Jump to content
Aflower

Would you marry her?

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

On 3/14/2018 at 8:34 PM, Aflower said:

Given that mutahs are allowed, would the brothers have an issue with having a Nikah with a woman who adhered to Islam in almost every way (i.e. wore a scarf, read namaaz etc), but had multiple mutahs previously? Would it bother you that your wife was not a virgin and had possibly had multiple partners; albeit in a completely halal and legit way? Please be honest.  

Miss me with your Victorian sexual standards. It's hard to find pious men or women in this world, and virginity is overrated so I don't see why not.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 hours ago, Sumerian said:

Last resort.

Isn't it also Sunnah to marry divorced women, given the Prophet married many divorcees? He certainly didn't treat it as a last resort because he could have married any woman in the community he wanted but still chose to willingly marry divorced women. Also, does the fact that divorcees often find it hard to find a husband in our current society not make marrying them mutsahab by itself, given that you would be helping to alleviate the distress of a believing woman, which is most definitely a good deed?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Khadim uz Zahra said:

Isn't it also Sunnah to marry divorced women, given the Prophet married many divorcees? He certainly didn't treat it as a last resort because he could have married any woman in the community he wanted but still chose to willingly marry divorced women. Also, does the fact that divorcees often find it hard to find a husband in our current society not make marrying them mutsahab by itself, given that you would be helping to alleviate the distress of a believing woman, which is most definitely a good deed?

Marriage in itself is mustahab and sunnah, and marrying divorced ladies is a good thing. I never said it's bad. I'm just saying marrying virgin women is mustahab, and in Fiqh there are degrees of istihbaab.

Personally I would do it as a last resort, but this is for me personally. I want to be someone special when I get married, not a number two.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, Sumerian said:

Marriage in itself is mustahab and sunnah, and marrying divorced ladies is a good thing. I never said it's bad. I'm just saying marrying virgin women is mustahab, and in Fiqh there are degrees of istihbaab.

Personally I would do it as a last resort, but this is for me personally. I want to be someone special when I get married, not a number two.

You do realise that when it comes to being 'someone special' in another person's life, how you treat them is of far more import than the sexual relationship you might have with them. Nothing's stopping you from being 'someone special' to a potential wife if she's had sex before.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I am a possessive man, and of course it will bother me. She might have some high expectations from me. Men are born with jealous gene. 

I have never done mutah so why would I accept a girl who has done. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 3/14/2018 at 11:34 PM, Aflower said:

Given that mutahs are allowed, would the brothers have an issue with having a Nikah with a woman who adhered to Islam in almost every way (i.e. wore a scarf, read namaaz etc), but had multiple mutahs previously? Would it bother you that your wife was not a virgin and had possibly had multiple partners; albeit in a completely halal and legit way? Please be honest.  

Question: did he get permission from her father/guardian do have mutah with her?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Khadim uz Zahra said:

You do realise that when it comes to being 'someone special' in another person's life, how you treat them is of far more import than the sexual relationship you might have with them. Nothing's stopping you from being 'someone special' to a potential wife if she's had sex before.

There's nothing haram about wanting to be special in that regard though. Of course treatment is more important, I agree. I just want to feel happy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 minutes ago, Sumerian said:

There's nothing haram about wanting to be special in that regard though. Of course treatment is more important, I agree. I just want to feel happy.

Ok let me ask you a question 

which would you choose 

1. A virgin who was rude to you,did not respect you, was not praying, did not make you happy 

2.divorced. Respectful made you happy was praying and fasting 

im not saying these above statements are in anyway true about either side 

I’m just making a point you can’t choose who you love 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
19 minutes ago, Sisterfatima1 said:

Ok let me ask you a question 

which would you choose 

1. A virgin who was rude to you,did not respect you, was not praying, did not make you happy 

2.divorced. Respectful made you happy was praying and fasting 

im not saying these above statements are in anyway true about either side 

I’m just making a point you can’t choose who you love 

No. 2, because she's experienced tough times in life by her previous marriage, and needs the affection and care to help recover from the pain. Also, since she's already been abused she knows it's wrong and would treat her new husband way better than the old one treated her, since she wouldn't want anyone to feel how she felt.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
54 minutes ago, Sisterfatima1 said:

Ok let me ask you a question 

which would you choose 

1. A virgin who was rude to you,did not respect you, was not praying, did not make you happy 

2.divorced. Respectful made you happy was praying and fasting 

im not saying these above statements are in anyway true about either side 

I’m just making a point you can’t choose who you love 

#2 because priorities

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

what was the purpose for many mutahs?

was it intercourse, physical protection, financial protection or something else.

