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In the Name of God بسم الله
Arminmo

Justice between 2 wives

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I always wanted to ask a guy that has at least 2 wives: how he is maintaining عدل between them so he won’t get punishment by God in judgment day ??

I can’t find the answer for that, on daily basis , how he can deal with them equally ??!!

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Question: What is the meaning of “justice” required by religious law in dealing with one’s wives?

Answer: The justice that is required [in dealing with polygamy] is related to the division [of time between them] in the sense that when he spends a night with one of them then, he must spend one night each with the rest of them in every four nights.The justice that is required as a recommendation is equality in spending money, giving attention, cheerfulness, and fulfillment of their sexual needs, etc.

https://www.al-islam.org/a-code-of-practice-for-muslims-in-the-west-ayatullah-sistani/marriage

So as you can tell, "equality" between the wives is only mustahab, according to Sayyed Al-Sistani. What is obligatory on him is the way he shares his time between his wives.

Hope that answers your question. 

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Impossible! There is no way a man can do justice between two wives nowadays. Back in the days it was a common and accepted practice for men to have multiple wives. Now women don’t like to share. No matter what a husband would do he cannot make wives happy. The only suggestion for men who seek multiple wives is that they should go for temporary marriage not a permanent one. Because once u get into mutaa at least the other party knows it’s a temporary thing, whereas in permanent marriage you make your wife believe that you will be honest and faithful later on you cheat on her and ruin her life. 

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@Rayhana80 I think it is possible for a man to be just. He needs to start by being perfectly open and honest. If he's going to want multiple wives, he needs to make that clear to the woman long before she has any emotional attachment to him. Lying and deceiving is never compatible with justice. If he chooses wives who accept polygamy, there's no reason for jealousy.

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16 minutes ago, notme said:

@Rayhana80 I think it is possible for a man to be just. He needs to start by being perfectly open and honest. If he's going to want multiple wives, he needs to make that clear to the woman long before she has any emotional attachment to him. Lying and deceiving is never compatible with justice. If he chooses wives who accept polygamy, there's no reason for jealousy.

That is exactly what I meant. It’s sad that many men don’t disclose their plan to their future wives before hand and then they expects them to understand them later on. They should be upfront and leave the decision on the girl. Believe me, noawadys it’s hard to find a girl who wouldn’t mind getting into polygamous relationship. 

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9 hours ago, Rayhana80 said:

Impossible! There is no way a man can do justice between two wives nowadays. Back in the days it was a common and accepted practice for men to have multiple wives. Now women don’t like to share. No matter what a husband would do he cannot make wives happy. The only suggestion for men who seek multiple wives is that they should go for temporary marriage not a permanent one. Because once u get into mutaa at least the other party knows it’s a temporary thing, whereas in permanent marriage you make your wife believe that you will be honest and faithful later on you cheat on her and ruin her life. 

I agree, If you don't plan to love and dedicate yourself to your one and only wife, do Nikah Mutah. 

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4:129 وَلَن تَسْتَطِيعُوا أَن تَعْدِلُوا بَيْنَ النِّسَاءِ وَلَوْ حَرَصْتُمْ ۖ فَلَا تَمِيلُوا كُلَّ الْمَيْلِ فَتَذَرُوهَا كَالْمُعَلَّقَةِ ۚ وَإِن تُصْلِحُوا وَتَتَّقُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا 
And you will never be able to be equal between wives, even if you should strive. So do not incline completely and leave another hanging. And if you amend and fear Allah - then indeed, Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful.

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On 2/14/2018 at 8:00 AM, shouzan said:

4:129 وَلَن تَسْتَطِيعُوا أَن تَعْدِلُوا بَيْنَ النِّسَاءِ وَلَوْ حَرَصْتُمْ ۖ فَلَا تَمِيلُوا كُلَّ الْمَيْلِ فَتَذَرُوهَا كَالْمُعَلَّقَةِ ۚ وَإِن تُصْلِحُوا وَتَتَّقُوا فَإِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا 
And you will never be able to be equal between wives, even if you should strive. So do not incline completely and leave another hanging. And if you amend and fear Allah - then indeed, Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful.

This is speaking about emotional equality, which is as far as I know impossible to achieve, even for a mother and her kids, she will naturally like one more than the other, even if its 0,000005% more.

As far as physical equality goes, i.e. time spent, gifts, trips, etc, this can be divided equally and justly.

On 2/13/2018 at 10:36 PM, notme said:

@Rayhana80 I think it is possible for a man to be just. He needs to start by being perfectly open and honest. If he's going to want multiple wives, he needs to make that clear to the woman long before she has any emotional attachment to him. Lying and deceiving is never compatible with justice. If he chooses wives who accept polygamy, there's no reason for jealousy.

But sometimes some women also agree to everything just to get you and once you are theirs they will backtrack and guilt trip you. Funny how the world works.

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On 2/14/2018 at 8:31 AM, IbnSina said:

This is speaking about emotional equality, which is as far as I know impossible to achieve, even for a mother and her kids, she will naturally like one more than the other, even if its 0,000005% more.

As far as physical equality goes, i.e. time spent, gifts, trips, etc, this can be divided equally and justly.

But sometimes some women also agree to everything just to get you and once you are theirs they will backtrack and guilt trip you. Funny how the world works.

Well if it is impossible than that rests my case if you can not treat and love your wives equally than you can't marry multiple!

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5 minutes ago, shouzan said:

Well if it is impossible than that rests my case if you can not treat and love your wives equally than you can't marry multiple!

Guess you should not have multiple children either then!

Also there is a difference between treating two people equally and loving two people equally, dont get it mixed up.

Edited by IbnSina

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It seems my reply to the O.P has gone unnoticed.

Let me repeat;

- Equality between the wives is mustahab only and NOT wajib.

- Yes, the husband is NOT required to give his wives the same amount of attention, money spent and love.

- The man is ONLY required to be "just" in adjusting the time spent with the wives. 

Edited by Sumerian

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31 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

But sometimes some women also agree to everything just to get you and once you are theirs they will backtrack and guilt trip you. Funny how the world works.

There are dishonest men and dishonest women and often people are fooling themselves. That's why I always advise people to be very, very cautious when it comes to marriage. Marriage done wrong is a very difficult test that few can fully pass. Marriage done right is comfort and companionship. 

I have no problem with the concept of polygamy, but I've never been in a situation where I had to test myself in this. I'm certain it can be done with justice, but it's not easy and requires a fine balance between honesty and discretion. I'm pretty sure it also requires that a man has more money than he needs to survive and an unusually high amount of patience. 

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3 hours ago, IbnSina said:

Guess you should not have multiple children either then!

Also there is a difference between treating two people equally and loving two people equally, dont get it mixed up.

What are you talking about? Makes no sense at all. You can have as many kids as you want, you love them equally because it’s your own flesh and blood, how can you compare it to a man’s lust for more women? All I am trying to make clear is, if he really wants to have more wives he can go for mutah not a permanent marriage. 

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Sorry but how can you derive to such conclusion of marrying more then one female = lust

It can be many other reason which may lead a person to give a taught

everything between male and female is not just physical or lust

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18 hours ago, Rayhana80 said:

What are you talking about? Makes no sense at all. You can have as many kids as you want, you love them equally because it’s your own flesh and blood, how can you compare it to a man’s lust for more women? All I am trying to make clear is, if he really wants to have more wives he can go for mutah not a permanent marriage. 

I am saying that treating two people equally is not the same as loving two people equally.

And as someone ells pointed out, polygamy is not always based on lust. Could be many other reasons.

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