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touma86

Divorcing infertile husband

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43 minutes ago, Laayla said:

Bismehe Ta3ala,

That is up to her to decide.  

Insh'Allah she does ziyarats to our Imams.  They are full of blessings (karamat).  That is reality, but you tend to think otherwise.  

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah 

 

Who would on this earth deny that Imams are not Madadgaar, but you still unable to get to the point, I'd not blame you it is how we are thought whether one understands aything or not. Any way Have a good day.

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14 hours ago, Anonymous2144 said:

Your better off not having kids it’s 2018 raising chidren is extemely challanging and it will get worse in the next coming years save yourself a headache and just be a devout Muslim and do lots of charity and help the poor.

The children is blessing and not burden, only selfish people who are attached to their dunya life will find it even more burden, complaining on every matter that disturb them.

Edited by Abu Nur

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59 minutes ago, Abu Nur said:

The children is blessing and not burden, only selfish people who are attached to their dunya life will find it even more burden, complaining on every matter that disturb them.

Im not saying they are a burden. But what I’m trying to say is not everyone now a days can raise a child really well in this generation,some are capable some are not, the couple should think about it to themselves if they can or can not i know a couple that didn’t have kids because it was too challenging and couldn’t handle the heavy weight on their shoulders. Some people have kids for pure selfish reasons...which most people do unfortunately. Not everyone can handle rising kids it’s something really challenging and not easy. 

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17 hours ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

Where do you live? 

 

For both religious and Islamic reasons adoption is prohibited in Iraq. It is illegal for foreigners or non-Muslims to adopt Iraqi children. There is a guardianship system in place in Iraq allowing for families to care for an orphan without the child actually becoming a son or daughter. 

I live in Iran. Thank you for the response.

Children dont only need financial support. They need to have parents and live with them.

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Dear everyone. Salamun alaykum. 

I read each of you and I thank you for your comments. At this point, it is not about trying to do more things to have kids. As I told you, my husband does not want more IVFs even if it's in Iran. We have definitely tried a lot of things and Allah simply does not want us to have a child. Allah does what he wills. As for me, you know IVF is a gruesome experience. I don't think I can emotionally take it anymore. We asked the office of sayyid Sistani about the requirements to make an adoptive baby mahram for us and they are very very difficult. At this point, I want to know if any of you know a Muslim shi3a couple that has gone through the process of making baby mahram through breastfeeding? Unfortunately no resources out there for couples like us from our communities. Thank you. 

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On 4/27/2018 at 6:49 PM, touma86 said:

Thanks for the reply. My mother and 2 sisters have told me to divorce him for many years now. They say I don't deserve this pain and say any man would either get a new wife or leave the infertile wife, so they say why we women have to suffer for this when men have other choices and don't feel bad for leaving the infertile wife. but my father tells me to stay because God will help us somehow. That's why I'm confused. My husband doesn't want adopted children because he says it gets complicated when they grow older. Before I did not care if we adopt but I don't want to do it without his full heart into it. I want children because I feel more judged by my family and some friends to stay with no children and with him when I have the choice to have them with someone else. 

Salam. This is general information for any couple who has not been able to get pregnant. Of course if a woman or a man has a medical condition that prevents pregnancy, this information won't be effective. If a doctor says there is no medical reason for not getting pregnant, these can effect your ability to get pregnant. There are others, but I won't go into them right now. 

1) Both the wife and the husband should take a daily vitamin and mineral pill, to make sure that they have no deficiency in any vitamin or mineral. 

2) Eat healthy, according to a nutritionist's standard, including salads or vegetables, at least 1 fruit a day (apple is mentioned in hadith as well as many other fruits and vegetables).

3) Eat enough protein, not always meat. Good choices are chickpeas (garbanzo), lentils, nuts, seeds, cottage cheese, yogurt, etc.

4. If either of you smoke or drink alcohol, it is imperative to stop that. 

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16 hours ago, touma86 said:

Dear everyone. Salamun alaykum. 

I read each of you and I thank you for your comments. At this point, it is not about trying to do more things to have kids. As I told you, my husband does not want more IVFs even if it's in Iran. We have definitely tried a lot of things and Allah simply does not want us to have a child. Allah does what he wills. As for me, you know IVF is a gruesome experience. I don't think I can emotionally take it anymore. We asked the office of sayyid Sistani about the requirements to make an adoptive baby mahram for us and they are very very difficult. At this point, I want to know if any of you know a Muslim shi3a couple that has gone through the process of making baby mahram through breastfeeding? Unfortunately no resources out there for couples like us from our communities. Thank you. 

I don't know any couple that has gone thru it, but I know a sister here in the area who was adopted, she's a revert to Islam. When she became muslim, her adopted father, who is not her biological father had to be treated by her as non mahram (she couldn't hug him, she had to wear her hijab around him, etc). This was extremely difficult for her, as this man was the only father she ever knew. Of course, her mother, because she is a women, is mahram to her. 

The difficult situation, with adoption, comes in with adoptive fathers and daughters. A boy can be made mahram to a women thru breastfeeding (when he is below 2 years of age per the process that you were told about by the office of Sayyid Sistani(ha)), so she can have normal interactions with him as a mother would, but a baby girl cannot be made mahram to a man who is not her biological father. So if you adopted a girl, once she became baligh, she would have to observer the normal rules of non mahram around her adoptive father. This is the difficult part, and I don't know of any exceptions to this. In Islam, adoptive parents are not the same as biological parents, from a mahram / non mahram point of view. 

So if you wanted to adopt, and you wanted to have a somewhat normal family life, probably the only choice for you is to adopt a boy who is under 2 years old. That would be my suggestion, if you want to go thru the adoptive process. It is not an easy process, and the reason is because Islam discourages, in an extreme way, biological mothers and fathers abandoning their children. 

Edited by Abu Hadi

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