resort to  addictive substances to be okay, it is not simply "a weakness in a person" as many people think.)  

...and this includes people who overeat or have addictive personalities to other things.  It doesn't matter if it's milk, or meth or whiskey, if a person's desire to have those things over rides their rational mind and causes them problems in life, they're addicted to it, and that situation needs to be addressed.No one is perfect, and we are ALL in a state of constant work.

Anyhow, I digress.  Once you get involved in these meetings, look for someone who when you see how they conduct themselves, is someone you want to be like, someone who has those traits and those qualities that you need to overcome this addiction and that will help you improve your life and behavior overall, someonewho is the kind of person YOU want to become like.

Many people on here will be like, "well,we have the prophets and Imams for role models", and that of course is absolutely correct and right, the thing is, when you're dealing with the situation that you are dealing with, you need someone to quite literally hold your hand and walk you through the steps. Another living breathing human being that you can call, and have contact with, and resort to whenever you feel like you're about to relapse, Etc, is needed in a situation like this. One thing  in Islam that is HIGHLY recommended, the Prophet(SAWS) even did it, is to CONSULT.  We are to consult with each other on issues, and this is an exact example of something we should be consulting with each other on, is when we feel pushed to our limits and the only option we see available to us at that moment, is to do something that is harmful, IE using, drinking, or some other harmful form of activity. THATS when you need to pick up your phone and call your sponsor,or other people in your support group. (Of course, NEVER stop making dua, but remember Islam is not merely about making dua-its about being proactive in our actions,hence calling your sponsor) The sponsor/sponsee relationship is very sacred and very important, that's why it's so important that you get matched with someone who is a good influence, who emanates good qualities and spiritual behaviors. Your objective here, is to overcome this addiction and in order to do, you need a healthy bond with someone that can help you, someone who's been there, done that, and has lived through it all to share their experience strength and hope with you and others.

When you find that person, ask her to be your sponsor and have her take you through the 12 steps. 12 steps is a spiritual program, and is not dependent on who or what your idea of God is. Al hamdu lillahi, we have Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى and Islam, but this program works for everyone regardless of religiour and even  NON religious affiliation. 12 steps /AA was designed by two Christian guys but its a SPIRITUAL program,not a religiois one. The principles can be apploed across the board, religious people and even atheists can"work the steps" and achieve lasting sobriety/clean time.

Anyhow, these 12 step groups have saved countless lives, those of addicts as well as improving the quality of those associated with them, such as friends, family etc.  

In sha Allah you will find this to be of most benefit once you are outside the confines of your detox center.

Please feel free and comfortable to reach out to me by PM if you have any questions or need someone to discuss with. Im also a convert to Islam of a little over 9 years now, and i have some knowledge and information that may be of benefit to you, in sha Allah.

W/s

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Salaam Aleikum,

I hope the following Imam Ali (as) Dua Sabah that is recited in Morning will inspire you to never lose hope;

My God, do You see that I have only come to You from the direction of hopes,
or clung to the ends of Your cords when my sins have driven me from the house of union?
So what an evil mount upon which my soul has mounted-its caprice!
Woe upon it for being seduced by its own opinions and wishes!
Destruction be upon it for its audacity toward its Master and Protector!

My God, I have knocked upon the door of Your mercy with the hand of my hope,
fled to You seeking refuge from my excessive caprice,
and fixed the fingers of my love to the ends of Your cords.
So pardon, O Allah, the slips and errors I have committed,
and release me from the foot-tangling of my robe,
for You are my Master, my Protector, my Support and my Hope,
and You are the object of my search and my desire in my ultimate end and stable abode.
My God, how could You drive away a poor beggar who seeks refuge in You from sins, fleeing?
How could You disappoint one seeking guidance who repairs to Your threshold, running?
How could You reject a thirsty man who comes to Your pools to drink?
Never! For Your pools are full in the hardship of drought,
Your door is open for seeking and penetration,
and You are the goal of requests and the object of hopes.

