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In the Name of God بسم الله

Polygamy and problem in today's world

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Salamun Alykum all..

Islam is the only deen near Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى and all the laws of Islam are perfect for humankind till Qiyamah.. 

Polygamy in itself as explained by Islam is the perfect and most rational law laid down by All Mighty All Wise.

But due to weak humans, this law can be problematic to practice and thus weakening Islam and the social outlook presented by Islam!!

Lets make it clear, If Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى has made something to be practiced then not practicing it will make things go bad and you have to accept that. 

Well, in Polygamy Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى asks His servants to be just towards all the wives. The servant accepts this order of His Lord and marries for example 3 wives and is being just to them.

But some women of present era or I should say MOST OF THE WOMEN of present era are too possessive for their husbands.

And the mere thought of polygamy horrifies them. So here they actually doubt the law or fail to understand the law.

Also if we see the consent and approval of parents, it becomes very difficult now a days to make it happen. The parents of the girls will make it such an issue that it will not happen eventually.

Also the children which he will borne with those wives. For them, the acceptance of this odd fact (odd with respect to today's world) that he has other brothers and sisters from different mothers might affect them negatively. They might also become a subject of bullying.

So if a person practices Polygamy, he is at a severe risk of creating chaos in the society even though he fulfills all his duties correctly.

What are your views on this! Please reply. 

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Salaam Alaykum

I agree with majority of your comment. Polygamy has to be practiced more in today's life. If one shows that he can be just and make his wives happy, society view will change. When just people are afraid of doing that, while unjust people are doing that and make a hell for all the wives, the view of the society towards polygamy gets worse and worse.

Polygamy is very good for society if good men practice that. We all know some women between our friends or family members that are widow are divorced and don't have opportunity to get married. Why not helping them? They might not be beautiful or in a good position as we expect, but polygamy helps them. There are some women that are suffering from financial problems. If they are young enough and have chance to get married, it's better to provide them financially to marry with whoever they want. If they are interested in you or their situation doesn't let them marry, polygamy can be very helpful.

Society view towards polygamy need to be changed. Polygamy is not a bad thing at all. It helps a lot and it doesn't have anything to do with sex. People need to think about Islamic rules. Men also need to be rational and do not take advantage of the situation. I heard that some men use polygamy as a tool to threat their wife, very disgusting action. Polygamy is not for these kind of men for sure until they change their mentality and the way they treat their first wife. On the other hand, women also should understand that if they have a good husband and a friend or a woman who doesn't have opportunity to get married, they should not prevent husband from polygamy. This is also as bad as the first one.

Inshaallah the correct view of polygamy will be established in the society by practicing this law justfully in our lives

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On 5/12/2018 at 7:40 AM, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

Salaam Alaykum

I agree with majority of your comment. Polygamy has to be practiced more in today's life. If one shows that he can be just and make his wives happy, society view will change. When just people are afraid of doing that, while unjust people are doing that and make a hell for all the wives, the view of the society towards polygamy gets worse and worse.

Polygamy is very good for society if good men practice that. We all know some women between our friends or family members that are widow are divorced and don't have opportunity to get married. Why not helping them? They might not be beautiful or in a good position as we expect, but polygamy helps them. There are some women that are suffering from financial problems. If they are young enough and have chance to get married, it's better to provide them financially to marry with whoever they want. If they are interested in you or their situation doesn't let them marry, polygamy can be very helpful.

Society view towards polygamy need to be changed. Polygamy is not a bad thing at all. It helps a lot and it doesn't have anything to do with sex. People need to think about Islamic rules. Men also need to be rational and do not take advantage of the situation. I heard that some men use polygamy as a tool to threat their wife, very disgusting action. Polygamy is not for these kind of men for sure until they change their mentality and the way they treat their first wife. On the other hand, women also should understand that if they have a good husband and a friend or a woman who doesn't have opportunity to get married, they should not prevent husband from polygamy. This is also as bad as the first one.

Inshaallah the correct view of polygamy will be established in the society by practicing this law justfully in our lives

Alhumdolillah brother. You explained it very nicely as to what all bad practices are making this good law of Islam so weak in the eyes of people.

There is one more point I want to make is, Women mock and bully the wives married to a man. And somehow this causes mental stress and anxiety to the wives of a man.

Especially this varies with country to country. Here in India and Pakistan, most of the women are (no offense) corrupt and low minded when it comes to such marriages.

Also people are not getting above treating temporary marriage and polygamy as something more than sexual exercise. 

