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Rayhana80

Divorce grounds

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6 minutes ago, Karbalai110 said:

You don't need to ask him for divorce. He might be stubborn and not give you.

You have the right to take 'khulla' if you have any reason and you definitely can take khulla from him if you don't want to share him with any other female.

Show evidence for this claim.

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1 hour ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

@rkazmi33

When I was back in Iran, I used to kiss my mum's hands and feet everyday. I was the only person in our family who used to do that to my mum. Sometimes I made breakfast and bring it on her bed. I used to dye her hair every time she wanted. My brothers always complained that I am so kind to mum. You don't know anything of my relationship with my mum, but I always regret something. I say myself if my mum was responsive to my dad's needs(even though he did a lot of bad things to my mum), I would love my mum more. I would ready to do and sacrifice more for my mum.

I didn't say that much about my dad. He made me upset a lot of times because of his negligence to family. I expect him more. When I told my dad go and be nice to mum, he sound regretful. I told him, I'm afraid of the day that Allah asks you about family in afterlife. He did bad things to family, but I felt he regret what he did in the past. I think both my mum and dad should give each other another chance to make the past correct.

To OP, follow Islamic solution. Affection changes everything.

Ya habibi

Your respected mother had/has her 'own' life as well plus looking after her children and on top of it your father's negligence towards his family she had to tolerate...khallas Ya Akhi how much more you want from her? 

And remember habeebna things are not how we want...qul alhamdulilah and move on...pray for things to become better and leave it to Moula(a.s).

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8 minutes ago, Hassan- said:

Show evidence for this claim.

What do you mean 'evidence' and 'evidence' for what?

Ask yourself...your sister tells you that your brother in law is marrying somebody else and she doesn't want to stay with him...Will you still push her to him or speak to your brother in law?

If you still push her then shame on you as a brother...

These females are not worthless being that you marry have sex with them and khallas you want another female...

There has to be proper ground for marriage...and please somethings are so common sense to understand that you don't need evidences for and what do you mean by evidence tell me?

Edited by Karbalai110
Correction: There has to be proper ground for second marriage.

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1 minute ago, Karbalai110 said:

What do you mean 'evidence' and 'evidence' for what?

Ask yourself...your sister tells you that your brother in law is marrying somebody else and she doesn't want to stay with him...Will you still push her to him or speak to your brother in law?

If you still push her then shame on you as a brother...

These females are not worthless being that you marry have sex with them and khallas you want another female...

There has to be proper ground for marriage...and please somethings are so common sense to understand that you don't need evidences for and what do you mean by evidence tell me?

You said the women has the right to take khula divorce if the husband doesn't give it to her. This is wrong, she cannot divorce her husband unless he gives it to her.

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2 minutes ago, Hassan- said:

You said the women has the right to take khula divorce if the husband doesn't give it to her. This is wrong, she cannot divorce her husband unless he gives it to her.

What are you talking about? What do you mean by 'it'?.

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Just now, Karbalai110 said:

What are you talking about? What do you mean by 'it'?.

The divorce. A women cannot divorce her husband without his consent unless she has a valid shari'a reason for it. The husband "cheating" on her or marrying another women is not a valid reason.

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3 minutes ago, Hassan- said:

You said the women has the right to take khula divorce if the husband doesn't give it to her. This is wrong, she cannot divorce her husband unless he gives it to her.

Lol I got your point...brother go speak with shia or sunni aalim whoever you are like literally lol...

Have you ever heard of 'khulla' answer honestly because what you are saying is that a woman can't take khulla never ever a big LOL like this is making islam so cruel to women...that once a female gets married that's it...how old are you? Sorry you sound very childish.

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2 minutes ago, Hassan- said:

The divorce. A women cannot divorce her husband without his consent unless she has a valid shari'a reason for it. The husband "cheating" on her or marrying another women is not a valid reason.

Cheating is not a valid reason? 

Sorry to say but this is the most foolish thing I have ever heard.

Brother read shari'a first then talk.

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5 minutes ago, Hassan- said:

The divorce. A women cannot divorce her husband without his consent unless she has a valid shari'a reason for it. The husband "cheating" on her or marrying another women is not a valid reason.

And also enlighten me who is this that is exactly passing these fatwas of shari'a to you? Who are you following? 

