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In the Name of God بسم الله
Sisterfatima1

How to avoid inappropriate comments

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Salam brothers and sisters

i have a weird experience everything I go to the local food store there is a man who works in one of sections he calls me names like beautiful and says to my child your so nice like your mum 

i always avoid him but sometimes my child runs into his section and he notices us

in my area this is the only food store to go to another one I would have to get the bus 

what would you do in this situation 

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Assalam.

write your opinion in a later and give it to the seller. tell him that this is not to use such words for a woman that he doesn't know at all or not familiar, if hes a Muslim, bring some fatwa and Hadith and Quranic verse.

may Allah s.w.t guide him.

wassalam.

Edited by Hameedeh
spelling

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Wa salaam

Next time he refers to you as a name, tell him 'My name is Fatima'. If he tries to refer to you as one of these 'names' again, correct him with 'Fatima' and give him a staunch look. He will get the idea.

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On 2/14/2018 at 4:34 AM, TheGreenWanderer said:

Wa salaam

Next time he refers to you as a name, tell him 'My name is Fatima'. If he tries to refer to you as one of these 'names' again, correct him with 'Fatima' and give him a staunch look. He will get the idea.

Assalam.

to be honest i will not recommend that idea, sharing real name especially for a Shia'a Sister isnt wise and recommended in Islam, a couple of words in a simple paper will be enough, Enshallah.

Wassalam.

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On 2/14/2018 at 4:44 AM, Haimid said:

Assalam.

to be honest i will not recommend that idea, sharing real name especially for a Shia'a Sister isnt wise and recommended in Islam, a couple of words in a simple word will be enough, Enshallah.

Wassalam.

Yeah, actually 2nd thoughts on that you're right brother.

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Salam judging by the way you asked the question I reasonably assume you are a modest woman who finds discomfort in such interactions so this is my proposal. Be direct and upfront and say something along the lines of " I'm a married woman and its against my religion to have men interact with me this way. Then give him some sugar " I know you don't intend bad bla bla" then spice "but I would appreciate it if you stopped" 

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You need to speak up and tell him to stop commenting on your looks, it is not respectful.

Some men (who lacks hayyah) will think that because you remain silent, you approve of this behavior, so you definitely need to speak up.

Especially if he is doing this in front of your children, you do not need to be rude about it.

Just say: Please stop commenting on my looks, I find it disrespectful and I do not appreciate it.

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1 hour ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

Salaam Alaykum

Tell him you don't like it. If it didn't work, talk with manager. If still didn't work, take the bus to other grocery store.

"I dont like it" is not an appropriate strong reaction. She must say: I hate you and your behaviour. You are disgusting!

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8 hours ago, shadow_of_light said:

She must say: I hate you and your behaviour. You are disgusting!

That's for if he touches her, sis.  Otherwise it would be seen a very  emotional and immature outburst. 

@Sisterfatima1 Say: "I don't appreciate being talked to like that, especially in front of my child nor do I like the way you interact with him. If you keep it up, expect a phone call from your boss."

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sister , i agree with above points you have to speak up and in addition to that every time you are in that store wear niqab (as this would stop him from looking at you ).

schedule going there in such a way that you have some one with you , dad , brother or may be any of your girl friends .

if its normal groceries get it delivered to your house , you would find few Cheapest supermarket online grocery deliveries look it up and see which one would work for you.( this would cut down your frequency of going there to some extent )

if none of these works then yea taking a bus is only option .. if possible mean while try to save up and get yourself a car (even if its a second hand for time being ) it would be lot more convenient .

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16 hours ago, Sisterfatima1 said:

Salam brothers and sisters

i have a weird experience everything I go to the local food store there is a man who works in one of sections he calls me names like beautiful and says to my child your so nice like your mum 

i always avoid him but sometimes my child runs into his section and he notices us

in my area this is the only food store to go to another one I would have to get the bus 

what would you do in this situation 

Somethings are better to be taken care by men only...tell your husband/brother to speak with him politely and inform that this is not appreciated.

Let him know you have a man to speak on your behalf.

Your own approach is not required.

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On 2/14/2018 at 4:44 AM, Haimid said:

Assalam.

to be honest i will not recommend that idea, sharing real name especially for a Shia'a Sister isnt wise and recommended in Islam, a couple of words in a simple paper will be enough, Enshallah.

Wassalam.

