What made you laugh today?

[hasanhh]

Found in old stuff: this Farm Journal supplementary booklet entitled "Slick Tricks"; which from some research l found to be trademark-filed 1962.

On page 17 we read:

"My corner sink has no pleasant view to look at while l wash dishes; so l pin up a pretty landscape and change it occasionally. Sometimes l add a poem that appeals to me, and soon l've learned it by heart.'     .   Mrs. Daisy J. Clay, Wisconsin

 

LAUGH POINT:  What is that 'horrible' corner sink for? Taking in a view or washing a few dishes?

[hasanhh]

This feature on TV about Soap Operas.

Well according to the presentation, those "steamy" kissing scenes now have mannequins as stand ins. lt's a COVID thing.

Those mannequins are made of epoxy and sometimes with fiberglass blended in. So, it will take some really hot, dry-steam to get to 2000+ degrees to melt the fiberglass.

However . . . AND you knew there will be a 'however' with Hasan the Horrible writing this . . . that epoxy can be dissolved by the ethanol in their drinks.

l guess they will have to re-characterize those romance scenes as 'heart melters.'

Edited October 6, 2020 by hasanhh

[hasanhh]

NBC  nutwork newz, Aerly TwoDay:

The anchor refered to Trump as "the Contagious Commander-in-Chief"

OPINE: So now we are to refer to him as the "Contagious Commander?"

[El Cid]

Today I received my electric can opener from Amazon

It worked!

Reminded me of all those times I broke can openers trying to open a can. I swear I am like jinxed with manual can openers, they break everytime or maybe I just love using those cheap ones.

But anyway, the success of just pressing a button and having my can opened made me laugh with delight.

It's the small things in life that bring the most joy I guess.

[hasanhh]

The Media

During the VP debate last night, a fly lit on VP Pence's head "and stayed there several minutes."

0f course, the cameras zoomed in for the belittlement.

OBSERVATION: Can't these media bums recognize an entomological blessing when they see one?

[hasanhh]

The SUV ahead of me.

This SUV on the road ahead of me has in its rear window a decal of Trump; and attached to the wiper was the picture of an arm and hand.

The wiper must have been reset to run automatically because about every 4-5 seconds it waved to me.

Ain't America great?

[hasanhh]

 "l do not have to exaggerate this."

l am in some kind of laughing-delirium because l am so frustrated.

l decided to change TV channels. Julia Child rerun on one, The British Bake-off on two others, a daytime show in its recipe segment, another dumb dog special, New England cooking show,  how the food is cooked in some l-ain't interested-in-going travel show, . . .

Finally, l find a farm program. This program is on the potatoe industry.

So what happens? A cooking segment and the subject is potatoe waffles.

Ah Hell, l might as well suffer through this so l don't miss the next segment on machinery.

So this dopey dame starts lecturing . . . chop this, slice that, clean your potatoes and peel then slice, add this, add that, basil, chimes, and other stuff; pour on some oil, add two tablespoons of flour so it all holds together. Dump into a cloth and twist squeeze to get as much water as you can out. [[Comment: instead of the sink she squeezes it into a strainer sitting on a bowl --two more dang things to wash.]]  Empty all these tortured vegetables into another bowl and add eggs. Mash it all up together. Pre-heat your waffle iron. Spray in some of that overpriced non-stuck spray. Spoon in and close lid. Let cook. Remove from waffle iron and add this, chop this for topping, sprinkle on whatever [[At this point l notice this big black refrigerator-looking thing in the background. This must be her super-secret transporter door to warp to the supermarket and back -to waste money on all this cwap.]] Then she yaps about serving size, number of eaters and . . . 

l could starve in this amount of time.

No wait, l could fry a hamburger and melt cheese.

Now the real programming comes back on. For about one minute.

 Where are you?

 

Edited October 10, 2020 by hasanhh

[hasanhh]

Our National Nutcase: Nanny Pelosing

She wants a permanent commission the continually evaluate the 'fitness' and health of Presidents to actively hold their office.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/elanagross/2020/10/09/pelosi-announces-bill-to-create-25th-amendment-commission-to-ok-a-presidents-capacity-to-serve/#7b916c187208

 

[El Cid]

 

[El Cid]

 

[hasanhh]

DeutscheWelle made me laugh.

A reporter covering the early voting in Georgia made it sound herpetological.

About what she said was: "See the snakes here . . . the lines snaking around the building?"