You see I am not even asking you evidence for what you said due to its absolute and utter absurdity.

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2 minutes ago, Karbalai110 said:

Lol I got your point...brother go speak with shia or sunni aalim whoever you are like literally lol...

Have you ever heard of 'khulla' answer honestly because what you are saying is that a woman can't take khulla never ever a big LOL like this is making islam so cruel to women...that once a female gets married that's it...how old are you? Sorry you sound very childish.

A khula divorce is when the wife surrenders her mahr. I say according to the fatwas of the maraji', not from my own opinion. Divorce rights can't be delegated to the women, here is proof from Imam Khamenei:

Quote

Q: Can the wife stipulate in the marriage contract that she has the power to divorce the husband if he breaks one of the conditions? If yes, than if the husband broke a condition does he not have the power to revoke the divorce or contract anymore?

A: Divorce right can not be delegated to the wife [i.e. so that she divorces herself later on her behalf]. However, the husband can give his wife the power of attorney to divorce herself on his behalf if he does not abide by one of the terms mentioned within the marriage contract.

A husband is allowed to marry a second, third or fourth wife without his first wife's permission, and she does not have the authority to divorce him for simply marrying another women. Allah made it halal, who are you to say the man isn't allowed to do it?

 

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35 minutes ago, Karbalai110 said:

You don't need to ask him for divorce. He might be stubborn and not give you.

You have the right to take 'khulla' if you have any reason and you definitely can take khulla from him if you don't want to share him with any other female.

 

brother according to islam shia or sunni ... wife can not take khula with out husband's consent .. if he is being unreasonable and refuses to give his consent then she will have to approach scholars and they would do the needful.. but she definitely have to ask him for khula divorce first before approaching them and yes , in islam marrying another woman is not a valid reason.Cheating can be a valid reason 

Edited by ephemeral

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1 minute ago, Hassan- said:

A khula divorce is when the wife surrenders her mahr. I say according to the fatwas of the maraji', not from my own opinion. Divorce rights can't be delegated to the women, here is proof from Imam Khamenei:

A husband is allowed to marry a second, third or fourth wife without his first wife's permission, and she does not have the authority to divorce him for simply marrying another women. Allah made it halal, who are you to say the man isn't allowed to do it?

 

Show me in one place where I said that she can take divorce?

She can take 'khulla'. 

Allah made it halal but not without wife's consent.

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1 minute ago, Karbalai110 said:

Show me in one place where I said that she can take divorce?

She can take 'khulla'. 

Allah made it halal but not without wife's consent.

A khulla divorce is still a divorce... the difference is the wife surrenders her mahr. Both divorces need the permission of the husband. This is why I said show me evidence when you said this:

"you don't need to ask him for divorce. He might be stubborn and not give you. You have the right to take 'khulla' if you have any reason and you definitely can take khulla from him if you don't want to share him with any other female."

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2 minutes ago, ephemeral said:

brother according to islam shia or sunni ... wife can not take khula with out husband's consent .. if he is being unreasonable and refuses to give his consent then she will have to approach scholars and they would do the needful.. but she definitely have to ask him for khula divorce first before approaching them and yes .  in islam marrying another woman is not a valid reason .am not sure but cheating can be a valid reason. 

This is VERY OBVIOUS that she will tell her husband that she is going to take a khulla and if the man doesn't agree then the court does the needful to call him so that khulla proceedings can be finished...

Guys please, my sister took khulla so I don't think you know any better in this regard than me unless may Allah forbid your near ones had a similar experience.

And yes her husband was stubborn in not giving khulla either but it was her right so she took it.

And yes her grounds were seperate than this sister's ground.

And it would be insanely injust with a female to be unable to intervene in the matter of sharing her husband.

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28 minutes ago, Karbalai110 said:

Ya habibi

Your respected mother had/has her 'own' life as well plus looking after her children and on top of it your father's negligence towards his family she had to tolerate...khallas Ya Akhi how much more you want from her? 

And remember habeebna things are not how we want...qul alhamdulilah and move on...pray for things to become better and leave it to Moula(a.s).

The problem is in your mentality. You think if there is a family problem one side is %100 correct and the other side is %100 wrong. Both parties made mistakes. I didn't say that my mum was absolute right and my dad wrong. I said both have to forgive each other, make the past correct.

