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In the Name of God بسم الله

[MATURE] Husband Issues

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  • Advanced Member
15 minutes ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

Look I would say talk to your husband if he accept his mistake give and say he won't do it again give him second chance. 

He's been cheating on her for a long time, texting and inappropriately talking to other women for a while. In my rule-book barring exceptional circumstances , and i mean incredibly exceptional ones, behaviour like this merits divorce. He's had a first, second third, fourth and fifth chance. The only thing i fear is if he turns violent if she does try to divorce this man.  It's important to have a group behind you in the form of family and have your safety and protection sorted. 

Thankfully she is living in the west, and not the jungle that can be in some other countries where women are left to hang and dry. 

Edited by Intellectual Resistance
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33 minutes ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

He's been cheating on her for a long time, texting and inappropriately talking to other women for a while. In my rule-book barring exceptional circumstances , and i mean incredibly exceptional ones, behaviour like this merits divorce. He's had a first, second third, fourth and fifth chance. The only thing i fear is if he turns violent if she does try to divorce this man.  It's important to have a group behind you in the form of family and have your safety and protection sorted. 

Thankfully she is living in the west, and not the jungle that can be in some other countries where women are left to hang and dry. 

she is in west and nothing could stop her 1 call to authorities and he is done. 

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37 minutes ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

He's been cheating on her for a long time, texting and inappropriately talking to other women for a while. In my rule-book barring exceptional circumstances , and i mean incredibly exceptional ones, behaviour like this merits divorce. He's had a first, second third, fourth and fifth chance. The only thing i fear is if he turns violent if she does try to divorce this man.  It's important to have a group behind you in the form of family and have your safety and protection sorted. 

Thankfully she is living in the west, and not the jungle that can be in some other countries where women are left to hang and dry. 

Good reminder.  

OP - I agree with the above underlined statement.  It is important to find out who would be there for you if needed.  Of people you know, find out who are trustworthy and who will actually be there for you.  If you don't have anyone, look around in your work place or casual relationships to develop potential friendships. This is always a good idea, but if you do not have family nearby, this is a must.

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On 3/21/2018 at 11:38 AM, Gaius I. Caesar said:

Divorce is not a sin in Islam. It is just the least liked halal action.

I would also like to add to that most likely this can be solved without divorce. If you are kind yet firm and do this 'confrontation' in a way that preserves his dignity, he will most likely change. Men dislike getting divorced, probably more than women do. 

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18 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

I would also like to add to that most likely this can be solved without divorce. If you are kind yet firm and do this 'confrontation' in a way that preserves his dignity, he will most likely change. Men dislike getting divorced, probably more than women do. 

I had been understanding, supporting, angry and now I am downright hurt with everything that has happened. Since he already has someone else in his life, he wont mind the divorce. Instead, he'll be looking forward to it so he can be with his'one true love'. If he didnt want to get divorced then he wouldnt have taken this marriage as a joke and used me as his punching bag.

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20 hours ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

If you were my sister or daughter, i would encourage you to leave a marriage like this. I may even pay an abusive husband a visit and set things straight. Some things couples can talk it out, and talk it through. This however, is something else entirely.  Find out what Shariah Law says about this, and if you feel nothing will change even after dialogue and discussion, then leave.  If you don't have kids, then your decision is easy. I can't sit here and advocate staying with someone like this when i know that i would be convincing my own sister or daughter (if i had them) not to let themselves live like this. Being verbally, mentally and emotionally abused is as bad as being physically abused. Being cheated on is horrific, and having it be this continuous is also terrible.  A lot of women tend to write it in their marriage contracts that their husband is not allowed to take a second wife. So in the event he does, then that's Adultery.  

However, check what your rights are for divorce.  I normally advocate therapy, discussion, dialogue, but men like this rarely change.

The thing that hurts the most is that even after doing everything for this man, he still couldnt appreciate me. I changed my whole life to accommodate him and his likings but he never did anything for me and instead he goes out with another woman.

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20 hours ago, Intellectual Resistance said:

He's been cheating on her for a long time, texting and inappropriately talking to other women for a while. In my rule-book barring exceptional circumstances , and i mean incredibly exceptional ones, behaviour like this merits divorce. He's had a first, second third, fourth and fifth chance. The only thing i fear is if he turns violent if she does try to divorce this man.  It's important to have a group behind you in the form of family and have your safety and protection sorted. 

Thankfully she is living in the west, and not the jungle that can be in some other countries where women are left to hang and dry. 

I gave him many chances and thats why he could run all over me. If I would have been firm with him the 1st time he did it, he wouldnt have repeated it again.

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On 3/19/2018 at 7:15 PM, bigboi said:

im no scholar or so, nor do i have alot of religious knowledge.

But i do know that a man can marry more than 1 wife, so how did he cheat?

Well even if it's not cheating (which I do think this is), he's keeping it a secret, which is bad

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