converting to Islam & not wearing Hijab

[Salamislam.]

what do you think quys ? if a woman convert to Islam and not wear Hijab ?

everything has a manual for using , #Allah sent religion and #Quran as a guide.

read this article

[AmirAlmuminin Lover]

Salaam Alaykum

Hijab is Wajib in Islam. It's difficult for converts at the beginning, but they gradually notice that no body looks at their body because of their appearance. Allah's will cannot be summed up with people's will. Each Muslim should choose one. Some women are afraid of other people, and they decide not observing Hijab.

Prophet said:" Allah said whoever chooses me, I am enough for him/her. Whoever chooses someone else, I leave him/her to that person".

[hemsireJosie]

Salam,

I converted to Islam 11 years ago and I don't wear hijab.

I don't think it makes me any less of a Muslim. Every Muslim, convert or not, has sins and things they need to work on as well as things that come easier for them.

The way I see it being Muslim does not equal being *perfect* in my submission to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى. I am a human being not an angel. And as a Muslim I *strive* to submit to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى but inevitably I fall short in certain ways. So I continue to pray for Allah's grace and for His mercy.

I have a number of practising Muslim friends, some converts and some raised in Muslim families from birth. The majority of my friends do wear hijab, those of us that don't remain steadfast in prayer that we can overcome the obstacles holding us back from it. However all of my friends whether they wear hijab or not say they struggle in other areas too. It could be in being patient, praying salat on time, fasting Ramadan, controlling their anger or their tounge, not judging others, being more charitable, being more humble..... We all struggle in many different ways. 

Yet, how visible a persons struggle is means nothing to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى because He sees what is in our hearts. And so if you can be Muslim convert and struggle with something internally (like having patience for example) then you can also be Muslim and struggle with something external too (like wearing hijab).

A lot of converts can already feel out of place in Islam, especially if they know very few/no other converts. Or if they are yet to have their own Muslim family, etc. Finding your place in Islam and in the world after converting can take a looooong time. And I don't think it's wise to exacerbate these feelings in non-hijabis.

[Hamodiii]

11 hours ago, hemsireJosie said:

I converted to Islam 11 years ago and I don't wear hijab.

Cool that you have your opinion, but now you are a bit selfish... You don't think about the men that suffers around you.

Think about others before you think about yourself? You can affect men who are easily triggered sometimes, especially guys with low imaan, and can be fatal.

 I don't really understand, what is it that makes you not wear hijab? I mean it is wajib? 

Like you said, everyone struggles differently, maybe your struggle is hijab? Why not wear it? Instead of thinking It is Okay cause the women whom wear them are judgmental.

Take Maryam or Fatima Zahra as a reference, they are loved by Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى, and they wore Hijab and kept their virginity, they are pure.

Men tend to prefer women whom are pure and are virgins, and that is why Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى wants you to take care of yourself, cause It can create problems in the ummah.

Thank you for being a Muslim in a world full with injustice.

[just a muslim]

5 minutes ago, Wared said:

Cool that you have your opinion, but now you are a bit selfish... You don't think about the men that suffers around you.

Think about others before you think about yourself? You can affect men who are easily triggered sometimes, especially guys with low imaan, and can be fatal.

 I don't really understand, what is it that makes you not wear hijab? I mean it is wajib? 

Like you said, everyone struggles differently, maybe your struggle is hijab? Why not wear it? Instead of thinking It is Okay cause the women whom wear them are judgmental.

Take Maryam or Fatima Zahra as a reference, they are loved by Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى, and they wore Hijab and kept their virginity, they are pure.

Men tend to prefer women whom are pure and are virgins, and that is why Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى wants you to take care of yourself, cause It can create problems in the ummah.

Thank you for being a Muslim in a world full with injustice.

not cool bro. 

like the sister said, we each have our own short comings. do you fulfill all your obligations and wajibaat? i think it is safe to assume you dont. no offence. why do you not do those wajibat? what is it that makes you not want to do those? or refrain from prohibitions? no one is perfect. and i am not using that to justify disobeying Allah. and im sure neither is the sister. but a fact is a fact. we should strive to be better. 

