Would you marry her?

[Aflower]

Given that mutahs are allowed, would the brothers have an issue with having a Nikah with a woman who adhered to Islam in almost every way (i.e. wore a scarf, read namaaz etc), but had multiple mutahs previously? Would it bother you that your wife was not a virgin and had possibly had multiple partners; albeit in a completely halal and legit way? Please be honest.  

Edited March 15, 2018 by Aflower

[AmirAlmuminin Lover]

I don't see any problem

[Irfani313]

Human virginity is overrated and aspiring for those who carry it is the most tribal act left over from the dark ages.   

[Ahmed_516478]

Yes, it would bother me whether she engaged in a permanent or temporary marriage previously especially multiple.

Edited March 15, 2018 by Shi3i_jadeed

[Husayni]

I'd rather marry a woman who has not been married yet at all, mutah or permanent, so we can both start our spiritual life together with the sacred bond of marriage and experience all the outcomes together firsthand.

Given, I would not marry anyone unless they are pious/religious. But only if Allah wills.

Edited March 15, 2018 by Hussaini624

[TheGreenWanderer]

41 minutes ago, Shi3i_jadeed said:

Yes, it would bother me whether she engaged in a permanent or temporary marriage previously especially multiple.

Same here, I would prefer a wife who hasn't engaged in previous marriage or sexual activity. Personal preference.

 

[Waseem162]

4 hours ago, Aflower said:

Given that mutahs are allowed, would the brothers have an issue with having a Nikah with a woman who adhered to Islam in almost every way (i.e. wore a scarf, read namaaz etc), but had multiple mutahs previously? Would it bother you that your wife was not a virgin and had possibly had multiple partners; albeit in a completely halal and legit way? Please be honest.  

Salamun ALykum dear Sister. Look its very evident that Islam allowed Mutah to prevent corruption in the society. But as the time has passed, Scholars and Marajes have advised to avoid Mutah as much as possible. The new era has developed in a very sensitive form where the marriage tends to break because of little issues. And his/her partner having engaged with someone else will naturally be a big issue for anyone. So yes, on the firsthand it is advisable to avoid Mutah.

But if someone has done Mutah, It is suggested to marry a guy/girl who also has done a mutah so this virginity issue is automatically cancelled at both the ends.

For me, I will obviously choose a girl who has not been engaged. Since marriage is a complete encapsulation of spirit and the body. If her heart has been committed for someone else earlier, I may have serious trust issues.

[AbdusSibtayn]

6 hours ago, Aflower said:

Given that mutahs are allowed, would the brothers have an issue with having a Nikah with a woman who adhered to Islam in almost every way (i.e. wore a scarf, read namaaz etc), but had multiple mutahs previously? Would it bother you that your wife was not a virgin and had possibly had multiple partners; albeit in a completely halal and legit way? Please be honest.  

It doesn't bother me one single bit, sister. Take that from a young guy in his early twenties.

She has done nothing wrong. And I would appreciate the fact that she is that candid about her past, instead of brushing her past and her genuinely human needs under the carpet like some pseudo-pious people do.

When I  as a young man am allowed to take recourse to mutah to fulfill my desires while avoiding haram, what moral right do I have to deny her that opportunity, and object to the fact that she has made use of that opportunity?

[AbdusSibtayn]

Let us remember the example of Bibi Asma bint Umays (sa). She was first married to Ja'far ibn Abi Talib (as), then Abu Bakr ibn Abi Quhafa, and then Ameerul Mu'mineen, Ali ibn Abi Talib(asws). She was the mother of such great sons as Muhammad ibn Ja'far (as), Abdullah ibn Ja'far (as), Awn ibn Ja'far (as), and Muhammad ibn Abu Bakr (ra). She bore two sons, Yahya (as) and Awn (as) to our master, Ameerul Mu'mineen (as). In Shaykh as-Saduq (rh)'s book al-Khisal, she is listed as one of the women of paradise.

[Abu Hadi]

15 hours ago, Aflower said:

Given that mutahs are allowed, would the brothers have an issue with having a Nikah with a woman who adhered to Islam in almost every way (i.e. wore a scarf, read namaaz etc), but had multiple mutahs previously? Would it bother you that your wife was not a virgin and had possibly had multiple partners; albeit in a completely halal and legit way? Please be honest.  