It’s dangerous too. She doesn’t know who this guy is except he’s creepy guy from store.

sister if it happens again don’t answer. Walk away and look annoyed. If he still does it tell him it makes you uncomfortable and to stop 

he probably thinks he’s just making conversation or customer service kind of thing 

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2 hours ago, Karbalai110 said:

Somethings are better to be taken care by men only...tell your husband/brother to speak with him politely and inform that this is not appreciated.

Let him know you have a man to speak on your behalf.

Your own approach is not required.

I’m a single revert mother I have nobody 

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On 15/02/2018 at 7:54 AM, Sisterfatima1 said:

I’m a single revert mother I have nobody 

Never ever ever say again you have 'nobody' when the Imam(a.s) of your time is presenet.

Imam e zamana(a.s) helps his people in a way that is beyond our imagination. Trust me on it.

I say this with full confidence and responsibility that you speak to Imam e zamana(a.s) in this matter and talk to him about the disturbance, I guarantee your matter will be solved and you will just be amazed of how you got help.

Call that merciful Imam(a.s). 

I can help you more in this and get you the answers of your other questions that are in your heart, which are not to be discussed openly ofcourse.

reach me on [edited out]

Edited by starlight
Removed personal details

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On 14/02/2018 at 8:04 AM, Sisterfatima1 said:

Salam brothers and sisters

i have a weird experience everything I go to the local food store there is a man who works in one of sections he calls me names like beautiful and says to my child your so nice like your mum 

i always avoid him but sometimes my child runs into his section and he notices us

in my area this is the only food store to go to another one I would have to get the bus 

what would you do in this situation 

Lol I would be straight and say ‘with all due respect, please could you stop saying these things to me or to my child, just pray that we become good human beings brother. I hope you don’t mind this.’ And maybe make that look as if you’ve really had enough. And always smile when you go to the store lol x

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1 minute ago, monad said:

considering the store clerk is probably 70, i do not see the issue.

A man who works at the store called her beautiful and calls her kid nice. He probably says that to all the moms and all the kids. 

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On 2/14/2018 at 3:04 AM, Sisterfatima1 said:

Salam brothers and sisters

i have a weird experience everything I go to the local food store there is a man who works in one of sections he calls me names like beautiful and says to my child your so nice like your mum 

i always avoid him but sometimes my child runs into his section and he notices us

in my area this is the only food store to go to another one I would have to get the bus 

what would you do in this situation 

That used to happen to me at the only halal foods market in my town. I just learned when the creepy old man was usually working and shopped at different times. If I did happen to mistakenly shop while he was working, I didn't speak with him, I just took my food, paid, and got out. 

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Commenting on a non mahram womens looks in front of her like that is not appropriate under any circumstances, it is not respectful behavior for a man.

Edited by IbnSina

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On 2/15/2018 at 2:42 PM, Hameedeh said:

A man who works at the store called her beautiful and calls her kid nice. He probably says that to all the moms and all the kids. 

This was not a good comment.

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5 minutes ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

This was not a good comment.

Not true. Older people tend to make conversation with most people and don’t mean anything of it. Older people see compliments as “your kids are nice” as politeness and not for advances of any sort. There was absolutely nothing wrong with @Hameedeh‘s comment. In fact, I agree with her.

I think you guys are reading too much into this. I think it’s just the op who is extremely uncomfortable being around most people. 

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@Sisterfatima1 while working, many elderly/older people have made conversation with me and more than one person has commented on my smile and have said it’s beautiful. (I guess people like wide smiles—I show lots of teeth and have a wide dental arch. I think my smile is normal, though.) I don’t think anything of it. 

Most people who call you beautiful (mostly if they are middle aged or elderly.) are saying so because of your sweet disposition and kind features, not because of your looks. Just take the compliment for what it is, and move on. 

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On 2/14/2018 at 3:04 AM, Sisterfatima1 said:

i always avoid him but sometimes my child runs into his section and he notices us

Does the store have a cart? If so, put your toddler inside the cart so there won't be any running around. When you see that the worker is not working in that section you can safely shop there and get what you need very quickly.  

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1 hour ago, Hameedeh said:

Does the store have a cart? If so, put your toddler inside the cart so there won't be any running around. When you see that the worker is not working in that section you can safely shop there and get what you need very quickly.  

That would be my dream come true if he would go in the cart without screaming and crying till I give in and let him out 

Edited by Sisterfatima1

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I think that guy just respects women who wear the hijab. There are some very open-minded non-Muslims who don't like the dicrimination hijabis have to go through - therefore he probably couldn't help but to say something kind to you.

 

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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