[Abu Nur]

11 hours ago, hemsireJosie said:

Salam,

I converted to Islam 11 years ago and I don't wear hijab.

I don't think it makes me any less of a Muslim. Every Muslim, convert or not, has sins and things they need to work on as well as things that come easier for them.

The way I see it being Muslim does not equal being *perfect* in my submission to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى. I am a human being not an angel. And as a Muslim I *strive* to submit to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى but inevitably I fall short in certain ways. So I continue to pray for Allah's grace and for His mercy.

I have a number of practising Muslim friends, some converts and some raised in Muslim families from birth. The majority of my friends do wear hijab, those of us that don't remain steadfast in prayer that we can overcome the obstacles holding us back from it. However all of my friends whether they wear hijab or not say they struggle in other areas too. It could be in being patient, praying salat on time, fasting Ramadan, controlling their anger or their tounge, not judging others, being more charitable, being more humble..... We all struggle in many different ways. 

Yet, how visible a persons struggle is means nothing to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى because He sees what is in our hearts. And so if you can be Muslim convert and struggle with something internally (like having patience for example) then you can also be Muslim and struggle with something external too (like wearing hijab).

A lot of converts can already feel out of place in Islam, especially if they know very few/no other converts. Or if they are yet to have their own Muslim family, etc. Finding your place in Islam and in the world after converting can take a looooong time. And I don't think it's wise to exacerbate these feelings in non-hijabis.

11 years and still can't wear hijab that is obligatory? What does it make it hard to wear it?

[hemsireJosie]

1 hour ago, Wared said:

Cool that you have your opinion, but now you are a bit selfish... You don't think about the men that suffers around you.

Think about others before you think about yourself? 

Okay but if I reverse your argument: you are a bit selfish also. If you are reliant on women covering head to toe in order to be able to control yourself. Allah commands you to lower you gaze. And I do understand that it would be easier if every women observed correct hijab but not every woman is Muslim anyway. And are you thinking about the struggles women go through, women who know they are making themselves targets for verbal & physical abuse just by wearing a scarf on their head? I wore the scarf back from a Muslim event once and got abuse shouted at me. Which has made me very fearful to go out in it ever since. Especially with my two young children who are always with me.

Also, not Wearing a headscarf doesn't make you an immodest dresser. Just because a women is not yet wearing a headscarf she can still wear loose maxi dresses, etc etc and cover everywhere else. 

[Soldiers and Saffron]

It is one thing to not be able to wear hijab because of personal reason. That is between you and Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى.

But to come out publicly and say that you do not wear it and not only that but to also promote the idea of not wearing it. That is a completely different situation, please think about what you are doing and what you are saying.

If your words made a hijab wearing person take of her hijab, if you words made someone refrain from wearing the hijab, trust me, it will be on you on the day of judgement.

Hijab is wajib, if you cant wear it because of whatever justification you have, that is on you but dont try and normalize refraining from something that Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى has made wajib.

[hemsireJosie]

38 minutes ago, Dhulfikar said:

11 years and still can't wear hijab that is obligatory? What does it make it hard to wear it?

Salam.

Amongst other reasons I think the fear of abuse/treated differently is my biggest issue, which I know is an excuse btw!

In all honesty I am not debating with anyone whether or not I should hijab... I know I should wear it. But I would object to being classed as non-Muslim because of it. Which is what I understood by the beginning post.

I am defiantly Muslim. I believe in Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى, his messengers including our Prophet Muhammad (SAWS), I believe the Quran is Allah's word and I believe in the day of judgment. I pray, I fast, I intend to go for Hajj inshaAllah. I struggle with hijab yes. But I am still a Muslim alhamdullilah. And one day when I do wear hijab inshaAllah, no matter how many years I have been Muslim by then I will still not be perfect! It's just that you can't see my other flaws only Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى can. 

[hemsireJosie]

8 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

It is one thing to not be able to wear hijab because of personal reason. That is between you and Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى.

