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In the Name of God بسم الله
YungHijazi

I wish to avoid both marriage and zina but cant

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Salam

Let me first start by saying that I am not against marriage In fact I highly encourage it however I just personally dont want to do it, which I will explain later.

I don't want to get married but I also want to avoid zina but I know that I cannot have both choices. If I avoid marriage that means sooner or later I will commit zina either with myself or another individual (most likely the former). Its basically me saying "I dont want to eat anymore" because no matter how much I try sexual desires are a part of a humans need which needs to be satisfied  somehow (Just like hunger).

If I do get married then that means I get to avoid zina, but the problem is I enjoy being by myself and if I have a spouse that means I cant be alone. I also cant/dont get attached to people for various reasons. But if I just have a wife for the sake of getting laid thats just... wrong in my  view, I cant just force myself or pretend to love them when I dont.

These are not all the reasons but the most important ones in my opinion.

Other things worth mentioning: I am 18, male.  Haven't been able to ask for help from our scholars because they are uneducated/scarce where I live. Dont want to do mutah for same reasons stated above.

Unironically considering to castrate myself at this point

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Umm...  Try fasting.  Continue drinking water, but avoid all food.  Eat just once a day.  Studies not only show that this may be healthy for you, it also reduces your desires.  Trust me, I personally do it, it works.  Also, find something to keep yourself busy with, that also helps.  Get a job, or two, make some big time money.  Use that money to enjoy other things in life. 

Also, you're 18.  I've known plenty of people who've said they're never getting married up until their 20's.  Then, all of a sudden, they grow more emotionally and socially and get married.

Remember, castration is permanent.  However you can go the chemical castration route.  That's typically reserved for child molesters and what have you, but if that floats your boat, do it.

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Just look into mutah man. Don't take my word for it, but I'm pretty it's not as serious as permanent marriage, and I heard to do it it's only like one Arabic sentence. I don't think your life will be disrupted or anything too much. Also, again don't take my word for it but I've heard that when one is at the risk of committing these kinds of sins, it is WAJIB to get married. So find out about mutah asap, it's seems like your best option.  

Aside from mutah, abstain form environments where these sorts of desires are triggered, stay away from these spaces as much as possible! When you try to keep yourself in a "safe" environment, you'll naturally just stop thinking about it so much, environment makes a huge difference! Practice social hijab! Don't mix with and befriend the na mehram! Keep your gaze low! That first small haram act such as the gaze opens doors to a lot more haram acts...

Don't even think about zina bro, it's just too much of a terrible sin for one to commit. There are SERIOUS consequences for it in THIS world and the next!

Every man goes through these kinds of problems, you're not the only one. But why should you be that one WEAK guy to screw up.

I believe you can easily get out of this mess dude, don't get hopeless! Hopelessness is condemned in Islam.

And don't LOL what the heck, scratch that dumb castration idea from your head.

Remember, Allah is watching! Also, the Imam (atfs) of our time can see us as well, so just think about that...

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if you are in the intense situation be sure that is Allah's examen, any servant during his life face several difficult  examine from God, especially in younger ages, suppose you in Serat bridge(a narrow bridge in the hereafter that all people must be passed it  and if failed then their refuge is hell)  so your choice today affect your passing in hereafter so think all time about this that makes you immune to do something Haram(sin)

for immunizing of doing Haram especially in lust desires the following is  recommended : 

  • remember you death and laying under the ground
  • pray and ask help from God and recite Quran more
  • attach adequate supplication and  Towba to any minor sin

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The problem is that masturbating (zina with yourself) has changed your brain chemistry -  as you can commit zina but you are not able to form connection with girls. 

This is why masturbation is wrong, it has changed your perception of 'love' - you don't value it anymore.

My advice - try to fight your desires and never even think of masturbating. Inshallah your brain chemistry will change over time and you won't think of castrating yourself.

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there is a famous and beautiful narration for Imam Hossein that inspired  piety and virtue :

a man visited Imam and said :

I'm a sinner man and I can't get rid of sins, advise me 

Imam said :

perform five things and the do any sin you wish

  1. don't Eat and drink of Allah’s provision and then do any sins you wish 
  2. go out of Allah's territory and then do any sins you wish 
  3. find a place that Allah's doesn't see you and then do any sins you wish 
  4. when Azrael visit you to take your soul (make you dead) avoid him and then do any sins you wish 
  5. when keeper of hell want to enter you in the hell refuse he and then do any sins you wish 

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20 hours ago, coldcow said:

Umm...  Try fasting.  Continue drinking water, but avoid all food.  Eat just once a day.  Studies not only show that this may be healthy for you, it also reduces your desires.  Trust me, I personally do it, it works.  Also, find something to keep yourself busy with, that also helps.  Get a job, or two, make some big time money.  Use that money to enjoy other things in life. 

Also, you're 18.  I've known plenty of people who've said they're never getting married up until their 20's.  Then, all of a sudden, they grow more emotionally and socially and get married.

Remember, castration is permanent.  However you can go the chemical castration route.  That's typically reserved for child molesters and what have you, but if that floats your boat, do it.

I know fasting works, it has personally worked for me but wierd thing is ive never really thought about trying it out... however I need to eat more than usual because I need to get fit because the lifestyle I plan on having requires it but I guess I need to make an exception.

