Divorcing infertile husband

[touma86]

salam alaikum everyone.

I don't know where to begin. Been married since I was 19 to my wonderful husband. I'm now 32 and 2 years into our marriage we were told he can't have children. We tried many rounds of IVF and nothing happened, 8 rounds to be exact and he says he doesn't want to do more. I tried trusting God and thinking one day he will give us children but now after more than 10 years have passed, I'm losing my hope because I'm getting older. Right now I feel I want to divorce him and marry someone else before it gets too late for me to have children. My husband wants the best for me and said if I want divorce for this reason it is ok but I know he is sad, I'm sad too but no choice. We don't want to adopt. I know there is no sin on me if I divorce him for this reason but I wanted to hear what other people think because I'm confused to divorce my good husband just for this. I think my question is for brothers if you would marry a sister that you know left her husband for infertility? sisters can tell me what you think too.

[Khadim uz Zahra]

I don't understand why you'd rather divorce your husband - who seems to be an incredibly awesome stand-up guy given that he's even willing to divorce you to make you happy - instead of just adopting a baby. Why do you need to have a biological child? I personally cannot see the reasoning behind leaving behind a man who truly understands and loves you for the sake of having a child when adoption is a completely viable option. Could you perhaps share why the two of you don't want to adopt?

Edited April 27, 2018 by Khadim uz Zahra

[touma86]

12 minutes ago, Khadim uz Zahra said:

I don't understand why you'd rather divorce your husband - who seems to be an incredibly awesome stand-up guy given that he's even willing to divorce you to make you happy - instead of just adopting a baby. Why do you need to have a biological child? I personally cannot see the reasoning behind leaving behind a man who truly understands and loves you for the sake of having a child when adoption is a completely viable option. Could you perhaps share why the two of you don't want to adopt?

Thanks for the reply. My mother and 2 sisters have told me to divorce him for many years now. They say I don't deserve this pain and say any man would either get a new wife or leave the infertile wife, so they say why we women have to suffer for this when men have other choices and don't feel bad for leaving the infertile wife. but my father tells me to stay because God will help us somehow. That's why I'm confused. My husband doesn't want adopted children because he says it gets complicated when they grow older. Before I did not care if we adopt but I don't want to do it without his full heart into it. I want children because I feel more judged by my family and some friends to stay with no children and with him when I have the choice to have them with someone else. 

[Abu Hadi]

I don't think you should divorce him, if you think he is an otherwise good guy. 

There are almost no couples who get everything they want out of the marriage. Some have children but they are poor, some are not poor but one or the other spouse is abusive, lying, cheating, etc. Some have a spouse that is much more / less religious and so they don't feel they are compatiple. So on the scale of relationship problems, this is not one of the major ones, IMHO. I know you might think, 'well you don't know what it's like'. You're right, I don't. I have three healthy children, Alhamduillah. At the same time if you want Sadaqa Jarriya and to contribute to society, there are lots of other ways, besides having children. You probably know of or are already doing a few of these. 

In the end, how happy or how miserable you are in life depends on how you react to the things which are under your control. The things which are not under your control, like the fact that you can't have children, is not one of the things you can control. You can control your reaction to it. You can turn it into a positive or a negative. I don't think divorcing your husband would qualify as turning it into a positive. After 19 years and all the things you have went thru as a couple, I don't think separating at this point would be a positive thing for either one of you. 

[PureExistence1]

Salaam, i agree with @Abu Hadi, that 19 years in a good marriage is not something to take lightly for many reasons. For one, in this day and age the divorce rate especially for Muslims is extremely high. People don't seem to know how to get along together anymore, how to compromise, how to forgive and forget, what to overlook, or what's really important in the whole big scheme of life and of being a married Muslim couple,so if you have found that, you both are EXTREMELLY BLESSED.. There's also another issue of breaking a believers heart. That is extremely frowned upon in Islam, especially if it's something that's done intentionally with the knowledge of knowing this is going to break another Muslims heart. I caution against this, as this existence operates according to an algorithm and the gears start turning the moment we form our intention regarding what we are going to do. What happens to us, good and bad, is aresult of many factors, the strongest ones being what we have contributed to the algorithm through our own actions. Be very careful what you do, because it may come back in a bad way, for example, you could divorce your current husband, marry someone else and have a kid with them, and that kid would be the biggest dhulum in your life ever.  You may get your wish to have a child, but at the same time regret it later.

