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Jaffar_is_in_use

What was the reason you got married ?

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I would be interested to see why you got married and what your reason was and was it with the person you dreamed of ? My reason for marriage is I want my Wife to be my best mate and Truly enjoy Life together ; Also I am very Anxious and nervous when I am lonely in times when I am not around family and friends and getting married in the future would greatly help as well as having the most amount of fun at the same time with the best person in the world. That would be my reason.

What was yours ? To have kids ? You found your true love ? You got arranged by your Parents ? Travel around the world with someone ? ......

Oh and if you dont mind what age at ? 

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I married the person I always dreamed about but didn’t know I could have. I guess you could say I met my true love. :) 

I got married at 22 this year. He is 28. 

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I got married with the will of my parents to have a best companion I can spent rest of my life with love, best friendship and understanding unfortunately we didn't get along well or his family or outside sources didn't let us and we end up on seperate paths. We have two kids 71/2 & 4yr old.

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at age 24 as a immature men who didnt know better.. made a mistake..it was similar reason to yours and to also find a friend and partner to share life.. no it was not the person i dreamed of but due to pressure and not knowing better i settled.. now of course it didn't work out as i was never happy with my choice..fast forward years later .. divorced with young kids.... be careful.. be wise and do what makes you happy.. not what makes others happy and follwo your intuition and dont be scared.

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7 hours ago, Jaffar_is_in_use said:

Damn this topic turned dark real quick. . . I pray for you lot and your children for the best. Inshallah stuff will get better

Being marred is like being haunted by forces you cannot understand.

:braveheart:

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On 5/11/2018 at 10:42 PM, hasanhh said:

Being marred is like being haunted by forces you cannot understand.

:braveheart:

I actually agree with this. I have a theory about this: we have all heard that marriage completes half a deen and your prayer is worth 70 times more when you are married. So how can we expect it to be easy and fun? If it has more sawab, it has to make your life harder. For me, it was like I was transferred to another planet, and I came back as soon as I got divorced. No one knew about my divorce initially, people didn't even want to accept that divorce had happened, but I immediately felt like my life became easier. This is why I am so scared of marriage. 

I was in fact very over-excited at my wedding and people didn't like that. My ex-husband looked very bored, almost like it was unpleasant experience for him. But I think the reason was that 1)he didn't like me at all, he hated me from the first time he saw me. 2) He had plenty of affairs before marriage, he wasn't "saving" himself for me. I would never want to be anything like him in a million years. I don't mind if I looked over-excited at my wedding. 

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I married my husband because I wanted to share life with him, always. I knew better than to expect romance or "happily ever after". He's my absolutely acceptable Prince Tolerable and I couldn't risk losing him. (And he's my best friend too, of course.)

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11 hours ago, hasanhh said:

"Prince Tolerable"  :grin:

Now in my case, l marred a Margaret Hamilton.

The wicked witch or the computer scientist? 

Foolish people look for Prince/Princess Charming. Prince/Princess Charming is not marriage material. Go instead for Prince/Princess Tolerable. It's a much better long term plan. 

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well prince tolerable is a good choice.. but marriage doesnt have to be flat boring and just two individuals raising kids and paying bills.. it can be romantic if that what both wants.. I want that and i would ask my partner to add some romance to it too.. why? cuz tolerable life and partner is not fun and i dont want to go look outside.. romance and nice gesture will keep sparks alive and passion there and with that there.. life will be interesting and pleasant while doing the monotone living and sharing and the serious relationship stuff...  make your marriage a priority.. give time .. energy.. effort to it.. in all ways tolerable and charming... choose that over work, children (in just balance of course, they are as important too), friends, social life and money, and you will see marriage thrive and exciting...and i am saying this for both genders .. some men do like romance.. lets not generalize...I do :)

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@zamf31 who says tolerable can't be fun? Establish your criteria and stick to them, but don't put too much emphasis on unimportant things. By Prince/Princess Tolerable, I just mean someone you can accept the negative traits along with the positive, someone you can live with. 