[hasanhh]

DeutscheWelle again in its ln Good Shape program.

You cannot lose stomach fat unless you lose all your excess fat.

The easiest exercise to lose body fat is done in the following way.

Sit up straight.

Turn your chin over to your left shoulder.

Then turn your chin over your right shoulder.

Repeat five or more times . . .

when you see a pizza or sugary cake in front of you.

 

COMMENT: l believe he would have included chocolate if he knew muslimas were to read this re-cap.  

[hasanhh]

This partly true.

My ex, the one who thought  401k  was some kind of race, was mad at me because l would not go shopping with her.

[Aside: Why would any gurl think some guy wants to shop?]

So she took the TV Remote with her.

Now l grew up in the 50s. TV remotes came out in the 60s -which people laughed at because "who is so lazy they cannot get up and change the channel?"

So, l'd go change the channel by the knob on the TV set.

When she came home, she couldn't understand why l was not upset.

She waited two years before she asked me about it.

Then she was mad. . . 

. . . as was the usual case.

[El Cid]

13 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

This partly true.

My ex, the one who thought  401k  was some kind of race, was mad at me because l would not go shopping with her.

[Aside: Why would any gurl think some guy wants to shop?]

So she took the TV Remote with her.

Now l grew up in the 50s. TV remotes came out in the 60s -which people laughed at because "who is so lazy they cannot get up and change the channel?"

So, l'd go change the channel by the knob on the TV set.

When she came home, she couldn't understand why l was not upset.

She waited two years before she asked me about it.

Then she was mad. . . 

. . . as was the usual case.

Why would you go shopping with an ex or have contact anyway?

[hasanhh]

19 minutes ago, El Cid said:

Why would you go shopping with an ex or have contact anyway?

Back when we were marred.

To an Amerikan, this would be understood in the past tense.

[El Cid]

1 minute ago, hasanhh said:

Back when we were marred.

To an Amerikan, this would be understood in the past tense.

Perhaps writing that it's a past story next time would give the indication it's from the past marital era of your life.

One can think "was" referred to yesterday or the day before.

[hasanhh]

6 minutes ago, El Cid said:

One can think "was" referred to yesterday or the day before.

Like other bad memories, "past" is still too close in time.

[El Cid]

Just now, hasanhh said:

Like other bad memories, "past" is still too close in time.

Roger that.

[Abdul-Hadi]

We were at work today and these Mexican electricians were blasting this strange type of music I had never heard before and it all sounded the same, and my buddy said "What in the heck is this funhouse clown music? It sounds like something off of Pee-Wee's Playhouse" and that had me laughing pretty hard.

[hasanhh]

From an old newspaper:

Where: The White House

When:   The Day After lnauguration, 2017

Who:    The Spooks

What:   "Mr. President, the ClA believes the Democrats have been stockpiling P.M.D.s for the last two months."

How:  "P.M.D.s ?"

Why:   "Politics of Mass Destruction"

 

[hasanhh]

Vanity Iicense plates l saw 2day:

"MR SMURF"

"THE PlTZ"  -a play on "life is the pits"

"AP KING"  -yep, there was probably an AP for this plate"

[Hani B.]

Real Madrid 2-3 Shakhtar Donetsk

[hasanhh]

The birds in my back yard.

So l look out my back door and there is this small flock of robins feeding in my grass, inshallah Who -(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). feeds them.

A few moments later, l Iook back out and this family of blue jays shows up. Two adults and three hatchlings from this year.

Aerial combat ensues.

BIue and white visual blurs using "straffing" tactics on the grounded robins.

Things go airborne.

One hatchling is right behind an adult robin close enough that l wondered if Robin was going to lose a tail feather.

ln about little over a minute, the robins are gone and the blue jays roost in my hemlock tree.

[hasanhh]

On 5/25/2018 at 7:31 AM, Sisterfatima1 said:

Today  I was reading this book title 

“How to not hate your husband after kids”

this made me laugh 

The OP^^^^.

l found this old book in a box. lt must have been my mother's.

When Your Child Drives You Crazy (St. Martin's Press, NY, 1985) by Eda LeShan. From the terrible twos to the tortuous teens, an expert's guide to weathering the storms of parenting.

"Have l got a book for you" -Ann Landers

l was twice a teenager by the time of this book. But mom deserved whatever we inflicted upon her. 

