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In the Name of God بسم الله
Rayhana80

Divorce grounds

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45 minutes ago, Hassan- said:

Women not having the power to divorce is a new development? This ruling has been the same since Islam existed.

Like I mentioned in my post, according to a topic created in 2006, all women could get right to divorce. Also, 2 years ago I got my divorce. But I understand that was a different time. At that time Iran's ally Russia hadn't passed a law allowing it's citizens to beat their wives without going to jail. At that time Sunnis weren't concerned with women rights as much. Since Shias need to copy Russia and oppose Sunnis, Shia women must suffer. 

Edited by rkazmi33

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6 minutes ago, lola20 said:

Do you live in a Muslim majority country where they impose such laws on people? If you don't, just go to the courts and get a divorce.

Are you talking to me? I already have a civil divorce. Getting a boyfriend is dangerous, if I get caught, I will suffer. And it won't have any effect on my ex-husband. He was extremely baighairat, he would be happy about it because he liked competition. It's sad because I have been using religion for past 2 years to tell my traditional family that I have right to divorce. 

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41 minutes ago, rkazmi33 said:

But I understand that was a different time. At that time Iran's ally Russia hadn't passed a law allowing it's citizens to beat their wives without going to jail. At that time Sunnis weren't concerned with women rights as much. Since Shias need to copy Russia and oppose Sunnis, Shia women must suffer. 

What??

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1 hour ago, rkazmi33 said:

Are you talking to me? I already have a civil divorce. Getting a boyfriend is dangerous, if I get caught, I will suffer. And it won't have any effect on my ex-husband. He was extremely baighairat, he would be happy about it because he liked competition. It's sad because I have been using religion for past 2 years to tell my traditional family that I have right to divorce. 

I'm sorry you're going through this. You might have to go to extreme measures to get what you want if other people are in control like this. Do you think if you did something like a hunger strike, that would convince them? 

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42 minutes ago, lola20 said:

I'm sorry you're going through this. You might have to go to extreme measures to get what you want if other people are in control like this. Do you think if you did something like a hunger strike, that would convince them? 

Well he has been in Pakistan for 2 years, he had a green card, so there's no chance of him coming back. But if he does come back, I will just get a separate place to live. I want to save suicidal attempts for the time when things get really bad. I am sure hunger strike won't have any effect on anyone. 

Edited by rkazmi33

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2 hours ago, lola20 said:

Yeah, but no husband would stay married to his wife if she committed what you call adultery. I'm just saying, it's a good way to instigate a divorce from him, if that's what you want.

Yeah but on whatever grounds she wants Khula, why does she want to portray herself as a bad one? She should be straight forward and seek help from local mosque. What I fail to understand is why men think selfishly and decide the fate of his wife thinking she would stick to him no matter what he does and then on the top of it he expects her to understand him. 

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5 minutes ago, rkazmi33 said:

Well he has been in Pakistan for 2 years, he had a green card, so there's no chance of him coming back. But if he does come back, I will just get a separate place to live. I want to save suicidal attempts for the time when things get really bad. I am sure hunger strike won't have any effect on anyone. 

I totally understand you, I am in a similar situation but the only difference is my husband keeps telling me he loves me and he would never divorce me then he brings proofs from books saying that a wife is not allowed to seek divorce based on her husband second marriage, duh! I am weighing both the probabilities to see which one would suits me the best. I have kids I don’t want to make a decision which would be detrimental to my family. Even though I don’t feel like to be with him, as he has hurt me so much. Men only think from their perspective, they are very insensitive. May Allah help us all in this man’s world. 

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@women stuck with a loser:

When my ex-husband refused to divorce me, and also refused to live with or provide any financial support for me and our daughter, threatening to tell his community at his mosque how he treated us worked. After I said I will do this, he got divorce on paper and sent it to me that same day. 

He was a greedy, immature, dishonest man, but he wanted people to think he is good, pious, trustworthy, and sincere. Your just have to know what his sensitivities are and use that to bring peaceful resolution to the situation. 

Some people might call that blackmail, but as far as I can tell, there really isn't any other option. 

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23 minutes ago, Rayhana80 said:

I totally understand you, I am in a similar situation but the only difference is my husband keeps telling me he loves me and he would never divorce me then he brings proofs from books saying that a wife is not allowed to seek divorce based on her husband second marriage, duh! I am weighing both the probabilities to see which one would suits me the best. I have kids I don’t want to make a decision which would be detrimental to my family. Even though I don’t feel like to be with him, as he has hurt me so much. Men only think from their perspective, they are very insensitive. May Allah help us all in this man’s world. 

I know it's so hard to get divorce when you have kids. Everyone makes you feel you are a bad mother if you get a divorce. Everyone keeps telling me to have kids. May Allah make things easier for you. 

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11 hours ago, lola20 said:

You could instigate a divorce. Get a boyfriend and flaunt him in front of your husband see how he likes it.

You are advising someone to commit zina on a public platform for muslims?

What is the state of your mental health?

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I am thinking I should tell a scholar: I am willing to marry you but for that I need to get my divorce final first. After he pronounces my divorce, I will deny that I made any promise. What if I go to Hawza, become a scholar and pronounce my own divorce? Can I do that? 

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16 hours ago, rkazmi33 said:

This is not about having a husband as a bank account. It's about both husband and wife fulfilling their responsibilities. In order to prove your love, you must do your share of the work. What kind of person would want his wife to take care of both housework and finances? Taking care of house and kids is a lot of work and unless a woman earns so much money that she can hire someone to do it for her, it's impossible to keep a full time job and raise kids. Also, if a person is capable of abuse, he is also capable of financial abuse. A woman can earn money but her husband can stop her from spending her money according to her wish. There are many women who earn a lot of money, and still they are stuck in abusive relationships. 

Abuse is wrong but without money how can a woman even consider packing a bag taking her children(if any) and walking out the door. However i do agree with your point. I also agree that if power of divorce is put in the nikah contract a woman does have the right to file as long as its for a proper reason. and YES that means getting a second wife without asking the first wife or ignoring her protect against a second wife. 

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9 hours ago, notme said:

@women stuck with a loser:

When my ex-husband refused to divorce me, and also refused to live with or provide any financial support for me and our daughter, threatening to tell his community at his mosque how he treated us worked. After I said I will do this, he got divorce on paper and sent it to me that same day. 

He was a greedy, immature, dishonest man, but he wanted people to think he is good, pious, trustworthy, and sincere. Your just have to know what his sensitivities are and use that to bring peaceful resolution to the situation. 

Some people might call that blackmail, but as far as I can tell, there really isn't any other option. 

You Go Girl! honestly i agree, in order to get my divorce i had to prove abuse, because in front of everyone he was without fault. He told our community i suffered mental problems and wasn't in my own mind.  So i got my old phone and put it on record and set it to the side every day. Just recording our day to day interactions. There was so much evidence in those recordings that i was granted my divorce and Sole Custody of our children, and CLEAN mental heath assessment. He in fact can't even come near me or them at this point unless i give my permission and have someone there to supervise. He now loves far far away from us and i have been happily raising my children. I am engaged and will defiantly be very smart about the conditions in my Nikah.

 

 Blackmail is smart! 

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