Posting photos on instagram/facebook/social media

[Guest Ali]

I am human, I make mistakes, therefore please correct my reasoning with references if possible, as I have separated from my partner over the matter of "displaying one's beauty", and perhaps I am wrong in my thought process.

In the situation of a woman who does not observe hijab, but covers her body well;

My reasoning: it is wrong to post your photos on social media where men are able to view your photo. Allah says in the quran do not display your beauty. You are a woman with beauty, you are posting a photo on social media, you are displaying yourself on social media, by posting on social media, it is an act of displaying yourself. I don't know how else I can say it.

It is not the same as going to work. The thought here is "I am going to work".

It is not the same as walking down the street to get somewhere and people see you, because the thought is "I am going to x place".

When you post a photo, the thought is "I will post a picture of myself on instagram " in other words "I will display myself on instagram". You are therefore unnecessarily displaying your beauty to men.

Even if the woman observes proper hijab, it is an act of "I will display myself on the internet by posting this photo"; it isn't a charity photo, a conference video, you giving a lecture, it's simply to share a "fun" or "precious" or "happy" moment with the people on social media (which includes male cousins, friends, strangers, etc.).

Am I wrong in my thinking? Can someone explain it in a more articulate way rather than my caveman explanation?

[JouJou]

I understand what you're trying to say. You think that women shouldn't post there pictures on social media so other man can look and comment on it. Now a days everything is scary to post. I guess if you think of it as just for safety issue's it's better not to post. But now in 2018 posting pictures of yourself isn't that big of a deal. Especially if everyone on your social media is family and friend's. Its more of jealously i think. 

[Carlzone]

On 7/10/2018 at 1:04 PM, Guest Ali said:

 

Salam aleykom, 

I don't have answers to your questions. 

Some thoughts struck me though when reading your post. Many (most?) women love to be told that they are beautiful and also feel that they are loved and appreciated. If they feel a lack in this sense they might seek it in appropriate ways. 

But sometimes women just follow the crowd and do what everyone else they hang out with do even if they are appreciated, loved and told that they are beautiful by their spouse. 

[Laayla]

Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum 

Much respect for you in having gheera.  

It's her loss.  Thank God you have gheera and you did the right thing.

You are picking a mother for your children. Allah will replace her with someone better.

There is nothing wrong with asking your future spouse not to post pics on InstaHaram and Fassadhook. 

You are in the right.

M3 Salamah, Fe Amin Allah 

[Guest Ali]

On 7/10/2018 at 2:40 PM, JouJou said:

I understand what you're trying to say. You think that women shouldn't post there pictures on social media so other man can look and comment on it. Now a days everything is scary to post. I guess if you think of it as just for safety issue's it's better not to post. But now in 2018 posting pictures of yourself isn't that big of a deal. Especially if everyone on your social media is family and friend's. Its more of jealously i think. 

Of course there is an element of jealousy, no doubt, a man SHOULD have jealousy as far as my understanding goes of Quran & Ahlulbayt. But what about religiously as well, would it not be prohibited?

On 7/10/2018 at 5:10 PM, Laayla said:

Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum 

Much respect for you in having gheera.  

It's her loss.  Thank God you have gheera and you did the right thing.

You are picking a mother for your children. Allah will replace her with someone better.

There is nothing wrong with asking your future spouse not to post pics on InstaHaram and Fassadhook. 

You are in the right.

M3 Salamah, Fe Amin Allah 

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement, as the time passes I am becoming more and more convinced to completely cut her off. To her credit, she has now expressed she is willing to delete the photos but it is purely for my sake; she still believes there is nothing wrong with it, and I don't want a mother with such poor insight to raise my children. She is not being proactive at all and deleting them herself; she is waiting for my "order" that will never come from me, thus she doesn't really want to clean up her Facebook nor her instagram from the eyes of men. 

On 7/10/2018 at 4:57 PM, Carlzone said:

Salam aleykom, 

I don't have answers to your questions. 

Some thoughts struck me though when reading your post. Many (most?) women love to be told that they are beautiful and also feel that they are loved and appreciated. If they feel a lack in this sense they might seek it in appropriate ways. 

But sometimes women just follow the crowd and do what everyone else they hang out with do even if they are appreciated, loved and told that they are beautiful by their spouse. 

Ya it's really weird, if anything perhaps I am over-loving... yet despite this... anyway thank you.

[dragonxx]

6 hours ago, Guest Ali said:

She is not being proactive at all and deleting them herself; she is waiting for my "order" that will never come from me, thus she doesn't really want to clean up her Facebook nor her instagram from the eyes of men.

If u expressed to her that the pic(s) bugs u, religion aside, if she really loved you she would have taken down whatever pic(s) it was without you having to tell her.

I say run away and never look back. For your own sake and your future children cuz this really can extend to a lot of other religious matters such as hijab, male-female interactions, etc.

[2Timeless]

@Guest Ali

To be honest, I think it's quite petty that you separated from her simply because she "displays" herself on social media. You started your post by saying "I'm a human, I make mistakes" but you fail to acknowledge she is too. I don't know much about this woman and at what stage you were in your relationship, but if other aspects of her deen were good, in fact better than yours, but you decided to separate because of your oversized "gheera" then I'd think she's the one who benefited and not you, as others have said. 

