Justice between 2 wives

[andres]

 

On 2/15/2018 at 3:03 PM, IbnSina said:

As far as I knew it was the opposite, do you have a source? Either way, males die quicker and more often.

There are more good muslim women than there are good muslim men because men are more prone to stray away, easier to bait and it is less socially frowned upon of the muslim men to do haram than it is for the muslim women. Also divorced women have a much harder time to get remarried, same goes with older women. This is how the muslim demographic look like, which is also in some ways affected by the culture of the majority of muslims, I cannot speak for the non muslims.

And yes, for a muslim man or women, it would be completely alien (and haram) for a muslim women to be married to two men or a man married to a women with two men. This is because we take the words of the holy Quran seriously, not as something we can bend however way we personally feel like.

More femails die young, but those that survive live longer. So you have more men, roughly 1.05 man for each woman in ages 0-55. In ages over 55 there are more women. 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_sex_ratio

The habit of having many wives, could be because in Muhammeds days, there were more women than men. 

Having more than one wife today tells your surrounding you can afford it. Kind of boast. The men that are singles are the loosers. It is also a status thing.

[Soldiers and Saffron]

On 2/15/2018 at 3:47 PM, andres said:

 

More femails die young, but those that survive live longer. So you have more men, roughly 1.05 man for each woman in ages 0-55. In ages over 55 there are more women. 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_sex_ratio

The habit of having many wives, could be because in Muhammeds days, there were more women than men. 

No, the reason for the multiple marriage of the Prophet(S) was mostly to unite different tribes, which it did.

Marriage can be used this way as well, so as to mend rifts between groups or families.

Anyways as far as the muslim demographic go, it is not like the rest as observed by my own experience of trying to match people and from the experience of other muslims.

[monad]

6 hours ago, Rayhana80 said:

Well! Men like you use Islam according to what suit them. I have seen men hardly sticking to their daily prayers or obligatory duties and would focus more on their selfish needs. Women are human too, don’t treat them like doormats. If you have 4 wives I pity them, how can they tolerate a person like you who is so full of himself. There is a lot more in our religion beyond marriages. 

not my fault, women chase me all the time. When they see me they all line up to impress me. I only go out at night while they are all tired and a sleep.

No one is using Islam, that would imply an incorrect usage. Islam is a series of laws for social organisation to the ethical manipluation of a stable society in one context.

I am sure the intended outcome of the Islamic propostion to x amount of females pertains to certain types of men. it is perhaps a sign of their natural virility or in some contexts where the female population is higher or in war torn areas. We can also admit that once again, the type of man Islam had in mind is of an intelligent type. The problem lies in the method of educating the masses. What generally occurs is a child like propagation, where an educated person may support the idea, because X did it 1400 years ago, but not explain the whys, how, reasons, and nature of the said individual. Reason is alluded and emotional tangents a created, thus the masses follow via imitation, and not true reason.

Now all females marry Alpha males, this implies that they marry someone who they think will give them a good life, although they cannot justify this openly, so they allude to the description of love and commitment. Males are the same, what they want to is to procreate. Now ofcourse as humans are social beings and companionship is a core principle on the human level of existence which is part of that ethos.

A man marrying or taking another women, is not cheating because consent has been applied through contractual agreements. The question lies in , as to why females think it is regarded as cheating, and why western laws have defined as that.

perhaps the females should tell us males the true reason of them being unhappy regarding males taking on another woman, consider this both from a biological perspective too. I am sure it stems around Value and attention. If the permission is granted that intimacy will be available with shared resources then it boils down too?.

[andres]

On 2/15/2018 at 3:53 PM, IbnSina said:

No, the reason for the multiple marriage of the Prophet(S) was mostly to unite different tribes, which it did.

Marriage can be used this way as well, so as to mend rifts between groups or families.

 

Anyways as far as the muslim demographic go, it is not like the rest as observed by my own experience of trying to match people and from the experience of other muslims. 

According to the link I gave you, the percentage of men is greater in the Muslim world and China than in the rest of the world. In China the lack of women is a real problem caused by the one-child policy, and that Chinese prefered to have a boy. Muslim men have maybe got used to being singles because of the traditional polygamy system.

