What made you laugh today?

[Ali_Hussain]

[hasanhh]

What made me laugh?  Gov't

So l was now watching the idiot-box --as TV use to be called in the 70s.

The regional planning commission ran this advertisement for US to use public transportation.

This way, we have cleaner air.

Hmmmmm . . . so now l have to chose between cleaner air and covid air.

[Guest]

I just got kicked out of a flat earth Facebook group because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing guideline had pushed anyone over the edge yet.

Copied from Twitter. 

[shadow_of_light]

Do your babies sleep like this?

[Ali_Hussain]

I'm not sure if this belongs in the bad joke thread, but it made me laugh

[Ali_Hussain]

Say what you want about the man, but he is a funny, funny guy

 

[realizm]

On 8/4/2020 at 5:27 AM, Ali_Hussain said:

I'm not sure if this belongs in the bad joke thread, but it made me laugh

Not sure if everyone understand crêpy humour ! 

[hasanhh]

ABC's GMA3

Because of C0VlD-19 there is "college campus chaos".

"Huh? When l went to won of them thar collage skools, it didn't take a virus to create chaos. We already were chaotic."

[hasanhh]

0n the news last night was a story about a man who bought 10,000 packages of toilet paper, put them in a rented warehouse, and is now stuck with them. He had them shipped in from places like France and Russia the report said.

l tried to find the story, to no avail, but l did find similar such stories also about toilet paper and also hand sanitizer.

Which is what S.C was predicting last Spring.

[Zaydism]

This was very funny lol 

Could be used if an atheist asks to name all 114 Surahs. Or first ten, which we have seen be the case oftentimes. 

Quote

"The ultimate proof of the sovereignty and omnipotence of God, is that it even takes an atheist that doesn't believe in Him to call upon Him to remind him of the title of the book that helped him deny Him."

 

Edited August 24, 2020 by Mohammad313Ali

[hasanhh]

Rumaging through my old life, l found this article about college students.

Washington Times, 2001, "Higher education 'plums' new lows" by Jennifer Harper.

This college professor published this book containing some of the 'gems' by college students. Examples are:

Rasputin was a pheasant by birth.

Old Testament profits include Moses, Amy and Confucius.

Hitler shot himself in the bonker.

Zorroastrologism was founded by Zorro. This was a duelist religion.

"World War II became the Cold War because Benjamin Franklin Roosevelt did not trust Lenin ..."

Rulers were entitled to Faroes. A famed one was King Toot.

Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

Coloumbus sailed the Atlantic in the Nina, Pinta Colada and the Santa Fe.

[hasanhh]

Gosh. When l went to school, we never got out for anything. So except for the kid with a known allergy, this must have been exciting.

https://www.dw.com/en/wasps-attack-german-school-injuring-16-kids/a-54677947

[hasanhh]

While rumaging through my old life just now, l found this:

And l only half-believe l wrote it.

The guy, Will Mac, writes me: "btw: ls your wee wifie as moderate in her socio-political views as you are?"

l responded, "Hi Willie. No, my wife doesn't have any views on anything --she is just the prettiest thing you ever saw under a burqa!"

From 2003

[hasanhh]

Engineer:  This new material's structure is hard to describe. Too many molecular impulses.

Physicist:  Have you tried Green's function?

Engineer:  That might work. Let's go to Green's.

Wife in other room:  lf you guy's are going to go out, don't stay out too late.

Engineer:   See what l meant?  

 

Yeah, l kinda stole this one, too.

[hasanhh]

What made me laugh today?

Gov't --as is often the case.

So for years, my regional large city debated putting in a street car line  ---as a tourist attraction.

l guess the premise was "to save a dying city, turn it into a theme park." Although in the last half century the city has not had any worthy themes.

So after spending millions of dollars, disrupting what few businesses they had left, and a fare of $1, ridership was only half of projections.

And what happens today? To re-start the line and boost passenger numbers -while the system still isn't paid for- the city council voted for free fares.

THEN, in typical socialist scat, the argument starts over "if street cars are free, ALL public transport should be free."

[hasanhh]

l guess you have to be Amerikan to see the "humor" in this, but . . .

Same city as above, same day as above . . .

The mayor and the police chief want to reopen the bars (and extend hours) "to quell street violence".

Edited September 3, 2020 by hasanhh
grammar

[Ansar Shiat Ali]

Quote

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!

 

A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?" 

 

There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react. 

 

Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered  "We will land at night". 

 

The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause !

 

Back in the White House, Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news conference on TV.

 

When Trump heard what Kim had said, he sneered -  "What an idiot. There is no sun at night time !" 

 

Now, his cabinet broke up in thunderous applause !!

•  

 

[HusseinAbbas]

I got kicked out of a flat earth discord group for sharing this picture:

https://www.google.com/search?q=dinosaur+flat+earth+meme&client=ms-android-samsung&prmd=isvn&sxsrf=ALeKk0245VrV9qAU4C77d01l7cNHAuZLKQ:1599181013906&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiPuI_Cpc7rAhVhg3IEHS35Bg0Q_AUoAXoECAsQAQ&biw=360&bih=560&dpr=4#imgrc=hxu-yAnbWAtpAM

I just realised the headline of the picture, the same happened to another person.