A woman who "displays" herself on social media doesn't necessarily have loose morals, don't worry, she won't raise your children to be kuffar. Breaking up with someone for having social media accounts is like breaking up with them because they wear a certain colour that "attracts" people to them. No matter what, men will look. Whether it's on social media or on the street.  No matter what the woman's intention. 

So, yes I think you are wrong in your thinking. As you said, we are all human and we all make mistakes, be aware of your own mistakes first, judge yourself first, before you righteously break up with a woman for such a reason. Ask yourself this question: if that lady asked you to take your photos off social media, would you have complied? And yes, it is haram for men to "display" themselves on social media as a result of obligatory precaution. Women will look at those photos and have lustful thoughts, so you are actively subjecting yourself to those thoughts by posting on social media. 

[AbdusSibtayn]

10 hours ago, Laayla said:

Fassadhook

This place.....ukhti......this infernal place...!

How difficult it is to raise mu'min and muttaqi children in such times, with the presence of this poison! Unfortunately, part of my work includes keeping contact with colleagues over Facebook, and I know how difficult the situation there is.

Edited July 11, 2018 by AbdusSibtayn

[DarConall]

On 7/10/2018 at 5:10 PM, Laayla said:

Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum 

Much respect for you in having gheera.  

It's her loss.  Thank God you have gheera and you did the right thing.

You are picking a mother for your children. Allah will replace her with someone better.

There is nothing wrong with asking your future spouse not to post pics on InstaHaram and Fassadhook. 

You are in the right.

M3 Salamah, Fe Amin Allah 

InstaHaram and FassadBook 

[ireallywannaknow]

Maybe you should have asked her to delete all of the male friends and followers she has on social media instead and set her accounts to private. That may have been easier for her if she likes posting pics. That way you could also gauge whether her intention was truly to display herself to men or not. 

[Guest Ali]

7 hours ago, Amira00 said:

@Guest Ali

To be honest, I think it's quite petty that you separated from her simply because she "displays" herself on social media. You started your post by saying "I'm a human, I make mistakes" but you fail to acknowledge she is too. I don't know much about this woman and at what stage you were in your relationship, but if other aspects of her deen were good, in fact better than yours, but you decided to separate because of your oversized "gheera" then I'd think she's the one who benefited and not you, as others have said. 

A woman who "displays" herself on social media doesn't necessarily have loose morals, don't worry, she won't raise your children to be kuffar. Breaking up with someone for having social media accounts is like breaking up with them because they wear a certain colour that "attracts" people to them. No matter what, men will look. Whether it's on social media or on the street.  No matter what the woman's intention. 

So, yes I think you are wrong in your thinking. As you said, we are all human and we all make mistakes, be aware of your own mistakes first, judge yourself first, before you righteously break up with a woman for such a reason. Ask yourself this question: if that lady asked you to take your photos off social media, would you have complied? And yes, it is haram for men to "display" themselves on social media as a result of obligatory precaution. Women will look at those photos and have lustful thoughts, so you are actively subjecting yourself to those thoughts by posting on social media. 

Thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it.

Honestly, that's the thing, I feel petty about it to be honest.

Thing is, I probably would have been accepting if she agrees that it is something prohibited, especially considering she is currently non-hijabi, and kept the photos but removed the males, or kept the males but removed the photos.

The issue is, she does not recognize it is not allowed in Islam, she holds strongly to the belief that there is no problem. Sure she won't raise my kids to be kuffar, but surely if she herself cannot understand basics of right and wrong in Islam then I cannot expect her to teach my kids the same in the future?

Perhaps I do have an oversized gheera, honestly I have thought that about myself over 100 times, but then I remember just because the entire world normalizes something, does not mean I should go along with it if it is against the spirit of Islam.

Let me know what you think. I am very open-minded and in fact wish someone would change my mind, but Allah comes first.

P.S. Honestly didn't know it was obligatory precaution for males to not have pics posted, I'll look into that. But for the record, believe it or not, I only have Facebook and don't have myself posted. Never really felt it was necessary or even beneficial to let people who didn't matter into my personal life. Just using Facebook to keep in touch/networking. El7amdellah, there is no power except with Allah.

1 hour ago, ireallywannaknow said:

Maybe you should have asked her to delete all of the male friends and followers she has on social media instead and set her accounts to private. That may have been easier for her if she likes posting pics. That way you could also gauge whether her intention was truly to display herself to men or not. 

Her account is set to private. Didn't specifically ask but I think she is keeping certain males for networking purposes. And as I said above, to her credit, she is willing to delete the photos which is absolutely amazing of her, however if I force her into that this will surely lead to many problems down the line; I believe she needs to understand herself for sincerity in our relationship.

[Habib Habib]

She's trying to make you jealous by turning the tables around on you so that you wouldn't have control over her 

its a power game

you are allowed to be jealous

but she knows/thinks that because you're jealous, you get to dictate her life, which is undesirable for this woman, so she is consciously/unconsciously seducing you really into a game to join her version of reality. She is attracting you to the dark side broo, or maybe for you to take moderation. But good luck, all is well Enshallah. 