Marriage has also been used to make friendship between european nations. Royal marriages were almost all political marriages. In modern democrasies this is no longer necessary. Maybe it still is in Muslim nations. 

[AmirAlmuminin Lover]

Polygamy is actually very good if it is done the correct way. There are some men who are good men. May Allah bless them by helping single mothers. There are some women who are suffering financially, emotionally, etc. No one marry them because of their situation. Even women don't want to be in contact with them. Why not a gentleman marry her and help her? It's not sexual, it's not greediness or anything. It's all about helping other people. You know that there are some women who are single their entire life, and no one marry them. They are not necessarily beautiful or fit or anytbing. On the other hand, some of them have disabilities, unattractive, so on. Good men should help them financially to marry. If no one is willing to marry them, they can choose them as second wife.

[Rayhana80]

1 hour ago, monad said:

not my fault, women chase me all the time. When they see me they all line up to impress me. I only go out at night while they are all tired and a sleep.

No one is using Islam, that would imply an incorrect usage. Islam is a series of laws for social organisation to the ethical manipluation of a stable society in one context.

I am sure the intended outcome of the Islamic propostion to x amount of females pertains to certain types of men. it is perhaps a sign of their natural virility or in some contexts where the female population is higher or in war torn areas. We can also admit that once again, the type of man Islam had in mind is of an intelligent type. The problem lies in the method of educating the masses. What generally occurs is a child like propagation, where an educated person may support the idea, because X did it 1400 years ago, but not explain the whys, how, reasons, and nature of the said individual. Reason is alluded and emotional tangents a created, thus the masses follow via imitation, and not true reason.

Now all females marry Alpha males, this implies that they marry someone who they think will give them a good life, although they cannot justify this openly, so they allude to the description of love and commitment. Males are the same, what they want to is to procreate. Now ofcourse as humans are social beings and companionship is a core principle on the human level of existence which is part of that ethos.

A man marrying or taking another women, is not cheating because consent has been applied through contractual agreements. The question lies in , as to why females think it is regarded as cheating, and why western laws have defined as that.

perhaps the females should tell us males the true reason of them being unhappy regarding males taking on another woman, consider this both from a biological perspective too. I am sure it stems around Value and attention. If the permission is granted that intimacy will be available with shared resources then it boils down too?.

What!! None of the things you say make any sense. FYI Allah Subhana watala detest people who are proud and talk too highly of themselves. Where on earth the modest and humble people go? 

If you are debating on male taking another wife without his wife’s knowledge, is not cheating, then I will ask you of your input when your daughter’s husband takes another wife or two. It’s easy to comment on someone else’s situation sitting on your couch, but when your actually go through it, then you will wake up. May Allah guide us all to the right path! 

[shouzan]

On 2018-02-14 at 9:38 AM, IbnSina said:

Guess you should not have multiple children either then!

Also there is a difference between treating two people equally and loving two people equally, dont get it mixed up.

I feel you but there is no limit or condition to the amount of children i can have in the Quran. However there is a condition in there about taking more than one wife which it is also stated in later surah that it is impossible.  

[shouzan]

Im sorry everyone but has any of you males here actually been married? seems you guys don't really understand how complicated females are. We require a lot of attention and the mood swings don't even get me started, especially while pregnant. We are great wonderful and amazing but if you think for a second you can be "just" to two or more wives without being rich you are mistaken. Children cost money and are not free, have you considered the cost of diapers for how fast children grow, constantly needing to buy new clothes and shoes, the newest gadgets and toys. Oh and did i mention the cost of maintaining two homes and cars and each wives personal needs. 

Like honestly good luck with the headache you men bring upon yourselves with this. let me know how it goes. 

[Soldiers and Saffron]

On 2/15/2018 at 4:57 PM, andres said:

According to the link I gave you, the percentage of men is greater in the Muslim world and China than in the rest of the world. In China the lack of women is a real problem caused by the one-child policy, and that Chinese prefered to have a boy. Muslim men have maybe got used to being singles because of the traditional polygamy system.