If they were valid Islamically (i.e. aqad, iddah, etc) and her deen and aklaq were good in general, then no, there would be no issue. 

In fact, I would admire her for keeping her deen and not being a hypocrite, like many who do haram rather than do mutah. 

But there is one thing (which most brothers would agree with me on). If the guys that she did mutah with previously were still in the community and they, let's say, didn't have good aklaq about it (i.e. there was a chance they would talk about the relationship publically and in detail), then if I married her I would move to a different community. 

The thing that most guys are afraid of is not the fact that she did mutah, it is the guy she did mutah with, if he doesn't have good aklaq and likes to talk, brag about it in public. Most guys would take this as a full blown assault on their manhood and would not be able to take it and may end up doing something, let's say 'not very nice' to the other guy(s). It also may affect the marriage. Most guys, unless they are momin, have no shame when it comes to things like this and will use any possible 'edge' they might have to try and show dominance over other guys. That is why most guys will not marry a girl unless she is a virgin, because the last thing they want is to be in a situation like this where there is no good outcome. 

[monad]

looks like men dems aint tinkin propa u get me.

If a female claims she has done many mutah's then as the response would be as equivilant to a man, and that is why?. What do we mean by why?. Was it purely pleasure? or did the relationships fail?. Why did they fail?.

If it was purely pleasure, then we have a behaviour issue. could be an individual who is hypersexual, would this person balance your outlook in life?, can such a person be trusted?. are there emotional pleasure sensors stronger then their rational side, if yes, it would imply they make emotive judgement calls.

Men do not appreciate a female who has been with many men.

Women like the idea of a man being with many women, that would imply a type of worth or status.

 

Edited March 15, 2018 by monad

[Be Human First]

Hi

Problem is.. Not a single person has got gutts to say that the CONCEPT of MUTTAH itself is  wrong . I openly reject it. But becuase people are GOD fearing than GOD Loving and are always stressed  about Hell and Heaven ( as if profit and loss in businesss) would never dare to speak against what is Morally Wrong let alone be religion. 

My Heart can never accept that THE Rasul and Imams i Follow of that high unattainable stature which no one can reach to, can talk about such a thing which is completely wrong and which would lead their followers (specially muslimaa- ladies) in to such a pathetic situation or  leave her in to for-ever carrying title of Muttah Girl who is available for every men lol for the sake of avoiding Haram. What a disrespect!

[Islandsandmirrors]

1 hour ago, Be Human First said:

Hi

Problem is.. Not a single person has got gutts to say that the CONCEPT of MUTTAH itself is  wrong . I openly reject it. But becuase people are GOD fearing than GOD Loving and are always stressed  about Hell and Heaven ( as if profit and loss in businesss) would never dare to speak against what is Morally Wrong let alone be religion. 

My Heart can never accept that THE Rasul and Imams i Follow of that high unattainable stature which no one can reach to, can talk about such a thing which is completely wrong and which would lead their followers (specially muslimaa- ladies) in to such a pathetic situation or  leave her in to for-ever carrying title of Muttah Girl who is available for every men lol for the sake of avoiding Haram. What a disrespect!

This is literally your opinion taken from the cultural abuse of mutah. 

Edited March 16, 2018 by Islandsandmirrors

[Ahmed_516478]

2 hours ago, Be Human First said:

Hi

Problem is.. Not a single person has got gutts to say that the CONCEPT of MUTTAH itself is  wrong . I openly reject it. But becuase people are GOD fearing than GOD Loving and are always stressed  about Hell and Heaven ( as if profit and loss in businesss) would never dare to speak against what is Morally Wrong let alone be religion. 

My Heart can never accept that THE Rasul and Imams i Follow of that high unattainable stature which no one can reach to, can talk about such a thing which is completely wrong and which would lead their followers (specially muslimaa- ladies) in to such a pathetic situation or  leave her in to for-ever carrying title of Muttah Girl who is available for every men lol for the sake of avoiding Haram. What a disrespect!