I didn't say she has to tolerate. My point that you didn't get is that if one side doesn't do his/her responsibilities, the other side should forgive and does his/her part. At the same time, talk with each other about the issue.

I don't know why you had that conclusion from my words. My words were not in favor of one side. It was a fair view. Both man and woman has responsibilities towards each other. If one side doesn't do that(regardless of being wife or husband), it creates problems.

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1 minute ago, Hassan- said:

A khulla divorce is still a divorce... the difference is the wife surrenders her mahr. Both divorces need the permission of the husband. This is why I said show me evidence when you said this:

"you don't need to ask him for divorce. He might be stubborn and not give you. You have the right to take 'khulla' if you have any reason and you definitely can take khulla from him if you don't want to share him with any other female."

Please read my reply to ephemeral...often man don't give approval for khulla you are right man in required and that's when the islamic court calls the man and if the man is an extreme walking shaytan and doesn't show up still even after court's order den also khulla takes place...

Don't make this beautiful deen bad please with little knowledge.

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44 minutes ago, Karbalai110 said:

You don't need to ask him for divorce. He might be stubborn and not give you.

You have the right to take 'khulla' if you have any reason and you definitely can take khulla from him if you don't want to share him with any other female.

 

 

3 minutes ago, Karbalai110 said:

This is VERY OBVIOUS that she will tell her husband that she is going to take a khulla and if the man doesn't agree then the court does the needful to call him so that khulla proceedings can be finished...

brother my explanation was based on your previous post.. where you said " you dont need to ask him for divorce" . clearly your later post is contradicting your own statement.

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5 minutes ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

The problem is in your mentality. You think if there is a family problem one side is %100 correct and the other side is %100 wrong. Both parties made mistakes. I didn't say that my mum was absolute right and my dad wrong. I said both have to forgive each other, make the past correct.

I didn't say she has to tolerate. My point that you didn't get is that if one side doesn't do his/her responsibilities, the other side should forgive and does his/her part. At the same time, talk with each other about the issue.

I don't know why you had that conclusion from my words. My words were not in favor of one side. It was a fair view. Both man and woman has responsibilities towards each other. If one side doesn't do that(regardless of being wife or husband), it creates problems.

No sorry!

The problem is not my mentality here, it is your mentality and the most unfortunate part of your mentality is that you made a condition to have loved your mother more if she was more tolerable towards your father with more patience.

Sorry but you don't love mother and father based on conditions.

Love for them is unconditonal. Do you realise this?

The problem is your mentality to be expecting your mother to be an angel and expect more and more.

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4 minutes ago, ephemeral said:

 

brother my explanation was based on your previous post.. where you said " you dont need to ask him for divorce" . clearly your later post is contradicting your own statement.

'You don't need to ask him for divorce' is as in he giving a divorce by himself, he initiating the first step'.

With that line I also said that he might not give her the divorce meant that he may not do it by himself as being first and that she will have to take khulla and do all the work by herself and let the authorities deal with her husband their way in doing the needful in an islamic as well as official way.

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9 minutes ago, Karbalai110 said:

Please read my reply to ephemeral...often man don't give approval for khulla you are right man in required and that's when the islamic court calls the man and if the man is an extreme walking shaytan and doesn't show up still even after court's order den also khulla takes place...

Don't make this beautiful deen bad please with little knowledge.

brother have you read my post ?? if not may i please ask you to read it again.

i said " wife can not take khula with out husband's consent .. if he is being unreasonable and refuses to give his consent then she will have to approach scholars and they would do the needful.. but she definitely have to ask him for khula divorce first before approaching them and yes , in islam marrying another woman is not a valid reason "

what little knowledge are we even talking about here?

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38 minutes ago, ephemeral said:

brother have you read my post ?? if not may i please ask you to read it again.

i said " wife can not take khula with out husband's consent .. if he is being unreasonable and refuses to give his consent then she will have to approach scholars and they would do the needful.. but she definitely have to ask him for khula divorce first before approaching them and yes , in islam marrying another woman is not a valid reason "

what little knowledge are we even talking about here?

Bravo answer!

I agree with you in everything except 'in Islam marrying another woman is not a reason'.

It is absolutely injust and the actual 'Islam' in particular is very just towards all in existence that I know.