Another thing to be aware of is that choosing to divorce your husband after Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى has granted you a perfect match is in a way being ungreatfull for what Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى has granted you.theres no guarantee you will ever find a more suitable man for you.

One last thing I want to do is give you a reference to my past. My ex and I had the best relationship ever. We did everything together, we even worked together. We were really connected with each other and were a match on every level, and I loved him dearly. We were only together a year-and-a-half when I came home one night and found him dead from a brain aneurysm. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him or miss him and the relationship that him and I had...And we were only together a year and a half.. You have 19 years under your belt with a husband that sounds extremely good..I highly caution against  leaving him because you may not be able to let him and your past with him go. This would  not be fair to your new husband, nkr to yourself. Livinv with that deep regret does something to a person mentally emotionally and spiritually, especially to women. Please seriously consider what youre going to do, and consider other options regarding children. There are many children in this world who need parents, a close friend of mine and her husband were moving towards adopting a Syrian child. I'm not sure where they're at with all that, but when we look at the plight of infants and small children in other parts of the world, it may open our hearts up more to be coming of  service to Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى in that way.

W/s

[touma86]

Brother @Abu Hadi and @shia farm girl thank you for your kind replies, they made me feel better. Just to note, I did not say I have been married for 19 years. I got married when I was 19 and now I'm 32 so that is almost 13 years of marriage which is still a lot I know, but as good as he is, the pain I went through with IVF and all these years of waiting and waiting have almost made me crazy. I love my husband and yes we get a long perfect but I can't accept my life without having bio children and having my own family telling me I have the choice to stop suffering also confuses me. Dear sister @shia farm girl I'm very very sorry what happened to your ex that is really heart breaking and thank you for your words, I wish you a wonderful life.

[Ashvazdanghe]

3 hours ago, touma86 said:

We tried many rounds of IVF and nothing happened, 8 rounds to be exact and he says he doesn't want to do more. I tried trusting God and thinking one day he will give us children but

Salam do you tried Iran for IVF ,Iran is one of the best countries for IVF & other methods  you can contact with below link

http://www.royaninstitute.org/cmsen/index.php?option=com_contact&catid=12&Itemid=103

[Khadim uz Zahra]

3 hours ago, touma86 said:

Thanks for the reply. My mother and 2 sisters have told me to divorce him for many years now. They say I don't deserve this pain and say any man would either get a new wife or leave the infertile wife, so they say why we women have to suffer for this when men have other choices and don't feel bad for leaving the infertile wife. but my father tells me to stay because God will help us somehow. That's why I'm confused. My husband doesn't want adopted children because he says it gets complicated when they grow older. Before I did not care if we adopt but I don't want to do it without his full heart into it. I want children because I feel more judged by my family and some friends to stay with no children and with him when I have the choice to have them with someone else. 

May I ask exactly what his concerns are with regard to adopted children growing older?

If the issue is about issues related to being mahram, then a very simple solution is for you to adopt a very young baby, who is male. This way your husband will have no problems with being his mahram, while you may breastfeed the child to become his mahram. While I wasn't sure about this, a quick Google search reveals that a woman may stimulate lactation artificially without pregnancy through the use of hormonal therapy. From what I know, as per Islamic fiqh, you only need to breastfeed a baby once to become his mahram. Of course, I would suggest you consider an Islamic scholar in order to properly vet if such a thing is allowed, and if there's no problem with stimulating lactation artificially.

If your concerns relate to the how the adopted child might react, after they grow up, to the fact that they were adopted, I don't think anyone can foretell what that experience might be like but if you raise him well, and with love, I don't imagine he would hold it against you.

As Brother Hadi said, if your husband is compatible with you, I really don't think you should divorce him. Moreover, put yourself in his shoes. What if you were the infertile one among the two of you, would you not feel betrayed and dejected that your partner of 13 years is willing to just leave you behind after being together for so long?

