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Sumerian

Brothers need to be careful

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Hmm...SO basically Muslim Men has nothing to do than to spy on who is eating during this month and to make that person feel inferior or defame and get that supremacy feeling by showing off Fasting..Cant men just ignore such scene if they happen to witness..Cant men or women regardless ignore it and move On?Why to be judgemental about it?

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8 minutes ago, Sumerian said:

@starlight I agree but I don't think the sister intended to announce this. 

Mine was just a general comment. Every Ramadan there is at least one thread on this sometimes from the brothers, sometimes from one of the sisters discussing this problem so I just thought I would add a comment.

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^^^

Haya is a dying trait sister in the west.  

Girls even say out loud I have to go pee.

Out of respect and courtesy they shouldn't be eating in public, but they could care less.  They are taught with the mentality 'to each his own' garbage.  

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah 

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I created an account just to reply to this thread.

Your comments about you not needing to know about menstrual cycles, and you finding sex ed weak because you won't have a use for it in your future are a few of the most problematic things I have come across about our culture. 

I am a man but I find that it is my duty to be well-informed, especially on topics that relate to half the world's population (more or less, depending on what the current sex ratio is in the world), just so I don't remain ignorant of what's going on and point fingers at people for things that should be common knowledge. 

I know menstrual cycles are an incredibly taboo topic in our culture, but you will definitely come across it if/when you're married, and without a doubt you will be confronted by some of the sex-ed content that you find irrelevant for your life. 

I really hope you change your outlook on such topics, because by how it currently sounds, it doesn't seem like your wife will feel very comfortable sharing things with you.

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1 hour ago, shiadude123 said:

I created an account just to reply to this thread.

Your comments about you not needing to know about menstrual cycles, and you finding sex ed weak because you won't have a use for it in your future are a few of the most problematic things I have come across about our culture. 

I am a man but I find that it is my duty to be well-informed, especially on topics that relate to half the world's population (more or less, depending on what the current sex ratio is in the world), just so I don't remain ignorant of what's going on and point fingers at people for things that should be common knowledge. 

I know menstrual cycles are an incredibly taboo topic in our culture, but you will definitely come across it if/when you're married, and without a doubt you will be confronted by some of the sex-ed content that you find irrelevant for your life. 

I really hope you change your outlook on such topics, because by how it currently sounds, it doesn't seem like your wife will feel very comfortable sharing things with you.

Bro how is knowing these things going to make or break a marriage? I dont see it

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57 minutes ago, Sumerian said:

Bro how is knowing these things going to make or break a marriage? I dont see it

I'm not saying knowing these things will make or break a marriage, but it's more your attitude towards things like this. You choose to be oblivious and ignorant about certain topics, and not for a valid reason.

For example,  you could say I didn't find sex ed enjoyable because it affected my goal of abstaining from watching porn. But instead you choose not to engage in such topics because you find them useless. 

Your attitude towards women's issues put you in this position about having to make a thread to warn guys not to judge women who are eating during Ramadan, and to be honest, I read your post assuming you were 13-15 years old. You may not be interested in these topics, but being open minded about things relating to basic biology will make you more knowledgeable and less judgmental (if it comes to that).

Also, change your attitude so your wife feels comfortable around you when she's on her period rather than having to be awkward about it/reinforce the whole "periods being shameful" aspect that is quite prevalent in our culture.

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36 minutes ago, Sumerian said:

Bro how is knowing these things going to make or break a marriage? I dont see it

Seriously? If you're married to someone, you generally can't hide stuff from them. So, if like in this case, she was eating in Ramadan, and you started scolding her about being a sinful woman for not fasting, what do you think that would do to your marriage? (You found out the rules about Ramadan and haydh after this incident, it seems, but had it not occurred, you simply wouldn't know.) If she can't tell you personal details about her life because she thinks you believe them to be gross or beneath you, how do you expect her to be able to tell you that you can't have relations with her because she's in haydh  (and, in case you didn't know, you can't have relations during this period). Are you going to throw a tantrum when you go to the supermarket and she asks you to buy tampons?

What about her emotions and behaviour? I don't know how much women's hormonal changes during their period affects their mood but, according to most people, it does affect it to some degree. If she can't tell you she's in her period, and she starts shouting at you for some reason on a random day, you'll simply shout back and lead to problems in your marriage. If you knew, maybe you'd be kind and let it go.

If you think knowing a pretty important part of your potential wife's life is simply irrelevant to you and your future, I don't think you actually understand what marriage, or even sharing a room with someone, actually means.

Even if all of the above wasn't true, how on earth are you going to have marital relations with your wife if you can't bear to read the chapters on haydh in a risalah, which might I remind you, is an Islamic book.

Edited by Khadim uz Zahra

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On 5/22/2018 at 3:00 AM, Sumerian said:

I didn't do anything though. I just listened and was shocked but I didn't care until he brought it up again.. 