Im currently unemployed but inshallah I'll get a job soon.

Thanks for  your input

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19 hours ago, 068722073 said:

Just look into mutah man. Don't take my word for it, but I'm pretty it's not as serious as permanent marriage, and I heard to do it it's only like one Arabic sentence. I don't think your life will be disrupted or anything too much. Also, again don't take my word for it but I've heard that when one is at the risk of committing these kinds of sins, it is WAJIB to get married. So find out about mutah asap, it's seems like your best option.  

Aside from mutah, abstain form environments where these sorts of desires are triggered, stay away from these spaces as much as possible! When you try to keep yourself in a "safe" environment, you'll naturally just stop thinking about it so much, environment makes a huge difference! Practice social hijab! Don't mix with and befriend the na mehram! Keep your gaze low! That first small haram act such as the gaze opens doors to a lot more haram acts...

Don't even think about zina bro, it's just too much of a terrible sin for one to commit. There are SERIOUS consequences for it in THIS world and the next!

Every man goes through these kinds of problems, you're not the only one. But why should you be that one WEAK guy to screw up.

I believe you can easily get out of this mess dude, don't get hopeless! Hopelessness is condemned in Islam.

And don't LOL what the heck, scratch that dumb castration idea from your head.

Remember, Allah is watching! Also, the Imam (atfs) of our time can see us as well, so just think about that...

Yeah that's what troubles me, marriage is wajib but well as I said I dont really want to do it but hey im just a petty mortal what do I know? Not  really sure about mutah women dont really like me anyways I dont really know of anyone that I can do with (Almost none shia where I live).

As for staying in an enviroment that does not trigger desires well thats impossible unless im in an masjid. Where I live with no exaggeration everywhere I go theres zina (advertisements, appearance of women etc.) I know just lower your gaze but if I do that to full extent im no different than a blind person.

Hopelessness? This I am not, I am just in extreme need of help and not entirely sure what to do. Also castration was just a petty little joke, not really about to do that haha.

thanks for your  input

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14 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

The problem is that masturbating (zina with yourself) has changed your brain chemistry -  as you can commit zina but you are not able to form connection with girls. 

This is why masturbation is wrong, it has changed your perception of 'love' - you don't value it anymore.

My advice - try to fight your desires and never even think of masturbating. Inshallah your brain chemistry will change over time and you won't think of castrating yourself.

Yep I am aware of the dangers of masturbation, that is why I wish to avoid it. Wierd thing is if I abstain from  masturbation for a very long time I still cant connect with women.

Guess  I just need better self-control

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18 hours ago, Sayed Hossein said:

there is a famous and beautiful narration for Imam Hossein that inspired  piety and virtue :

a man visited Imam and said :

I'm a sinner man and I can't get rid of sins, advise me 

Imam said :

perform five things and the do any sin you wish

  1. don't Eat and drink of Allah’s provision and then do any sins you wish 
  2. go out of Allah's territory and then do any sins you wish 
  3. find a place that Allah's doesn't see you and then do any sins you wish 
  4. when Azrael visit you to take your soul (make you dead) avoid him and then do any sins you wish 
  5. when keeper of hell want to enter you in the hell refuse he and then do any sins you wish 

I didn't quite understand this narration, care to elaborate?

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It’s not true that if you have a spouse that you will never be alone. You may just desire more alone time than the average person, which is completely fine. 

Fear of the unknown or losing freedom shouldn’t prevent you from getting married. Just ensure to choose the right partner.

Dont get married for the sake of fulfilling your sexual desires (I’m sure you know this.) while having sexual desires is natural and healthy and being intimate with your future spouse is healthy, it shouldn’t be your main motivation for marriage.

Unfortunately, in many Eastern cultures, people care less about general compatibility and care more about fulfilling their sexual desires when it comes to a spouse. The amount of people who get married for sex is astounding. The modern notion of “test-driving” is no better.

There should be a balance. Get married because you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who you are compatible with. Maybe you’re not ready, and that’s okay, so if you’re not ready for the emotional and mental commitment of marriage, I would recommend that you remain patient within this test. 

But also understand that sexually desiring someone is not a sin, or wanting to fulfilling your sexual urges. Allah put these desires in people to propel them to find someone suitable. 

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4 hours ago, YungHijazi said:

Yep I am aware of the dangers of masturbation, that is why I wish to avoid it. Wierd thing is if I abstain from  masturbation for a very long time I still cant connect with women.

Guess  I just need better self-control

Abstaining from masturbation will not magically help you connect with women if you still isolate yourself. As you said 'connecting with people', be they men or women is your problem, then you really have to force yourself to be more social. Apart from abstaining from masturbation, try to spend less time on social media as it is a big waste of time. Step outside, and interact with people. I know it might be annoying and uncomfortable at first, but you'll definitely love it eventually. You'll come across a lot of cool people who'll share common interests with you. Therefore, don't let your mind trick you into thinking that 'you can't connect with people'. Humans by nature love forming bonds with people, and even you do. Maybe you just haven't found the right ones!

Sorry to say this, but maybe some people don't feel connected to you, given that your social skills are bad (you know more than me). If people don't feel connected with you, then you'll not feel connected with them too. Therefore, there is a possibility that you might need to brush up your social skills.

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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