Simply rejecting mut'a isn't going to help the fact that Islamic and by extension Abrahamic sexual ethics are not victorian in nature as you would like them to be. Reality is Islam allowed men to keep 4 wives and sleep with their slave women, this is much "worse" than mut'a as per modern sexual ethics. This isn't unique to Islam or anything, jewish tradition maintained that David, Solomon, Abraham and others had multiple wives and concubines. In total it is said Solomon 1,000 wives and concubines. And the greatest man to ever live Muhammad (sawa) had multiple wives and concubines.  Just because you personally feel a certain way does not make it morally correct. I would prefer a virgin woman but that is a personal preference and I cannot morally judge any Muslim or Muslima who had permissible sexual relations.

[Be Human First]

20 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

This is literally your opinion taken from the cultural abuse of mutah. 

I Agree Ssiter, it is my view towards that. If its due to cultural abuse then brief me about the better or another  culture or generation who would accept this ? And give me a hope where this abuse is not an abuse.I have read all the posts here where majority of men are not agreed to marry a girl who have had been in to muttahs in her past, which is fact I apprecaite their honesty about it. So if this is what men think then Are there some different type of MEN somewhere in some other part of this world who are Happy to accept such girl? simply because it is in religious book and trusting ehr that she followed the commands of religion? One can't just get away saying it's due to Abuse, How/Why did it turn in to abuse in first place? 

Edited March 16, 2018 by Be Human First

[Aflower]

Reading about your opinions without judgement has taught me a lot and it has allowed me see things in a different light. It interesting to try to put yourself, and then walk, in someone else's shoes, and then to try to understand how they came to their conclusions. However, I do think it's important to form your own opinions based on research and reflection. I have "liked" everyone's comments because I am grateful that you all contributed frankly and without any inhibitions. Thank you all for your honesty.  

My aplologies to @Be Human First. I can not "like" your comment on the basis that you outright disbelieve in Muttah. Even if on general principles you feel uncomfortable with this concept, I think may be you should consider that there may be exceptional circumstances where this is necessary because I don't think that we should draw a hard line on a matter that Allah has allowed. 

Edited March 16, 2018 by Aflower

[Be Human First]

14 minutes ago, Aflower said:

My aplologies to @Be Human First. I can not like your comment on the basis that you outright disbelieve in Muttah. I think that there is always an exception to the rule and we should not draw a hard line on a matter that Allah has allowed. 

Not at all a Problem dear, @Aflower 

[monad]

21 hours ago, Be Human First said:

Problem is.. Not a single person has got gutts to say that the CONCEPT of MUTTAH itself is  wrong

Dear child. Humans have biological needs and they come in many forms. A child like fantasy that the divines did not do X and Y has no relevance to the majority. Sexual abstinence does and cannot conform to all types of the human. If it is available they will take it, if not then it express it self in other forms. Be it self abuse or emotional dejection. Only with wisdom and age does the human has the ability to control such a transfer of energy. There are many here who do not agree with it, yet many of these are still single. Its not like women are throwing themselves to them. Mutah is practiced by certain personality types and I think we can assume it isnt the introverted ones.

[Sayyid09]

The irony here is, many brothers would want a 'virgin' as their wives. But they perform (or would) Mutãh left, right and centre (if given the chance).

I don't see a problem in it. If a sister has done mu'tah in the past, we shouldn't peer down at her. The 'past is in the past'. Define people by their actions they do in their present day and in their future. You cannot undo the done. Before people start nit-picking at others, they should look at their own actions and their own past.

To summarise - It wouldn't bother me. What you have done is ordained as halāl and completely within the frame of Islam. There is nothing to be 'bothered about' in regards to your question and Insha'Allāh people look over this stigma we place on our sisters especially within this matter.

(Note - this isn't an attack on any brothers or sisters (especially within this thread). It's just a general speculation).

"And the women of purity are for men of purity

and the men of purity are for women of purity.."

[24:26 - Surāh al-Nür].

[Inconsolable]

On 3/15/2018 at 8:34 AM, Aflower said:

Given that mutahs are allowed, would the brothers have an issue with having a Nikah with a woman who adhered to Islam in almost every way (i.e. wore a scarf, read namaaz etc), but had multiple mutahs previously? Would it bother you that your wife was not a virgin and had possibly had multiple partners; albeit in a completely halal and legit way? Please be honest.  

Nope wouldn't bother me at all, lots of girls are into relationships and if she did it in a halal way then that's better tbh.