[hasanhh]

dw.com Tomorrow Today has this program on about ASMR,

Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response

where youz supposed to feeI the sounds on your skin.

lt is supposed to be relaxing.

Metalized fingernails tapping on metal, rubbing hands or things over different fabrics, scratching the end of a broom(? that is whut it looked like) . . .

And this has "millions of viewers."

 

OPlNE:  Well, Question:   How about something a little Napoleonic?

You know, the soldier who slept on the battlefield.

Having a relaxing sleep to the sound of his cannon.

[hasanhh]

NBC reported this A.M. that Bannon has been "permanently banned."

Maybe his name should be 'Steve Banned' ?

"Chop and Pike"

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/us-election-2020/steven-bannon-behead-fauci-fbi-christophre-wray-trump-b1627108.html

 

[hasanhh]

Gov't made me laugh today.

As it usually does.

Headline: Local officials announce new measures to tackle gun violence.

Yep. That's dumb gov't. Using football moves in a gun fight.

[Ansar Shiat Ali]

I was watching some videos and reading about a war that lasted 100 Hours. Guess why the 2 sides fought? Over a game of Soccer.

[hasanhh]

A memory, from watching this TV commercial.

ln the commercial, this gurl puts her step counter on her dog's tail. A wag-to-step substitution.

The "falsity" of this reminds me of me . . . when l was three. That mother of mine ---ah. Yarrabi, why her--- repeated this several times over the years. l can only think she was entertained by the fact that her three-year-old almost fooled her.

So it is lunch time. She says,"When you finish your peas you can go back out(side) and play." She leaves the kitchen. l do not want to eat those peas. So l put the peas in my pants pocket.

"Oh good, you really finished your peas. Now you can go back out."

Later that night, she tells me to take a bath. So she is standing there, going through my pants, looking for boy stuff: rocks, pebbles, dirt, worms, bugs, and stuff.

She asks, "What's this?" as she pulls a hand full of peas out of my pocket.

Laughs and leaves.

l there wondering why l didn't slapped and saying to myself something as "you mindless id-ee-ot"

Well, Mom always said l was a dumb kid.

[hasanhh]

TV program about conspiracy thinking.

OPINE: why do people call such a thing "thinking". Maybe "models" is better.

How do you fight 'conspiracy thinking'? With another thought. Another conspiracy.

[hasanhh]

Found this 0ct, 2000 post, part of which is below . . . another part latter.

l do not think this needs a Mydogynme WARNING but it is Kufr

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy

Dumb man + smart woman = affair

Dumb man + dumb woman = marr&aged

 

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

l got this from an Afghan site.

Edited November 18, 2020 by hasanhh
lslamic comment

[Zainuu]

Today I saw a post in which JOE BIDEN was used as an inspiration for demoralised, lost and demotivated people. 

[hasanhh]

18 hours ago, hasanhh said:

Found this 0ct, 2000 post, another part of which is below

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

A woman worries about her future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about his future until he gets marred.

To be happy with a man, she must understand him a lot and care about him a little.

To be kinda happy with a woman, he must love her a lot and try not to understand he at all.

Marred men live longer than single men, but marred men are a lot more willing to die.

A marred man should forget his mistakes, as there is no use in two people remembering the same thing.

Men wake up in the morning as good as when they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but does not; while a man expects a woman not to change, but she does.

Added: What is the first thing a girl does when she gets married?

Gains weight.

[hasanhh]

l found this 04 November 2000 printout from another -extinct- Muslim website.

A high school French teacher was explaining that French nouns are masculine or feminist.

One student asked, "What gender is a computer?''

The French teacher was not sure, so she divided the class and asked them to determine a computer's gender.

The high school boys decided that a computer is feminine gender because:

1] No one but its creator understands their internal logic.

2] The language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3] Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval. [Ed.: the old tape-recorder in their head observation.]

4] As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find spending half-your allowance/paycheck on accessories/frivolities for it.

 

To be continued, BUT . . . that isn't bad for a bunch of high school boys who ain't never been marred yet.

[hasanhh]

Now, the high school felines had a different assessment. They determined a computer's gender as masculine, because:

1] ln order to get the computers' attention, you have to turn them on.

2] They store a lot of data but are still clueless.

3] They [They? -ed.] are supposed to help us solve our problems, but half the time they are the problem.

4] As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

Edited November 24, 2020 by hasanhh
grammar