But to come out publicly and say that you do not wear it and not only that but to also promote the idea of not wearing it. That is a completely different situation, please think about what you are doing and what you are saying.

If your words made a hijab wearing person take of her hijab, if you words made someone refrain from wearing the hijab, trust me, it will be on you on the day of judgement.

Hijab is wajib, if you cant wear it because of whatever justification you have, that is on you but dont try and normalize refraining from something that Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى has made wajib.

I am not trying to promote not wearing hijab. I don't want anyone to take that away from my posts.

I am trying to be honest. I am human and I sin. Not wearing a hijab is a sin and if I don't repent before I die Allah may punish me for that. I am saying that we cannot judge any woman (convert or not) on how she dresses. We are all striving to submit to Allah but before something outward manifests an inward change needs to take place. And I am still working on the inward part.

 

[Abu Nur]

3 minutes ago, hemsireJosie said:

Salam.

Amongst other reasons I think the fear of abuse/treated differently is my biggest issue, which I know is an excuse btw!

In all honesty I am not debating with anyone whether or not I should hijab... I know I should wear it. But I would object to being classed as non-Muslim because of it. Which is what I understood by the beginning post.

I am defiantly Muslim. I believe in Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى, his messengers including our Prophet Muhammad (SAWS), I believe the Quran is Allah's word and I believe in the day of judgment. I pray, I fast, I intend to go for Hajj inshaAllah. I struggle with hijab yes. But I am still a Muslim alhamdullilah. And one day when I do wear hijab inshaAllah, no matter how many years I have been Muslim by then I will still not be perfect! It's just that you can't see my other flaws only Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى can. 

Wa Aleikum Salaam, 

If it is fear, then pray to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى and work for it to take out that fear and give you confidence to only fear Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى and obey Him and follow all his wajibat. The more you let it be, the more the heart becomes hardened and you will become disobedient;

Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient. [Qur'an  57:16]

[hemsireJosie]

2 minutes ago, Dhulfikar said:

Wa Aleikum Salaam, 

If it is fear, then pray to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى and work for it to take out that fear and give you confidence to only fear Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى and obey Him and follow all his wajibat. The more you let it be, the more the heart becomes hardened and you will become disobedient;

Has the time not come for those who have believed that their hearts should become humbly submissive at the remembrance of Allah and what has come down of the truth? And let them not be like those who were given the Scripture before, and a long period passed over them, so their hearts hardened; and many of them are defiantly disobedient. [Qur'an  57:16]

Thank you this is good advice and I intend to implement it.

I am also currently reading 'purification of the heart' by Hamza Yusuf which has a lot of advice and explanations for how to overcome such issues.

Please pray for me also.

[Soldiers and Saffron]

7 hours ago, hemsireJosie said:

I am not trying to promote not wearing hijab. I don't want anyone to take that away from my posts.

I am trying to be honest. I am human and I sin. Not wearing a hijab is a sin and if I don't repent before I die Allah may punish me for that. I am saying that we cannot judge any woman (convert or not) on how she dresses. We are all striving to submit to Allah but before something outward manifests an inward change needs to take place. And I am still working on the inward part.

Okay, of course we are all humans. But if you know and understand that it is a sin then you should not confess to it publicly because whatever your intention is, it will end up normalizing the situation.

For example, if 1 out of you 10 muslim friends in your close social proximity starts confessing to you that they no longer fast because it is annoying to them, then you will think that they are wrong and you will advise them to try harder. But if 10 out of 10 muslims friends in your close social proximity starts confessing the same, then you will consider it normal and be more inclined to agree/do the same.

The wise thing is to keep it between you and Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى and inshaAllah He will make it easier for you.

[Islandsandmirrors]

@hemsireJosieis just trying to be honest about her struggles. Why bash her for it? I also struggle with wearing the hijab and my convert friend was almost killed when she used to wear it. Furthermore, my family is completely against me wearing hijab and after two years of telling them I want to, they still refuse to support me in my decision. I fear for my life and lack family support.

Before bashing a woman based on her not wearing the hijab: know that everyone struggles with something, and it is not your place to judge. 