Also, it was in contrast to Charming, which is probably the worst possible criteria to require of a spouse. Charming people tend to be narcissistic, sometimes even sociopathic. If you meet a potential mate and find them charming, run. 

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I want to add that many elders in eastern culture have this stupid idea that newlyweds love each other so much. They are going to forget Allah, they should only have Allah in their hearts. So we should create problems between them. Also sexual desire is natural. There is nothing wrong with having that desire. They should not suppress it at all, but love? Nooooooo love is a satanic desire. We should only love Allah or our children or our parents. We should NOT love our partners. They don't understand that love between married couples decreases over time anyway. They will spend so many time together, they will have fights. If they start hating each other from start, how will they tolerate each other after few years? If they are in honeymoon phase, let them be. Stop feeling jealous of them just because you had honeymoon phase 50 years ago and you had so many affairs that now you don't ever feel the excitement of honeymoon phase when you enter a new relationship. 

Anyone who falls in love is a slave to his/her desires. But people suffering from sex addiction are poor souls we should all feel sorry for. It's not their fault, Allah put that desire in them. 

Edited by rkazmi33

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I got married for mixed reasons.  My wife was a very good friend of mine.  I also really found her attractive and so I overlooked several places of incompatibility in our personalities.  Honestly, if I had been older and a bit wiser, we probably wouldn’t have gotten married.

That said, marrying my wife was the best thing that could have happened to me.  Our disagreements provided the catalyst for personal development for both of us.  Now we’ve been married for over a decade and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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we get married as it is a basic need like breathing.. for companionship.;.. yes .. to satisfy our intimate sexual desires.. and many other reasons that only a marriage partner can provide .. a friend or parent or yourself cant meet that need

Ibn Maymum...what were those incompatibilities in personalities.. may I ask... was it different values? beliefs? wanting different things? being introvert vs extrovert..? 

You can be tolerable and charming too on top of it that would be a bonus ....right Not Me? lol 

and charm and romance can be learned and if asked by a spouse a partner should totally try to do it if wants to make the relationship better.. it is all about satisfying your partner;s need and desires .. she cant be the prince charming and charm herself can she? or do you want her to go to someone else to get charmed? 

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@zamf31 you do what works best for you, but my experience with charming people has always been negative in the long run. It starts out fun, hanging around with friendly, sociable people who everyone likes can be. But at my age and stage in life, a like short term fun is totally not worth the awful end result. Maybe you and I have different definitions of the word, but from what I've seen, all "charming" people are narcissists. Trying to be friends, or worse married, with a narcissist will end badly for you, and probably for them too. 

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On 5/9/2018 at 5:49 PM, Jaffar_is_in_use said:

I would be interested to see why you got married and what your reason was and was it with the person you dreamed of ? My reason for marriage is I want my Wife to be my best mate and Truly enjoy Life together ; Also I am very Anxious and nervous when I am lonely in times when I am not around family and friends and getting married in the future would greatly help as well as having the most amount of fun at the same time with the best person in the world. That would be my reason.

What was yours ? To have kids ? You found your true love ? You got arranged by your Parents ? Travel around the world with someone ? ......

Oh and if you dont mind what age at ? 

Salam Jaffar_is_in_use,

I got married to my husband in September 2011 because I love him!!! Before meeting him, I had been praying, asking God to bring me together with a wonderful man who loves God and who will love me with God's love. And, God answered my prayers!!!

My husband is my best friend and we do enjoy life together. While sadly I cannot have kids, maybe someday He will allow me to, and I will call the baby Hannah if a girl or Isaac if a boy. God closed the wombs of Sarah (Genesis 18) and Rachel (Genesis 30) for a time but then gave Sarah Isaac and gave Rachel Joseph and Benjamin in His time according to His will.

Anyways, I always knew my role in life included being a wife to a wonderful man, and by God's amazing grace, He brought my hubby and me together. I'm so thankful to God for him!!! :)

May God bring you a wonderful lady to be your best mate in His time!

Peace and God bless you

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