The science of empathy

[notme]

In my opinion, the world would be a better place if we all cultivated more empathy, but this article points out some downsides.

https://orbitermag.com/empathy/

Is society better or worse if there is greater social expectation of empathy? Would we all be better off if narcissism were considered normal? 

[Fakeha]

"ME" is never so constructive.. "Only ME" is not normal but sometimes severely  dangerous 

[hasanhh]

@notme  Where do you find this whiney stuff. l took the test and received a "26". Which is a "good". 

The downside of empathy is people end up mawkish and maudlin most of the time.

"Focus on other people's problems"    1] l have my own; 2] Whiney Do-Gooders pompously assume that "here to help" will make the subject "better" or "happier". Or even 'appreciate' it.

Note: as l remember, empathy is a word coined in the late 19th Century.

[rkazmi33]

My Score was 79, it was almost in the middle. I have emotional empathy but I don't have cognitive empathy (which is the useful kind of empathy).  

[shadow_of_light]

Empathy is necessary but I feel that too much empathy is annoying me a lot. I cannot stop thinking about miserable people and if I decide not to think about them, my mind tells me "what is the difference between them and you"...I am really suffering!

[notme]

On 7/20/2018 at 12:26 PM, rkazmi33 said:

I have emotional empathy but I don't have cognitive empathy (which is the useful kind of empathy).  

 

On 7/20/2018 at 12:59 PM, shadow_of_light said:

Empathy is necessary but I feel that too much empathy is annoying me a lot.

Me too, both of these! I used to be very sensitive as a child, then as a young adult I learned to be very detached but it left me depressed. Now I'm back to my childlike (childish?) ways - sentimental commericals bring tears to my eyes, it's embarrassing! But no way I'd want to go back! 

Perhaps the world needs a balance - for every person who suffers from deficient empathy, there is one who suffers from its excess. 

[notme]

As for the test, it seems to me the answers are too obvious, and a person is likely to reply as they want themselves to be, not as they actually are. 

Nonetheless, my score was 71, for whatever it's worth.

[ireallywannaknow]

I got 66. I don't feel I'm a very empathetic person, or very emotionally intelligent when it comes to dealing with others' feelings. People who express very intense or strong emotions kind of put me on edge. My emotional range is very limited.

 <-- me when I'm sad

 <-- me when I'm happy

 <-- me when I'm angry

[wmehar2]

On 7/20/2018 at 8:41 AM, notme said:

In my opinion, the world would be a better place if we all cultivated more empathy, but this article points out some downsides.

https://orbitermag.com/empathy/

Is society better or worse if there is greater social expectation of empathy? Would we all be better off if narcissism were considered normal? 

Somewhere in between I would say.

I always set my expectations low, but don't feel bitter for not having my empathetic tendencies reciprocated.  Not everyone can be okay with that. 

I got a 70.

I also found it easy for the test taker to choose what they think of themselves versus what reality could be.  Might need to be calibrated.

[shadow_of_light]

On 7/20/2018 at 1:06 PM, notme said:

Me too, both of these! I used to be very sensitive as a child, then as a young adult I learned to be very detached but it left me depressed. Now I'm back to my childlike (childish?) ways - sentimental commericals bring tears to my eyes, it's embarrassing! But no way I'd want to go back! 

Perhaps the world needs a balance - for every person who suffers from deficient empathy, there is one who suffers from its excess. 

My situation is terrible. Now, I take medications. I dont want anything bad to happen in the world (specially for children, women and disabled people).

[shadow_of_light]

By the way, once I read a beautiful sentence: if you know someone, you wont hate him.

Think of Saddam, for example. I hate him because he was extremely cruel. He attacked my country and he killed many people (Iranians, Iraqis,...) but there is something: when he was a child, he was abused by his step-father and humiliated by others. He had a difficult sad childhood. Maybe he wouldnt be such cruel if others were kind to him.

Now you may still hate him but at least you hate him less when you know this comparing to the time when you didnt know it.

[Guest silasun]

Compassion is great for those who can't take care of themselves. But be careful about compassion with adult males. They are likely to take that as a sign of weakness and exploit you. Sort of reminds me of my self defence thread a couple of days back (I'm not sure if I would ever use violence against a women to defend myself if she attacked me, but I would always do so with a male who could cause me some damage.

I'm gonna try out that test.

Edit: I pressed the wring button for some, but for what it's worth I got 83. I regularly tear into people if I find them being rude or the like, but I'll always forgive once they learn how to be civilised. On the other hand, I phase people out of my life if it's not an occasional burst if anger or whatever. Ain't nobody got time for repeated rudeness and the like.