[Aflower]

On 3/16/2018 at 4:52 PM, Sayyid09 said:

The irony here is, many brothers would want a 'virgin' as their wives. But they perform (or would) Mutãh left, right and centre (if given the chance).

I don't see a problem in it. If a sister has done mu'tah in the past, we shouldn't peer down at her. The 'past is in the past'. Define people by their actions they do in their present day and in their future. You cannot undo the done. Before people start nit-picking at others, they should look at their own actions and their own past.

To summarise - It wouldn't bother me. What you have done is ordained as halāl and completely within the frame of Islam. There is nothing to be 'bothered about' in regards to your question and Insha'Allāh people look over this stigma we place on our sisters especially within this matter.

(Note - this isn't an attack on any brothers or sisters (especially within this thread). It's just a general speculation).

"And the women of purity are for men of purity

and the men of purity are for women of purity.."

[24:26 - Surāh al-Nür].

@Sayyid09  

Thank you for your response. I agree with you. 

You state: "What you have done is ordained as halāl and completely within the frame of Islam. There is nothing to be 'bothered about' in regards to your question and Insha'Allāh people look over this stigma we place on our sisters especially within this matter."

I have not "done" this BTW and this post is not about me. I am married with a permement Nikah 

[PureExistence1]

As salaamun aleikum, few points here. There are many things to take into consideration here, and as always, there are exceptions and outliers. One of the things is, many people who are still young and virgin themself, want someone of the same standing as them, and this is understandable. May Allah grant them their wishes.

Another type of people don't care too much, and say it's okay if it was done in a Halal manner.

Then there are the older ones who have lived life long enough to understand that this is not something that has so much importance in and of itself  to obsess over. Ultimately, no matter the situation, what IS  is important is having good deen, aklaq, and all the other aspects of our religion  There are Converts that come to Islam who have a past, but the important thing here is that they have changed  their lives around. It is always better to be honest. The Quran verse that says clean men for clean women and vise versa is not to be boiled down to only the physical aspect of purity as that of virginity  being  the soul identifying factor of being pure. However, in choosing a spouse for permanent marriage, the 2 people must be well balanced in many aspects, like their level of practice, future goals, children, hobbies/interests, education and many other factors, not just virginity, but it is the responsibility of each person to be be brutally honest WITH THEMSELVES regarding if they are sincerely able to committ to a marriage where the 2 do mot match exactly in one or more of these areas, including with someone who has had other relationships in the past.

One more point id like to make is that Islam is an all incompassing religion, meaning, it IS and HAD to be designed to accomodate ALL types of people, including the "weakest link" in the chain, please excuse the expression. What i mean by this is, on average and at the very basic level, most men  are not going to be driven absolutely and uncontrollably crazy by a woman bearing her hair, or her ankle, wrist, etc, but do you know who is? The man (or even woman) who is maybe not completely mentally stable and does not have strong impulse control, or the person who is compromised already by too much other stresses, or maybe the young man who has not learned effective sexual restraint methods to practice, or maybe the young woman who had a bad childhood and throughout her life has struggled with self esteem issues who unfortunately needs a mans "approval" to feel validated, etc. prior to converting to Islam, and last but not least, the couple who are older and know not EVERY couple can have a successdul marriage so before diving in, decide to engage in mutah to really find out  their compatibility before going permanent and possibly making a huge life and community altering mistake.There are many other types of people and situations, and alhamdulilah Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى devised a system that has not omitted a single possibility and provided mutah as a halal means to address these people and circumstances, so we should be carefull before we doubt why it is part of our religion or if it is morally wrong according to our personal opinions.

W/s

[Sumerian]

No, it is mustahab to marry a virgin.

[Islandsandmirrors]

13 minutes ago, Sumerian said:

No, it is mustahab to marry a virgin.

It doesn’t mean wajib. Does this mean you’ll never marry a woman who has divorced? 

[Abu Nur]

On 3/16/2018 at 12:35 AM, Be Human First said:

Hi

Problem is.. Not a single person has got gutts to say that the CONCEPT of MUTTAH itself is  wrong . I openly reject it. But becuase people are GOD fearing than GOD Loving and are always stressed  about Hell and Heaven ( as if profit and loss in businesss) would never dare to speak against what is Morally Wrong let alone be religion. 