These all problems are just due to the fact that their Islamic knowledge is 0.

Nor do they take any steps to learn. These women are most disgusting beings who have created a lot of problems by backbiting, gossiping and what not ( I don't fire this arrow at all the women around the world, but most of the women of India and Pak are like these only ).  

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On 5/12/2018 at 11:42 AM, Waseem162 said:

But some women of present era or I should say MOST OF THE WOMEN of present era are too possessive for their husbands.

If it was halal, would you agree that your wife marries more than one guy? No. 

In fact, most men in MODERN society refuse to marry a girl if she's just had a small engagement that eventually didn't work out. 

It is not an issue that women wouldn't want their husbands to marry another. 

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On 5/12/2018 at 12:40 PM, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

they are young enough and have chance to get married, it's better to provide them financially to marry with whoever they want. If they are interested in you or their situation doesn't let them marry, polygamy can be very helpful.

If you honestly care that much about that woman, you can literally just give her money, why would you need to complicate it all and spend even more money on a wedding and ceremony and living expenses when you can save half that money by just giving  a female friend who's in a difficult situation money? 

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The wives have to agree to it willingly and without jealousy for it to work. 

But as for the effect on children, there are kids with single parents, step parents, gay parents, foster parents - I don't think they'll stand out as much as you think. 

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If it was halal, would you agree that your wife marries more than one guy? No. 

In fact, most men in MODERN society refuse to marry a girl if she's just had a small engagement that eventually didn't work out. 

It is not an issue that women wouldn't want their husbands to marry another. 

Poor men then.  Completely unislamic. And you must know the reason why its not Halal then you'll get the idea.

Also, the emotional setup of a woman and a man is very very different. A woman can't be just to 4 different men due to her nature and man can be just to 4 different women. That is why Qadhi is Man only, not woman.

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If you honestly care that much about that woman, you can literally just give her money, why would you need to complicate it all and spend even more money on a wedding and ceremony and living expenses when you can save half that money by just giving  a female friend who's in a difficult situation money? 

Lack of knowledge. Islam believes in Overall Welfare of the servant of Allah. Just giving money and saying goodbye will solve one of her problems (livelihood) but what about her other problems (spiritual, physical and material needs) that she needs. 

You are talking like a heartless human.

First go and read Why and How Polygamy in Islam.

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5 hours ago, Waseem162 said:

Lack of knowledge. Islam believes in Overall Welfare of the servant of Allah. Just giving money and saying goodbye will solve one of her problems (livelihood) but what about her other problems (spiritual, physical and material needs) that she needs. 

You are talking like a heartless human.

First go and read Why and How Polygamy in Islam.

I am not against polygamy if the woman allows her husband to remarry.

However I think it's utterly disgusting that men like you would go ahead and make women feel bad for not wanting to share their husbands. What's even worse is that you've honestly convinced yourself that you're being a just and righteous human by marrying two women who have financial difficulties. It's also completely "unislamic" for you to say that women should just allow their husbands to remarry because that's his wish. From what I know, polygamy is only allowed if the guy is just among all wives and if the first wife allows it. 

Now, let's see why you'd think in this modern society it is possible for a man to be just towards his wives. If you're living in the west, then you know that you can only legally marry one woman. If a guy wants to marry another woman he won't be able to marry her legally, so in the eyes of the law she'll be seen as simply a "girlfriend" or "partner". Not only that. But if the man dies before having written a will, then it is most likely that all his wealth will be inherited by the wife he's legally married. Where is the fairness in that? According to you, all of a woman's needs can only be satisfied by getting married to a man, but it seems that polygamy would only bring the other wives problems.

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I think that polygamy is supposed to be for divorced or widowed women and to help them out in life but not all divorced women like to be in a polygamy marraige as well but Prophet Muhammad (saws) used polygamy to help the divorced or the widowed in life which is really nice of him and yet he still had lots of love khadija a.s.  Lots of men now a days don’t use polygamy for the same reasons prophet Muhammad (saws) did. I don’t recommend anyone to do polygamy unless it’s for the same reason as prophet Muhammad (saws) did. Being married to a person that’s in a polygamy marraige is very difficult and can be very heart breaking that’s why everybody doesn’t like it and a lot of issues arises too,I personally don’t like it and would never do it unless if I had the intention to do what prophet Muhammad (saws) did. 

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If it was halal, would you agree that your wife marries more than one guy? No. 