Edited January 25, 2018 by Islandsandmirrors

[Islandsandmirrors]

To the OP: take your journey slow and day-by-day, and don’t overwhelm yourself. Know we are all here to support you and empower you. 

[hemsireJosie]

23 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

Okay, of course we are all humans. But if you know and understand that it is a sin then you should not confess to it publicly because whatever your intention is, it will end up normalizing the situation.

For example, if 1 out of you 10 muslim friends in your close social proximity starts confessing to you that they no longer fast because it is annoying to them, then you will think that they are wrong and you will advise them to try harder. But if 10 out of 10 muslims friends in your close social proximity starts confessing the same, then you will consider it normal and be more inclined to agree/do the same.

The wise thing is to keep it between you and Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى and inshaAllah He will make it easier for you.

Yes I understand your point of view and I will consider this in the future inshaAllah. It's just because my not wearing hijab is very obvious in everyday life that I am used to everyone knowing this about me.

20 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

also struggle with wearing the hijab and my convert friend was almost killed when she used to wear it. Furthermore, my family is completely against me wearing hijab and after two years of telling them I want to, they still refuse to support me in my decision. I fear for my life and lack family support.

Sorry to hear this. I will pray for you sister. I am lucky that my family are now more comfortable with my faith. I know they would support me even though they don't agree with it. Having no support is very hard. I pray this changes for you. 

[ShiaMan14]

11 hours ago, Salamislam. said:

what do you think quys ? if a woman convert to Islam and not wear Hijab ?

everything has a manual for using , #Allah sent religion and #Quran as a guide.

read this article

Converting to Islam means accepting the Oneness of Allah and the finality of Prophet Muhammad (saw). That makes one a Muslim.

What Islamic laws are practiced and adhered to is a different matter.

[Sisterfatima1]

Salam sister 

I’ve been a Muslim for 7 years 

i started wearing hijab 1 month after converting 

I found no difficulties wearing it 

it was abit hard for my sister to adjust to me wearing it 

but my mother did not care 

my brother teased me sometimes 

it all worked out ok

hijab pleases Allah

[ali_fatheroforphans]

2 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

my family is completely against me wearing hijab and after two years of telling them I want to, they still refuse to support me in my decision. I fear for my life and lack family support.

This is so true. I find some non-Muslims can be more accepting than Muslims (which is just sad).

Hijab is even hated in my family, and for that reason my mum doesn't wear it. It isn't easy when no one is willing to support you.

[Islandsandmirrors]

36 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Hijab is even hated in my family, and for that reason my mum doesn't wear it. It isn't easy when no one is willing to support you.

The irony is that my mom wears hijab and is the more vocal against me wearing it than anyone else. It’s hard when people aren’t supportive, yeah. 

[Soldiers and Saffron]

4 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

@hemsireJosieis just trying to be honest about her struggles. Why bash her for it? I also struggle with wearing the hijab and my convert friend was almost killed when she used to wear it. Furthermore, my family is completely against me wearing hijab and after two years of telling them I want to, they still refuse to support me in my decision. I fear for my life and lack family support.

Before bashing a woman based on her not wearing the hijab: know that everyone struggles with something, and it is not your place to judge. 

Nobody here is "bashing" her directly, nobody even knows her to begin with. What is being criticized here is the action, which is to publicly admit sinning. 

It normalizes the sin and that is not good.

There is a difference between doing it in a private setting and a public setting. I hope everybody understands this, nobody is out to attack or hurt anyone.

Edited January 25, 2018 by IbnSina

[Sisterfatima1]

Salam I think it will be good if we could get more comments praising the hijab not talking about what others family want from them 

[Gaius I. Caesar]

 

7 hours ago, Wared said:

Cool that you have your opinion, but now you are a bit selfish... You don't think about the men that suffers around you.

Unacceptable, what do you mean by this? Most people are not Muslims in the West. They are more apt to give her grief for wearing hijab, so I don't blame her if she decides not to wear it.  To wear a hijab is a sign of bravery for me, but I can't help be concerned about nasty people giving hijabis a lot of trouble.

