Mut’ah temporary marriage (urgent)

[Mariamtee]

Salam everyone.

ive been with my partner for 2 years and we haven’t done anything yet. 

My parents know of him but are delaying the conversation of marriage due to him being a different nationality.

we both are getting impatient and recently he has been told that we could do mutah without sexual intercourse? Apparently if I am a virgin, you need to ask for a fathers permission but if I am not then I don’t need to? I am 22 living with my parents, however I consider myself cable of financially supporting myself. (I pay for everything for myself, I give my dad rent money every 2 weeks). 

I follow sayed sistani and so does he. 

Thank you in advance

[notme]

Salam

Look, you don't want to do this. It might seem like an easy way to handle those urges, but it's not. Too many things can go wrong.

Yes, if you live with your parents, even if you could support yourself, he needs your guardian's permission before marriage - temporary or permanent.

Just talk with your parents and convince them to let you get married. If they refuse on the grounds of the man's nationality - and they make it clear that's their reason - you are allowed to elope per rulings of Sayyid Sistani, but it will cause a terrible rift between you and your family and will bring additional stress into your marriage. If you choose to elope - which I don't recommend - get permanently married and have witnesses. Why would you even consider mutah under these circumstances? 

[Guest]

22 minutes ago, Mariamtee said:

Apparently if I am a virgin, you need to ask for a fathers permission but if I am not then I don’t need to?

In islam the concept of virginity is not related to sexual intercourse but to marriage. If a girl has never been married before she is considered a virgin according to islamic rulings regardless of whether she has had sexual intercourse or not. 

Tell your parents islamically they have to consider this man as your potential husband and if he is a good shia Muslim they cannot stop you from marrying him.  

After this they don't agree, try and have a permanent marriage instead of a temporary one. What about they his family ? Are they supportive? 

[Mariamtee]

@notme thank you for your response. we don't want to, but 2 years is a lot... he is willing to wait another 10 years of course but we just thought if it was halal, maybe its the path we would go down. we're both as religious as we could be and avoid sin as much as possible so this is why i came here. but thank you for your response, of course we will not go through with it

[Mariamtee]

@starlight oh sorry i didn't know that, thank you for that. 

i tried to speak to my mum and she's okay with it but my father isn't too fond of it. im iraqi and he is lebanese, he is an extremely good shia person, best i have known till this day and that is including my brothers and my father. he has brought me closer to my religion within these 2 years then my family has in 22 years. his family know and they are waiting for my family but me and him are too embarrassed to tell his parents that the only reason my parents are rejecting is because he is a different nationality.  

[Guest]

@Mariamtee if that is the case talk to your parents one final time and do a temporary aqd. It's not right for a namehram man and woman to be together without a halal relationship.

[Mariamtee]

@Hassan- and @Sumerian sorry for the random tag but i was reading a post and someone mentioned that you were very knowledgeable with situations like these.

[Sumerian]

The issue comes down to the marja you follow sister, as the issue of independence is debated amongst our jurists.

If you follow Sayyed Al-Sistani, you will need your father's approval unless he is stopping you from marrying someone seen as competent in both religion and in urf (customs).

Now, is nationality a valid reason of stopping someone from marriage? Does it come under urf? I don't know for sure. But I would contact the office of Sayyed Al-Sistani to make sure, if I were you.

You read Arabic sister?

Edited June 5, 2018 by Sumerian

[Mariamtee]

@Sumerian thank you for responding. What if it doesn’t involve intercourse? Someone mentioned that if it doesn’t involve intercourse, you are allowed. 

I send in a question on the sayyed sistani website a couple of months ago and still haven’t heard back.

i read abit of Arabic 

[Sumerian]

4 minutes ago, Mariamtee said:

@Sumerian thank you for responding. What if it doesn’t involve intercourse? Someone mentioned that if it doesn’t involve intercourse, you are allowed. 

I send in a question on the sayyed sistani website a couple of months ago and still haven’t heard back.

i read abit of Arabic 

It doesn't matter if it involves intercourse or not. Try Najaf.org instead of Sayyed Al-Sistani's website, they reply faster usually. And be detailed in your questioning sister.

[Soldiers and Saffron]

May Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى protect us all!

[Hassan-]

9 hours ago, starlight said:

In islam the concept of virginity is not related to sexual intercourse but to marriage. If a girl has never been married before she is considered a virgin according to islamic rulings regardless of whether she has had sexual intercourse or not.

Salamu Alaykum sister.

This issue is debated among the maraji'. According to many maraji', like Imam Khamenei & Imam Khomeini, virginity in Islam is only related to sexual intercourse, and marriage has nothing to do with it.

 

@Mariamtee I believe brother Sumerian answered your question. You need approval from your father if you're a virgin (for Sayed Sistani a virgin girl is one that hasn't been married before), even if the marriage was without sexual intercourse, and as per Sayed Sistani if your father does not have a valid excuse for refusing then his permission does not become necessary anymore. But 'valid excuse' can be abused, it's possible you may consider your father's excuse as not valid enough but your father may think it is. In this case you should look for what the 'urf (common view) consider it and go by that.

Edited June 6, 2018 by Hassan-

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Hassan- said:

According to many maraji', like Imam Khamenei & Imam Khomeini, virginity in Islam is only related to sexual intercourse, and marriage has nothing to do with it.

Thank you ^^ 

She follows Sistani so she still has to be married to be considered a non Virgin?

[Hassan-]

2 hours ago, starlight said:

Thank you ^^ 

She follows Sistani so she still has to be married to be considered a non Virgin?

If I'm not mistaken, it must be a consummated marriage. If a virgin girl married and got divorced without any sexual intercourse, she remains a virgin as per Sayed Sistani.