[hasanhh]

Friday the 20th

ln the mosque today was a middle-aged man in old work clothes.  During the khotbah a couple of times he leaned to look at his foot and then put his hand back over the sock. The reason he was doing this is because he had big holes in the soles of his socks and was embarrassed by them.

[rkazmi33]

Many people have told me that I lack empathy, so I tried to be really honest when taking the test, but I might be biased.

On 7/20/2018 at 2:19 PM, shadow_of_light said:

Think of Saddam, for example. I hate him because he was extremely cruel. He attacked my country and he killed many people (Iranians, Iraqis,...) but there is something: when he was a child, he was abused by his step-father and humiliated by others. He had a difficult sad childhood. Maybe he wouldnt be such cruel if others were kind to him.

I have a family member who was abused in her childhood. Now she has become really cruel and she has been ruining people's lives for 15+ years. I saw her going through abuse, and I used to feel really sorry for her, but she only dealt with abuse for 10 years and I think she has inflicted a lot more pain than what she had to endure. All the other people give excuses for her behavior that it's because of what happened to her, but I don't feel any empathy for her. I think she is a cruel and sadistic person and she just uses her childhood as an excuse. 

[shadow_of_light]

1 hour ago, rkazmi33 said:

Many people have told me that I lack empathy, so I tried to be really honest when taking the test, but I might be biased.

I have a family member who was abused in her childhood. Now she has become really cruel and she has been ruining people's lives for 15+ years. I saw her going through abuse, and I used to feel really sorry for her, but she only dealt with abuse for 10 years and I think she has inflicted a lot more pain than what she had to endure. All the other people give excuses for her behavior that it's because of what happened to her, but I don't feel any empathy for her. I think she is a cruel and sadistic person and she just uses her childhood as an excuse. 

Maybe what happened to her is much more terrible than what others think.

[Hameedeh]

On 7/20/2018 at 8:41 AM, notme said:

In my opinion, the world would be a better place if we all cultivated more empathy, but this article points out some downsides.

https://orbitermag.com/empathy/

Is society better or worse if there is greater social expectation of empathy? Would we all be better off if narcissism were considered normal? 

Should I take the test first? Are there spoilers in the replies above? 

[Carlzone]

Therapists sometimes get "compassion fatigue".

People who burnout after a very long and stressful period can also exhibit lack of empathy, especially under the acute phase.

[Carlzone]

On 7/20/2018 at 8:19 PM, shadow_of_light said:

By the way, once I read a beautiful sentence: if you know someone, you wont hate him.

Think of Saddam, for example. I hate him because he was extremely cruel. He attacked my country and he killed many people (Iranians, Iraqis,...) but there is something: when he was a child, he was abused by his step-father and humiliated by others. He had a difficult sad childhood. Maybe he wouldnt be such cruel if others were kind to him.

Now you may still hate him but at least you hate him less when you know this comparing to the time when you didnt know it.

If he had only fought back his stepfather to protect himself, yes, but not when he decided to hurt innocent people who never did anything to him.

How many people have not been abused one way or another during childhood? How many of them went on to become massmurderers? Not very many. Saddam was exceptionally evil. He probably suffered from malignant narcissism. 

By the way, I heard somewhere that he defiled the Quran by having it written in his blood - a practice magicians parttake in in order to please the shayateen they collaborate with.

May he burn in hell forever. 

[hasanhh]

2 hours ago, Carlzone said:

Therapists sometimes get "compassion fatigue".

People who burnout after a very long and stressful period can also exhibit lack of empathy, especially under the acute phase.

Thought: Since trained therapists get "compassion fatigue", you can extrapolate how much "compassion fatigue" the rest of U.S. have with do-gooders, their whining and those illegal entries.

[hasanhh]

3 hours ago, Hameedeh said:

Should I take the test first? Are there spoilers in the replies above? 

The contents on this thread have so far not prejudiced any test taking. lt is quick and simple.

[Carlzone]

16 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

Thought: Since trained therapists get "compassion fatigue", you can extrapolate how much "compassion fatigue" the rest of U.S. have with do-gooders, their whining and those illegal entries.

I'm sorry I'm not sure if i understood the last part? (English is not my first language). Do you mean that the u.s. is tired of do-gooders? What do they whine about? And what does illegal entries have to do with this? 

Do you mean that the u.s. is tired of do-gooders who whine about illegal aliens who are not permitted to stay in the u.s.? 

[hasanhh]

27 minutes ago, Carlzone said:

I'm sorry I'm not sure if i understood the last part? (English is not my first language). Do you mean that the u.s. is tired of do-gooders? What do they whine about? And what does illegal entries have to do with this? 