Look at this: https://www.freep.com/story/news/local/2016/11/12/hijab-wearing-u-m-student-threatened-being-set-fire/93726806/

https://www.buzzfeed.com/mbvd/muslim-woman-wearing-hijab-set-on-fire-in-new-york-city?utm_term=.yk855Kv8Qp#.gv6BBQ4aly

^This has become more prevalent ever since Trump became president. This is what worries me.

[Hamodiii]

2 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

Unacceptable, what do you mean by this? Most people are not Muslims in the West. They are more apt to give her grief for wearing hijab, so I don't blame her if she decides not to wear it.  To wear a hijab is a sign of bravery for me, but I can't help be concerned about nasty people giving hijabis a lot of trouble.

Look at this: https://www.freep.com/story/news/local/2016/11/12/hijab-wearing-u-m-student-threatened-being-set-fire/93726806/

https://www.buzzfeed.com/mbvd/muslim-woman-wearing-hijab-set-on-fire-in-new-york-city?utm_term=.yk855Kv8Qp#.gv6BBQ4aly

^This has become more prevalent ever since Trump became president. This is what worries me.

Well, in fatal situations, I can really understand, but I think I was too aggressive, I apologize to her and to everyone.

Sorry.

[Sisterfatima1]

The main point is hijab is compulsory 

[Guest Account Ali]

2 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

Unacceptable, what do you mean by this? Most people are not Muslims in the West. They are more apt to give her grief for wearing hijab, so I don't blame her if she decides not to wear it.  To wear a hijab is a sign of bravery for me, but I can't help be concerned about nasty people giving hijabis a lot of trouble.

Look at this: https://www.freep.com/story/news/local/2016/11/12/hijab-wearing-u-m-student-threatened-being-set-fire/93726806/

https://www.buzzfeed.com/mbvd/muslim-woman-wearing-hijab-set-on-fire-in-new-york-city?utm_term=.yk855Kv8Qp#.gv6BBQ4aly

^This has become more prevalent ever since Trump became president. This is what worries me.

 

11 hours ago, hemsireJosie said:

Salam,

I converted to Islam 11 years ago and I don't wear hijab.

I don't think it makes me any less of a Muslim. Every Muslim, convert or not, has sins and things they need to work on as well as things that come easier for them.

The way I see it being Muslim does not equal being *perfect* in my submission to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى. I am a human being not an angel. And as a Muslim I *strive* to submit to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى but inevitably I fall short in certain ways. So I continue to pray for Allah's grace and for His mercy.

I have a number of practising Muslim friends, some converts and some raised in Muslim families from birth. The majority of my friends do wear hijab, those of us that don't remain steadfast in prayer that we can overcome the obstacles holding us back from it. However all of my friends whether they wear hijab or not say they struggle in other areas too. It could be in being patient, praying salat on time, fasting Ramadan, controlling their anger or their tounge, not judging others, being more charitable, being more humble..... We all struggle in many different ways. 

Yet, how visible a persons struggle is means nothing to Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى because He sees what is in our hearts. And so if you can be Muslim convert and struggle with something internally (like having patience for example) then you can also be Muslim and struggle with something external too (like wearing hijab).

A lot of converts can already feel out of place in Islam, especially if they know very few/no other converts. Or if they are yet to have their own Muslim family, etc. Finding your place in Islam and in the world after converting can take a looooong time. And I don't think it's wise to exacerbate these feelings in non-hijabis.

Partially true.

For example. My mother due to job related reasons and due to the stigma in the west (which at this point is an excuse and me and my dad are trying to get her to wear hijab full-time) does not wear hijab. But recently she went to pilgrimage in Iraq, and on the way she stopped in Dubai to meet some family there and she stayed for a bit at her house. And guess what? Dubai is a city where a woman wearing a niqab is seen as completely normal but yet even in THIS context my mother still struggled to wear hijab. She still put on excessive makeup when going out with her relatives to tour Dubai. I told her respectfully "listen, maybe in the US there are some valid reasons to say wearing hijab is a partial struggle. BUt in Dubai? In Karbala? In Najaf? These are Muslim cities where niqabis walk around with not a single man or woman there thinking she is abnormally dressed, and even in these areas she struggled to observe modesty. 