Marriage has also been used to make friendship between european nations. Royal marriages were almost all political marriages. In modern democrasies this is no longer necessary. Maybe it still is in Muslim nations. 

As I said, among the religious people, there are more women than men, this is what I can say from my experience at trying to match make people and from what I hear from others.

For example, when I was working in Singapore, my wife got to know some of the muslim women from the local shia community and many of them were good religious women but they were unmarried and close to 30. I went and talked to one of the guys I knew from their community and asked why it is like this and if they have some good matches for them, he said there are simply not that many guys here. That is just one of the cases I have seen.

So I can not say anything on behalf of the general population of the world or even the middle east, but among the ones that are religious, this is what I have observed.

Either way, I would not recommend anyone to get a second wife if the first wife is strongly against it but I also think such women should ask themselves why they are against it and if it is rational and religiously grounded reasons or if it is based on low self esteem and an inflated ego.

[Soldiers and Saffron]

On 2/16/2018 at 2:22 AM, shouzan said:

I feel you but there is no limit or condition to the amount of children i can have in the Quran. However there is a condition in there about taking more than one wife which it is also stated in later surah that it is impossible.  

One ayah has to do with equal treatment another ayah has to do with equal emotional feelings, it is not the same and the holy Quran does not contradict itself. Have you read the different tafsirs of the verses you refer to?

[andres]

5 hours ago, IbnSina said:

As I said, among the religious people, there are more women than men, this is what I can say from my experience at trying to match make people and from what I hear from others.

For example, when I was working in Singapore, my wife got to know some of the muslim women from the local shia community and many of them were good religious women but they were unmarried and close to 30. I went and talked to one of the guys I knew from their community and asked why it is like this and if they have some good matches for them, he said there are simply not that many guys here. That is just one of the cases I have seen.

So I can not say anything on behalf of the general population of the world or even the middle east, but among the ones that are religious, this is what I have observed.

There are demographic data abailable from almost every nation, so of course you can learn that there are too many men below 55. Especially in Muslim countries and China. Your wifes experience from a local shia community may be correct, but it is not representative for the entire Muslim world, (as demografic data shows.)

[Soldiers and Saffron]

20 hours ago, andres said:

There are demographic data abailable from almost every nation, so of course you can learn that there are too many men below 55. Especially in Muslim countries and China. Your wifes experience from a local shia community may be correct, but it is not representative for the entire Muslim world, (as demografic data shows.)

Your not a practicing muslim just because you live in the middle east, I hope you realize this, second of all shias are a minority among the muslims of the world.

My experience is, as I wrote in my reply not only from my local shia community where my home is. And just like not all swedes are christian because the flag is a christian cross, even the ones that define themselves as christians, the amount that actually practice their religion and take it seriously are very few and in this group they have their own demographics. Even in that group I notice the women are more religious.

[andres]

24 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

Your not a practicing muslim just because you live in the middle east, I hope you realize this, second of all shias are a minority among the muslims of the world.

My experience is, as I wrote in my reply not only from my local shia community where my home is. And just like not all swedes are christian because the flag is a christian cross, even the ones that define themselves as christians, the amount that actually practice their religion and take it seriously are very few and in this group they have their own demographics. Even in that group I notice the women are more religious.

You experience may be right, who knows. I dont. That there are more men than women despite that women live longer, this we know from official statistics

I talked to an Iranian refugee some time ago. His experience was that most Iranians were actually secular. 

Edited February 18, 2018 by andres

[shouzan]

Okay @IbnSina and @Rayhana80 i took this subject directly to two scholars. You may know them, Sayyid Ali Hosseini Khamenei and Grand Ayatollah Makarem Shirazis Fatwa. It took them a long time to reply however i believe this should solve this debate on the current subject. I sent them: 

"Salam Alaikum, I have a question about Nikah conditions, Can a Nikah Contract have a condition about a husband not taking a second wife? and can one include a woman right to divorce for good reason? Thank you."

Both replied similarly however i will quote the reply from Sayyid Ali Hosseini Khamenei for the purpose  of exact wording:

"Wa Alaykum Assalaam. 1- It can be a specific condition stipulated in the marriage contract. 2- The man can make the woman his representative (wakeel) to perform Talaq".

