Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله
Sign in to follow this  
Bushra Abbas

Family issues

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

@Bushra Abbas Assalaam alekum, i am mentally stress, anxiety, depression everything just trap me. I have problem with my father-in-law as he use abusive language for me and for my parents too. I was facing this problem last 5 years but now it's out of my patience every time he had issues, he did not want me to stay at my parents home whenever i went to my country as am living overseas. If i will go for 7 days he use to call within 3 days or if 5 days so within 2 days, everytime i listen to him and go back to his home with tears in my eyes. This time i have refused to go back within 3 days as i have already told them that i will come back after 1 week, but now the situation is too bad he disrespects me and my family in front of his guest and use abusive language also. So, please somebody help me for sake of Allah for sake of Ahlaybait ( a.s ), there is many things to speak but here it's not possible to write each and everything. One more thing now i have no control on my patience and anger too. Jazak Allah khair

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Salaam Alaykum

He doesn't have right to use abusive language or disrespect you.

One time when your father in law is alone in his room, go to his room and talk with him. Tell him you want to talk about his interaction with you. Ask him what is his problem with you? Ask him what is the reason behind his abusive words? Talk with him and find the reason. If it didn't work after some time, you can talk with your husband and ask him for support. Inshaallah it will solved peacefully at the first step. You should have done this long time ago, not after 5 years.

May Allah help you. I know it's very on nerve.

(If other members have married children, please don't disrespect new members of the family especially if that person is a woman. Disrespecting new members is the best way to ruin life of your children)

Edited by AmirAlmuminin Lover

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/5/2018 at 3:22 AM, Bushra Abbas said:

Assalaam alekum, i am mentally stress, anxiety, depression everything just trap me. I have problem with my father-in-law as he use abusive language for me and for my parents too. I was facing this problem last 5 years but now it's out of my patience every time he had issues, he did not want me to stay at my parents home whenever i went to my country as am living overseas. If i will go for 7 days he use to call within 3 days or if 5 days so within 2 days, everytime i listen to him and go back to his home with tears in my eyes. This time i have refused to go back within 3 days as i have already told them that i will come back after 1 week, but now the situation is too bad he disrespects me and my family in front of his guest and use abusive language also. So, please somebody help me for sake of Allah for sake of Ahlaybait ( a.s ), there is many things to speak but here it's not possible to write each and everything. One more thing now i have no control on my patience and anger too. Jazak Allah khair

Where's your husband while all of this is going on ?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 hours ago, Akbar673 said:

Where's your husband while all of this is going on ?

Sometimes it's all happened infornt of him and sometimes he was not there, but in both case he's silent because he said " i will not speak anything to my parents as it's not allowed in Islam to misbehave " but to my husband am not saying to misbehave with his parents but at least take stand and speak true thing, that's all. Everybody in my or in his relatives saying same thing that i should tackle all problems and his father abusive language with patience, now which is not in me, i am very confused as i also don't want to hurt anyone m too afraid of Allah and don't want to commit any sins. But if it's continue i don't think i will handle this type of situation anymore.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/6/2018 at 12:01 AM, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

Salaam Alaykum

He doesn't have right to use abusive language or disrespect you.

One time when your father in law is alone in his room, go to his room and talk with him. Tell him you want to talk about his interaction with you. Ask him what is his problem with you? Ask him what is the reason behind his abusive words? Talk with him and find the reason. If it didn't work after some time, you can talk with your husband and ask him for support. Inshaallah it will solved peacefully at the first step. You should have done this long time ago, not after 5 years.

May Allah help you. I know it's very on nerve.

(If other members have married children, please don't disrespect new members of the family especially if that person is a woman. Disrespecting new members is the best way to ruin life of your children)

Walekum salam, i have already done all these things but he said abusive word/language is his weakness. My husband don't like his father's behavior so, he don't want to talk with him on this matter. And he also used the same language for my husband but it's doesn't matter as he's his son. My husband is used too of this bad ambience because he's facing since his childhood.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 hours ago, Bushra Abbas said:

Walekum salam, i have already done all these things but he said abusive word/language is his weakness. My husband don't like his father's behavior so, he don't want to talk with him on this matter. And he also used the same language for my husband but it's doesn't matter as he's his son. My husband is used too of this bad ambience because he's facing since his childhood.

Salam

Even if your husband doesn't like his father's behaviour he should still talk to him, I understand what he's been going through but then again he can't just sit there and watch his father being abusive with you

But I cannot imagine 5 years being in this state, may Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى make it easy for you, I would've already lost patience too

Have you read dua yastasheer or dua tawassul? They're really good duas, especially dua tawassul, it is quick fulfillment of legitimate desires.

fee amanillah

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with other users. Your husband does not need to misbehave his dad. He should speak truth respectfully in front of his dad. He is not single anymore. He is in charge of a family. Convince him to go and talk with his dad. You can also share your problem with a religious committed Shaykh at the mosque and ask him for help (remember not any Shaykh. Some Shaykhs are hypocrite). You and your husband should talk to the Shaykh to give you solution or if necessary, come to your home and talk with your dad. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

Salam

Even if your husband doesn't like his father's behaviour he should still talk to him, I understand what he's been going through but then again he can't just sit there and watch his father being abusive with you

But I cannot imagine 5 years being in this state, may Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى make it easy for you, I would've already lost patience too

Have you read dua yastasheer or dua tawassul? They're really good duas, especially dua tawassul, it is quick fulfillment of legitimate desires.

fee amanillah

Assalaam alekum, yes i recite but not dua-e tawassul in sha Allah will recite this dua too. M offer namaze shab also still am facing these family issue. Really i never want to share these thing to others but i need help, all because of this m becoming aggressive day by day. As a person my husband is too good too nice but for me on these matter i felt upset.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

I agree with other users. Your husband does not need to misbehave his dad. He should speak truth respectfully in front of his dad. He is not single anymore. He is in charge of a family. Convince him to go and talk with his dad. You can also share your problem with a religious committed Shaykh at the mosque and ask him for help (remember not any Shaykh. Some Shaykhs are hypocrite). You and your husband should talk to the Shaykh to give you solution or if necessary, come to your home and talk with your dad. 

