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In the Name of God بسم الله

Little sister (17) took off her headscarf

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Just now, IbnSina said:

What is the case regarding a wali when there is an older brother present and the father is not?

Father. If no father, grandfather. If no grandfather, I think local aalim or she is to be considered independent, as an orphan. In no case is the brother her wali, to the best of my knowledge. Nonetheless, he must advise her, same as she must advise him if he were to go astray. 

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23 minutes ago, notme said:

From what you're saying, the scarf is the least of your worries. The young woman is in full rebellion. Since she's islamically adult and you are not her wali, all you can do is advise her. I recommend listening with patience and at least an attempt at understanding. She's likely to hurt herself and ruin her life if she persists in this path, but hopefully if she knows that you love her unconditionally she will turn herself around. If not, at least she will know that her brother will be there for her when it's time to pick up the pieces and start over.

It seems to me taking off the headscarf was the last (and most apparent)  step in rejecting Islam. As the headscarf carries a certain identity, it seems to be that abandoning the headscarf psychologically implies abandoning this identity... it's the last step because it's the most difficult to completely rip out that part of you.

However, I won't pretend to know whether she still believes or not. That is between her and God. 

19 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

Ws,

I am very sorry to hear about your situation, inshaAllah I will make duas for you and your family. I feel the worst for your poor mother.

Thank you brother, that would be very much appreciated. 

14 minutes ago, notme said:

Father. If no father, grandfather. If no grandfather, I think local aalim or she is to be considered independent, as an orphan. In no case is the brother her wali, to the best of my knowledge. Nonetheless, he must advise her, same as she must advise him if he were to go astray. 

Excuse my ignorance, but what would it imply if someone were to be her wali?

You say I can only advise her, but isn't that ultimately the same thing her father could do? You can't force someone to wear a headscarf, or have some much faith etc. 

Edited by DarConall
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6 minutes ago, DarConall said:

Excuse my ignorance, but what would it imply if someone were to be her wali?

You say I can only advise her, but isn't that ultimately the same thing her father could do? You can't force someone to wear a headscarf, or have some much faith etc. 

For all practical purposes it's the same. A wali has authority and if she disobeys his righteous orders it's a sin, but if she doesn't care about sin at this point in her life, it makes no difference. 

Perhaps she is under some social pressure that she feels like she can't share with her family? Being understanding might help her to open up so you can help her seek resolution to her problems. 

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Hello @DarConall, this definitely sounds like a difficult time for you and for your family. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be in your position. With your permission, I would like to pray for you in the name of Jesus, that God's peace would be upon your family, that God will guide you in how you can best show your love for your sister and that He would lead you in how you can best protect her from danger, that God's hand would be with her to protect her wherever she goes, and that she would have wisdom from God to recognize what is truth and what is right despite any one-sided information she is receiving.

I wish you and your family the very best, friend. May God's peace, which goes far beyond anything we can imagine, guard your heart and mind in union with the Messiah Jesus.

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Salaam Alaykum

I've been in a similar situation with my brother. He is hopeless and doesn't care about his future. He became irritable and made a distance between himself and religion.

What I do for my brother is to keep him close to mine because things can go worse. By being helpful and close to my brother, I prevent major problems in my brother life (his situation is bad, but I don't want it to become worse). You need to be close to your sister. Don't be too much in her shoes. Be close to her. Everytime she does something wrong, be patient and give her a kind recommendation. Don't overreact. This is very important (the most important point). Your sister has to feel that she has your SUPPORT. When she feels that you are always ready to support her, she listens to you. Otherwise, she does things which are against her believes. She does them just to act against your recommendations. Be patient, listen to her, and support her. Kindness is the key. Gradually you'll see change in her behaviour inshaallah. Do dua Tawassul

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