I don't know then which Islam you are referring to, to be honest.

No offence.

A female is not a physical satisfaction machine for a male sorry just like khula has to be on proper grounds then second marriage must also be on proper grounds and on justifiable grounds especially. 

If anybody can blindly do second marriage third marriage then prove me from Prophet's(SAWW) or Imams(a.s) example or their truly devoted people or else don't mention it.

Do you even realise the type of fitna being created if men were blindly allowed to do marriage upon marriage?

So called mullas come up with their innovations and inventions in deen.

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1 hour ago, ephemeral said:

brother have you read my post ?? if not may i please ask you to read it again.

i said " wife can not take khula with out husband's consent .. if he is being unreasonable and refuses to give his consent then she will have to approach scholars and they would do the needful.. but she definitely have to ask him for khula divorce first before approaching them and yes , in islam marrying another woman is not a valid reason "

what little knowledge are we even talking about here?

And let us say that the shari'a is allowing marriage without wife's permission then that shari'a itself is making rules on what conditions second marriage should be.

------

Refer to this link, it might be help for all of us.

http://aboutislam.net/counseling/ask-about-islam/first-wifes-approval-marry/

And this is the Ayah

And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] oneor those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice]. (Quran, 4:3)

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15 hours ago, Karbalai110 said:
15 hours ago, Karbalai110 said:

i agree with you in everything except 'in Islam marrying another woman is not a reason'.

And this is the Ayah

And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphan girls, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] oneor those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice]. (Quran, 4:3)

Here in above verse Allah says that husband can have upto 4 wives given he have to be just

Here in sister’s case he is not neglecting his responsibilities , he is taking care of her and children.she is hurt that he married another woman. polygamy has been practiced by our  Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), imams( may Allah be pleased with them) and prophets companions.brother in regards to islam being  just all i can say is woman can have it stipulated under marraige contract that her husband shouldn’t take another wife while she is married to him. here sister in question doesn’t have it. marrying an other woman can not be a valid reason unless you want to go against Allah’s words.

Allah SWT has made it legal and Halal in Islam for a man to marry more than 1 woman.i doubt if you can leave your husband for merely doing something that is halal in the sight of Allah.If sister develops an aversion from husband and hates him and The hatred must have reached a proportion where she would not allow him conjugal rights then khula is permissible.brother i was told by some one that if you accept Quran then you need to accept everything that is in there you can not take that which is convenient and leave that, which isnt .

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sister @Rayhana80

Please don't be hurt by my comments i am just stating that which is in quran and that in fatwahs..  I read your posts and I honestly feel your pain. sister if i were you  i wouldnt be able to deal with sharing my husband with someone else. Call me all modern, but its not how i grew up and i simply can not do it. i would want my husband to myself. . 

sister you have done nothing wrong. it is NOT your fault that he married another woman. please read duas and  have hope in your heart for a beautiful place in Jannah, picture yourself content and with no pain in the afterlife as this world is just temporary, and ask Allah swt to help you to pass your most difficult trials with grace and patience.... I pray that Allah swt helps you to find a solution in sha Allah,

@Karbalai110 brother i want to believe your words when you said  'Islam' in particular is very just towards all in existence-- could you please tell me why Quran states  having more than 1 wife is permissible? why husband can marry an other woman with out first wife's permission ? 

.

Edited by ephemeral
correction

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23 hours ago, lola20 said:

1. Don't call me young lady.

2. I read that book. It's rich saying that a woman can't divorce her husband based on her emotions, but a dude can beat up his wife and then divorce her if he's angry with her. Don't even try to deny this, it's in the Quran, and I work in a mental health clinic with women who suffer from domestic violence who are primarily Muslim women.

OLD lady, that has passed her youth in frivolities, how has time passed thou, while now you await the hell fireeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! :party:

Khul’a (divestiture) divorce is a term applied to a wife who has developed an aversion toward her husband and despises him to the point of refusing him conjugal rights. For this particular divorce, the wife would have to forfeit her mahr, and perhaps pay an additional amount that may exceed her mahr, for her independence.

Mubarat divorce is when a wife and husband have developed a mutual aversion toward one another. Therefore, in order for the wife’s autonomy, she would have to furnish the husband with some of her assets. The difference between this and a khul’a divorce is that the value does not exceed the mahr because it was a mutual dislike.