In fact, most men in MODERN society refuse to marry a girl if she's just had a small engagement that eventually didn't work out. 

It is not an issue that women wouldn't want their husbands to marry another. 

Agreed, but if we do wrong, Is it ok for you do wrong as well? :O

Just cause one sins, you should not follow him, right? 

That is childish thinking.

Both genders are wrong.

Men have desires that women needs to accept, and men need to accept the women for who they are, If she says no, then its a no, but that does mean she should say no all the time, then what is the point of marriage? I rather be single than having a wife who does not listen.

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I am not against polygamy if the woman allows her husband to remarry.

However I think it's utterly disgusting that men like you would go ahead and make women feel bad for not wanting to share their husbands. What's even worse is that you've honestly convinced yourself that you're being a just and righteous human by marrying two women who have financial difficulties. It's also completely "unislamic" for you to say that women should just allow their husbands to remarry because that's his wish. From what I know, polygamy is only allowed if the guy is just among all wives and if the first wife allows it. 

Now, let's see why you'd think in this modern society it is possible for a man to be just towards his wives. If you're living in the west, then you know that you can only legally marry one woman. If a guy wants to marry another woman he won't be able to marry her legally, so in the eyes of the law she'll be seen as simply a "girlfriend" or "partner". Not only that. But if the man dies before having written a will, then it is most likely that all his wealth will be inherited by the wife he's legally married. Where is the fairness in that? According to you, all of a woman's needs can only be satisfied by getting married to a man, but it seems that polygamy would only bring the other wives problems.

You brought up alot of good point about Muslims living in the West, but you do realize that there is an answer for each one of these. 

1) You have an Islamic Marriage contract that supersedes the secular contract (the State recognized marriage). So as Muslims, we are obligated to abide by the Islamic marriage contract, whether it is legal according to Western Law or not. The Western Laws says that if a man marries more than 1 wife, the State will not recognize these additional marriages, but Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) recognizes them, so what do we need with the State, in this case. 

It is important for Muslims to understand this issue of apparently contradicting legal codes between Islam and Western Countries. We are obligated to obey the laws of the country where we live, so long as those laws do not contradict the Islamic Law (Hukm Sharia). If they contradict, then we are no longer obligated to obey the Western Laws. The Islamic laws are an absolute obligation, the Western Laws are an obligation of convenience(because we don't want to get arrested or have our money or property seized). We obey these laws under compulsion(The Western Laws) whereas we obey the Islamic Laws because of our belief in Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), the Qur'an, and Resalat of Prophet Muhammad(p.b.u.h) and Imams of Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)). It is only Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) who legislates. It is important to understand this distinction, whether someone choses to engage in Polygamy or not, we must understand that it is legal, full stop. We don't want to have this confusion in our mind (regarding the two legal codes) when we enter the grave, otherwise we will be in a state of confusion there. 

It is also, as the brother said, desirable in some cases. For example, you have many hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of Muslim women who lost their husband in the conflicts in Syria and Yemen. This is not history, these women are alive today. So what should they do now ? Many of them unfortunately are turning to prostitution, selling their children, or selling themselves in slavery in order to survive. You know this is happening on a daily and hourly basis and there is noone in their right mind who will deny this is happening. We, as an ummah, have a responsibility toward these women to make sure that they survive in a dignified way, and not as a prostitute or a slave with no dignity. The men who have the means and can be just and know of such cases, I would say it is ihtiyyat wajib for these men to help these women and also for the wives of these men to accept these additional women into their family. If we fail to help these women, their children will most likely become corrupt or become extremists, like ISIS, and we will all reap the consequences of these children being liabilities to our communities. 

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The benefit of Polygamy is that the women tend to work harder to satify her only husband, It is in her nature, kind of cute tbh. But putting that aside, since when did women want more than 4 males to live with? She is usually attached to one character, that is in her nature. She can't let go, but when she does let go, she never goes back.

Women are really independent, I can really see that, that is why they are always chasing, been there, gone through a lot. They can supports themselves but they need this manhood in their life, that is what life is all about, the marriage is perfect in that way, and she only needs one, but the man tend to like to have more than one, but that is just who we are as men, but that does mean we should get more wives.

Polygamy exists even cause to protect the women who does not have support, secondly it exists cause to protect the men to do zina even though they have a wife, we have a high imagination, imam khomeini told the truth when he said, if women knew how we see them, then they would wear a suit of armor.

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Salam, 

Brother u know that even Allah recommends to just marry one in the Quran if we can't be just with more than one right? 