Matter of fact, to prove that not observing modesty for women is way more of a personal emotional issue than it is contextual. Any and all of the non-hijabis here I want you to say live in a city like Dubai, etc. for about 10 years of your life. And I can 100% guarantee that even after a decade of living in a society where even niqabis don't stick out I guarantee you will still "struggle with your modesty". Because the last person you lot want to blame is yourselves. And while you lot are not completely to blame, a lot of the blame does lie on you.

Heck even in Iran there are many women who "struggle" with modesty. The reason? Similar to why women in the west struggle with modesty, fashion, culture, and the need to boost one's self-esteem, or feel appreciated for one's beauty. I am not denying the stigma in the west, but how much of your own resistance to hijab lies within the depths of your mind in terms of personal hang-ups?

[Islandsandmirrors]

1 hour ago, Guest Account Ali said:

ter of fact, to prove that not observing modesty for women is way more of a personal emotional issue than it is contextual. Any and all of the non-hijabis here I want you to say live in a city like Dubai, etc. for about 10 years of your life. And I can 100% guarantee that even after a decade of living in a society where even niqabis don't stick out I guarantee you will still "struggle with your modesty". Because the last person you lot want to blame is yourselves. And while you lot are not completely to blame, a lot of the blame does lie on you.

I absolutely believe that if I lived in a Muslim country like Dubai where niqab is the norm, I would have worn hijab. No question about it. In fact, I considered moving to the UAE at one point in my life because of the religious aspect. 

One thing I miss about Iran is its spirituality (I lived in Iran for four years.) I miss being able to hear Islamic lectures on TV. I miss listening to Dua Ahad every morning. The presence of religion influences and in many cases, strengthens your beliefs. Constrast that in Western countries where one is largely isolated from religion. 

Anyone who strives toward Allah, I believe, especially in Western countries, their struggle is greater than those in Muslim countries and inshallah their reward will be given to them for striving toward The Creator. 

[Islandsandmirrors]

1 hour ago, Guest Account Ali said:

eck even in Iran there are many women who "struggle" with modesty. The reason? Similar to why women in the west struggle with modesty, fashion, culture, and the need to boost one's self-esteem, or feel appreciated for one's beauty. I am not denying the stigma in the west, but how much of your own resistance to hijab lies within the depths of your mind in terms of personal hang-ups?

Persian woman in Iran largely hate the hijab because of its enforcement. The law has turned people, particularly woman, away from religion and they attempt to rebel in any way they possibly can. 

[Guest Account Ali]

58 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I absolutely believe that if I lived in a Muslim country like Dubai where niqab is the norm, I would have worn hijab. No question about it. In fact, I considered moving to the UAE at one point in my life because of the religious aspect. 

One thing I miss about Iran is it’s spirituality. I miss being able to hear Islamic lectures on TV. I miss listening to Dua Ahad every morning. The presence of religion influences and in many cases, strengthens your beliefs. Constrast that in Western countries where one is largely isolated from religion. 

Anyone who strives toward Allah, I believe, especially in Western countries, their struggle is greater than those in Muslim countries and inshallah their reward will be given to them for striving toward The Creator. 

Sister I just gave you examples of women in my life and women who I know who live in muslim countries. I also forgot to mention I have female family members who live there and have lived there for decades and they are not a step closer to getting away from their struggles with modesty.Trust me, you will not change. You will still "struggle" with your modesty unless you learn to accept that above all else you ought to look into the mirror and ask if I am just as much a part of the issue. The first step to solving a problem is admitting there is one, and admitting the rabbit hole goes deeper than anticipated. 

And if I may make a prediction. Suppose you do move to say a major Iranian city (assuming Iran's economy picks up steam and becomes viable to work there) with your potential husband. Let us suppose a decade goes by. Even after all this, on many levels you will still "struggle" with modesty as it were if you continue to fail to recognize that there are personal emotional reasons that are preventing you from submitting to God's commands.  