Ultimately, as brother Hadi said, you have to react to the hardships in your life as best as you can. If you have an alternative, such as adoption that allows you to both get the children you want, and be with the man you love, then why not take it, instead of being bogged down with potential problems in the future that may or may not ever occur? It would be truly unfortunate if you choose to live in misery from your fear of future problems, instead of making the right decisions in your present that are certain to make your lives better.

Edited April 28, 2018 by Khadim uz Zahra

[Islandsandmirrors]

It is heart wrenching to read this. 

I have been recently diagnosed with Vaginismus being newly married. We can’t consummate our marriage because of my medical condition and body shuts him out. It’s treatable however. And hopefully, I’ll be able to have children someday. 

Imagine the pain that your husband feels for not being able to give you want you want (and what he wants.) This is something beyond his control. Imagine if my own husband said he wanted to leave because we can’t have normal intimacy? By your logic, he should leave me, right? Because, you know, sex is a part of marriage.  

Why would you want to leave your husband? Your husband that is willing to sacrifice his own happiness for your own? Divorcing him is out of the question. He is good to you, and good for you. You don’t just leave just because things don’t turn out exactly as you want.

There is no certainty that you will get remarried after your divorce. Don’t throw away a gift that Allah has given you. Many women wish they could have understanding and patient husbands like yours. Why are you so ungrateful for what you have?

Why don’t you want to adopt? You are being stubborn. Allah perhaps closed the door on you having children right now because he either wants you to be patient, or is saving you from a calamity (like having an evil child). Try to understand the wisdom behind this test. You need to try to become open with the idea of adopting. Your adopted children might turn out to be more pious and more loving than if you were to have any biological children. 

Imagine how heartbroken your husband will be if you leave him. Even if you do have children with a different husband, he might be the worst out there.

the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.

Edited April 28, 2018 by Islandsandmirrors

[Qa'im]

3 hours ago, touma86 said:

any man would either get a new wife or leave the infertile wife, so they say why we women have to suffer for this when men have other choices and don't feel bad for leaving the infertile wife.

This type of thinking is toxic. You're justifying throwing him away because you assume he would do the same. Have you asked him what he would do if the shoe were on the other foot?

Your family seems to be pretty hell-bent on getting you two divorced. This is surprising, considering the possibility that things can go terribly wrong. What if you can't remarry? What if you don't love your second husband the way you love your current husband? What if he too is infertile? What if you get a child with a birth defect, or in the example in Surat al-Kahf, an evil child? There may be a wisdom to his situation, and perhaps adoption can save a person's life, while divorce can very well destroy yours.

[Islandsandmirrors]

OP: do not divorce him. I repeat, do not divorce him.

You’ll be making the worst mistake of your life.

[Gaius I. Caesar]

5 hours ago, touma86 said:

salam alaikum everyone.

I don't know where to begin. Been married since I was 19 to my wonderful husband. I'm now 32 and 2 years into our marriage we were told he can't have children. We tried many rounds of IVF and nothing happened, 8 rounds to be exact and he says he doesn't want to do more. I tried trusting God and thinking one day he will give us children but now after more than 10 years have passed, I'm losing my hope because I'm getting older. Right now I feel I want to divorce him and marry someone else before it gets too late for me to have children. My husband wants the best for me and said if I want divorce for this reason it is ok but I know he is sad, I'm sad too but no choice. We don't want to adopt. I know there is no sin on me if I divorce him for this reason but I wanted to hear what other people think because I'm confused to divorce my good husband just for this. I think my question is for brothers if you would marry a sister that you know left her husband for infertility? sisters can tell me what you think too.

I know you're feeling the pressure to have a child but just because some men leave a woman for being infertile,  does not mean you should divorce your husband. Not in this situation, I'll echo what others have told you: Don't divorce him, he has been supportive of you for thirteen years. You may not find a man as supportive of you as he is, I urge you  to reconsider, Touma.

[Hamodiii]

6 hours ago, touma86 said:

salam alaikum everyone.