In short yes a woman can have the right to divorce if it was put into the Nikah Contract also a woman can actually include that a husband not have the ability to take a second wife. As the conditions in the nikah contract are binding they are legal. This is supported by two leading shia scholars.

I REST MY CASE!

*Drops Mic

[Soldiers and Saffron]

On 2/18/2018 at 1:40 PM, shouzan said:

Okay @IbnSina and @Rayhana80 i took this subject directly to two scholars. You may know them, Sayyid Ali Hosseini Khamenei and Grand Ayatollah Makarem Shirazis Fatwa. It took them a long time to reply however i believe this should solve this debate on the current subject. I sent them: 

"Salam Alaikum, I have a question about Nikah conditions, Can a Nikah Contract have a condition about a husband not taking a second wife? and can one include a woman right to divorce for good reason? Thank you."

Both replied similarly however i will quote the reply from Sayyid Ali Hosseini Khamenei for the purpose  of exact wording:

"Wa Alaykum Assalaam. 1- It can be a specific condition stipulated in the marriage contract. 2- The man can make the woman his representative (wakeel) to perform Talaq".

In short yes a woman can have the right to divorce if it was put into the Nikah Contract also a woman can actually include that a husband not have the ability to take a second wife. As the conditions in the nikah contract are binding they are legal. This is supported by two leading shia scholars.

I REST MY CASE!

*Drops Mic

I dont really see how this had anything to do with what you said previously about the ayahs of the holy Quran.

I already knew what you said as well.

A women can make it a condition upon entering nikah with her future husband that if he gets another wife then she has the right to divorce him. This does not mean she can make it HARAM for him to get a second wife because Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى made it halal.

Either way, i do not think its a good idea to get a second wife if the first wife is opposed to it, nothing good is going to come out of that but as I said, are the reasons she is against it islamically motivated or not, are the reasons the man wants a second wife islamically or not.

[shouzan]

On 2/18/2018 at 1:45 PM, IbnSina said:

I dont really see how this had anything to do with what you said previously about the ayahs of the holy Quran.

I already knew what you said as well.

A women can make it a condition upon entering nikah with her future husband that if he gets another wife then she has the right to divorce him. This does not mean she can make it HARAM for him to get a second wife because Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى made it halal.

Either way, i do not think its a good idea to get a second wife if the first wife is opposed to it, nothing good is going to come out of that but as I said, are the reasons she is against it islamically motivated or not, are the reasons the man wants a second wife islamically or not.

lol sorry i messaged them regarding two different subjects in the forum and i posted it and linked it to whomever was active in the post.  and I appreciate you respecting a first wives opinion when it comes to taking a second wife. Some men believe it is their right and their wives feelings have nothing do with it. 

[Rayhana80]

On 2/18/2018 at 1:54 PM, shouzan said:

lol sorry i messaged them regarding two different subjects in the forum and i posted it and linked it to whomever was active in the post.  and I appreciate you respecting a first wives opinion when it comes to taking a second wife. Some men believe it is their right and their wives feelings have nothing do with it. 

Can you please let me know the website or email address where we can post questions directly to the mujtahid? I asked them questions but never got any reply. 

[shouzan]

On 2/18/2018 at 1:56 PM, Rayhana80 said:

Can you please let me know the website or email address where we can post questions directly to the mujtahid? I asked them questions but never got any reply. 

You can WhatsApp Grand ayatollah makarem shirazis fatwa at +98 937 300 6220

and twitter to message Sayyid Ali Hosseini Khamenei @khamenei_ir He also has an  email  so you can email your questions directly contact@leader.ir

I hope that helps.

[Soldiers and Saffron]

Just now, shouzan said:

lol sorry i messaged them regarding two different subjects in the forum and i posted it and linked it to whomever was active in the post.  and I appreciate you respecting a first wives opinion when it comes to taking a second wife. Some men believe it is their right and their wives feelings have nothing do with it. 

Yes of course it matters but it is still the right of a man if he wants, either way in islam there is always what we can do and what we should do. Men have more rights but more rights means more responsibility and more responsibility means more accountability. 