I honestly find it weird with woman who had several mutahs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/1/2018 at 3:57 AM, Ron_Burgundy said:

Men are born with jealous gene. 

What an lame excuse.

On 4/1/2018 at 3:57 AM, Ron_Burgundy said:

I have never done mutah so why would I accept a girl who has done. 

It's halal and there is no shame in it, so why be against it?

On 3/31/2018 at 9:02 PM, Sumerian said:

Last resort.

Marrying you would be a last resort for most women.  By the way, your standards about virginity are un-Islamic, we aren't Christians.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

Marrying you would be a last resort for most women.  By the way, your standards about virginity are un-Islamic, we aren't Christians.

Not really. Like I said, the scholars have said marrying a virgin is recommended. So you should tell them they're being Christian.

And trust me, it's not a last resort when it comes to me. I could get married 4 times in the next 4 months and I ain't even 20 years old yet, just saying. Once you got the sauce, then you got the sauce.

6 hours ago, Reza said:

:surrender:

See, that's why you can't get your priorities straight. I can throw shade at you but you'll probably ban me, that's all I'll say.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
@Ron_Burgundy In response to your below qn,  she did not as she is divorced and she believes it is therefore not obligatory to seek her father's permission. The reason for so many mutahs is because despite being a model muslim in every way; she can't seem to find someone who will marry her in permanent Nikah. She claims that she has engaged in so many mutahs for companionship and company. Though personally I believe that she harbored hopes that the mutahs would lead to a permanent Nikah but no one was forthcoming. To re-iterate; this is my opinion.
14 hours ago, Ron_Burgundy said:
Question: did he get permission from her father/guardian do have mutah with her?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

Well I am a possessive man, and of course it will bother me. She might have some high expectations from me. Men are born with jealous gene. 

I have never done mutah so why would I accept a girl who has done. 

This sort of attitude is good. But some men expect virgin wives when they themselves do not meet those standards or even try to meet them. It really gets on my nerves. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

It's halal and there is no shame in it, so why be against it?

I don't know man. I know its halal, but i am not a big fan of it, and i won't feel comfortable. I know it will bother me so why would i take a chance.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/1/2018 at 6:14 PM, Sumerian said:

Once you got the sauce, then you got the sauce.

Sorry, I don't understand hip and jive, speak English. Nikah isn't just about intercourse, that's only just a mere facet of the whole picture. 

On 4/1/2018 at 6:14 PM, Sumerian said:

And trust me, it's not a last resort when it comes to me. I could get married 4 times in the next 4 months and I ain't even 20 years old yet,

 

On 3/31/2018 at 9:02 PM, Sumerian said:

Last resort.

And you were saying?^  Don't lecture us about priorities when you can't get yours straight. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, Aflower said:

 

I always say Mutah is for kids. It is for those who don't want any kind of responsibility. In mutah woman comes without any baggage. Its like leasing a car, you drive it for couple of months show off and after few months you upgrade to better/different model, and not a lot of people keep their leased car. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/1/2018 at 12:44 AM, Khadim uz Zahra said:

Isn't it also Sunnah to marry divorced women, given the Prophet married many divorcees? He certainly didn't treat it as a last resort because he could have married any woman in the community he wanted but still chose to willingly marry divorced women. Also, does the fact that divorcees often find it hard to find a husband in our current society not make marrying them mutsahab by itself, given that you would be helping to alleviate the distress of a believing woman, which is most definitely a good deed?

Marrying a divorcee is different then marrying a woman who had 4,5,6.... Mutah nikahs. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
49 minutes ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

I always say Mutah is for kids. It is for those who don't want any kind of responsibility. In mutah woman comes without any baggage. Its like leasing a car, you drive it for couple of months show off and after few months you upgrade to better/different model, and not a lot of people keep their leased car. 

@Ron_Burgundy

I think that (sadly) this is actually how most men view mutahs in reality; but very few have the gumption to say so out of fear that it would be deemed as politically incorrect.

I don't knw why women put themselves through a mutah willingly when most men treat it as no more than a "test-drive" or a halal "quickie". A Nikah can be ended in the same way a mutah can. If a man was genuine in his intention he would ask for a Nikah. Most men want mutahs to be a secret because they consider it to be their dirty secret. I have never known a mutah to conclude in Nikah. A woman always has so much more to lose from this arrangement as women tend to get emotionally entangled where as for men it tends to be purely physical.  

Edited by Aflower

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×