I don't know where to begin. Been married since I was 19 to my wonderful husband. I'm now 32 and 2 years into our marriage we were told he can't have children. We tried many rounds of IVF and nothing happened, 8 rounds to be exact and he says he doesn't want to do more. I tried trusting God and thinking one day he will give us children but now after more than 10 years have passed, I'm losing my hope because I'm getting older. Right now I feel I want to divorce him and marry someone else before it gets too late for me to have children. My husband wants the best for me and said if I want divorce for this reason it is ok but I know he is sad, I'm sad too but no choice. We don't want to adopt. I know there is no sin on me if I divorce him for this reason but I wanted to hear what other people think because I'm confused to divorce my good husband just for this. I think my question is for brothers if you would marry a sister that you know left her husband for infertility? sisters can tell me what you think too.

It is usually the opposite, where the men tend to leave the women! You found a daimond, and you want to lose it for silver only cause you get bronze with it for free? That is what I am reading. Meaning your furture husband has probably judgemental thoughts about you when you talk to him, and this will affect your life further on. D

What would Fatima Zahra do? What did Imam Hussein do when he was against Yazid? I wanna run cause I want to survive? No! Sayida Zainab said if this pleases you to Allah, then take more. And I think stop complaining, and start seeing the good things.

Edited April 28, 2018 by Hamodiii

[touma86]

Thank you everyone. I hope Allah rewards you all for helping me. I feel much better. @Islandsandmirrors sorry if by my logic I made you feel bad. Thanks for the perspective and I hope you will have a very happy life. I will talk to him more about adoption. I hope he agrees and Allah makes it easy for us.

Pray for us brothers and sisters.

[roses]

in this life we dont get everything we want. so dont leave him. you know you will be rewared so much fro Allah for staying so strong and marying a man that couldve been sad and alone with no wife.

[Forgottenthinker]

Hi,

You seem to have a great man you cares about your happiness, thats rare to have in our society. Honestly children are overrated because traditional parents want their lineage to continue which is selfish. They're expensive, messy, and suck your youth and sanity away. Your 32 and if your husband is around that age then that's still young, you guys should spend that money on traveling and enjoying life instead of throwing it away. If you truely have a desire to be a mother then adopt one of the millions of Iraqi and Syrian children without parents.

Good luck

[Mohamed1993]

Your husband sounds like an amazing person, you're pretty lucky a lot of people aren't, they have kids but are in marriages they are completely unhappy in, and at times even wish they hadn't had kids, which actually make it harder to separate. I would say look into adopting. 

[Laayla]

Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum.

Go with your husband and visit the Imams.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

[Almuslimah]

Salam! You have received many good advices mashAllah. I also would say dont divorce. Think about how much your husband cares about you. He also seems to have had (might still have) strong desire to have children. He also hurts. He might feel quilty and deep sadness. I bet he feels sad for both of you.

But you two have mashAllah strong marriage. Fertility treatments are not easy and only strong ones keep up and can support themselfs and spouse, just like your husband mashAllah did. You have been married for long time. You have been walking all this way together in hard and easy times. I understand that you want to be mother. Think about adopting. 

If you would get divorced it wouldnt be guaranteed that you would even get married again. Atleast not with a man as good as your current husband. Think about all the good things in your marriage. How much he loves you. This hard road of infertility has only made you two even stronger together. We plan but Allah is the best of planners (Quran 8:30).

Marriage is half of deen and your husband can be your ticket to Jannah. Hold on to that because in Jannah you can have everything you want, even children. Therein are brought round for them trays of gold and goblets, and therein is all that souls desire and eyes find sweet. And ye are immortal therein (43:71)

[Ashvazdanghe]

For having child

Dua'a for Child birth-Pregnancy-Delivery

http://www.duas.org/matri3.htm

Imam Sajjad (as) :first recite

فَقُلْتُ اسْتَغْفِرُوا رَبَّكُمْ إِنَّهُ كَانَ غَفَّارًا ﴿١٠﴾ 

hen I said, Ask forgiveness of your Lord, surely He is the most Forgiving: (10)

يُرْسِلِ السَّمَاءَ عَلَيْكُم مِّدْرَارًا ﴿١١﴾ وَيُمْدِدْكُم بِأَمْوَالٍ وَبَنِينَ وَيَجْعَل لَّكُمْ جَنَّاتٍ وَيَجْعَل لَّكُمْ أَنْهَارًا ﴿١٢﴾

http://tanzil.net/#trans/en.shakir/71:10

He will send down upon you the cloud, pouring down abundance of rain: (11) And help you with wealth and sons, and make for you gardens, and make for you rivers. (12)