[Laayla]

On 7/10/2018 at 1:04 PM, Guest Ali said:

When you post a photo, the thought is "I will post a picture of myself on instagram " in other words "I will display myself on instagram". You are therefore unnecessarily displaying your beauty to men.

Even if the woman observes proper hijab, it is an act of "I will display myself on the internet by posting this photo"; it isn't a charity photo, a conference video, you giving a lecture, it's simply to share a "fun" or "precious" or "happy" moment with the people on social media (which includes male cousins, friends, strangers, etc.).

Am I wrong in my thinking? Can someone explain it in a more articulate way rather than my caveman explanation?

social media is the reason why some marriages end up in divorce.  Too much time on their phones, more than having a relationship with their spouses.

Are you continuing to see this girl, or have you moved on brother?

[Islandsandmirrors]

I post nature photos on Instagram often. In fact, most of my photos tend to be nature/flower photos. 

If a girl is showing off on Instagram, as in, her body, you can bet she’s thirsty for validation and empty likes. 

[aaaaaa]

I agree completely, as a woman. Imam Ali blew out the candle so no one could see the shadow of Zaynab. A physical covering allows a woman to do her work outside the house but the essence behind it is to guard herself from onlookers. I like to remind people that women were granted motherhood as men were granted imamat. Women protect the next generation within them as men protect them. We all have to work together to preserve our honour

[Guest Ali]

15 hours ago, Laayla said:

social media is the reason why some marriages end up in divorce.  Too much time on their phones, more than having a relationship with their spouses.

Are you continuing to see this girl, or have you moved on brother?

Unfortunately (or fortunately), I have moved on. No regrets because she clearly was not as committed to me nor the pursuit of Allah as she made herself out to be. But alas, it's clear the commitment she claimed to have to me wasn't as real as she made it out to be, otherwise she would have tried to seek reconciliation. Thank you for asking sister =).

On 7/27/2018 at 6:55 PM, Habib Habib said:

She's trying to make you jealous by turning the tables around on you so that you wouldn't have control over her 

its a power game

you are allowed to be jealous

but she knows/thinks that because you're jealous, you get to dictate her life, which is undesirable for this woman, so she is consciously/unconsciously seducing you really into a game to join her version of reality. She is attracting you to the dark side broo, or maybe for you to take moderation. But good luck, all is well Enshallah. 

Yes I believe she was unconsciously trying to seduce me into the desires of this world which she claimed to not be interested in. But oh well to each their own. All is well elhamdellah, thank you for your support, it's reassuring. =)

14 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I post nature photos on Instagram often. In fact, most of my photos tend to be nature/flower photos. 

If a girl is showing off on Instagram, as in, her body, you can bet she’s thirsty for validation and empty likes. 

She said she doesn't care at all but, whether she wants validation from men or the validation of her family, she has continued to keep her personal life open to irrelevant (and some very immoral) human beings.

13 hours ago, aaaaaa said:

I agree completely, as a woman. Imam Ali blew out the candle so no one could see the shadow of Zaynab. A physical covering allows a woman to do her work outside the house but the essence behind it is to guard herself from onlookers. I like to remind people that women were granted motherhood as men were granted imamat. Women protect the next generation within them as men protect them. We all have to work together to preserve our honour

Comments like these are extremely reassuring.

I know times have changed and we are in "2018". Still, there is no reason to be creeping other guys photos/personal life and allowing guys to creep your photos/personal life no matter how "pure" the intention is. Even religion aside, it is simply unnecessary particularly when you have a man in your life. All those people have no bearing on your life nor do you have any bearing on their lives. Further than that, what does it say about a women that she sleeps to the pictures/videos of personal lives of men on her feed and wakes up to it on her feeds. Priorities? Love/respect for your spouse and family/relatives?

And if you want to use social media for work/networking purposes, make sure it's set purely for that and not for your own personal pastime (i.e. don't let men "follow" you, don't creep the personal lives of other men with their stories and what not, and so on).

That's my view and I am glad I stuck with it, I am confident that inshallah I will be blessed with an excellent wife with true commitment, if not in this world, inshallah the next world if I make it there.

And I am sorry to everyone for this ending up personal, was just initially looking for the answer of whether tolerance or intolerance was the right answer to the issue of social media. Thanks to everyone for helping me find that answer!

P.S. I'm not against social media! Just that there is a right and wrong way to use it. =)

[Miss Wonderful]

 Op I appreciate your ways honestly.Truly I find it endearing for you to not want pics on her profile. We are at times where people copy and paste photos just to start gossip. If your relationship with this girl was serious then Im sure she wouldnt have had to think a second about it. I dont know what stage your relationship is in- if you guys are just getting to know each other or if you known her a long time. Having a photo on facebook doesnt mean she is not suitable to be a wife. Give her a chance to appreciate it. This era promotes women to express themselves with photos and to share memories with peers so its not her fault.  Am sure with time she will see the beauty in your request.