My God, these are the reins of my soul I have bounded with the ties of Your will.
These are the burdens of my sins I have averted with Your pardon and mercy.
These are my misleading caprices I have referred to the threshold of Your gentleness and kindliness.
So, make this morning of mine, O Allah, descend upon me with the radiance of guidance
and safety in religion and this world!
And [make] my evening a shield against the deception of enemies
and a protection against the destructive blows of caprice!

Edited by Abu Nur

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There is always redemption, don't ever forget that or else you will just sink further and further. 

Allah is always open to accepting the repentance of a penitant sinner. It might take you a little longer to feel that acceptance, but you have to take these things a day at a time. It is always quicker sliding down a hill than trying to climb it.

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1 hour ago, notme said:

@laylacat are you still here? Just checking on you. Feel free to PM me or one of the other sisters if you just need some emotional support. 

Yes. Be in touch with one of the sisters here. Don't lose your connection with her

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On 8/6/2018 at 3:15 PM, laylacat said:

Salam alaikum brothers and sisters... it’s been so long since I’ve logged on here and scrolled through the forums. It saddens me because I remember when I reverted I spent so much time on here connecting with other Muslims, learning and sharing - I was filled with inspiration and excitement and LOVE for Allah. I could not help but cry almost daily because I was so grateful to be guided to Islam, I felt whole and new - the world transformed and tears welled up in my eyes just seeing the sky, the earth, the plants, all the things Allah has created and knowing He had the power to create such a perfect world. 

However things have gone very very downhill... I am an alcoholic and got sober after reverting. I didn’t crave or consume a drop of alcohol for over a year. I relapsed and one thing led to another and I suddenly found myself in the midst of an even stronger and scarier addiction. Methamphetamine. The relapse with alcohol and my current active addiction to meth has DESTROYED my relationship with Allah. I have turned my back on all my duties and responsibilities as a Muslim, I have committed further sins as a result of being under the influence of meth constantly. I have turned away from Allah and instead have tried to seek comfort from meth/my addiction/other sins. 

I am DEEPLY ashamed and recently have been trying to remember Allah, trying to ask Him for guidance and for forgiveness and the strength to fight my addiction. I have taken full responsibility for my addiction I think. I do not blame anyone for it, I made the choice to try it the first time and seek it out the second time. I was naive and unaware of how powerful it was and I unfortunately met a dealer who pulled all the tricks (that I was ignorant to) to get me HOOKED on this drug very very quickly. However I know he wouldn’t have even had that chance had I not sought the drug out, had I been stronger in my faith and obeyed Allah’s commandments I wouldn’t be in the situation I am now, this addiction wouldn’t have had a chance to begin. 

I am getting help, going to go into detox and then look into rehab programs. Will Allah forgive me...? What can I do to rebuild my relationship with Allah and use the strength and love and faith Islam teaches/Allah provides, to aid me in my recovery? I am ashamed yes for committing haram acts. But I also do not want to hide my sins especially addiction because I think it’s important to talk about it and encourage all Muslims struggling with addiction to seek help and turn back to Allah immediately... advice would be appreciated. Any inspirational stories of recovery relating to Islam would also be very very helpful. Can I do this? Will I be able to find Allah again and follow His guidance? I’m scared. I am scared to stop using and scared to keep using. Oh Allah please forgive me and help me find my way back to the straight path! 

Please make dua for me & for all addicts and ALWAYS trust Allah’s judgement and commandments brothers & sisters because He is never wrong. He knew that using addictive substances can lead to addiction and that’s why he made even using them once or a little bit HARAM. Trust our Creator. He knows how weak human mind/human nature can be. Don’t make my mistakes. Strengthen your bond with Allah so that your Imam is STRONG and not susceptible to such evils... 

Salam Sister, so sad to hear that. You are in my Duas

Yes, you can definitely do it. Do the detox but also you need to severe ties with those around you who are addicts. This isn't easy, but its probably the only way you will stop for good. When I reverted, most of the people I was hanging around with were addicts(either drugs, alcohol, or both). I knew that if I wanted to stay clean, I needed to get away from those people. I did and made new friends and alhamduillah haven't touched any alcohol or drugs in almost 20 years. It is possible, but you have to be willing to go the extra mile and then some more. 