He will send down upon you the cloud, pouring down abundance of rain: (11) And help you with wealth and sons, and make for you gardens, and make for you rivers. (12)

then recite 70 time

رَبِّ لَا تَذَرْنِی فَرْداً وَ أَنْتَ خَیْرُ الْوَارِثِینَ وَ اجْعَلْ لِی مِنْ لَدُنْکَ وَلِیّاً یَرِثُنِی فِی حَیَاتِی وَ یَسْتَغْفِرُ لِی بَعْدَ مَوْتِی وَ اجْعَلْهُ خَلَفاً سَوِیّاً وَ لَا تَجْعَلْ لِلشَّیْطَانِ فِیهِ نَصِیباً اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّی أَسْتَغْفِرُکَ وَ أَتُوبُ إِلَیْکَ إِنَّکَ أَنْتَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِیمُ

Ya Allah, do not let me alone, and you are the best heirs, and make a successor to me that would make me good in my time and, after my death, seek forgiveness for me, and grant him a healthy creature, and do not share the devil with him. Ya Allah! I ask forgiveness for you, and I will return to you, because you are generous and kind

or read dua 1 time and say

استغرالله* 70 then

 70* سبحان اللهthen 

Imam Sadiq (as)

اللَّهُمَّ لَا تَذَرْنِی فَرْداً وَ أَنْتَ خَیْرُ الْوَارِثِینَ وَحِیداً وَحْشاً فَیَقْصُرَ شُکْرِی عَنْ تَفَکُّرِی بَلْ هَبْ لِی عَاقِبَةَ صِدْقٍ ذُکُوراً وَ إِنَاثاً آنَسُ بِهِمْ مِنَ الْوَحْشَةِ وَ أَسْکُنُ إِلَیْهِمْ مِنَ الْوَحْدَةِ وَ أَشْکُرُکَ عِنْدَ تَمَامِ النِّعْمَةِ یَا وَهَّابُ یَا عَظِیمُ یَا مُعَظَّمُ ثُمَّ أَعْطِنِی فِی کُلِّ عَافِیَةٍ شُکْراً حَتَّی تُبْلِغَنِی مِنْهَا رِضْوَانَکَ فِی صِدْقِ الْحَدِیثِ وَ أَدَاءِ الْأَمَانَةِ وَ وَفَاءٍ بِالْعَهْدِ

http://wikiporsesh.ir/دعا_برای_بچه_دار_شدن

https://www.yjc.ir/fa/news/5552548/زوج‌های-نابارور-برای-بچه‌دار-شدن-این-دعا-را-بخوانند

http://namnak.com/دعای-بچه-دار-شدن.p15640

[Kirmani]

On 4/27/2018 at 4:51 PM, touma86 said:

salam alaikum everyone.

I don't know where to begin. Been married since I was 19 to my wonderful husband. I'm now 32 and 2 years into our marriage we were told he can't have children. We tried many rounds of IVF and nothing happened, 8 rounds to be exact and he says he doesn't want to do more. I tried trusting God and thinking one day he will give us children but now after more than 10 years have passed, I'm losing my hope because I'm getting older. Right now I feel I want to divorce him and marry someone else before it gets too late for me to have children. My husband wants the best for me and said if I want divorce for this reason it is ok but I know he is sad, I'm sad too but no choice. We don't want to adopt. I know there is no sin on me if I divorce him for this reason but I wanted to hear what other people think because I'm confused to divorce my good husband just for this. I think my question is for brothers if you would marry a sister that you know left her husband for infertility? sisters can tell me what you think too.

Salaam, yes you have the right to divorce him but that doesn't mean you have to do everything that is in your "rights". The fact that he is understanding enough that he is willing to give you a divorce so that you can have something in your life is a fact that HE CARES MORE ABOUT YOUR HAPPINESS THEN HIS OWN. That my sister is the truest definition of love and believe me you will have hard luck in finding another man like that.

