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In the Name of God بسم الله
ChattingwithShias

Islamic Jokes and Humor

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7 hours ago, hasanhh said:

What does Cisco's traffic control and security systems have to do, in particular, with a mosque?

Bro, it's only been a couple of days fasting and it's already getting to you.

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12 hours ago, Haji 2003 said:

Not had much success with this joke previously on Shiachat, but perhaps the more religiously inclined visiting this thread will get it.

Goharshad turns to her architect and asks, 'great iwan, but where's the mosque?'.

:salam:

Sounds very witty but did not get it.

Does not Goharshad mosque have aa huge dome ?

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:salam:

Some more, from Zahr al-Rabi':

Page 23: A man said to someone who farted a lot, 'Do not fart, as flatus is a calamity!' The man replies, 'In that case, it is more appropriate for me to push it out of my stomach than to carry it with me.'

Page 32:  There was a man who lived in Qazwin whose family lived in Baghdad. He wanted to send them a letter in which he explained his well-being. So when he finished writing the later, he began thinking about a trustworthy post-man to deliver this letter and realized that there is no one more trustworthy to deliver this to my house than me. So he carried the letter and when he reached Baghdad, he knocked on the door and his children came out all happy due to his arrival. They all wanted him to come inside, so he said, 'I only came here to deliver this letter, otherwise this is not the time for my arrival.' He says that and returned back to Qazwin.

Page 33: There was a married man who would always commit Zina. So his wife said to him, 'Allah has provided you with a Halal pleasant option, yet you abandon that and go towards Zina!' He replied: 'As for Halal, yes - but as for pleasant, no way!'

This one is for those who understand grammar jargon - from Page 50: Some heedless people read the verse: Fi Buyutun Adhina Allah with the word Buyut in the state of Raf' (i.e. with a Dhamma instead of a Kasra). A person says to them, 'You have to say the word Buyut in the state of Jarr' (i.e. with a Kasra) فِي بُيُوتٍ أَذِنَ اللَّهُ أَن تُرْفَعَ - 24:36. So they reply back to him, 'O ignorant one! When Allah Himself says فِي بُيُوتٍ أَذِنَ اللَّهُ أَن تُرْفَعَ (i.e. He himself allows you to say it in the state of Raf') then who are you to give it a Jarr.

Page 56: A robber entered the house of a poor man who didn't have anything. He began looking and searching for things around the house until the poor man figured out and saw the robber. He says to the robber: 'Young man, that which you are looking for at this time of the night is the same thing I look for during the day and don't find it!'

Page 59: A Bedouin returned back from a journey disappointed and said: We did not profit in this journey, except the number of prayers we had to recite as Qasr.

Page 69: A woman from the desert looked into the mirror and saw that she was beautiful while her husband was ugly. So she says to him, 'I hope that you and I enter heaven together because I was tested with you and I remained patient, while Allah blessed you with me and you were grateful.'

Page 71: Some of the caliphs said to some ascetics: You are great in your asceticism! So they would reply: You are more ascetic than me because you decided to refrain from the blessings of the hereafter which are permanent and great, while I remained ascetic from the blessings of this lowly temporary world.

Wasalam

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a  certain imam, while preaching to his followers in a mosque said: 

- when going by graveyards it's good to say a prayer. 

One day while the imam is travelling with a neighbour, they pass by the graveyards, & he did not stop to say his prayer.

His neighbour says to imam: you said we should stop & say a prayer whenever we pass by a gravesite, & you didn't stop.

- well, - the imam said, the people of this area never understand anything while they are alive, & will understand even less as dead.

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Some more, from Zahr al-Rabi':

Page 99: There was once a young man who went to the Hawza and he would write back to his associates about the learning he had gained. And they would all be impressed with his knowledge. But then he started sending back the jokes he had learnt and they would look forward with anticipation to seeing the next one.

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In the Ottoman times, the leaders sent an imam to a place to convert the people to Islam. The imam was very able man, he almost convinced them to convert. As the imam was sure he had done his job, a man said: 

- imam, we better leave this whole conversion thing for summer?

- & why should we leave it for summer when we can finish it now? - the imam asked.

- well, imam, we have some pigs left & we'll slay them for the winter, as we do want them to go to waste,' he said.

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Now I know why the Hollywood never makes Islamic horror movies.
Just one Ayatul Kursi, and the demon is khalas!
How the heck do you stretch it into a 2-hour long film?

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10 hours ago, Mzwakhe said:

well, imam, we have some pigs left & we'll slay them for the winter, as we do want them to go to waste,' he said.

They know as a Muslim they should not waste food. Imam should have kept lesson on Israaf for later. 

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At the time when people went to the moon, an envious man got really angry seeing people walking around on the moon, as he thought they were interfering in God's affairs. As he went to his neighbor for a visit, he meets an imam there. After having greeted the imam, the envious man told the imam:

- imam, I hear the rumor of people going to the Cosmos & I don't believe it a bit.

- it's not your fault you don't believe it, because they don't go there using your brains - imam told the envious man.

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2 hours ago, Mzwakhe said:

At the time when people went to the moon, an envious man got really angry seeing people walking around on the moon, as he thought they were interfering in God's affairs. As he went to his neighbor for a visit, he meets an imam there. After having greeted the imam, the envious man told the imam:

- imam, I hear the rumor of people going to the Cosmos & I don't believe it a bit.

- it's not your fault you don't believe it,     because they don't go there using your brains      -(the) imam told the envious man.

They didn't use mine, either.

:D

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3 hours ago, hasanhh said:

mine, either.

#metoo

:clap:

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