[Guest Account Ali]

6 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

Persian woman in Iran largely hate the hijab because of its enforcement. The law has turned people, particularly woman, away from religion and they attempt to rebel in any way they possibly can. 

Once again, 

Go deeper than that. It isn't purely because of rebellion (of which the vast majority seem to be edgy teenagers or adolescents or somewhat rich adult women). Rather they dress themselves up for the same reason "hijabis" on university campuses in the US will wear yoga pants, tight jeans, a face full of clown makeup, etc. That is to say that one simply has to notice common trends in the mentality of these types of women. Such as self-esteem issues, body image obsessions, beauty competitiveness, the need to feel appreciated at all times. Or in the modern vernacular, all this can be summed up with the term "starlet", etc. 

And even then I remember SC members who lived in Iran or used to live in Iran here mention that outside of the rich/ majority developed parts of major cities women like this become scarce. 

[hemsireJosie]

4 hours ago, Guest Account Ali said:

Matter of fact, to prove that not observing modesty for women is way more of a personal emotional issue than it is contextual. Any and all of the non-hijabis here I want you to say live in a city like Dubai, etc. for about 10 years of your life. And I can 100% guarantee that even after a decade of living in a society where even niqabis don't stick out I guarantee you will still "struggle with your modesty". Because the last person you lot want to blame is yourselves. And while you lot are not completely to blame, a lot of the blame does lie on you.

Yes, to be honest I would still struggle to wear it (although I think it would be a lot easier). I don't think that's fair to say of all non-hijabis in the west though.

Hijab/modesty is a complex issue. I converted to Islam at 18 which is very young but still means that for the first 18 years of my life I was taught that looks are EVERYTHING. I love my family dearly but they can be really judgemental of others based on their appearance and that's had its effect on me. Also having been brought up with zero (and I mean zero) restrictions on how I dress, wearing hijab would require a lot of self control.

I am trying to work on this by dressing myself as I otherwise would if I already wore the scarf. Long, loose clothing and trying to reduce my make up use. It's not easy but I hope and pray I will get there. But it's not surprising that its taking a long time the amount of issues I have around it. I know I need to overcome them but it's easier said than done.

[Islandsandmirrors]

41 minutes ago, hemsireJosie said:

m trying to work on this by dressing myself as I otherwise would if I already wore the scarf. Long, loose clothing and trying to reduce my make up use. It's not easy but I hope and pray I will get there. But it's not surprising that its taking a long time the amount of issues I have around it. I know I need to overcome them but it's easier said than done.

It’s clear that you are striving to be your best self and that is all what is asked of us. You are trying. You are doing what you can. Your journey towards modesty is your own. 

Dont let anyone tell you any different. 

Edited January 26, 2018 by Islandsandmirrors

[Guest Account Ali]

18 hours ago, hemsireJosie said:

Yes, to be honest I would still struggle to wear it (although I think it would be a lot easier). I don't think that's fair to say of all non-hijabis in the west though.

Hijab/modesty is a complex issue. I converted to Islam at 18 which is very young but still means that for the first 18 years of my life I was taught that looks are EVERYTHING. I love my family dearly but they can be really judgemental of others based on their appearance and that's had its effect on me. Also having been brought up with zero (and I mean zero) restrictions on how I dress, wearing hijab would require a lot of self control.

I am trying to work on this by dressing myself as I otherwise would if I already wore the scarf. Long, loose clothing and trying to reduce my make up use. It's not easy but I hope and pray I will get there. But it's not surprising that its taking a long time the amount of issues I have around it. I know I need to overcome them but it's easier said than done.

I believe you just ended up proving my point. And to be honest your struggles are far from unique, despite your background before you became muslim. Many a muslim woman exhibit the same behavior you do, they just like to think they are above "emotional hang ups" and "social conditioning" and blame everyone and everything else but themselves for why they struggle with modesty. 

