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In the Name of God بسم الله

My "husband" wanted to use me for visa

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Salam 3alaikom all, 

I'm someone, totally destroyed and just want to share my story with you and also I have questions, maybe someone more smart than me can answer. 

I'm a Shia woman, with mixed background, live in UK. I met with someone sunni man, looks like very respected and serious person. I had terrible issues before and also I was like broken when my friends (I thought they were my friends) introduced me someone. We started to talk, meet, he moved like near to me to give chance to meet every day. After one month we went to masjid and made an Islamic marriage.  As man and wife we moved in together. By March  after I was made redundant, he had moved out (one presumes that because I was unemployed I no longer met the criteria to help him with his immigration status) . I now have to religiously divorce at financial cost.
During this time he was trying to make me feel weak however his behaviour changed as soon as we married and he became very controlling and emotionally abusive also very much connected us emotionally and I began to uncover things about his real immigration status. It transpired that he was illegally in the UK and was using a fake  Passport. I had married a fraudster and one who I suspect was targeting another women. When he realised that his plan to regularise his status in the UK was not going to work he left.

In way I can't explain how painful it was. It happened some days ago but until now I have like nightmares, crying and even if I'm making myself busy during the day by searching for a job and fix my life, the nights are terrible. I'm not able to pray and eat almost nothing. 

My question is that is this marriage valid according to the sharia law? As far as I know since he even didn't give me my mahar and it was all lie and fake its not. 

The second that what Allah will do for this man? What is the punishment for breaking the heart and life for someone has no one in this country and who depended on her husband, loved and cared for him? What he will have? 

Thank you very much for reading this 

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it is called "Tadlis"  " تدلیس"

Grand Ayatollah Sistani replied: "The marriage is correct, but if a man or woman describes himself/herself at the time of marriage to a trait that is wrong, the other party can terminate the marriage after the notice, and also if the description is before the marriage and the marriage contract It is based and it is also desirable to describe the father or mother and the like. "

https://www.isna.ir/news/8406-07708/مجازات-فريب-كاران-در-ازدواج-نظرات-آيات-عظام-سيستاني-مكارم

https://hawzah.net/fa/Article/View/86342/آثار-فقهی-حقوقی-فریب-در-ازدواج

i think if you can prove his "Tadlis" with help of a scholar you can divorce him.

 

- The Prophet (pbuh) said: "ملعون من ضارّ مؤمناً او مکر به", [5] "Anyone who damages or belitches to believers is cursed."

Imam Ali (as) has also said: "المکر بمن ائتمنک کفر" [6 " deceiving someone who trusted you is disbelief ."

[5]- ری‎شهری، ج9، ص168، ح 18644.

[6]- همان، ص166، ح18627.

https://hawzah.net/fa/article/view/86342

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wa 'alaykum assalam,

Report him to the authorities, get him kicked out of the country - if you're lucky he is doing something just illegal enough to serve a little prison time.

Edited by Ali_Hussain
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5 hours ago, Fatimaflow said:

I wish Allah will let me see what's gonna happen to this person 

You're angry and hurt right now. In time when you've healed, you will not care. You might even feel sorry for the poor sad loser for all he will receive in the afterlife.

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On 3/14/2018 at 8:50 AM, Ali_Hussain said:

wa 'alaykum assalam,

Report him to the authorities, get him kicked out of the country - if you're lucky he is doing something just illegal enough to serve a little prison time.

The irony is that these events happen in reverse as well. That is I know a male relative who was fooled in a similar way by a girl from India who just wanted to use him to get into the US. And oh boy did she mentally torture my male relative. 

Suffice to say for some strange reason the US courts granted her more mercy than if she were a man. 

And while I think that any one who does something like this is despicable. Both the western courts and even we happen to shower down lanaats on a man, but if a woman does the same crime all of a sudden mercy ought to be invoked. 

