Backbiting vs Venting in Stressful Situations

[Chaotic Muslem]

Salam,

Recently, I've been looking at backbiting from different perspective. I work in a very stressful job and very sick work environment. Almost everyone is burnt out, depressed or have one or another mental issue (They are sane, just mentally worn out due to stress). 

I've been noticing pattern of how to spot person in burn out, they often start talking negatively all the time about almost everyone in their life including themselves, among other things. From high moral grounds, what they do is unjustified, but for me, I start to see them as victims rather than the criminals. It is ethically unsettling situation because I feel i have to give them an ear to ease their stress, carry some of their burden, but at the same time, It makes me feel that i'll be dragged to same pit if I let them charge me negatively all the time.

I thought of ways to help them without having to listen to the negative talk. I started by making a presentation about cognitive distortions. The ways of thinking that makes us sad and depressed. I was trying to give them insight into the problem many of them are in, so they can help themselves. But talk is easy and their situations are really bad. 

This all brought me to the conclusion of emotional intelligence, how to measure it, how to enhance it and will it affect how people cope with stress or avoid to be source of stress to others? 

Any idea?

[Guest silasun]

Interesting. Qur'an gives the exception إلا من ظلم to backbiting.

Maybe you would benefit from some of these posts? He talks a lot about workplace stress and anxiety.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=210845199723991&id=100023955370372

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=209677073174137&id=100023955370372

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=175832943225217&id=100023955370372

[Chaotic Muslem]

14 hours ago, silasun said:

Interesting. Qur'an gives the exception إلا من ظلم to backbiting.

Maybe you would benefit from some of these posts? He talks a lot about workplace stress and anxiety.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=210845199723991&id=100023955370372

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=209677073174137&id=100023955370372

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=175832943225217&id=100023955370372

Salam

Thank you for sharing these posts. They carry a good general advises and reflections, but they lack practical steps to change the mindset needed to lift the spirit out of the dark pit of anxiety and depression. 

What I am mulling over now is the conept of "Tafreej al karb"

the word karb in Arabic means the sever stress. alleviate the karb or tafrij alkarb from a believer is considered one of the highly rewarded deeds in Islam. In the Hadith it says "whoever alleviate a sever stress from upon a believer, Allah will alleviate his stress in the day of judgement."

I'm looking for practical way to do it in this day and age.

[Abu Hadi]

16 hours ago, Chaotic Muslem said:

Salam,

Recently, I've been looking at backbiting from different perspective. I work in a very stressful job and very sick work environment. Almost everyone is burnt out, depressed or have one or another mental issue (They are sane, just mentally worn out due to stress). 

I've been noticing pattern of how to spot person in burn out, they often start talking negatively all the time about almost everyone in their life including themselves, among other things. From high moral grounds, what they do is unjustified, but for me, I start to see them as victims rather than the criminals. It is ethically unsettling situation because I feel i have to give them an ear to ease their stress, carry some of their burden, but at the same time, It makes me feel that i'll be dragged to same pit if I let them charge me negatively all the time.

I thought of ways to help them without having to listen to the negative talk. I started by making a presentation about cognitive distortions. The ways of thinking that makes us sad and depressed. I was trying to give them insight into the problem many of them are in, so they can help themselves. But talk is easy and their situations are really bad. 

This all brought me to the conclusion of emotional intelligence, how to measure it, how to enhance it and will it affect how people cope with stress or avoid to be source of stress to others? 

Any idea?

What I do in that situation is, when someone mentions something negative about person X, I let them finish, and then say, person X is really good at (..insert  something their good at or some positive quality they have). So if their only intention in talking to you is to spread negativity about that person, they will not like your response and probably will stop talking, leave, or change the subject. If their intention is something else, they will probably change their tone to adjust to what you are saying or they will change the subject. 

If someone feels that they work environment is so stressful and they don't like it, then it is their duty to find another job or environment that is not like that. They don't have the right to make it more stressful and difficult for others by spreading negativity, and this usually only makes the environment more stressful, not less, so it is actually counterproductive to their goal. The only exception to this is when it is a matter of Haqq, i.e. someone is being physically or otherwise abused by someone at the workplace or the company is doing things which are haram, like fraud or illegal things. Then it is the duty of the person to speak out. 

Venting is (almost always) someone pushing their stress or frustration onto someone else, which they don't have the right to do.

 

Edited June 9, 2018 by Abu Hadi