So its on my boy. Not me.

Islam teaches that those who listen to back biting are as guilty as the back biter

On 5/22/2018 at 3:02 AM, Laayla said:

Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum.

Shahr Ramadhan Mubarak brother,

God bless you.

Here is where you should have told him inna b3id al dani ithem.

Or when Imam J3far al sadeq says give your brother 40 excuses.  :)

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

It was a hadith from Imam Ali (as) and he said 70 excuses, not 40, if you search it up.

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On 5/27/2018 at 2:55 AM, Khadim uz Zahra said:

Seriously? If you're married to someone, you generally can't hide stuff from them. So, if like in this case, she was eating in Ramadan, and you started scolding her about being a sinful woman for not fasting, what do you think that would do to your marriage? (You found out the rules about Ramadan and haydh after this incident, it seems, but had it not occurred, you simply wouldn't know.) If she can't tell you personal details about her life because she thinks you believe them to be gross or beneath you, how do you expect her to be able to tell you that you can't have relations with her because she's in haydh  (and, in case you didn't know, you can't have relations during that period). Are you going to throw a tantrum when you go to the supermarket and she asks you to buy tampons?

What about her emotions and behaviour? I don't know how much women's hormonal changes during the period affects their mood but, according to most people, it does affect it to some degree. If she can't tell you she's in her period, and she starts shouting at you for some reason on a random day, you'll simply shout back and lead to problems in your marriage. If you knew, maybe you'd be kind and let it go.

If you think knowing a pretty important part of your potential wife's life is simply irrelevant to you and your future, I don't think you actually understand what marriage, or even sharing a room with someone, actually means.

Even if all of the above wasn't true, how on earth are you going to have sex with a woman if you can't bear to read the chapters on haydh in a risalah, which might I remind you, is an Islamic book.

Aye bro I knew those two rulings, it's hard to avoid not knowing them. I just haven't read the actual chapters which deal with those issues. And those are the only two rulings I think I as male need to know, cause it affects me and her, not just her. You get me? I don't think they're beneath me but like I don't want to know. 

Bro I'm not buying that stuff ever. I'll buy roses, that's what females want. Trust me.

The behaviour change is a good point. I might have to check up on that. But bro I won't be mad or grossed up if she tells me it's that time, I just don't wanna know details of what goes on. Like I don't feel it necessary.

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On 5/27/2018 at 2:43 AM, shiadude123 said:

I'm not saying knowing these things will make or break a marriage, but it's more your attitude towards things like this. You choose to be oblivious and ignorant about certain topics, and not for a valid reason.

For example,  you could say I didn't find sex ed enjoyable because it affected my goal of abstaining from watching porn. But instead you choose not to engage in such topics because you find them useless. 

Your attitude towards women's issues put you in this position about having to make a thread to warn guys not to judge women who are eating during Ramadan, and to be honest, I read your post assuming you were 13-15 years old. You may not be interested in these topics, but being open minded about things relating to basic biology will make you more knowledgeable and less judgmental (if it comes to that).

Also, change your attitude so your wife feels comfortable around you when she's on her period rather than having to be awkward about it/reinforce the whole "periods being shameful" aspect that is quite prevalent in our culture.

Bro I'm 19, not 15. I choose to not want to know.. cause like it doesn't feel like right I don't know. 

I also find it necessary to only know the amount which will affect my life. But like why do I need to know the details and specifics? 

Bro I'm not going to shame someone for a natural occurance in their body, but I don't want to know all about it.

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On 5/27/2018 at 3:08 AM, Sumerian said:

Aye bro I knew those two rulings, it's hard to avoid not knowing them. I just haven't read the actual chapters which deal with those issues. And those are the only two rulings I think I as male need to know, cause it affects me and her, not just her. You get me? I don't think they're beneath me but like I don't want to know. 

Bro I'm not buying that stuff ever. I'll buy roses, that's what females want. Trust me.

The behaviour change is a good point. I might have to check up on that. But bro I won't be mad or grossed up if she tells me it's that time, I just don't wanna know details of what goes on. Like I don't feel it necessary.

So, you go to the supermarket, and your wife calls you and says, "Please buy me tampons," and your reply will be "No, but I'll buy you roses." And, then, you expect her to drive to the supermarket by herself just to get the tampons? Are you serious right now?

Also, once again, you seem to not understand what marriage is all about. So, rulings on sex are about you and her and, therefore, you'll agree to knowing them but rulings that relate to her alone, you don't want to know? Anything that affects her affects you; that's the whole idea of marriage. You share a home, you share a room, you share the closet, you share a bed, you share the shower and so on. There is no 'just her' after marriage.

The way things are going, I can only imagine how your wife is going to survive when she's pregnant. If you think the menstrual cycle is gross and you don't need to know anything about it, oh boy, are you in for a surprise when she gets pregnant. God help her.