Al-hakim al-shar’i is a divorce conducted by an Islamic judge or imam with or without the consent of the husband. This particular divorce is exercised in cases where the wife, having no authority to divorce, requests and claims a legitimate reason to divorce but the husband refuses to grant the divorce.

When a husband refuses to grant a divorce, and the wife’s claim for divorce is justified, then the Islamic courts or imam may intervene. The Islamic court or imam may summon the husband and order him to divorce her, or they may finalize the divorce with or without his consent. This type of divorce is termed hakim al-shar’i.

Assuming the wife does not have the power of divorce and that she wishes for separation then her claim for a divorce must be warranted. Scholars have specific criteria for such cases. Additionally, there are certain cases in which a marriage may be automatically annulled without declaration or legal procedures. They are as follows:

1. Annulment: If the husband concealed his insanity before the marriage contract.

2. Annulment: If the husband concealed a communicable or a burdening disease before the marital contract.

3. Annulment: If the husband concealed castration before the marital contract.

4. Annulment: If the husband apostatizes (abandons his faith). The moment a husband apostatizes, the marriage dissolves instantaneously.

5. Divorce Procedures: If the husband becomes insane during the marriage.

6. Divorce Procedures: If the husband physically abuses or is violent toward his wife.

7. Divorce Procedures: If the husband no longer supports his wife financially.

8. Divorce Procedures: If the husband abandons his wife physically because of long-term imprisonment ( guantanamo bay ), he is missing, or he has deserted her.

9. Divorce Procedures: If the husband becomes physically contagious.

10. Divorce Procedures: If the husband becomes castrated during marriage, and the consequences become unbearable for the wife.

carry on read the book. https://www.al-islam.org/a-new-perspective-women-islam-fatma-saleh-moustafa-al-qazwini/chapter-3-divorce-divorce-and-mahr#divorce

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2 hours ago, ephemeral said:

Here in above verse Allah says that husband can have upto 4 wives given he have to be just

Here in sister’s case he is not neglecting his responsibilities , he is taking care of her and children.she is hurt that he married another woman. polygamy has been practiced by our  Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), imams( may Allah be pleased with them) and prophets companions.brother in regards to islam being  just all i can say is woman can have it stipulated under marraige contract that her husband shouldn’t take another wife while she is married to him. here sister in question doesn’t have it. marrying an other woman can not be a valid reason unless you want to go against Allah’s words.

Allah SWT has made it legal and Halal in Islam for a man to marry more than 1 woman.i doubt if you can leave your husband for merely doing something that is halal in the sight of Allah.If sister develops an aversion from husband and hates him and The hatred must have reached a proportion where she would not allow him conjugal rights then khula is permissible.brother i was told by some one that if you accept Quran then you need to accept everything that is in there you can not take that which is convenient and leave that, which isnt .

Okay again.

why are you putting it on women that women can have it stipulated in her marriage contract? The rule is for males to have multiple wives at one time hence therefore its the male's foremost duty to mention this to the female he is marrying to well in advance before marriage if he has such an intention or if he may have later for second marriage.

The man has to justify his second marriage in accordance to Islamic Law with a proper valid reason.

Our Prophet(SAWW) and Imams(a.s) multiple marriages were solely for religious purposes and hence a man's utmost point to remember while doing second marriage must be for relgious purposes.

Other points are many that may come into picture for example if the woman is really not satisfying his sexual needs then this could be discussed between the couple and be sorted out and if it is still cannot be sorted then man can approach any other woman for second marriage or else he can continue living with that wife by only seeking Moula's(a.s) help in making the relationship better in all the ways or seeking help in the most disturbing matter between the two as because the first thing that matters above all is 'hurting somebody by our action'.

What if we end up hurting a female who has come from a background where women are totally unaware of sexual life before marriage and have to be taught brother.

So I personally believe that if a woman is not satisfying one's sexual need then not just get rid of her as if she was just a sex slave instead be a man and approach her talk to her guide her as a friend as an husband as to what would please him, Pray have tavakul and definitely things will get sorted.

Believe in Moula(a.s) whole heartedly.

And by the way if you check the link that I have shared it states that the time this ayat was revealed was just after the Battle of Badr when 10% of muslim men had died and women were left widow and children orphan.