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7 hours ago, Guest Account Ali said:

The irony is that these events happen in reverse as well. That is I know a male relative who was fooled in a similar way by a girl from India who just wanted to use him to get into the US. And oh boy did she mentally torture my male relative. 

Suffice to say for some strange reason the US courts granted her more mercy than if she were a man. 

And while I think that any one who does something like this is despicable. Both the western courts and even we happen to shower down lanaats on a man, but if a woman does the same crime all of a sudden mercy ought to be invoked. 

I don’t understand your obsession with trying to prove, on threads about woman going through abusive situations, that men go through worse or the exact same kinds of abuse in the same rates as women. 

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7 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I don’t understand your obsession with trying to prove, on threads about woman going through abusive situations, that men go through worse or the exact same kinds of abuse in the same rates as women. 

Mainly to point out biases. Of course women will be more biased towards women. But I do find it rather amusing the lanaats that are sent down on men for crimes women do just as much. And while women want the former (men) to be hung from a tree and burnt on a cross, the latter (women) should be given mercy. 

Now, I do have my my own biases. Mainly that no matter how much some sisters insist on demonizing men, we ain't all dajjal 2.0. So everytime a sister complains of the conduct of men, me being a man I will usually give a degree of doubt towards the man. Mainly that she may exaggerrate the negative conduct of men to illustrate her point. But perhaps this may also cause me to miss many instances where some women are genuinely being used.

And from my observations, the OP's case may be one where giving the man a degree of doubt may yield no good since clearly he had malevolent intentions. And the outcome of his behavior resulted in the OP being used. 

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Salam alaikom all, 

Thank you very much for all the reply . 

It's so hard and it's scary as well, in all my life I never knew people like those, I mean this husband and his friends. 

I think it's doesn't matter if the criminal is woman or man, it's about the thing itself. People using religion and feelings in dirty way. Issues like this destroying the religion as well, because somehow even me I connect it with the way of Islam what this man following. 

I also can't understand this feelingless, heartless people. My most big problem with this topic that I feel he took alot of things from me, I mean I will never be the same. 

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6 hours ago, Fatimaflow said:

Salam alaikom all, 

Thank you very much for all the reply . 

It's so hard and it's scary as well, in all my life I never knew people like those, I mean this husband and his friends. 

I think it's doesn't matter if the criminal is woman or man, it's about the thing itself. People using religion and feelings in dirty way. Issues like this destroying the religion as well, because somehow even me I connect it with the way of Islam what this man following. 

I also can't understand this feelingless, heartless people. My most big problem with this topic that I feel he took alot of things from me, I mean I will never be the same. 

Salaam, 

Honestly I would advise doing what my male relative did after being used the way he was. Move on and find a better person to be with. 

Now, for my male relative this was very very hard and my family had to pitch in and push him along the way. But he eventually found a very good wife and now has kids. And his wife tries her best to be there for him and was a key factor in him going from being a depressed mess to the happy humble man he is nowadays. Now for him the pain never vanished, but he is at least able to let such pains remain in the past and focus on his wife and kids. 

So I hope that you can benefit from the life experience my male relative went through. Once again, it was not at all easy for him. And he even developed PDD (persistent depressive disorder), but what he had and what I hope you will have is a supportive family/extended family and a good future spouse who helps you to heal. 

If you want to figure out how to find such a man, I would suggest asking the sisters here who are happily married. They should be able to give you tips and tricks. But also I would ask Allah as well for help and be humbled by Allah's decision for you.

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On 3/13/2018 at 8:10 PM, Fatimaflow said:

After one month we went to masjid and made an Islamic marriage.  As man and wife we moved in together. By March  after I was made redundant, he had moved out (one presumes that because I was unemployed I no longer met the criteria to help him with his immigration status) . I now have to religiously divorce at financial cost.