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On ‎8‎/‎6‎/‎2018 at 3:29 PM, notme said:

Addiction is not easy to break.

Back in the 60s the sensible advice was "Don't Try lt" because then you're hooked.

So last year, an M.D. that focuses on addiction said in explanation, "Because you there after are always trying to get that first high back/again" --which you can never achieve.

Your body develops a resistance right away to most drugs and alcohol.

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Are you craving for these drugs in a social way or are you suffering from a physical addiction? Treatments are very different depending on the case. I was just wondering because both drugs you are referring to are heavily linked to partying/nightlife.

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On 8/6/2018 at 3:15 PM, laylacat said:

Salam alaikum brothers and sisters... it’s been so long since I’ve logged on here and scrolled through the forums. It saddens me because I remember when I reverted I spent so much time on here connecting with other Muslims, learning and sharing - I was filled with inspiration and excitement and LOVE for Allah. I could not help but cry almost daily because I was so grateful to be guided to Islam, I felt whole and new - the world transformed and tears welled up in my eyes just seeing the sky, the earth, the plants, all the things Allah has created and knowing He had the power to create such a perfect world. 

However things have gone very very downhill... I am an alcoholic and got sober after reverting. I didn’t crave or consume a drop of alcohol for over a year. I relapsed and one thing led to another and I suddenly found myself in the midst of an even stronger and scarier addiction. Methamphetamine. The relapse with alcohol and my current active addiction to meth has DESTROYED my relationship with Allah. I have turned my back on all my duties and responsibilities as a Muslim, I have committed further sins as a result of being under the influence of meth constantly. I have turned away from Allah and instead have tried to seek comfort from meth/my addiction/other sins. 

I am DEEPLY ashamed and recently have been trying to remember Allah, trying to ask Him for guidance and for forgiveness and the strength to fight my addiction. I have taken full responsibility for my addiction I think. I do not blame anyone for it, I made the choice to try it the first time and seek it out the second time. I was naive and unaware of how powerful it was and I unfortunately met a dealer who pulled all the tricks (that I was ignorant to) to get me HOOKED on this drug very very quickly. However I know he wouldn’t have even had that chance had I not sought the drug out, had I been stronger in my faith and obeyed Allah’s commandments I wouldn’t be in the situation I am now, this addiction wouldn’t have had a chance to begin. 

I am getting help, going to go into detox and then look into rehab programs. Will Allah forgive me...? What can I do to rebuild my relationship with Allah and use the strength and love and faith Islam teaches/Allah provides, to aid me in my recovery? I am ashamed yes for committing haram acts. But I also do not want to hide my sins especially addiction because I think it’s important to talk about it and encourage all Muslims struggling with addiction to seek help and turn back to Allah immediately... advice would be appreciated. Any inspirational stories of recovery relating to Islam would also be very very helpful. Can I do this? Will I be able to find Allah again and follow His guidance? I’m scared. I am scared to stop using and scared to keep using. Oh Allah please forgive me and help me find my way back to the straight path! 

Please make dua for me & for all addicts and ALWAYS trust Allah’s judgement and commandments brothers & sisters because He is never wrong. He knew that using addictive substances can lead to addiction and that’s why he made even using them once or a little bit HARAM. Trust our Creator. He knows how weak human mind/human nature can be. Don’t make my mistakes. Strengthen your bond with Allah so that your Imam is STRONG and not susceptible to such evils... 

Allah will always forgive us if we are truly repentant,  you are human and obviously upset with your relapse.  That being said, meth is one hell of a drug. It's going to be an intense uphill battle but you will come out stronger. Insha'Allah, the detox goes successfully and it pains me to read this. I had no idea, if you are feeling scared, we at SC are here for moral and emotional support @laylacat.

