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In the Name of God بسم الله

how do i know if its a sin?

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salam everyone,

i recently advised my friend to not do something and she still did it. i spoke to her so many times she was doing something really wrong and if she got caught it will be bad. she did not listen and suddenly she forgot about her religion completely, she also starting disrespecting her parents and lived a careless life. she drifted about because of this but i was still disappointed and just wanted to her to go back to how she was. so i pretended that she did get caught doing an act and she was very embarrassed but was still lying about everything. she's really upset right now (but hasn't learnt her lesson due to saying she's not going to stop) but i feel really ashamed and i regret it because i feel like i exposed her sin which i am not meant to, i feel like Allah is already planning to get me back and my heart feels heavy with so much regret but i love her and i just wanted to protect her, i wanted her to go back to religion and being a smart girl but i didn't know that its going to hurt her so much. is what i did a big sin? I've always been very nice and this made me feel like a horrible person with good intentions but still so horrible and its not a good feeling at all.

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Wa alaykum asalam,

You are just caring a friend and advising her. Repent for what you have done, for it is a sin, and Allah will surely forgive you. Besides, your intentions were pure and had no malice in them.
I am astounded on how much you care for your friend, may Allah bless you, but now let's leave it to the Lord of all people, He who knows what is in everyone's hearts. Allah guides whom He wills according to the Qur'an, so if this girl is worthy of Allah's guidance; surely she will be guided.

Keep doing your wajibat (obligations) and pray for her, this is the best you can do for her. I too will pray for her, inshaAllah.


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1. If you exposed her sin, you shouldn't have done that, although from what you said, I am not sure if you exposed it or not or just pretended to her that you exposed it. Exposing someone's sin publicly is a sin itself. The only exception is if the person's sin involves thulm (oppressing) on you personally. Then you can expose them. You should ask her forgiveness and then ask Allah(s.w.a) to forgive you for doing this (if you did it ?). 

2. Asking someone to change while they refuse to acknowledge what they did as wrong and are not stopping is a fool's errand. You will only frustrate yourself. If she refuses to stop or acknowledge the sin, then decrease your contact with her to a minimum level, but keep the door open for the relationship should she choose to stop. Being in close friendship with someone who is committing sins without repenting will affect your Iman and you might (auzubillah) start doing the sin yourself eventually, because our friends affect us in very profound ways. Your first goal should be to preserve your own Iman and Deen. It is only thru doing this that you can hope to help someone else.

If you are not committing this sin yourself, you should say 'Alhamduillah' and know that it is only the Rahma of Allah(s.w.a) that prevents you from being in the same position or worse than her. At the same time, you should always try to help those who are committing sins, if they do acknowledge them and try to change. Kibr(arrogance) and Ujb(haughtiness) are sins worse than zina(adultry) because according to well known hadith a zani (adulterer) has a chance of getting into Paradise if they repent (do taubah) but someone with an atom's weight of Kibr or Ujb in their heart will never even smell the smell of Paradise. 'Relgious' people are only looked down upon when they consider themselves to be better than people who do sins because of a quality that they have and not because of the Rahma of Allah(s.w.a). If not for the Rahma of Allah(s.w.a), none of us would be able to avoid sins. Salam. 

Edited by Abu Hadi
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