But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses.

In our modern times especially in the West it is really hard to support more than one wife if we consider the many expenses we have to deal with.

I think polygamy is most needed in poor countries where women will be in need to marry men to be financially stable and so polygamy would be the best option.

 

On 5/12/2018 at 8:42 PM, Waseem162 said:

Polygamy in itself as explained by Islam is the perfect and most rational law laid down by All Mighty All Wise.

Polygamy is the perfect and most rational law laid down by Allah, however it is not the norm.

On 5/12/2018 at 8:42 PM, Waseem162 said:

Lets make it clear, If Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى has made something to be practiced then not practicing it will make things go bad and you have to accept that.

Allah never said that by not practicing polygamy things will go bad, prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him and his family) married Khadijah and didn't marry other women until her death.

 

On 5/12/2018 at 8:42 PM, Waseem162 said:

And the mere thought of polygamy horrifies them. So here they actually doubt the law or fail to understand the law.

I think you're being quite ignorant here, many of our sisters are born in countries in the West were polygamy is strange so you need to understand that and just because most of them would never think of letting their husbands to marry another wife that doesn't mean they doubt or fail to understand the law. I would never want to marry more than one wife due to personal reasons, does that mean that I'm doubting the law? Of course not.

 

On 5/12/2018 at 8:42 PM, Waseem162 said:

But some women of present era or I should say MOST OF THE WOMEN of present era are too possessive for their husbands.

You clearly need to let your humanistic side out. Women have feelings too, we read from hadith that even some of the wives of the prophet were jealous of each other, an example being Aisha. Women love their husbands just like men love their wives.

Brother I believe you need to be more considerate with the sisters, and not consider humans weaker for not wanting to engage in polygamous marriages as Allah never made this a norm, HOWEVER we as Muslims have to agree that polygamy is allowed in Islam and it is the perfect and most rational law as you said in certain situations mostly in poor communities and we should certainly not isolate those who practice polygamy as this was the practice of Rasul Allah, instead we must support it.

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I am not against polygamy if the woman allows her husband to remarry.

However I think it's utterly disgusting that men like you would go ahead and make women feel bad for not wanting to share their husbands. What's even worse is that you've honestly convinced yourself that you're being a just and righteous human by marrying two women who have financial difficulties. It's also completely "unislamic" for you to say that women should just allow their husbands to remarry because that's his wish. From what I know, polygamy is only allowed if the guy is just among all wives and if the first wife allows it. 

Now, let's see why you'd think in this modern society it is possible for a man to be just towards his wives. If you're living in the west, then you know that you can only legally marry one woman. If a guy wants to marry another woman he won't be able to marry her legally, so in the eyes of the law she'll be seen as simply a "girlfriend" or "partner". Not only that. But if the man dies before having written a will, then it is most likely that all his wealth will be inherited by the wife he's legally married. Where is the fairness in that? According to you, all of a woman's needs can only be satisfied by getting married to a man, but it seems that polygamy would only bring the other wives problems.

Are you sort of challenging the law of Allah??

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4 hours ago, Anonymous2144 said:

I think that polygamy is supposed to be for divorced or widowed women and to help them out in life but not all divorced women like to be in a polygamy marraige as well but Prophet Muhammad (saws) used polygamy to help the divorced or the widowed in life which is really nice of him and yet he still had lots of love khadija a.s.  Lots of men now a days don’t use polygamy for the same reasons prophet Muhammad (saws) did. I don’t recommend anyone to do polygamy unless it’s for the same reason as prophet Muhammad (saws) did. Being married to a person that’s in a polygamy marraige is very difficult and can be very heart breaking that’s why everybody doesn’t like it and a lot of issues arises too,I personally don’t like it and would never do it unless if I had the intention to do what prophet Muhammad (saws) did. 

We are talking about divorcees and those who have lost their husbands only.

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I am not against polygamy if the woman allows her husband to remarry.

However I think it's utterly disgusting that men like you would go ahead and make women feel bad for not wanting to share their husbands. What's even worse is that you've honestly convinced yourself that you're being a just and righteous human by marrying two women who have financial difficulties. It's also completely "unislamic" for you to say that women should just allow their husbands to remarry because that's his wish. From what I know, polygamy is only allowed if the guy is just among all wives and if the first wife allows it. 