Anyways, I dont think women should say no to polygamy per default always, its important our decisions are islamically motivated whether we are on the male side or the female side and what makes you personally happy (or what you think will make you happy) is not always what makes Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى happy with you.

May Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى helps us make the right choices in life and keep our ego far away from our decision making whatever gender we are.

[Rayhana80]

On 2/18/2018 at 2:03 PM, shouzan said:

You can WhatsApp Grand ayatollah makarem shirazis fatwa at +98 937 300 6220

and twitter to message Sayyid Ali Hosseini Khamenei @khamenei_ir He also has an  email  so you can email your questions directly contact@leader.ir

I hope that helps.

JazakAllah khair 

[Rayhana80]

On 2/18/2018 at 1:54 PM, shouzan said:

lol sorry i messaged them regarding two different subjects in the forum and i posted it and linked it to whomever was active in the post.  and I appreciate you respecting a first wives opinion when it comes to taking a second wife. Some men believe it is their right and their wives feelings have nothing do with it. 

So true.. I second that.. I have been going through the similar situation.. where first of all my husband secretly married someone without my knowledge for years and when I found out, he is not even ashamed and says it’s his right and he can afford it. His other wife knows about it from the beginning and he would talk about me behind my back to her and whenever we fight he would go and narrate the whole story to her to get her sympathy. I can’t even imagine how can a woman destroys someone else’s house like that. Now, my debate is if he wanted to have more wives he should have informed me at least, shouldn’t have assumed that I wouldn’t have a problem with it. He expects me to tolerate it and when I ask for divorce he says he will never do that. 

[Rayhana80]

5 hours ago, IbnSina said:

Yes of course it matters but it is still the right of a man if he wants, either way in islam there is always what we can do and what we should do. Men have more rights but more rights means more responsibility and more responsibility means more accountability. 

Anyways, I dont think women should say no to polygamy per default always, its important our decisions are islamically motivated whether we are on the male side or the female side and what makes you personally happy (or what you think will make you happy) is not always what makes Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى happy with you.

May Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى helps us make the right choices in life and keep our ego far away from our decision making whatever gender we are.

I partially agree to what you said.. If a husband wants to take second wife or more, there should be some rules or checklist he has to follow: 

1. Don’t just assume that your wife wouldn’t have a problem. 

2. Stay upfront and open about it rather than being secretive and hiding it from your wife.

3. Consider your wife a human being and not a commodity, give them some respect and right to make decision whether she wants to stay or not. 

4. Do not share one wife’s personal and private story with another wife just to make her happy. That’s another reason they want more wives so they can vent it out. How absurd!

and so on, unfortunately men think it’s their right so they do not need wife’s permision and they can be just and fair with them. If being just and fair wouldn’t have been a big deal then why in Quran it says that you can’t do justice and Allah knows the best how mean and selfish men are. 

[shouzan]

21 hours ago, Rayhana80 said:

I partially agree to what you said.. If a husband wants to take second wife or more, there should be some rules or checklist he has to follow: 

1. Don’t just assume that your wife wouldn’t have a problem. 

2. Stay upfront and open about it rather than being secretive and hiding it from your wife.

3. Consider your wife a human being and not a commodity, give them some respect and right to make decision whether she wants to stay or not. 

4. Do not share one wife’s personal and private story with another wife just to make her happy. That’s another reason they want more wives so they can vent it out. How absurd!

and so on, unfortunately men think it’s their right so they do not need wife’s permision and they can be just and fair with them. If being just and fair wouldn’t have been a big deal then why in Quran it says that you can’t do justice and Allah knows the best how mean and selfish men are. 

I want to say this just to make it very simple for everyone- 

IF someone makes effort to hide something they KNOW it is wrong. He hid the second wife for years because he knew he was doing the incorrect thing and mistreating you by doing so. Men can be rather selfish and even though he might not want you he won't divorce you simple because he doesn't want anyone else to have you. Go ASAP to sheik or scholar and explain the situation and ask him for a divorce.  that woman is a snake tbh and they both deserve to make each other miserable.

