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Rayhana80

Cordial relationship with first wife of your hubby

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33 minutes ago, Abu Hadi said:

That is true except for inheritance. Although the Government does not recognize the marriage, under US law, you can leave inheritance to anyone you want. So if he followed the Islamic rules regarding inheritance, she would be entitled to it, and US law would not 'dis-entitle' her to it. 

Good point, I am glad you mentioned this.  Yes, what you have stated is true if there is a will.  In the west, in your will, you can leave everything to your cat if you want - and people have!  

However, if there is no will, the court determines inheritance base on closest family tie.  A second wife would not be considered "family", but her children proven to be fathered by her husband would be in the running.  

I don't know about US laws, but in Canada, the husband's work accumulated pension, if he dies, will automatically go to the first wife and when she dies, the payments end. Even if the husband divorces his first wife, based on how many years he was married to her, half of his pension accumulated through those years will automatically go to her and not the second wife. The first wife can sign an affidavit stating that she relinquishes the right to half of his pension - which is occasionally done in divorce settlements, if for some reason it benefits her. In that case, the husband retains his full pension, but when he dies, it does not go to the second wife as he cannot will it to her.  It ends. A responsible thing to do would be to set up some kind of insurance benefit for the second wife so that she is covered financially if he dies.

The most important thing in all this is that you need to have a will addressing assets over which you have control. It is especially important to have a will if you have multiple wives that are dependent on you. I am sure wills and insurance policies are the last thing on the mind of a young couple, but maybe that is something that needs to be more formally addressed by those officiating at the the marriage or perhaps in pre-marriage guidance sessions.

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2 hours ago, ShiaMan14 said:

The fact that you willingly took part in hiding your marriage from her is ample proof that even you knew what you were doing is not right.

You made a choice to be the second wife. She didn't have a choice to share her husband or nothing, so he is not treating the wives equally. 

If you were so Islamic - friendly, then you should have no problem sharing  your husband with a third and a fourth wife.

How can you say that he is not treating them fairly? I said it many times before and I reiterate now as well that I have no problems sharing him with 3 or 4th wife as long as he do justice with all of us. What made you think that keeping something secret would be perceived as a wrongdoing? Brother the kind of society we live in, always looking for flaws in you to make fun of or bash you. Look you are the true example of one, you don’t even know me yet spewing so much hatred.

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2 hours ago, ShiaMan14 said:

Plenty of women in the West won't accept another wife either. It has nothing to do with "Hindu" influences. 

If @Rayhana80 didn't think she was wrong, she would not say that her husband getting third wife is wishing bad for her.

Theoretically, I can marry 4 women everyday, have relations with them for 1 night and divorce them the next day. I can do this repeatedly and would be well within my Islamic right BUT it would be the wrong thing to do.

You made it look like an ideal situation that a man can have a different woman for every day of the week. Stop fooling yourself and don’t talk nonsensical stuff please to misguide others. There are lots of responsibilities involved in permanent Marriage or even mutah, so don’t think it’s for everyone. It’s better than having multiple haram relationships with women. 

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11 hours ago, Laayla said:

Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum.

I'll quote what my brother once said to me, "A man's heart can love more than one woman."  lol

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

Thank you. Even if you said in a joking manner it does make sense. He loves both of us but he has his favorite too. There is nothing wrong with it. 

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I haven’t read this entire thread but it is extremely toxic. She asked for advice and instead of helping someone, some of you decided that because you don’t agree with polymagy which is legal in Islam, you decided to drag out her relationship with her husband and her past, make assumptions and accusations and just devolve into a toxic thread.

I think you received good responses in the beginning through people with good intentions. I don’t think there’s a need for you to justify a polygamous marriage to people who disagree with it. 

Although these comments aren’t as bad as the personal attacks made before, ignore any instead of trying to defend your marriage. Like I said before, focus on your marriage now. His other wife and his relationship to her is none of your business 

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OP, I think you got good responses. Don't listen to those users who tried to drag your marriage down. Try to be more supportive to your husband and make him happier. I think its better not involving in his other marriage. He can manage it himself. I hope those arguments will stop, and bothe of his wives live with him equally and happily.

Edited by AmirAlmuminin Lover

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1 hour ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

OP, I think you got good responses. Don't listen to those users who tried to drag your marriage down. Try to be more supportive to your husband and make him happier. I think its better not involving in his other marriage. He can manage it himself. I hope those arguments will stop, and bothe of his wives live with him equally and happily.

Thank you brother. Time will heal everything. I have decided not to respond to this thread anymore. I apologize if I have hurt anyone’s feeling trying to explain my situation. May Allah guide us all to the right path. 

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13 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

 

 

You’re making assumptions about her and her life without even knowing her. Whether her issues result from those things or not do not justify you calling her insecure and wishing ill on her as they only make you sound bad. You’ve stated your I’ll feelings towards her many times in this thread and honestly you should just leave it at this point. 

 

Someone should just lock this thread as it’s not productive anymore and even in this holy month, such bitter conversations are taking place 

Edited by Khadim uz Zahra

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Thread locked. We repeatedly asked that users refrain from personal attacks but it seems that advice fell on deaf ears. To those, I would also like to point out that regardless of what you think, people come to this forum looking for advice. It truly is a shame that I need to lock down a thread because people can't control themselves; if you don't like something, then don't comment. Why should the OP not be able to discuss something she truly wants help for because of others' misbehaviour?

@Rayhana80 I believe you've received many useful pieces of advice from members. I hope you'll take them to heart and I wish you the best in your future.

Edited by Khadim uz Zahra

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