Do you mean that the u.s. is tired of do-gooders who whine about illegal aliens who are not permitted to stay in the u.s.? 

Salam,

ln short, each of the three elements l wrote individually (language explanation: one at a time); and as you asked, yes all three at the same time into one 'form'.

As to what "they whine about": the easiest way to instruct on this is for you to look up the words mawkish and maudlin and then watch American news and read some "liberal" publications. Search "liberal publications  us"  for some suggestions.

[Hameedeh]

On 7/20/2018 at 8:41 AM, notme said:

In my opinion, the world would be a better place if we all cultivated more empathy, but this article points out some downsides.

https://orbitermag.com/empathy/

To take the Epathetic test, to see how much empathy you possess, scroll halfway down the page at the link to where it says TAKE THE QUIZ. The low score is 22 and the high score is 110. 

[hasanhh]

35 minutes ago, Hameedeh said:

To take the Epathetic test, to see how much empathy you possess, scroll halfway down the page at the link to where it says TAKE THE QUIZ. The low score is 22 and the high score is 110. 

OPINE: This is like scoring in Golf: Lowest score 'wins'.

[Hameedeh]

On 7/20/2018 at 12:26 PM, rkazmi33 said:

My Score was 79, it was almost in the middle. I have emotional empathy but I don't have cognitive empathy (which is the useful kind of empathy).  

Stuck in the middle with you: 80.

[shadow_of_light]

7 hours ago, Carlzone said:

If he had only fought back his stepfather to protect himself, yes, but not when he decided to hurt innocent people who never did anything to him.

How many people have not been abused one way or another during childhood? How many of them went on to become massmurderers? Not very many. Saddam was exceptionally evil. He probably suffered from malignant narcissism. 

By the way, I heard somewhere that he defiled the Quran by having it written in his blood - a practice magicians parttake in in order to please the shayateen they collaborate with.

May he burn in hell forever. 

I understand what you say. I hate him and every other cruel person. I am not going to justify his crimes. But I think that what happened to him when he was a child greatly affected his behaviour and personality. Many criminals have not had a good childhood. And many of them were frequently abused or humiliated when they were children.

Anyway, what I was to imply was that when you know someone more (when you know his problems and bad expriences he has had) you either wont hate him or hate him less than beforehand. We judge people using our little information we have about them, but when God judges them, he considers everything that happened in their life.

[Ashvazdanghe]

4 hours ago, Hameedeh said:

Stuck in the middle with you: 80.

me 78 still in middle.

[Haji 2003]

5 hours ago, Hameedeh said:

Stuck in the middle with you

Sis, you are a comedy genius.

Respect.

That's the song which is played in Quentin Tarantino's 'Reservoir Dogs', which is as much about empathy as a gas chamber.

[Carlzone]

3 hours ago, shadow_of_light said:

Anyway, what I was to imply was that when you know someone more (when you know his problems and bad expriences he has had) you either wont hate him or hate him less than beforehand. We judge people using our little information we have about them, but when God judges them, he considers everything that happened in their life.

Yes, Allah SWT is just and judges perfectly. 

[hasanhh]

5 hours ago, Hameedeh said:

Stuck in the middle with you: 80.

Observation:  Hameedeh, rkazmi33, notme, lreallywnnaknow, wmehar2, Ashvezdanghe -all got Middlelander scores . . . so far.

Opine:  l didn't really realize that SC has so many fence-sitters. Pacifists. ing. Absolutely Shocking --as Claude Raines would say.

Any way, wish you all the best.

[Ashvazdanghe]

7 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

Absolutely Shocking

Salam this site for fun when put Saudi Arabia & UAE in 10 most Empathetic countries

[rkazmi33]

19 hours ago, shadow_of_light said:

Maybe what happened to her is much more terrible than what others think.

I grew up in the same house as her. She went through physical abuse, the same kind of abuse millions of Pakistani kids go through, nothing severe. But she was abused more than her siblings. Now she brain washes husbands against their wives so much that they hit their wives. If I had proof, I would call police but everyone covers for her. 

Edited July 22, 2018 by rkazmi33

[Guest silasun]

Wow so basically I'm the most empathetic person on this site?!

Take the L loozers 

Edited July 23, 2018 by silasun

[Carlzone]

14 minutes ago, silasun said:

Wow so basically I'm the most empathetic person on this site?!

Take the L loozers 

Now that was a really empathetic response! :o

(I'm kidding. I understand that you are joking too )

Edited July 23, 2018 by Carlzone