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The best advice I can give is cut ties completely with anything and anyone associated with your addiction. Move away. Isolate yourself if you have to. The religious advice above is nice and everything, but in reality it wont work for long unless you separate entirely your clean life from your addiction life. 

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On 8/9/2018 at 12:17 AM, notme said:

@laylacat are you still here? Just checking on you. Feel free to PM me or one of the other sisters if you just need some emotional support. 

I’m here sorry. I was a bit overwhelmed with all the support I received here. Just reminded me of why I chose to revert to Islam. I’m sitting here right now crying, with regret at the choices I made that got me here but also with gratefulness. Made the appointment to get this recovery process properly started. They’ll get me into detox ASAP then a 6 month program in rehab. I feel this strength inside of me starting to grow and grow. For the first time in months I feel a desperate urge to pray. Going to try to grab hold of these feelings and not let them disappear or fade away. I’m ready to get well, I’m ready to trust Allah and submit again. I want to be proud to represent Islam again. 

I didn’t mention in my original post but I recently found out I am pregnant, just entered the 2nd trimester, I wish this child had been conceived under different circumstances but I believe it is a blessing regardless and Allah knows I will FIGHT with every bit of strength I have to give my children the life they deserve... this is not the life I was meant to have. I’m terrified but I think rehab will be one of the best experiences I will have. And with that and with Allah and Islam and my family and my kids I’m gonna recover. 

I’ll message some of the sisters on here too, I don’t have a strong Muslim community where I am so that’ll be very helpful just to have some extra support on here. 

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It's good that you came back. Be strong and move forward. Make plan for your future and don't blame yourself constantly for the past. Think of your future. Be in contact with Mumin sisters here and in your community. Be active even if it's a small mosque. I think you can be out of this situation and be like a new revert same as you were before.

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Your story has broken my heart :( 

You need to be compassionate to yourself. Don't think less of yourself just because you've made a mistake. We can never understand the mercy of Allah in this world. The regret, mixed with fear should drive you to come back to Allah with sincerity and full submission.

Everyone in shiachat is with you. You are a part of our family.

 

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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I'm so happy that you're getting into proper treatment! Your child is fortunate to have a fighter and believer like you for a mother, and I suspect he or she will be a blessing for you too, will give you that extra push to keep your life clean and safe. Being a mother is going to be hard, but definitely worth it. You continue to be in my duas. 

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Salaam sister, yes, please count us as your family, community and friends. One of the great things about being on Shia Chat, is wherever you are, so are we:) If you can access the internet via phone, tablet, computer etc,  you can access US:) Please do take us up on our invites to PM. 

With duas-

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Your repentance will elevate your status too high in front of your Lord..

God loves a repentant servant more..

And all this love you've got inside is just because Allah has bestowed upon you His love.

He has given you His hand. This time hold it really tight. And leave all the hands you are holding.

Make your connection strong with Nabi (saws) and his Ahlulbayt.

Make lots of duas and cry cry cry..

Crying is in itself a detox for your soul.

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Bismehe Ta3ala,

Sister LC

You might have hit rock bottom, but Alhamd'Allah you are finding your strength and many people are rooting for you and your baby.  

You can be motivated and encouraged, but most importantly you need to act and take one day at a time.  Recovery isn't overnight and it is a process.

Your focus now should be to stay clean for the sake of your child.  Anything you take in from here on out, will definitely effect your unborn child.

Stay strong, focused, come back on SC and update us on your progress.  

You are not alone in your battle.  Live now, and not in the past.  Get back into salat and don't let go of it.  Salat will keep you grounded.

Do what it takes to shut down the people who got you hooked.   If it means getting a new phone line, moving to a new location, trying to stay with 

clean relatives than do so.

Islam is a way of life, and this dunya is transient.  

You can do this sister!  Make du32 for yourself and your child, and do intercession for Ahulbayt.

God bless you and don't forget you have people here who are rooting for you!

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

 

 image.png.bc02382f0ca8689bf38ec7eff8936ade.png

Edited by Laayla

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