Our Prophet(SAWW) and Moula(a.s) married women to protect them and to give shelter to them and their children.

Don't take me wrong brother. Having said this, I am not saying that a man should suffer in case if he has genuine reasons from his wife of disturbance.

Edited by Karbalai110

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On 2/15/2018 at 1:55 PM, ephemeral said:

sister @Rayhana80

Please don't be hurt by my comments i am just stating that which is in quran and that in fatwahs..  I read your posts and I honestly feel your pain. sister if i were you  i wouldnt be able to deal with sharing my husband with someone else. Call me all modern, but its not how i grew up and i simply can not do it. i would want my husband to myself. . 

sister you have done nothing wrong. it is NOT your fault that he married another woman. please read duas and  have hope in your heart for a beautiful place in Jannah, picture yourself content and with no pain in the afterlife as this world is just temporary, and ask Allah swt to help you to pass your most difficult trials with grace and patience.... I pray that Allah swt helps you to find a solution in sha Allah,

@Karbalai110 brother i want to believe your words when you said  'Islam' in particular is very just towards all in existence-- could you please tell me why Quran states  having more than 1 wife is permissible? why husband can marry an other woman with out first wife's permission ? .

I like your Question.

Islam is just that is why Islam is allowing men to keep two wives at a time for example.

Now in order to know how is Islam just to women in this regard is when you read the actual sharia conditions in which more than one marriage is allowed for a male.

Sharia allows you for more than one marriage in conditions that are absolutely genuine for a male.

I request you to read conditions on which males can have multiple wives at a time, you will realise how just is this lovely deen towards men and women.

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22 hours ago, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

@rkazmi33

When I was back in Iran, I used to kiss my mum's hands and feet everyday. I was the only person in our family who used to do that to my mum. Sometimes I made breakfast and bring it on her bed. I used to dye her hair every time she wanted. My brothers always complained that I am so kind to mum. You don't know anything of my relationship with my mum, but I always regret something. I say myself if my mum was responsive to my dad's needs(even though he did a lot of bad things to my mum), I would love my mum more. I would ready to do and sacrifice more for my mum.

I didn't say that much about my dad. He made me upset a lot of times because of his negligence to family. I expect him more. When I told my dad go and be nice to mum, he sound regretful. I told him, I'm afraid of the day that Allah asks you about family in afterlife. He did bad things to family, but I felt he regret what he did in the past. I think both my mum and dad should give each other another chance to make the past correct.

To OP, follow Islamic solution. Affection changes everything.

Brother

Forgive me if you found anything rude from my side. I am sorry.

I just wanted to show you a different perspective.

We all are brothers either in Religion or in Humanity as Moula Ali(a.s) said.

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17 hours ago, Karbalai110 said:

why are you putting it on women that women can have it stipulated in her marriage contract?

Brother. I clearly said I am stating that which is in Quran and sharia. PERIOD.

17 hours ago, Karbalai110 said:

The rule is for males to have multiple wives at one time hence therefore its the male's foremost duty to mention this to the female he is marrying to well in advance before marriage if he has such an intention or if he may have later for second marriage.

 Brother though you and I agree on this, through our common sense and logical reasoning, not every body think alike us . sadly there is no hadith or qur’anic verses that is making it obligatory for a man to mention about second marriage well in advance before marriage.

Also,to contradict your statement  let me tell you something even if a man assures his wife before marriage that he wouldn’t take second wife and after marriage lets say after 2 years , 5 years, or 20 years of marriage he changes his mind ,though a real man would never go back on his words unfortunately not many men are like this.. because wife did not stipulate it in her marriage contract . he can marry an other woman with or with out first wife’s consent. ( this is also main reason why I want to spread awareness of this clause in marriage contract ).

Polygamy is a tremendous trial for a woman. It could be quite devastating

17 hours ago, Karbalai110 said:

I like your Question.

Islam is just that is why Islam is allowing men to keep two wives at a time for example.

Now in order to know how is Islam just to women in this regard is when you read the actual sharia conditions in which more than one marriage is allowed for a male.

Sharia allows you for more than one marriage in conditions that are absolutely genuine for a male.

I request you to read conditions on which males can have multiple wives at a time, you will realise how just is this lovely deen towards men and women.

