disciplining children without physical punishment

[maleekafatima]

Assalam-o-Alaikum!

I hope you people are in the best of your health and emaan. there is one thing regarding which I need an advice of my fellow brothers and sisters for which I think I lack the experience.

I am a 19 yr old girl from Pakistan. during my salat, I'm used to praying that oh Allah! let me be of some help to your Makhlooq. a few days back I've started tutoring 2 kids because I needed money. I think that this is my prayer getting accepted because the kids are really in a miserable situation and need someone's help/counselling.

they have a physically abusing father who gets irked at the smallest things and beats the kids. their mother is also in a great misery a) because of this kind of a husband b) a mentally challenged child (they're 3 in total, the one coming to me are fine). so, she understandably is not in a mood to pamper the children or make them feel loved.

the children are really bad at studies, they suck at maths. the girl is a sixth grader and the boy is in fourth grade. they are not rude or misbehave with me rather very sweet, the girl even brought me bangles as a gift. but, the boy does not do the homework I give to him. when I told their mother about this she was about in tears, told me that the children don't listen to her, always fighting and especially the boy, misbehaves with her. they boy even slapped her back when she first slapped her. 

their mother has asked me to physically punish the children if they do not do their work. but guys I don't know what to do. like I'm sooooo against physically abusing the child ( i have been beaten up by my parent too for the smallest things and I know this scars you for the rest of your lives, but it's kinda normal in Pakistan). I think the children are really damaged because of the environment of their home, they are not the misbehaving kind of children.

I just want them to get good grades and respect their mother because I believe otherwise the fee their mother gave me for tutoring them would be haram and i'd be not fulfilling the purpose. i told the boy regarding mother's status in Islam and took promise from him that he'd never do such a thing again. i want to counsel them and you know, make them feel worthy of love because the age gap between me and them is not big like i'm kind of a big sister to them so i think they'd understand what i say better as compared to their parents. so please guys pour in suggestions on how can I make these children do their work and teach a thing or two without hitting, slapping or shouting at them? I'd be really obliged. jzakAllah.

[shadow_of_light]

Salam

Teach them through playing. Children always love playing.

And NEVER inflict physical punishment on them. Having children who have poor grades but good manners is better than having children who get high grades but have inferiority complex.

[maleekafatima]

47 minutes ago, shadow_of_light said:

Salam

Teach them through playing. Children always love playing.

And NEVER inflict physical punishment on them. Having children who have poor grades but good manners is better than having children who get high grades but have inferiority complex.

Ikr, but the parents won't understand. Idk why they think hitting their child would make him/her obedient.

[Carlzone]

Wa aleykom alsalam, 

I dont have answer to your question but I must stress the importance of not abusing the children whether physically, emotionally or in any other way. 

Research shows that abuse correlates with all kinds of negative long term effects. Tell the mother this and encourage her to do everything in her power to stop/talk the father out of it. He is inflicting serious harm on his children and probably wife as well and Allah SWT will hold him accountable for what he does. 

I believe he personally needs help in order to cope with whatever it is that makes it difficult for him to control himself. 

If the children get a better environment they'll probably behave and do better at school as well. Of course they might still need some extra help. We all have strengths and weaknesses. 

 

May Allah SWT bless you for what you are doing for these children. InshaAllah things will get better for them! 

[maleekafatima]

6 minutes ago, Carlzone said:

May Allah SWT bless you for what you are doing for these children. InshaAllah things will get better for them! 

JzakAllah for your prayer, i just want to be of some kind of help to them, may Allah SWT make it easy for them because parents unknowingly do so much harm to the children.

[AmirAlmuminin Lover]

There was one guy who also got permission from the parents of the kids for physical punishment. Afyer some time(several years after), he became upset about what he did. He met Ayayollah Ghazy in Iraq, and Ayayollah Ghazy told him:" You have to find the kids and apologize them and ask for firgiveness". It is حق الناس.

It makes me very upset when I see these parents. I think the best way of teaching would be playing with them and teach math during the play. Be kind with them, let them speak, ask for their ideas, if you made food give them some after teaching, have some break during the course. Ask them to give idea and talk with each other, be very kind and patient. If they did their homework, give them something as a gift (like a portion of cake you made at home). I remember whenever my teacher praised me at school, I did better next class. So if they did well, compliment them.

May Allah help you