My husband don't want to talk his father on this matter, that why am over here asking for help for sake of Allah and Ahlebayt( a.s ). Anyway thank alot to all of you for ur reply. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/7/2018 at 6:33 AM, Bushra Abbas said:

Sometimes it's all happened infornt of him and sometimes he was not there, but in both case he's silent because he said " i will not speak anything to my parents as it's not allowed in Islam to misbehave "

Remind him that Islamically when he signed the Nikkah that he took you in Trust from your Father. As such he is responsible for protecting you from low class rabble like his Father. Your husband is weak.

Regardless of how much you discuss this with your husband, until he decides to stand up to the bully nothing will happen. Even then his Father will just try to pressure and bully him even more. 

You're not going to find much happiness in that family. You need to decide what you want to do. Either live unhappily with your weak coward of a husband or you move on and try to find happiness somewhere else.

What race/nationality are you ?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
32 minutes ago, Akbar673 said:

Remind him that Islamically when he signed the Nikkah that he took you in Trust from your Father. As such he is responsible for protecting you from low class rabble like his Father. Your husband is weak.

Regardless of how much you discuss this with your husband, until he decides to stand up to the bully nothing will happen. Even then his Father will just try to pressure and bully him even more. 

You're not going to find much happiness in that family. You need to decide what you want to do. Either live unhappily with your weak coward of a husband or you move on and try to find happiness somewhere else.

What race/nationality are you ?

Shia ashna ashri, from india

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/9/2018 at 11:01 AM, Akbar673 said:

Remind him that Islamically when he signed the Nikkah that he took you in Trust from your Father. As such he is responsible for protecting you from low class rabble like his Father. Your husband is weak.

Regardless of how much you discuss this with your husband, until he decides to stand up to the bully nothing will happen. Even then his Father will just try to pressure and bully him even more. 

You're not going to find much happiness in that family. You need to decide what you want to do. Either live unhappily with your weak coward of a husband or you move on and try to find happiness somewhere else.

What race/nationality are you ?

Speaking with this language doesn't solve any problem. If this lady talk with this language with her husband and they start fighting each other, does it solve her problem with her father in law? Or it worsens the situation by adding husband-wife fightings?

To the OP, talk with your husband and do whatever you can to stop your father in law from disrespecting you. Your husband must support you and must not be quiet when your father in law disrespects you. I feel your husband doesn't feel confident to talk with his dad. YOU can give him this confidence by supporting him emotionally. Tell him if you talk with your dad, you don't leave him unsupported in front of his dad. You both can go together and talk with his dad. In this case, you both feel confident.

Do NOT do something for sure. Do not postpone solving this problem to tomorrow. Take action today.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If your husband won’t do anything then just go for a divorce it’s either you be miserable for the rest of your life or find happiness somewhere else, I know how it feels like to have an arrogant,abusive father, trust me if there’s nothing you can do your best option is to divorce, you would be happy that you left such an absusive family and a burden. Life is already test and stressful you dont want to add more stress, you want to have less stress in life to pass the test. Your lucky it’s your father in law and not your father. P.s that’s coming from man, think about it carefully. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 7/9/2018 at 12:02 PM, Bushra Abbas said:

My husband don't want to talk his father on this matter, that why am over here asking for help for sake of Allah and Ahlebayt( a.s ). Anyway thank alot to all of you for ur reply. 

sister, if i were you I'd keep forcing him to open up to his father otherwise you're gonna face more problems within your marriage and quite possibly a divorce 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's a very serious issue dear, your relationship with your spouse is more critical than your relation with your Father in law.  One is supposed to love ones parents as well as spouse and misbehave with none,  but always support the truth.  Allah and his messenger like those who support the truth. In Quran,  husband is called the Qawwam of his wife.  Qawwam means maintainer . He has to be your maintainer,  it's his responsibility to look after you, spending enough time with your parents is your requirement and fulfilling your requirements is his responsibility. He should be your support,  ask him to help you out and draw a clear line that you can't bear this anymore. He needs to be more sensitive about you. Doesn't he see how much it hurts you?  If he loves you then how can he let you suffer like this? 

You need to take serious action towards it,  if the problem isn't solved in the family,  then take help from outsiders. Ask your husband to provide you a separate place to live,  not necessarily a seperate house but at least a separate portion in house where you can live peacefully and freely. No one is allowed to rule your life, no one is allowed to order you when you have to meet your parents and when not. You are not weak dear,  Allah is with you. Do something about it and Place your trust in Allah,  he's Ar Rahman,  Ar Rahim . He says in Quran that we should seek his help through patience and Prayer. I'll pray for you dear.  If you want any help you can personally message me. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The OP is asking for members to give her their Facebook or email address. I'm sorry, but ShiaChat does not want members to publicly display their personal information in a topic. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...