Salam. Go back to the same masjid where you married him and report him. Show them your marriage document and make sure they write down his name in their records as being a troublemaker and ask them not to allow him to marry and cheat another woman. Ask if you can get a divorce from him without paying money because he did not pay your mahr and you cannot afford a divorce. 

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8 hours ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Mainly to point out biases. Of course women will be more biased towards women. But I do find it rather amusing the lanaats that are sent down on men for crimes women do just as much.

When it comes to using western citizens for visa I think it is a lot more males than women.  Men traditionally just seem to find it easier to leave their spouses and move on, especially leaving children behind.  Most of the time its the mothers who are left alone to take care of the children.

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10 hours ago, Guest Account Ali said:

The irony is that these events happen in reverse as well. That is I know a male relative who was fooled in a similar way by a girl from India who just wanted to use him to get into the US. And oh boy did she mentally torture my male relative. 

Suffice to say for some strange reason the US courts granted her more mercy than if she were a man. 

And while I think that any one who does something like this is despicable. Both the western courts and even we happen to shower down lanaats on a man, but if a woman does the same crime all of a sudden mercy ought to be invoked. 

I agree, I'm happy that I at least stand on same line as you above, Yes, because woman carries that SOFT corner in this world so she get mercy and help more than she needs. I am a woman myself but yes, It was so painful for me to see some one who i know been kicked by a woman for some visa/money or etc reason. It's wrong , Poor men can't even CRY that easily :( to ease that momentary pain.

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On 3/14/2018 at 11:10 AM, Fatimaflow said:

Salam 3alaikom all, 

I'm someone, totally destroyed and just want to share my story with you and also I have questions, maybe someone more smart than me can answer. 

I'm a Shia woman, with mixed background, live in UK. I met with someone sunni man, looks like very respected and serious person. I had terrible issues before and also I was like broken when my friends (I thought they were my friends) introduced me someone. We started to talk, meet, he moved like near to me to give chance to meet every day. After one month we went to masjid and made an Islamic marriage.  As man and wife we moved in together. By March  after I was made redundant, he had moved out (one presumes that because I was unemployed I no longer met the criteria to help him with his immigration status) . I now have to religiously divorce at financial cost.
During this time he was trying to make me feel weak however his behaviour changed as soon as we married and he became very controlling and emotionally abusive also very much connected us emotionally and I began to uncover things about his real immigration status. It transpired that he was illegally in the UK and was using a fake  Passport. I had married a fraudster and one who I suspect was targeting another women. When he realised that his plan to regularise his status in the UK was not going to work he left.

In way I can't explain how painful it was. It happened some days ago but until now I have like nightmares, crying and even if I'm making myself busy during the day by searching for a job and fix my life, the nights are terrible. I'm not able to pray and eat almost nothing. 

My question is that is this marriage valid according to the sharia law? As far as I know since he even didn't give me my mahar and it was all lie and fake its not. 

The second that what Allah will do for this man? What is the punishment for breaking the heart and life for someone has no one in this country and who depended on her husband, loved and cared for him? What he will have? 

Thank you very much for reading this 

Wasalm, 

I think both parties should check the backgrounds, present statuses of each other so to know all such situations, May you get a job at earliest as a first step to put your messed up things in order, and may you get out of that pain. 

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35 minutes ago, King said:

When it comes to using western citizens for visa I think it is a lot more males than women.  Men traditionally just seem to find it easier to leave their spouses and move on, especially leaving children behind.  Most of the time its the mothers who are left alone to take care of the children.

Correct. But with the current rising trend of women taking on the negative things men do, it's only a matter of time until this issue also becomes an egalitarian one. Give it another 20-25 years. This will be an egalitarian issue as well. The irony of it all. 

Edited by Guest Account Ali
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12 hours ago, Fatimaflow said:

 I mean I will never be the same. 

W Salam

Sometimes it's actually very good not to be the same, it is the way we grow up.

Don't think about it too much, what doesn't kill you makes you immune to many worse situations. 

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