My Heart can never accept that THE Rasul and Imams i Follow of that high unattainable stature which no one can reach to, can talk about such a thing which is completely wrong and which would lead their followers (specially muslimaa- ladies) in to such a pathetic situation or  leave her in to for-ever carrying title of Muttah Girl who is available for every men lol for the sake of avoiding Haram. What a disrespect!

If you stop judge things based on humans acts then perhaps you will see the Mut'ah in new light. I hope one day you change your attitude to God First before Human.

[Sumerian]

1 hour ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

It doesn’t mean wajib. Does this mean you’ll never marry a woman who has divorced? 

Last resort.

[Mansur Bakhtiari]

On 3/14/2018 at 8:34 PM, Aflower said:

Given that mutahs are allowed, would the brothers have an issue with having a Nikah with a woman who adhered to Islam in almost every way (i.e. wore a scarf, read namaaz etc), but had multiple mutahs previously? Would it bother you that your wife was not a virgin and had possibly had multiple partners; albeit in a completely halal and legit way? Please be honest.  

Miss me with your Victorian sexual standards. It's hard to find pious men or women in this world, and virginity is overrated so I don't see why not.

[Khadim uz Zahra]

4 hours ago, Sumerian said:

Last resort.

Isn't it also Sunnah to marry divorced women, given the Prophet married many divorcees? He certainly didn't treat it as a last resort because he could have married any woman in the community he wanted but still chose to willingly marry divorced women. Also, does the fact that divorcees often find it hard to find a husband in our current society not make marrying them mutsahab by itself, given that you would be helping to alleviate the distress of a believing woman, which is most definitely a good deed?

[Sumerian]

1 hour ago, Khadim uz Zahra said:

Isn't it also Sunnah to marry divorced women, given the Prophet married many divorcees? He certainly didn't treat it as a last resort because he could have married any woman in the community he wanted but still chose to willingly marry divorced women. Also, does the fact that divorcees often find it hard to find a husband in our current society not make marrying them mutsahab by itself, given that you would be helping to alleviate the distress of a believing woman, which is most definitely a good deed?

Marriage in itself is mustahab and sunnah, and marrying divorced ladies is a good thing. I never said it's bad. I'm just saying marrying virgin women is mustahab, and in Fiqh there are degrees of istihbaab.

Personally I would do it as a last resort, but this is for me personally. I want to be someone special when I get married, not a number two.

[Khadim uz Zahra]

12 minutes ago, Sumerian said:

Marriage in itself is mustahab and sunnah, and marrying divorced ladies is a good thing. I never said it's bad. I'm just saying marrying virgin women is mustahab, and in Fiqh there are degrees of istihbaab.

Personally I would do it as a last resort, but this is for me personally. I want to be someone special when I get married, not a number two.

You do realise that when it comes to being 'someone special' in another person's life, how you treat them is of far more import than the sexual relationship you might have with them. Nothing's stopping you from being 'someone special' to a potential wife if she's had sex before.

[Ron_Burgundy]

Well I am a possessive man, and of course it will bother me. She might have some high expectations from me. Men are born with jealous gene. 

I have never done mutah so why would I accept a girl who has done. 

[Ron_Burgundy]

On 3/14/2018 at 11:34 PM, Aflower said:

Given that mutahs are allowed, would the brothers have an issue with having a Nikah with a woman who adhered to Islam in almost every way (i.e. wore a scarf, read namaaz etc), but had multiple mutahs previously? Would it bother you that your wife was not a virgin and had possibly had multiple partners; albeit in a completely halal and legit way? Please be honest.  

Question: did he get permission from her father/guardian do have mutah with her?

[ShiaChat Mod]

34 minutes ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

Question: did he get permission from her father/guardian do have mutah with her?

Maybe the question by the OP is hypothetical. Not talking about herself. 

[Sisterfatima1]

7 hours ago, Sumerian said:

Last resort.

Mashallah you make divorced women feel so special with your kind words 

[Sumerian]

1 hour ago, Khadim uz Zahra said:

You do realise that when it comes to being 'someone special' in another person's life, how you treat them is of far more import than the sexual relationship you might have with them. Nothing's stopping you from being 'someone special' to a potential wife if she's had sex before.

There's nothing haram about wanting to be special in that regard though. Of course treatment is more important, I agree. I just want to feel happy.