I am very sorry for the pain you are going through, and yes this following is probably very easy (and maybe hypocritical) for me to say as I have not experienced the pain you are feeling as I have children of my own AlhumduLilah and don't plan on adopting anyone myself, but please do atleast consider the advice. JUST IMAGINE what an orphan goes through when he/she sees other kids playing with their parents, their moms and dads kissing them and talking with them, imagine the pain they go through when they see that and they don't have any mom or dad to cry on. Our Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) was an orphan at the age of 6, and Abu Talib (عليه السلام) raised him as his own son, what would have happened to our Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) if Abu Talib (عليه السلام) didn't adopt him. Maybe Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) Knows how great human being you and your husband are that He Has Made it this way so that you two adopt children and not other people? And yes doing Ziyarat is also very beneficial, there is NO DUA that is not Accepted underneath the dome of Imam Hussain (عليه السلام), talk to the Imams (عليه السلام) and have faith, but please do consider what I said above. Again I know it's very easy for me to say as I have not experienced the pain you are experiencing but I have no doubt that if that indeed is the case you two are much more higher human beings than me. InshAllah may Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) Bless you two with a lifetime of happiness.

[shadow_of_light]

Does anyone know how we can adopt a Syrian or Iraqi child?

[habib e najjaar]

May Allah grant you both ease in this test insha'Allah.

I second the poster who said try Iran for invitro. They seem to be exceptionally good at it. I have recently received good news from a couple whose chances were very low medically speaking, but alhamdulillah, they have managed to conceive recently. Their traditional herbalists also seem to have a good track record with infertility issues.

In what you have shared of your circumstances, I have a feeling divorce may end up being something you regret terribly. IF there are other deal breakers about him then perhaps it would be worth considering.. but if it is an issue that is outside his control, and your alternative is also not a guarantee of having a child..then keep the thoughts out of your mind and try to focus on solutions that may still be available to you.

On this blessed day, may Allah grant you righteous children who will be a source of happiness in your dunya and aakhirah.

[Panzerwaffe]

Doner sperm of his brother or male relative ? Is that allowed in Islam?

[forte]

Talk to your husband about adoption.  Find out what his anxieties he has about adoption and then find resources in your community to allay those fears.  If you make it really clear that is what you want to do, he will most likely go along with it.   I cant believe that he would agree for you to divorce him rather than to adopt a child. If he does have a problem with exploring this option, then that would be closer to a reason to divorce.  He needs to acknowledge that he is to be part of the solution to his infertility.  

And if the OP were a man, we would all be telling him to get another wife, either a replacement or an addition, and that his wife would have to learn how to deal with it.  So her comments that women do not have the options that a man has are  valid.

 

Edited May 2, 2018 by forte

[Be Human First]

On 4/29/2018 at 4:17 PM, Laayla said:

Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum.

Go with your husband and visit the Imams.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah

Hi Laayla: SOrry if i sound rude here, but Dont you think she must have tried every possible way of hope as in praying/visiting shrines/ and trying everything thats been told by 100s of people ?

[Be Human First]

1 hour ago, Be Human First said:

Hi Laayla: SOrry if i sound rude here, but Dont you think she must have tried every possible way of hope as in praying/visiting shrines/ and trying everything thats been told by 100s of people ?

Dont you think She might have visited Imams Already?

[Laayla]

9 hours ago, Be Human First said:

Hi Laayla: SOrry if i sound rude here, but Dont you think she must have tried every possible way of hope as in praying/visiting shrines/ and trying everything thats been told by 100s of people ?

Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum 

Insh'Allah she goes with her dh.  

Our Imams do not return anyone empty handed.  Remember that.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah 

[Anonymous2144]

On 4/28/2018 at 7:51 AM, touma86 said:

salam alaikum everyone.

I don't know where to begin. Been married since I was 19 to my wonderful husband. I'm now 32 and 2 years into our marriage we were told he can't have children. We tried many rounds of IVF and nothing happened, 8 rounds to be exact and he says he doesn't want to do more. I tried trusting God and thinking one day he will give us children but now after more than 10 years have passed, I'm losing my hope because I'm getting older. Right now I feel I want to divorce him and marry someone else before it gets too late for me to have children. My husband wants the best for me and said if I want divorce for this reason it is ok but I know he is sad, I'm sad too but no choice. We don't want to adopt. I know there is no sin on me if I divorce him for this reason but I wanted to hear what other people think because I'm confused to divorce my good husband just for this. I think my question is for brothers if you would marry a sister that you know left her husband for infertility? sisters can tell me what you think too.

