giving up

[sarah khadem]

I am at the point of really giving up. what is it with parents. when we do something good for them they don't appreciate and would tell us off and if we do something bad they tell us off too.   someone please advise me on what to because I have reached the point of hating everything. 

[2Timeless]

Hey,

Its only natural to have misunderstandings with your parents, especially if you're a teenager living in the west, they can't really get your troubles. But that doesn't make them evil and unsympathetic. I dont know what your ethnicity is, but if your parents were born and raised somewhere else to you, bare that in mind. At the end of the day all our parents just want a happy life for us, they want the best for us. When they tell you off, more often than not, they probably feel deeply upset and hurt, and worried about you. I'm not saying this so you can feel guilty and even worse about yourself,but you should always put yourself in their shoes, try and empathise with them, if you find that totally impossible in your situation then speak to them, ask them why they are upset or angry with you.

In terms of "giving up", I dont know what exactly you're referring to, but I can tell you're not in a great place. Just remember you're not alone, and think of the bigger picture, one day all these issues will be long forgotten. In fact you may even find it all hilarious later down the line. If you're hating everything, find a new hobby, do something different and interesting to help you cope with this stress. Maybe try baking, writing, reading, exercising...All these are healthy outlets of your frustration. Just remember one day this will all be a memory and things can only get better from here. 

I hope this helped

[ali_fatheroforphans]

You have to realize that not every parent is qualified to be a parent, despite their pure intention of wanting us to be happy. Parenting is a big responsibility, and it does requires some level of skill. I don't deny the fact that some parents don't know how to talk to their children, how they might be a bit offensive, how they are overly protective etc. The list goes on.

However they've done so much for us - only God knows what they went through when we were little kids. Our perception of our parents should never be negative. There is a reason why Allah has stressed the importance of parents in the Quran, to an extent where we can't even say "uff" to them. Every good trait we possess is because of our parents. Honestly, we owe so much to our parents.

If you are being affected to a point where you hate everything, then surround yourself with positive people (maybe Muslim friends), who'll remind you of Allah. We're all social beings and we need friends who can support us and make us feel better. Be more active in your local Shia community by volunteering, going to events more often, hanging out with friends at the masjid etc. Being in the presence of God conscious people is so refreshing - you literally feel like you have spiritually benefitted. I'm sure there are plenty of lovely people who have the same goal in life (to seek nearness to Allah) as you. The more we're connected with like-minded people, the more beautiful life becomes. You can also continue to visit Shiachat to get inspired by everyone here  

 

Edited April 8, 2018 by ali_fatheroforphans

[Asghar Ali Karbalai]

On 4/8/2018 at 4:39 PM, sarah khadem said:

I am at the point of really giving up. what is it with parents. when we do something good for them they don't appreciate and would tell us off and if we do something bad they tell us off too.   someone please advise me on what to because I have reached the point of hating everything. 

How is it going now?

Moula Ali(asws) says 

Do not show the sharpness of your tongue on your mother as she taught you to speak.

Edited December 28, 2018 by Asghar Ali Karbalai

[malnagi143]

Your parents raised you and their care towards you is unconditional. The day you were born they took care of you and they dont realize how fast the time passes and the once dependent child has now become a confident young person. This is why in Quran & hadis parents were given so importance and children have to obey them. all you need to do is dont be offencive to them just be calm and silent even if feel they are wrong.. I pray for you.. 

[sarah khadem]

21 hours ago, Asghar Ali Karbalai said:

How is it going now?

Moula Ali(asws) says 

Do not show the sharpness of your tongue on your mother as she taught you to speak.

Alhamdulilah all is going really well

[Asghar Ali Karbalai]

10 minutes ago, sarah khadem said:

Alhamdulilah all is going really well

Okay good, I will give you a brotherly suggestion.

Even if your parents are wrong then also do not utter a word to them in anger or in high pitch voice.

When they get calm tell them politely and even if then also they do not agree then nevermind about it. In Quran I read that we cannot even say 'uff' to our parents like literally the arabic word/expression 'uff' is mentioned in Quran. Imagine how clear Allah is giving us message.

[Gaius I. Caesar]

1 hour ago, Asghar Ali Karbalai said:

Even if your parents are wrong then also do not utter a word to them in anger or in high pitch voice.

You mean a scream or shriek? The anger has that part covered anyway.

Quote

And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا - 17:23

It's so clear you don't even need to imagine- Right in the ink and revealed to Muhammad (sawas)

Edited December 29, 2018 by Gaius I. Caesar