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1 hour ago, Sumerian said:

Bro I'm 19, not 15. I choose to not want to know.. cause like it doesn't feel like right I don't know. 

I also find it necessary to only know the amount which will affect my life. But like why do I need to know the details and specifics? 

Bro I'm not going to shame someone for a natural occurance in their body, but I don't want to know all about it.

Brahhh, you don't need to know details and specifics, but if your wife wants to talk about it with you, then you should be willing to listen. Also, your point about not buying her pads but buying her roses is the exact problem I have with your mindset bro. You're just not willing to talk about those things with your wife, and want to brush the whole idea of it under the rug.

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14 minutes ago, shiadude123 said:

Brahhh, you don't need to know details and specifics, but if your wife wants to talk about it with you, then you should be willing to listen. Also, your point about not buying her pads but buying her roses is the exact problem I have with your mindset bro. You're just not willing to talk about those things with your wife, and want to brush the whole idea of it under the rug.

I'll listen, trust

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12 hours ago, Sumerian said:

Bro how would it look to the cashier that a guy is buying women stuff? I wouldn't let my wife buy male stuff, same thing vice versa.

Firstly, there's self-serving cashiers where there's 0 human interaction involved. 

Secondly, is it really the idea of being embarrassed that's stopping you from buying her tampons and pads? 

Also, if you do get married to someone you truly love, you'll most likely want to know everything and anything about her. And you'll probably (and should) go out of your way to make her feel happy and comfortable - that includes buying her period stuff etc - and vice versa. 

Edited by Amira00

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8 hours ago, Amira00 said:

Firstly, there's self-serving cashiers where there's 0 human interaction involved. 

Secondly, is it really the idea of being embarrassed that's stopping you from buying her tampons and pads? 

Also, if you do get married to someone you truly love, you'll most likely want to know everything and anything about her. And you'll probably (and should) go out of your way to make her feel happy and comfortable - that includes buying her period stuff etc - and vice versa. 

So would it be fine for a woman to walk in the store and buy male pregnancy protection products?

Edited by Sumerian

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2 hours ago, Sumerian said:

So would it be fine for a woman to walk in the store and buy male pregnancy protection products?

Tons of women do it. It's not haram. It's only "ayb" because our communities have made everything taboo.

Also, you cant compare buying contraceptives (which are only for pleasure) to buying sanitary pads (which are essential). There's a huge difference between the two.

Edited by Amira00

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9 hours ago, Amira00 said:

Tons of women do it. It's not haram. It's only "ayb" because our communities have made everything taboo.

Also, you cant compare buying contraceptives (which are only for pleasure) to buying sanitary pads (which are essential). There's a huge difference between the two.

But these uyoob will affect me whether one agrees with them or not. Should I also walk in a women's store and buy undergarments? Should a woman buy her husband male underwear? Where does it end?

Why can't a wife and a husband both agree to buy their own personal stuff by themselves? 

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:salam:

This reminds me of a class ٍI did in Hawzah :grin: . We were doing Kitab al-Taharah (Book of Taharah) from Sharh al-Lum'ah (the standard classical Fiqh book studied in Hawzah) of al-Shahid al-Thani and usually, in the syllabus they ask us to skip the detailed rulings on menstruation with all the back-and-forth arguments for them and move on to the next section. Our teacher who was new to our school wasn't aware of this (and neither were we as students), so we ended up spending literally 3 weeks on the topic of menstruation, with charts being made on the whiteboard every day and analyzing the opinions of Muhaqqiq Hilli and 'Allamah Hilli and what have you! I ended up translating the portions into English and it was one of the most difficult sections of Kitab al-Taharah. By the time we figured out we could have just skipped it, we realized it was too late and that we had become experts on the subject :hahaha: .

Wasalam

Edited by Ibn al-Hussain

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1 hour ago, Sumerian said:

But these uyoob will affect me whether one agrees with them or not. Should I also walk in a women's store and buy undergarments? Should a woman buy her husband male underwear? Where does it end?

Why can't a wife and a husband both agree to buy their own personal stuff by themselves? 

Lol everything you're saying happens in real life. Men do go into shops and buy stuff from shops that sell women's undergarments and vice versa.

Secondly, how will it affect you? 

Thirdly, it all sounds perfect in theory, that husband and wife keep personal things aside, but it most likely won't happen in practice. If youre married, you share a log with someone not just a home. That means youre with them at their highs and lows (as cheesy as it sounds). 

Finally, if you do find/ have a wife that agrees, great! But I'm just saying, most women are incredibly frustrated by having to act like everything's wanderful when they're basically dying of pain  and discomfort when their fathers and brothers are home, so to move with your husband and have to carry on with that would most likely annoy a lot of women.

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