Again, hijab is not inherently complicated. In fact it is quite simple. It is just that like you said thanks to a lot of social conditioning and emotional hang ups woman tend to have about showing off for various reasons or just culturally one is not used to adopting Islamic modest attire, women often times make it more difficult for themselves. And this I have observed even in muslim countries where hijabis are are considered as normal. 

I know it is not an easy journey in this hypersexualized world we live in and I never expected you or any muslim woman to adjust to Islamic modest attire quickly. But I and a lot of men (who should also be adhering to Islamic modest attire) just want due honesty and humility. The thing is, the first step to solving a problem is admitting there is one and placing due blame where it is due. And the issue is a decent amount of muslim women cannot even admit to themselves let alone men that what I just described to you are the major reasons for why some muslim woman either in the west or the east struggle with modesty. And one of those major reasons is once again...themselves, more so than any other contributing factor. If a muslim woman cannot even admit to this, then if I may be so bold she will never fully adopt Islamic modest attire. 

Also just one last thing, I am sure you know that a muslim woman's hair is awrah in front of na-mehram men https://www.al-islam.org/articles/hijab-dress-modesty-islam-allamah-sayyid-saeed-akhtar-rizvi. So in other words, whether or not you realize this, you are walking out partially naked. And while the claim of Allah's forgiveness is valid, a non-hijabi muslim woman must also have at least due sincerity to understand the gravity of her sinfulness and be humble (as in not shifting the blame, or making oneself out to be the victim, not lessening the gravity of one's sins, and taking personal responsibility for the sins one commits) in admitting her sins to God. And ultimately being sincere in asking for forgiveness. 

[TheGreenWanderer]

Being a revert is a journey not many born Muslims will understand what we go through at times - especially reverts from different cultural backgrounds with limited contacts around them. Fear of acceptance and discrimination is a big fear at the beginning. Some of us manage to take big steps to defeat it, whereas others take smaller steps and a longer time - as long as we end up at the same destination at the end with our intentions set right in our heart towards Allah is the main thing. May Allah guide us.

When I first declared myself and began learning salat, Ramzan was only a few weeks away. I thought as I was still unlearned in many ways, I would try Ramzan the following year and give zakat the next year. When I talked to one of my friends about it, she said to me something along the lines of it 'When you open your heart and come to faith in Allah, you need to open all of it'. It hit me deep, so I took a big step and fasted for that Ramzan, gave zakat, and it increased my imaan greatly. At the same time, it opened up the local Muslim community to me. The only other Muslim at my work during that time, I found out he had arranged to work earlier and leave earlier for Maghreb. So I decided to do the same, it meant all of my coworkers and manager would find out that I'm Muslim. This was quite unnerving for me at first at thought, I was a bit withheld when putting through the request, but I did it. Afterwards, I realised there is nothing to be afraid of. We are Muslims in identity, we know what we believe and what we strive for, why do we hold ourselves back from stepping forwards greater to faith? After that, you realise what you feared is nothing and I was even happy in many ways knowing I don't have to 'hide' that identity anymore and how people should behave around me. It reminds me of this quote:

When you are afraid of something dive straight into it, because the intensity of abstaining from it is greater than what you are afraid of. Ali Ibn Abu Talib

Anyway, my point is for other reverts is, don't be afraid to take these steps, whether big or small, just keep progressing with steps. If you're afraid of wearing hijab, try something like this:

Begin wearing it inside and outside area of your home.

Wear it out in a weekend.

If afraid of your own area, go for a trip somewhere and wear it there to get used to wearing it around others you don't know

Build your steps up until you realise it's nothing to be afraid of

and other Muslims, please encourage and be patient for these ladies, jazak'Allah

[Hamodiii]

22 hours ago, hemsireJosie said:

. If you are reliant on women covering head to toe in order to be able to control yourself. Allah commands you to lower you gaze. 

I will say I have seen a revert whom shaved her whole hair for the sake for Islam... That is deep.

Btw there is other ways to wear hijab... You can use whatever to hide your hair as much as possible, if you can?

Like I understand that you don't want to wear hijab, but you can wear a hoodie or something, right? :/