[Irfani313]

What is meant by ‘justice’ with respect to polygamy?

Posted by: amin edrisi  June 30, 2014in Ethics, Rights in IslamComments Offon What is meant by ‘justice’ with respect to polygamy?218 بازدید 

In verse 3 of SuratulNisa, we read:

فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلاَّ تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً

“…but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one.”

Similarly, in verse 129 of this same chapter, we read:

وَ لَنْ تَسْتَطِيعُوا أَنْ تَعْدِلُوا بَيْنَ النِّسَاءِ وَ لَوْ حَرَصْـتُمْ

“And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it).”

The question that arises here is: What is meant by ‘justice’ with respect to multiple wives? Is this ‘justice’ associated with issues of life like sleeping together, gifting items and things, and providing ease and comfort, or is it associated with respect to the heart and human sentiments too?

Without any doubt justice, with respect to affections and sentiments of the heart, is something that is beyond the control of man. Who possesses the ability to exercise total control over his affection – a state, which is governed by factors external to himself? It is for this reason that Allah has not considered the observance of this kind of justice to be obligatory and in verse 129 of this chapter says:

وَ لَنْ تَسْتَطِيعُوا أَنْ تَعْدِلُوا بَيْنَ النِّسَاءِ وَ لَوْ حَرَصْتُمْ

“And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, (with respect to sentimental inclinations) even though you may wish (it).”

Thus, till such time that the internal sentiments do not result in granting preference to some of the spouses over the others in actions, it is not prohibited. What is obligatory upon a man is to maintain justice amongst the spouses with respect to issues that are practical and external in dimension.

From the above explanation it becomes plain that those, who have sought to correlate the above verse:

فَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ أَلاَّ تَعْدِلُوا فَوَاحِدَةً

with verse number 129:

وَ لَنْ تَسْتَطِيعُوا أَنْ تَعْدِلُوا بَيْنَ النِّسِاءِ وَ لَوْ حَرَصْتُمْ

and thus conclude that polygamy is totally forbidden in Islam, have made a grave error. – They have argued that the first verse places the condition of ‘justice’, while the second verse considers this justice to be an impossible task for the men.,

As has been referred to previously, the kind of justice, whose observance is beyond the ability of man, is that which is associated with the internal sentiments, and this is not one of the requirements for polygamy; the condition for polygamy is the justice which is associated with acts and deeds.

Testifying to this aspect is the latter part of the verse 129 of this same chapter, which says:

فَلا تَمِيلُوا كُلَّ الْمَيْلِ فَتَذَرُوها كَالْمُعَلَّقَةِ

“Now that you cannot observe justice with respect to your sentiments between your spouses, at least do not direct all your sentimental inclinations towards one, leaving the other in suspense.”

Consequently, people who have taken one part of this verse and abandoned the other part, have erred in the issue of polygamy and it is a cause for astonishment for every researcher.

Incidentally, according to Islamic traditions, it appears that the first person to raise this objection was Ibn Abi al-‘Auja – one of the materialists and a contemporary of Imam as-sadiq (a.s) – who argued over it with Hisham b. Hakam, the diligent Islamic scholar. Not finding the answer to it, Hisham started out from his city, Kufah, towards Madinah and approached Imam as-sadiq (a.s).

The Imam (a.s) was greatly astonished to see him in Madinah at a time when it was not the season for Hajj and ‘Umrah. Hisham presented his question, whereupon the Imam (a.s) said: “The justice intended in verse 3 of Suratul Nisa is the justice associated with the maintenance of the spouses (and observation of their rights, and the manner of conduct and behaviour) whereas the justice in verse 129, which has been regarded as an impossible task, is the justice associated with internal sentiments (thus, polygamy, with adherence to the Islamic conditions, is neither prohibited nor impossible).”

After returning from his journey, when Hisham presented Ibn Abi al-‘Auja with the answer he swore that it was not Hisham’s answer but somebody else’s.