Brother i so want you to prove me wrong but can i end the argument by saying this, that one of the condition for polygamous marriage which is just according to sharia law  is :

if a man has fallen in love with other women. The only way to prevent such men from adultery is the second marriage . 

also an other just condition for polygamous marraige is that if a man is able to provide , support and look after an other woman and can be just with two wives then he can have a second marriage with or with out first wife's consent..

now tell me are these genuine ? is islam just with women ? if they are not then why do we have it ? and if they are just then why are we even having these debates ? 

brother honestly my whole individual perception on these matters is different ,i cant help but i see my imaan going down when i think of such laws myself ( Allah knows best .. he is all knower .. how can my knowledge and perception be better than his ( Astagfirulla) .. i surely cant see things how Allah does  .. and hence i can not give my individual opinion to sister here as i believe that is not what she is asking , she needs answers from Quran and law wise. 

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The men who have commented about polygamy being a good thing are completely wrong. Not that it will make a difference to anyone, but here is a study that was conducted on Syrian women in polygamous marriages and the state of their mental health. 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3782180/

I'd also like to add that my mother almost threw herself into a river when my dad did it behind our backs. The only reason she didn't is for me and because she has faith in God. My dad's actions have also had a detrimental effect on me. Polygamy destroys families and father-daughter relationships. 

Edited by lola20

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Also just want to highlight this section from the article mentioned above: 

"Furthermore, in polygamous spousal relationships, it is quite commonly reported that the patriarchal nature of polygamy leads not only to women’s subordination, but also to their sexual, physical and emotional abuse at the hands of their husbands[8]."

This has definitely been the case for my mother and other women I've known to be in polygamous marriages. 

Stop pretending there isn't a problem. There is a phenomenal problem in polygamous marriages in the Ummah and beyond. The men denying the problem are just trying to hold onto their scrap of power over their women. 

Edited by Hameedeh
[Mod Note: Moderators can reduce the size of excessively large fonts to a standard size of 14.]

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On 2/14/2018 at 2:05 PM, AmirAlmuminin Lover said:

Salaam Alaykum Sister

I was grown in a family that parents fought each other a lot. They haven't talked with each other for 35 years. Sometimes they tried(very few times) to make relationship correct, but more than 99 percent of the time, they fight. Now I set with my brothers that each time one of us must be at home. We don't leave our parents alone at home because it has severe consequences. It's very hard for us that one brother must be at home always(one time me, another time my second brother and so on). My father got a second wife almost 20 years ago, and my mum found out. My dad also did Mutah when my mum disregarded his physical needs. They sleep separately. All of these things made argument a consistent feature of our family. It is so bad that our neighbors know that my family is fighting all the time. A few of months back I called my mum and dad and told them to forgive each other. I told them you are getting old now(they are 55), let's forgive each other and be happy together. I told my mum best thing you can get from this world is your husband's will. Non of my parents did anything. My dad did an action, but my mum didn't. I am really fed-up of this situation. One time one of the oldest relatives in our family came to our house to make the relationship correct. Both my parents argued each other in front of him. It was a complete shame for family reputation.

The only thing that killed my childhood happiness, was parents fight. My parents fought each other a lot, and it had SEVERE effects on us. PLEASE don't fight with your husband in front of your children. Please don't raise your voice. These are the words from a person who suffered from this.

To be honest with you, I never blame my dad for getting second wife or doing Mutah. These things don't ruin family. Disrespecting each other, consistent argument, not caring, ruining each other integrity in front of other people, etc ruin family. Let me be clear and direct to the point with you. How did you treat your husband? Have you asked this question from yourself? Have you been responsive to his sexual and emotional needs? Men are in need of their wife's attention. They need to rely on their wife. Did you give this security and safety to your husband? Have you ever asked him: "Am I a good wife to you?" Have you ever asked him: "Am I responsive to your needs? Do you feel happy with me?" Did you tell him that  you want to be his favorite girl? Ask him these questions and do Jihad to get his satisfaction. I promise you, your husband will not leave you at all. He won't think of any girl anymore. And really try to be better for him(all of these things are two directions, and men also must do these things for their wives). If you haven't asked him those questions and didn't attempt to get his satisfaction the way he wants, I tell you divorce is not the solution. One of you must start. Start this Jihad to get his satisfaction. Try to be nice to him. I know how you feel, it's very hard, but it fixes your relationship with your husband. Be nice to him. Approach him sometimes. Try to get his satisfaction. Call him during the day. Tell him how much you miss him. Send kids to your mum's house one night each month, make a perfect dinner and enjoy together. I promise you, these actions change your husband a lot. It's very hard especially in your current situation, but it gives you security that he would never do second wife again. You will be his priority, and he takes care of you. It is very hard, but it has unbelievable outcomes. I see some women who check their husband online activities, they check their cell phones, they check if there's a female perfume in their car, but ask them this question. Have you ever spent a fraction of that time to text your husband"I miss you the most"? Have you ever asked your husband "Am I a perfect wife to you?". I am a man. If I see that I am my wife's priority, I never ever think of leaving her or second wife.