Your better off not having kids it’s 2018 raising chidren is extemely challanging and it will get worse in the next coming years save yourself a headache and just be a devout Muslim and do lots of charity and help the poor.

[Ron_Burgundy]

On 4/27/2018 at 5:51 PM, touma86 said:

salam alaikum everyone.

I don't know where to begin. Been married since I was 19 to my wonderful husband. I'm now 32 and 2 years into our marriage we were told he can't have children. We tried many rounds of IVF and nothing happened, 8 rounds to be exact and he says he doesn't want to do more. I tried trusting God and thinking one day he will give us children but now after more than 10 years have passed, I'm losing my hope because I'm getting older. Right now I feel I want to divorce him and marry someone else before it gets too late for me to have children. My husband wants the best for me and said if I want divorce for this reason it is ok but I know he is sad, I'm sad too but no choice. We don't want to adopt. I know there is no sin on me if I divorce him for this reason but I wanted to hear what other people think because I'm confused to divorce my good husband just for this. I think my question is for brothers if you would marry a sister that you know left her husband for infertility? sisters can tell me what you think too.

I will say he is a great husband and he is your life partner. if he is willing to give you divorce for your happiness what else you want? what is your next husband won't be like him? what when your kids will grow up and most probably will leave you alone? I would say adopt a child and stop being selfish. I am sure he would like to have a kid as well, but if he has a medical condition and he can't have one that's not his fault. Remember children are test for you, and let me tell you one thing it is not easy to raise a pious child. You know one thing for sure that he is a nice husband, but you cant say the same for your future husband if any and for your future biological child. Try giving him khak-e-shifa, and it will cure him. 

 

Also, as you husband to recite following dua in the last sajood or every farz namaz. 
رَبِّ لاَ تَذَرْنِي فَرْدًا وَأَنْتَ خَيْرُ الْوَارِثِينَ Rabbi la tadharni fardaw wa-anta Khairul Waritheen (O my Lord! Leave me not without offspring, though Thou art the Best of inheritors) 

 

And check this as well http://duas.org/kshifa.htm

Edited May 3, 2018 by Ron_Burgundy

[Ron_Burgundy]

On 4/27/2018 at 6:49 PM, touma86 said:

They say I don't deserve this pain and say any man would either get a new wife or leave the infertile wife, so they say why we women have to suffer for this when men have other choices and don't feel bad for leaving the infertile wife.

May Allah never put someone in this situation, but i would have never left my wife for this. I would have adopted. 

[Ron_Burgundy]

On 5/1/2018 at 3:31 PM, shadow_of_light said:

Does anyone know how we can adopt a Syrian or Iraqi child?

Where do you live? 

 

For both religious and Islamic reasons adoption is prohibited in Iraq. It is illegal for foreigners or non-Muslims to adopt Iraqi children. There is a guardianship system in place in Iraq allowing for families to care for an orphan without the child actually becoming a son or daughter. 

Edited May 3, 2018 by Ron_Burgundy

[Be Human First]

11 hours ago, Laayla said:

Bismehe Ta3ala,

Assalam Alikum 

Insh'Allah she goes with her dh.  

Our Imams do not return anyone empty handed.  Remember that.

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah 

Please read my that comment , perhaps read it few times...

[Laayla]

^^^

Answer is still the same.

Recognize the Imam of your time.

What is your objection?  

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah 

[Be Human First]

5 minutes ago, Laayla said:

^^^

Answer is still the same.

Recognize the Imam of your time.

What is your objection?  

M3 Salamah, FE AMIN Allah 

I have no objection, I questioned you, you ddint answer me rather you posted this Video, all i meant to say you was, going through that stressful problem I dont think she has left any stone unturned ..Your response to her comment was emotionally and religously THE BEST One, but it looks like she is expecting some realistic advice or suggestions...