It is quite evident that if we are interpreting the term ‘justice’ differently in the two verses it is because of the clear context that is present in both the verses. The verse under discussion clearly states: Do not direct all your inclinations towards one spouse, and has thus permitted the selection of two spouses, but on the condition that, despite the difference in internal inclinations, no injustice should be done to the other with respect to actions and deeds. Besides, the initial portion of verse 3 of this same chapter expressly permits polygamy.

[Soldiers and Saffron]

21 hours ago, shouzan said:

I want to say this just to make it very simple for everyone- 

IF someone makes effort to hide something they KNOW it is wrong. He hid the second wife for years because he knew he was doing the incorrect thing and mistreating you by doing so. Men can be rather selfish and even though he might not want you he won't divorce you simple because he doesn't want anyone else to have you. Go ASAP to sheik or scholar and explain the situation and ask him for a divorce.  that woman is a snake tbh and they both deserve to make each other miserable.

I dont think you should advise divorce so easily, its not something small to divorce.

As far as I understood, he still loves her a lot and is in general nice to her in treatment. I do not think he should have married secretly but I also dont know if that is reason enough, Islamically speaking, to initiate a divorce.

Every situation in life has its pros and cons and you will always deal with people that are givers and people that are takers to different degrees. In this situation the husband has, to my opinion, not acted like he should, not with the best akhlaq by doing it secretly, but is it enough to divorce him?

Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى is the recorder, the one who hears and the one who sees, if your get into a situation like this, that is not what you had in mind and not the ideal you wanted, but you value Islam more, then how will you be compensated on the day of judgement for this?

Anyways, it a tricky situation and I hope everything will ultimately lead the OP to a position were she becomes the best muslim she can possibly be, because that is all that matters in life when all is said and done.

[Rayhana80]

JazakAllah khair to all of you for your input, I really appreciate it. I have posted questions to two major scholars and both of them pretty much saying the same thing which is totally different than I expected. I will post it here for the others to benefit from as well. 

1. If within the marriage contract it was stipulated that husband's 2nd marriage is conditional by the wife's permission or it was based on such ground, the husband should abide by the condition; otherwise, telling wife is not required but telling a lie is impermissible.
2. Divorce is in the hand of the husband.

Another scholar posted 

1) A man should not inform his wife of his permanent or temporary marriage, knowing that al-Sharaa prefers a man not to marry a temporary marriage if his wife is sexually compliant.

2) You can request a divorce but your husband is not obliged to respond to it.

What I am content about is that it’s a slap on all the husbands faces who claim that they can have multiple mutah wives while their wives are compliant. I hate how men use religion selfishly. They can get away with it in this world but Karma will hit them or if not in this world then hereafter InshaAllah. 

Edited February 28, 2018 by Hameedeh
Fonts reduced to standard size 14.

[Rayhana80]

On 2/18/2018 at 2:06 PM, IbnSina said:

Yes of course it matters but it is still the right of a man if he wants, either way in islam there is always what we can do and what we should do. Men have more rights but more rights means more responsibility and more responsibility means more accountability. 

Anyways, I dont think women should say no to polygamy per default always, its important our decisions are islamically motivated whether we are on the male side or the female side and what makes you personally happy (or what you think will make you happy) is not always what makes Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى happy with you.

May Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى helps us make the right choices in life and keep our ego far away from our decision making whatever gender we are.

Thank you for your input. Brother it’s not about ego at all. It’s about ethics and etiquettes of being in a relationship. My point is, if a husband wants to marry again he should openly discuss it with his wife and be courteous enough to give his wife option to either stay or leave. He cannot impose himself on wife like an order. He expects wife to understand and then give thousand Islamic references to proof his point. He shattered me and broke me from inside and he doesn't care about it. May Allah guide us all. Allah is my witness and He is the best judge of all. 

[Hassan-]

On 2018-02-21 at 12:46 AM, Rayhana80 said:

JazakAllah khair to all of you for your input, I really appreciate it. I have posted questions to two major scholars and both of them pretty much saying the same thing which is totally different than I expected. I will post it here for the others to benefit from as well. 

1. If within the marriage contract it was stipulated that husband's 2nd marriage is conditional by the wife's permission or it was based on such ground, the husband should abide by the condition; otherwise, telling wife is not required but telling a lie is impermissible.
2. Divorce is in the hand of the husband.