Don't listen to people who tell you divorce. Fight for your family to make it better. Try to have better relationship with your husband. Follow those steps. They change your husband.

Hey since you gave us your parent's whole life story trying to justify this kinda violence towards women, I'll share mine:

My dad married my mom when she was 18. He was in his mid-late thirties. After they had 1st child together, they left Iraq and went to refugee camp in Saudi, running away from Sadaam Hussein. He was considering marrying a second wife already that early on in their marriage. My mom stuck with him. I was born a couple years later in the refugee camp, and my dad decided we were all coming to the U.S. My mom never agreed to this, but my father threatened to leave and take us both away from her (as is Islamically permitted for the dad to do), so my mom stuck with him. He brought her to the U.S. where she didn't know anybody and didn't have anyone else to rely on, effectively displacing her from both country and family. I remember from my very early childhood how much my father abused this power over my mother. Yeah, he supported her financially but it was always with a grudge. Eventually, she had to go on housing because he didn't want to pay the rent anymore, and she didn't speak English and couldn't get a job plus she has 2 kids to raise (that he regularly threatened to take away from her). The strongest memory I have of my father is of him burning my leg with a hot knife when I was 3 years old because my bare legs were an affront to him. Yes, at 3 years old, I was asking for it. I remember him only speaking harsh words to my mother and her retreating into corners at his attacks. He would constantly say he was "zilmat al bayt" the man of the house, for some reason, like it wasn't obvious that he was. I remember him hitting her once, really hard, so hard she had to lie to the doctor about how the injury happened. He never did it again, not out of shame, but because of the fear that he would get arrested. I also remember him beating up my brother trying to turn him into a "man" and trying to emotionally abuse me the same way he abused my mother, and beating me up when I talked back to him. Amidst all this, I remember him constantly saying he's going to marry someone else - he used this as a threat against my mother. I also remember him resenting her for not willingly coming to him. After all, sex is the husband's right. I remember hearing him come to her in the middle of the night (they slept in separate beds eventually, and my room was next to theirs) and I remember her protesting and him doing it anyways. I remember her coming into my bedroom to sleep next to me just to hide from him. I was 12.

@AmirAlmuminin Lover So shame on my mother for disregarding my father's physical needs. Shame on all women who have the audacity to refuse to sleep with their husbands.

NO ONE IS ENTITLED TO SEX, least of all abusive men who treat women like commodities whose only purpose is for sexual satisfaction and making children.

And no, Mutah and polygamy DOES RUIN FAMILIES, not just disrespect and arguments. Treating your wife like garbage ruins families. Expecting your wife to get down on her knees and kiss your feet while you're planning to marry another woman RUINS FAMILIES and RUINS FATHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIPS. Believe me when I say cheating, polygamy, mutah are all just the tip of the iceberg for a world of physical and emotional abuse.

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@lola20 I am very sorry that you and your Mother had to go through all that. If things were the way you say then your father was a Zaalim man but sister, all that had nothing to do with polygamy. He would have been just as Zaalim even if he didn't want to remarry. My ex husband did very similar things to what your father did, abuse follows more or the same patterns,but alongwith that he always said that I was going to be the only woman in his life. So abuse isn't related to polygamy,it's a separate problem.

Edited by starlight
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4 minutes ago, lola20 said:

Thanks for your compassion @starlight, but the evidence in the study I provided begs to differ. 

I cannot access the actual article due to some reason but lots of researches conducted by the westerns regarding Islamic and social issues are skewed so I wouldn't believe on it too much. 

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