Edited September 4, 2020 by HusseinAbbas

[Ali_Hussain]

[hasanhh]

This is similar to an old Walt Disney short where Donald Duck tries to do the same . . . with a shotgun.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-54051423   1 minute read

[hasanhh]

After l about spit, l had to laugh . . . in disgust.

Reporting: 0ne tenth of Oregon's population has become displacees. Firefighters are "at the end of their rope." Governor's Office  warns to "prepare for a huge loss of life." Many towns are cutoff.

And what does Governor Kate Brown discusses at her press conference?   climate change

[hasanhh]

So now,Climate-Change-Kate was on PBS NewsHour interviewed by Judy Woodruff, who asked about a statement that Oregon needs twice as many firefights on these forest flames as they have now.

C-C-Kate responds by saying Oregon has 300(some, 375 l believe she said) "pre-trained National Guardsmen" who will be activated tomorrow or Sunday.

COMMENT;  NOW? How long has the forests, property and a few people been burning?

[hasanhh]

 Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) "the Debate is OVER !" on climate change, as he stood surrounded by ashes.

As known from the 1970s, it is Ia Nina. See: https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2020-09-11/what-does-la-nina-mean-for-californias-drought 

[Ali_Hussain]

[hasanhh]

1 hour ago, Ali_Hussain said:

Bro, did you draw a caricature of notme? 0n another thread she was complaining of only her daughter helping and no one was sorting their laundry.

Which reminds me. Ages ago when l got marred, we were marred about a week when my foreign born nemesis asked, "why do you throw your white clothes in this corner and your other things in that corner?" She didn't know anything about separating whites from colours.

Anyway, that gurl with the orangutan hair color needs to close the lid and push a button before it works. l had to teach my ex this because she never saw -or was it used- a washer before. (That is not a joke).

[Ali_Hussain]

8 hours ago, hasanhh said:

Bro, did you draw a caricature of notme? 0n another thread she was complaining of only her daughter helping and no one was sorting their laundry.

Which reminds me. Ages ago when l got marred, we were marred about a week when my foreign born nemesis asked, "why do you throw your white clothes in this corner and your other things in that corner?" She didn't know anything about separating whites from colours.

Anyway, that gurl with the orangutan hair color needs to close the lid and push a button before it works. l had to teach my ex this because she never saw -or was it used- a washer before. (That is not a joke).

No offense to her, but I question whether she has the comical brain to enable her to come up with such a joke.

[hasanhh]

33 minutes ago, Ali_Hussain said:

No offense to her, but I question whether she has the comical brain to enable her to come up with such a joke.

From the complaints she makes, things at home must get 'comical' sometimes.

l am guessing that she sometimes quotes Captain Binghamton's famous refrain on McHale's Navy: "l could just scream ! "

[hasanhh]

l was scrapping the gunk in my bathroom yesterday.

Then put some powder down to get at the grime.

l thought this morning l should get a housekeeper someday,

But to be re-marred will be such a crime.

[hasanhh]

This is my 4th post on Krazzy Kate, Oregon's erratic governess.

https://www.opb.org/article/2020/09/15/gov-kate-brown-announces-vetoes-to-help-fund-wildfire-response/

Sub-headline:  With the vetoes, Brown will block more than $18 million in planned cuts to state agencies. She'll also snatch back $100 million legislators had earmarked for emergency spending on the pandemic."

[hasanhh]

https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-54197198

 

[Guest]

Yeh to waqai Chand taray torr layapan widgetspan widget

Edited September 20, 2020 by starlight

[hasanhh]

Found this from 20 years ago while going through Life's cwap:

The USA posturing:

"We SHELL not EXXONerate lran for their actions.  We will Mobilize to meet this threat in the Persian Gulf until an Amocoble solution is reached. Our best strategy is to BPrepared. Failing that, we ARCOming to kick your behind."

 

Notice the names of oilygarchies. l also edited a couple of words.

[hasanhh]

Jimmy Kimmel's Lie Witness News: Justice lvanka Edition

No joke, a roving interviewer asked people their opinions about Trump announcing that he will nominate his daughter lvanka to the Supreme Court to replace Ginsberg --obviously fake news.

Peope were for it, against it, hear it on the radio, "heard it from my son," and so on.

[hasanhh]

The Media bums.

 "Trump deducted $70,000 in hair-styling related to his "The Apprentice" TV show" from his taxes. [According to the New York Times.]

There were 192 Episodes of "The Apprentice" which makes that $70k out to be ~$365 for each hair-styling.

Yet, in 1981 dollars that makes it about $36.oo  -which is when CBS News anchor Dan Rather was getting a  $50.oo per week haircut.

COMMENT: There are factoids and then there are factvoids --those out-of-context, out-of-comparative examples.

 

 

[hasanhh]

An lrish judge has ruled that the bread in Subway sandwich shops is not really bread. lt has too much sugar in it to be a bread. lt is now a pastry. Therefore, Subway "pastry" will be now be taxed at the higher pastry tax rate. 

l guess the store name will have to change to "Subway Pastewich" shop.