Now, let's see why you'd think in this modern society it is possible for a man to be just towards his wives. If you're living in the west, then you know that you can only legally marry one woman. If a guy wants to marry another woman he won't be able to marry her legally, so in the eyes of the law she'll be seen as simply a "girlfriend" or "partner". Not only that. But if the man dies before having written a will, then it is most likely that all his wealth will be inherited by the wife he's legally married. Where is the fairness in that? According to you, all of a woman's needs can only be satisfied by getting married to a man, but it seems that polygamy would only bring the other wives problems.

Sister. You need to look at this and decide whether these women are in desperate need of a husband or not? And in Syria where many men have died on frontlines, Who will marry them except married men? 

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10 minutes ago, MuslimahAK said:

Do you feel that it is Islamic to pressure women into polygyny? Is that any different than pressuring women to get married in general? Aren't women allowed their own choices. 

Salam ,it’s more cultural in western countries people do every sinful acts but stands what Allah allowed ,I don’t say polygamy is good or bad if somebody can has justice between multiple women he must allow to do it not because of forcing of community 

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2 minutes ago, MuslimahAK said:

Do you feel that it is Islamic to pressure women into polygyny? Is that any different than pressuring women to get married in general? Aren't women allowed their own choices. 

I don't think pressuring would be the right word. Islam being a way of life and not just a religion, there are certain principles which have to be instilled regardless of gender. Islam lays a great deal of importance on social and moral values of people and stresses greatly on things like taking care of family members,having good terms with neighbours, not cutting off ties with blood relatives under any condition etc. Now some of these things might not be easy due to problems like having difficult parents or toxic relatives. This doesn't mean we are pressurised into having good social terms.

Polygyny is another of those things which we do not teach our daughters and sons to accept and practice and deal with even though it is just another social practice that Islam has not only allowed but also recommends under certain conditions.

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Just now, MuslimahAK said:

I am referring to a woman's rights.

Talking about women's rights, there are women in Iraq now who have to resort to sell their bodies to feed their children. You think Islam didn't give them any rights? You think no one would have to answer for them?

Do you think women have 100% ownership rights over their husbands? Think again.

Do you think if you or me pressurise or stop our men from marrying a destitute widow and she ends up committing haram we would have to answer Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى for standing in the way of halal and diverting it towards haram?

5 minutes ago, MuslimahAK said:

she can also say no

In Islam the only time she can say no to this is at the time of Nikkah when she can put down this as a condition.After that,no.

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10 minutes ago, MuslimahAK said:

so you guys are saying that all woman have to say yes even if she doesn't want to be married. no matter what? How is this any different than rape?

I don't see where anyone said this. Nikkah without a women's consent is not considered valid by most marjas.

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7 hours ago, MuslimahAK said:

so you guys are saying that all woman have to say yes even if she doesn't want to be married. no matter what? How is this any different than rape?

No, nobody said that. How did you get that from what was said?

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1 minute ago, starlight said:

I don't see where anyone said this. Nikkah without a women's consent is not considered valid by most marjas.

No one said that, but throughout this thread most of the male members have been making polygamy sound like the only one solution to a number of social issues.  Also, many people on here have indirectly said that a woman is being outright selfish, jealous and dumb if she doesn't allow her husband to marry another woman.

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Also, (this is a genuine question) did the prophet and imams ever practice polygamy? I haven't heard of it, and could only find sunni sources when it comes to the prophet and his wives. 

If the prophet and ahl al bayt didn't in fact practice polygamy, shouldn't that amount to something?

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Also, (this is a genuine question) did the Prophet and Imams ever practice polygamy?

Prophet(صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) and all of the Imams (عليه السلام) had multiple wives,multiples wives as in being married to more than one woman at the same time.

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1 hour ago, MuslimahAK said:

Do you feel that it is Islamic to pressure women into polygyny? Is that any different than pressuring women to get married in general? Aren't women allowed their own choices. 

I never meant that. But people should be aware that if Polygamy will help some woman then the wife should comply observing the taqwa.

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6 hours ago, MuslimahAK said:

No one is preventing a man from doing anything. If he wants to do something, he'll do it no matter what. I am referring to a woman's rights. a woman can say yes, but she can also say no. And you HAVE TO respect it. thats called consent. 

If a women doesn't give her consent, the marriage is not valid, Islamically. 

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For 99% of the world at this moment, minus African and Gulf Arab royals, this is purely a theoretical discussion reserved for the idely curious, and has no relevance to their life, or even to anyone they know. 

Most people are struggling at the one (or none) spouse they have, and minds are wandering about more? 

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