Another scholar posted 

1) A man should not inform his wife of his permanent or temporary marriage, knowing that al-Sharaa prefers a man not to marry a temporary marriage if his wife is sexually compliant.

2) You can request a divorce but your husband is not obliged to respond to it.

What I am content about is that it’s a slap on all the husbands faces who claim that they can have multiple mutah wives while their wives are compliant. I hate how men use religion selfishly. They can get away with it in this world but Karma will hit them or if not in this world then hereafter InshaAllah. 

It says “The sharia prefers a man not to marry a temp marriage if wife is compliant”

This doesn’t mean it’s wajib, it’s just recommended. How is this a slap on all the husbands?

[Hameedeh]

On 2/21/2018 at 12:46 AM, Rayhana80 said:

JazakAllah khair to all of you for your input, I really appreciate it. I have posted questions to two major scholars and both of them pretty much saying the same thing which is totally different than I expected. I will post it here for the others to benefit from as well. 

1. If within the marriage contract it was stipulated that husband's 2nd marriage is conditional by the wife's permission or it was based on such ground, the husband should abide by the condition; otherwise, telling wife is not required but telling a lie is impermissible.
2. Divorce is in the hand of the husband.

Another scholar posted 

1) A man should not inform his wife of his permanent or temporary marriage, knowing that al-Sharaa prefers a man not to marry a temporary marriage if his wife is sexually compliant.

2) You can request a divorce but your husband is not obliged to respond to it.

What I am content about is that it’s a slap on all the husbands faces who claim that they can have multiple mutah wives while their wives are compliant. I hate how men use religion selfishly. They can get away with it in this world but Karma will hit them or if not in this world then hereafter InshaAllah. 

Salam. Sister, I have three questions about your reply. What were the names of the two scholars? What was your original question you sent to them? What email addresses did you use to submit those questions? 

[Rayhana80]

On 2/28/2018 at 9:32 PM, Hameedeh said:

Salam. Sister, I have three questions about your reply. What were the names of the two scholars? What was your original question you sent to them? What email addresses did you use to submit those questions? 

Wsalam.. I have posted questions on their website where is says “ask a question” with my email address and then they got back to me within few weeks. They take long time to answer but do reply. Here are they websites:

1. http:/leader.ir/

2. http://english.bayynat.org/ ( email: bayynat@bayynat.org.lb) 

 

[Rayhana80]

Just now, Rayhana80 said:

Wsalam.. I have posted questions on their website where is says “ask a question” with my email address and then they got back to me within few weeks. They take long time to answer but do reply. Here are they websites:

1. http:/leader.ir/

2. http://english.bayynat.org/ ( email: bayynat@bayynat.org.lb) 

 

1. Ayatullah khamanei

2. Ayatullah Fadlallah 

[Ron_Burgundy]

[Shakir 4:129] And you have it not in your power to do justice between wives, even though you may wish (it), but be not disinclined (from one) with total disinclination, so that you leave her as it were in suspense; and if you effect a reconciliation and guard (against evil), then surely Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.
[Pooya/Ali Commentary 4:129]

Refer to the commentary of verse 3 of this surah.

 

Howsoever one may try one will never be able to treat one's wives equally to fulfil the demands of justice, but one can at least avoid inclination to any wife exclusively so that the others may not be left suspended. One may not be able to observe perfect equality among one's wives in respect of love and attachment, yet one is not, on that account, by any means warranted in showing voluntary favours exclusively to any wife to the utter neglect of the others. The lives of the Holy Prophet and his Ahl ul Bayt are a model, in this connection, to all Muslims. They did not even perform ablution in the house of the wife whose "turn" was terminated. In all events ihsan and taqwa are the best means to effect reconciliation and harmony.

[Arminmo]

On 3/2/2018 at 11:50 AM, Ron_Burgundy said:

The lives of the Holy Prophet and his Ahl ul Bayt are a model, in this connection, to all Muslims. They did not even perform ablution in the house of the wife whose "turn" was terminated.

Can you share where did you find this information about their way with wives ?